Recovering from being hurt by the Church

[billie]

Let me add this: The abuses of my life began the day I was born into my family. My father was the epidemy of evil. He beat me, my mother and my siblings, particularly my mother and brothers, he sexually abused all three of us girls, he fed such filth into our little minds, all the while he made sure we went to church every time the doors were open, we 'remembered the Sabbath day to keep it Holy' by staying dressed up all day, not being allowed to play, etc. and we were not allowed to dance, drink, smoke, play cards or go to movies, because these were all evil. If we put something on top of the bible, we were sinning terribly against God. A hammer was always hanging over our heads, and my father wanted everything done yesterday. He could be ok one minute and flare-up into a rage the next. We lived in constant fear of our father, and our mother was the typical abused woman who was more concerned about losing her man than she was about protecting her children. Even after she learned of the sexual abuse (had been going on 15 years) and my dad was put in a mental hospital, still she took us girls to visit our father at the hospital as though everything should be ok. That is the way she thought. Even after he returned a year and a half later, which was the worst day of my life, he tried again with me, but I put a stop to it, but then the emotional and mental abuse just got a whole lot worse. I rarely made it through a meal without running to my room in tears. And, I found out much later that he continued the sexual abuse with my youngest sister another 10 or so years. My mom basically handed us over to him, she did not believe in hugs or praise and she told us we had to submit to our father.

Now, I should have been terribly bitter, not only against my parents, but against the church. Oh, and get this. When, at the age of 14 or 15 (and my sister was 12) I told my pastor about the abuse of my mother (Dad had mom strangled and was beating her head against a tree), he said there was nothing he could do unless she pressed charges. So, basically we were supposed to just go home to it. So, I told him (first time) about the sexual abuse. Do you want to know his response? He said, "Did he force you?" Now, I had told him this was going on since we were wee babes, and yet he asks this question. Next, he spoke to our parents and my dad agreed to go in a mental hospital. Mom never talked about it with us. She just withdrew emotionally even more. We had no one to talk with about it. We were just left with our damaged emotions. A year and a half later the state decided my dad was 'well,' so they sent him back home to be over us in authority again, without even asking us how we felt about it. Can you image how I felt? I was so afraid of what he would do. And, I continued to live under his authority another 6 years, because I did not know I had any other options and I was too scared to learn what they were, so the pain just got buried deeper and deeper inside.

But, this is what God's word says:

For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother

[Christ's Free Servant]

Sue, you're a miracle! He is so faithful. What He did in your life is amazing!

Yes, God is amazing, isn't he? Great things HE has done!! To God be the glory!!

[Candi770]

I believe that God sends His people, not just to the church to be a voice, jobs, etc to be in intercession over the situation. I've gotten burned by people. Their are false shepards out there striping the sheep-they will pay for their choice. My friend who operates propheticly was setting at a table with a preacher and said God is going to cut off that branch (refering to God's pruning)and at that very moment a large limb on a tree outside (seen through window)came crashing down. The Lord continued to warn this pastor; in passing in the hall way; it just came over her to say "Do not align yourself with those people; it's not of God" He did anyway; he went to his meeting. She also told Him that she saw a for sale sign in the grass outside church (vision). It came to pass. She stayed there until God released Her. She worked in ministry but dealing with this "Saul" spirit was not easy.

I've questioned why I would seem to go into a church to only get hurt. Then I realized my focus was not on God alone. I was there to worship Him. I realize people can let you down. The devil knows that and will use it against you everytime if he gets the reaction he wants.

I want to stay with something until I know the Lord no longer wants me there.

Christians that operate with some gifts are not always widely received by mass majority-but who are we there for, God or self.

Have you considered a home based church fellowship for others to gather for worship, God's word and seeking God's face. Even having a prayer partner is awesome. I went recently through a season of being mentored and prayer partnering with the above woman and it was awesome. Seasons almost over, I see the Lord bringing it to a close; but I'm not going to be upset; my life is not my own. He is my shepard; I will follow.

Let the Holy Spirit lead you to a better church or homebased church group.

I think the state of some churches that have gone bad-is because there are no intercessors praying over it.

I remember a pastor attacking me verbally, who later came and appologized, I realized that the pastor's spirit hadn't dealt submitted his life completely in the area that I was requesting prayer in. The "spirit" attacked me, not the man. But at the same time, I wasn't widely received at the church; I had opportunity to minister and be a blessing. Right before we were to move out of state (I didn't know though)the Lord started to close the doors, I could have been tempted to stay and not move. I could care less what others think of me (if I'm submitted to God). I will stand before Him not them when I die.

That's why we need to be sensitive to the Spirit of God. What is he teaching us?

