Openly Curious Posted January 18, 2006 Group: Royal Member Followers: 4 Topic Count: 55 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 4,568 Content Per Day: 0.68 Reputation: 770 Days Won: 0 Joined: 01/18/2006 Status: Offline Share Posted January 18, 2006 First I would like to say Hi to you and tell you I understand what you are asking advice on here. I personally think that you should leave the door open to reconciliation and not even be considering dating right now. It appears your mindset is already going in this direction and the enemy (Satan) is sure to play hardball in this area. As far as your child is concerned staying single is a great example to them that it should always be one woman and one man for life that signal will be heard and seen by the example you lead in front of them. Making your choices is very important and shouldn't be made lightly for it will affect others yourself, your child, your present husband, and the future husband of choice should you choose that avenue. However, I do think it is unfair to give advice based on one side of the marriage not hearing about why your husband left you leaves room for doubt on my part in your sincerity. So, this being the case I will ask you a question to ponder within your own heart. Was there areas in your relationship with your husband that you were wrong in on your part and refused to change? The grace of God will meet every need we have and if your marriage needs more grace the Lord will surely grant it if we will only repent and do the right thing and forgive others their transpasses against us. This is the ingredient for success in life with ourselves and God and with others. So, leave the door open to reconciliation as an example to your child of God's forgiveness (what a word picture). God can restore put back together the things we mess up and we can start fresh and new again. God Bless Openly Curious Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penfold Posted January 18, 2006 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 14 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 126 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/31/2005 Status: Offline Share Posted January 18, 2006 I have PM'ed you but. He has broken the marriage promise. He has broken the marriage. The paper bit is the administrative recognition of what has already happened- marriage broken- divorce. He has divorced you by his actions- you have not done anything wrong- HOLD YOUR HEAD HIGH. There is a book that I found very helpful to read- called "when he leaves" It is about christian women who are in your position and what they did next. I will look and see if its on amazon for you. God bless your little family and your new life together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penfold Posted January 18, 2006 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 14 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 126 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/31/2005 Status: Offline Share Posted January 18, 2006 I found it Customers who searched for when he leaves ultimately chose: 1. When He Leaves -- by Kari West, Noelle Quinn; Paperback (Rate it) Buy new: $9.59 -- Used & new from: $7.94 2. When He Leaves: Choosing to Live, Love, and Laugh Again -- by Kari West, Noelle Quinn; Paperback (Rate it) -- Used & new from: $1.65 3. A Woman's Guide to Healing the Heartbreak of Divorce -- by Rose Sweet; Paperback (Rate it) Buy new: $10.36 -- Used & new from: $8.55 All the best Jenni Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Micah68 Posted January 19, 2006 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 2 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 224 Content Per Day: 0.03 Reputation: 1 Days Won: 0 Joined: 01/25/2005 Status: Offline Share Posted January 19, 2006 So, he told me that he wasn't going to file for divorce now but that he wasn't ever coming home. If I file for divorce am in the wrong? If so do I just stay married on paper but live apart? He committed adultery, you are the innocent party no matter who files. Keep in mind, you can still file and wait out the year until it is finalized (if that is the law in your state) or during that time you can try reconciliation. The divorce proceedings act as a catalyst to get him talking. I am not in favor of the whole state-mandated conseling nonsense. It's a waste of time in my opinion; what good can it do if somebody is forced to the table? I thought it would be nonsense before I went, but as I said before, it was really quite good. Someone who is searching can get a lot out of it, at least the program that I went to. They don't use the word 'God,' but there are many godly prinicples involved in it. If you think about it, it's really an application of Matthew 5, of not hating those who persecute you, of getting over something emotionally and moving on with your life. It's really not nonsense and is helpful. I don't think you should judge a thing without knowing what it is. A divorcing person has to stop thinking about their hurt and their problems and get over it for the sake of the children. I sincerely believe that people need some help and guidance in this area which is not always available. Though it may be state-mandated, it's not foolish. It may save a lot of children from a lot of hellish situations. It's definitely not a waste of time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee71424 Posted January 20, 2006 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 5 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 13 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 11/19/2005 Status: Offline Author Share Posted January 20, 2006 The reason my husband left is because i told him the relationship he had with his then friend now girlfriend was unacceptable. I told him that I was never going to be ok with it even if he said it was innocent. Because of that is why he left. He felt I was not letting him have friendships when what i was really saying is that this woman did not have pure intentions and also single...it is not easy to be friends with a single woman when you are a married man. I know that it takes two to make and break a marriage and yes i contributed to the problems as well as him but one fact remains that i did NOT walk out on my family! He did! I was there everyday trying to make things work but you can not work out problems when you are not together!! But he did not see it that way. I did not say I was dating anyone. I said I wanted to know when would be appropriate to date again. I will not until my divorce is final for sure but I was just asking if it was appropriate in the future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marnie Posted January 20, 2006 Group: Royal Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 811 Topics Per Day: 0.12 Content Count: 7,338 Content Per Day: 1.08 Reputation: 76 Days Won: 2 Joined: 10/06/2005 Status: Offline Share Posted January 20, 2006 So, he told me that he wasn't going to file for divorce now but that he wasn't ever coming home. If I file for divorce am in the wrong? If so do I just stay married on paper but live apart? He committed adultery, you are the innocent party no matter who files. Keep in mind, you can still file and wait out the year until it is finalized (if that is the law in your state) or during that time you can try reconciliation. The divorce proceedings act as a catalyst to get him talking. I am not in favor of the whole state-mandated conseling nonsense. It's a waste of time in my opinion; what good can it do if somebody is forced to the table? I thought it would be nonsense before I went, but as I said before, it was really quite good. Someone who is searching can get a lot out of it, at least the program that I went to. They don't use the word 'God,' but there are many godly prinicples involved in it. If you think about it, it's really an application of Matthew 5, of not hating those who persecute you, of getting over something emotionally and moving on with your life. It's really not nonsense and is helpful. I don't think you should judge a thing without knowing what it is. A divorcing person has to stop thinking about their hurt and their problems and get over it for the sake of the children. I sincerely believe that people need some help and guidance in this area which is not always available. Though it may be state-mandated, it's not foolish. It may save a lot of children from a lot of hellish situations. It's definitely not a waste of time. Point taken. I have never been married, never been divorced, but I have been involved in mandatory counseling (job related stuff) and I guess it's just my temperament....mandatory anything gets my hackles up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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