On the Job not to long ago, the Lord warned me in dream and scripture that something was going to happen, but not to worry; He is with me. I stayed in the word He gave me. I studied into that word. I learned, the plan of the true enemy and what I had to do to keep myself aligned with God. I was tempted at one point to find another Job; all the doors were

shut!! I wanted to leave; but the Lord gave me firm warning about that too. Then I got it from the Lord that if I didn't stand in faith; I wouldn't stand at all. I really learned to trust in Him! When someone (fleshly) attacks us; it is not them that is behind the big picture; usually it is the devil. God has the way out. Sometimes he wants us to stand firm. He wants to be our strength. I give Him all the Glory. I can't rescue myself; only the Lord can deliever me.

And in my Job situation; He totally did!!

You weren't hurt by the church (body of Christ)or the building. You were hurt by the enemy in those who are called christians but obviously gave place to the enemy.

blessings,

candi

[FailedChristian]

I believe that God sends His people, not just to the church to be a voice, jobs, etc to be in intercession over the situation. I've gotten burned by people. Their are false shepards out there striping the sheep-they will pay for their choice. My friend who operates propheticly was setting at a table with a preacher and said God is going to cut off that branch (refering to God's pruning)and at that very moment a large limb on a tree outside (seen through window)came crashing down. The Lord continued to warn this pastor; in passing in the hall way; it just came over her to say "Do not align yourself with those people; it's not of God" He did anyway; he went to his meeting. She also told Him that she saw a for sale sign in the grass outside church (vision). It came to pass. She stayed there until God released Her. She worked in ministry but dealing with this "Saul" spirit was not easy.

I've questioned why I would seem to go into a church to only get hurt. Then I realized my focus was not on God alone. I was there to worship Him. I realize people can let you down. The devil knows that and will use it against you everytime if he gets the reaction he wants.

I want to stay with something until I know the Lord no longer wants me there.

Christians that operate with some gifts are not always widely received by mass majority-but who are we there for, God or self.

Have you considered a home based church fellowship for others to gather for worship, God's word and seeking God's face. Even having a prayer partner is awesome. I went recently through a season of being mentored and prayer partnering with the above woman and it was awesome. Seasons almost over, I see the Lord bringing it to a close; but I'm not going to be upset; my life is not my own. He is my shepard; I will follow.

Let the Holy Spirit lead you to a better church or homebased church group.

I think the state of some churches that have gone bad-is because there are no intercessors praying over it.

I remember a pastor attacking me verbally, who later came and appologized, I realized that the pastor's spirit hadn't dealt submitted his life completely in the area that I was requesting prayer in. The "spirit" attacked me, not the man. But at the same time, I wasn't widely received at the church; I had opportunity to minister and be a blessing. Right before we were to move out of state (I didn't know though)the Lord started to close the doors, I could have been tempted to stay and not move. I could care less what others think of me (if I'm submitted to God). I will stand before Him not them when I die.

That's why we need to be sensitive to the Spirit of God. What is he teaching us?

On the Job not to long ago, the Lord warned me in dream and scripture that something was going to happen, but not to worry; He is with me. I stayed in the word He gave me. I studied into that word. I learned, the plan of the true enemy and what I had to do to keep myself aligned with God. I was tempted at one point to find another Job; all the doors were

shut!! I wanted to leave; but the Lord gave me firm warning about that too. Then I got it from the Lord that if I didn't stand in faith; I wouldn't stand at all. I really learned to trust in Him! When someone (fleshly) attacks us; it is not them that is behind the big picture; usually it is the devil. God has the way out. Sometimes he wants us to stand firm. He wants to be our strength. I give Him all the Glory. I can't rescue myself; only the Lord can deliever me.

And in my Job situation; He totally did!!

You weren't hurt by the church (body of Christ)or the building. You were hurt by the enemy in those who are called christians but obviously gave place to the enemy.

blessings,

candi

I SO disagree with your theology, I can't even begin to try to address the lunacy you're saying. If we are saved by Christ, then Satan has no power or place. Want to scatter Satan and his demons? Try this: say "Jesus." By His name we are more than conquerors. The Enemy flees at the sound of His Name. So, who's left in that scene? The PERSON! We wrestle against principalities...what about RESPONSIBILITY FOR ONE'S ACTIONS? This Flip Wilson-esque "The Devil made me do it" garbage really makes me boil. It's a Get Out Of jail Free card for those that have sinned against the spirit! No accountability..utter fluff

You are exactly the type of "Christian" I abhor.

Edited August 1, 2006 by FailedChristian

[FailedChristian]

Let me add this: The abuses of my life began the day I was born into my family. My father was the epidemy of evil. He beat me, my mother and my siblings, particularly my mother and brothers, he sexually abused all three of us girls, he fed such filth into our little minds, all the while he made sure we went to church every time the doors were open, we 'remembered the Sabbath day to keep it Holy' by staying dressed up all day, not being allowed to play, etc. and we were not allowed to dance, drink, smoke, play cards or go to movies, because these were all evil. If we put something on top of the bible, we were sinning terribly against God. A hammer was always hanging over our heads, and my father wanted everything done yesterday. He could be ok one minute and flare-up into a rage the next. We lived in constant fear of our father, and our mother was the typical abused woman who was more concerned about losing her man than she was about protecting her children. Even after she learned of the sexual abuse (had been going on 15 years) and my dad was put in a mental hospital, still she took us girls to visit our father at the hospital as though everything should be ok. That is the way she thought. Even after he returned a year and a half later, which was the worst day of my life, he tried again with me, but I put a stop to it, but then the emotional and mental abuse just got a whole lot worse. I rarely made it through a meal without running to my room in tears. And, I found out much later that he continued the sexual abuse with my youngest sister another 10 or so years. My mom basically handed us over to him, she did not believe in hugs or praise and she told us we had to submit to our father.

Now, I should have been terribly bitter, not only against my parents, but against the church. Oh, and get this. When, at the age of 14 or 15 (and my sister was 12) I told my pastor about the abuse of my mother (Dad had mom strangled and was beating her head against a tree), he said there was nothing he could do unless she pressed charges. So, basically we were supposed to just go home to it. So, I told him (first time) about the sexual abuse. Do you want to know his response? He said, "Did he force you?" Now, I had told him this was going on since we were wee babes, and yet he asks this question. Next, he spoke to our parents and my dad agreed to go in a mental hospital. Mom never talked about it with us. She just withdrew emotionally even more. We had no one to talk with about it. We were just left with our damaged emotions. A year and a half later the state decided my dad was 'well,' so they sent him back home to be over us in authority again, without even asking us how we felt about it. Can you image how I felt? I was so afraid of what he would do. And, I continued to live under his authority another 6 years, because I did not know I had any other options and I was too scared to learn what they were, so the pain just got buried deeper and deeper inside.

But, this is what God's word says:

For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother

[billie]

Utter trite...people have free will and people sin..If God had everything planned, then how could you possibly make a decision for Christ? This is a great example of the mumbo-jumbo that defies scripture and makes a mockery of Love.

So....if God doesn't have everything planned then why does scripture say,"All things work together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purposes"? I'm very sorry you're feeling so wounded. I'm just hoping this won't turn into a resentment for you....

[Christ's Free Servant]

I remember a pastor attacking me verbally, who later came and appologized, I realized that the pastor's spirit hadn't dealt submitted his life completely in the area that I was requesting prayer in. The "spirit" attacked me, not the man. But at the same time, I wasn't widely received at the church; I had opportunity to minister and be a blessing. Right before we were to move out of state (I didn't know though)the Lord started to close the doors, I could have been tempted to stay and not move. I could care less what others think of me (if I'm submitted to God). I will stand before Him not them when I die.

candi

Candi,

I had a similar situation, which I'll go ahead and mention here, since yours was so like mine. After we moved back to OH, as I mentioned earlier, we got involved in a church of our denomination on the north end of town. All went pretty well, and then Rick (hubbie) and I felt God was leading us into church planting. Our denomination was calling for lay men to go into church planting, and had mentioned that many pastors in churches were willing to train lay pastors. I had always wanted to live near my brother in SC, so we went for a visit and prayed to God for open doors... well, this one is another abuse story I'll save for later, perhaps, but after a horrible year there, we moved back to OH and back to the church on the north end of town, since we located even further north in the city when we returned. This takes place in 1981/82:

We were immediately greeted with "You were out of God's will in going to SC, and that is why bad things happened to you!" Well, I don't know what Bible he was reading, but my Bible says just the opposite. It says we can expect persecution, rejection, suffering for the sake of Christ, etc. About a year passed, I was hurting still over the situation in SC, and I was in great need for genuine Christian fellowship and service because I was drinking in the Lord and scripture, and I needed to give out what I was taking in. We had served the Lord in that church in several areas before we left, but after we got back I was not even asked to serve in the nursery. The church had sent around one of those Spiritual Gifts and Ministries questionaires, and I had volunteered in the same areas I had previously served, but did not receive a call.

So, I called the pastor and asked him to come over to our home for us to talk with him about this. His response to me was, "Do you want to know why you aren't being asked to do anything?" I said, "Sure." And, he said, "Well, it's because you come across like you have it all together, because you think you have a direct line with God, but you don't, and because you are not submissive to the authority of your husband" (they based this upon the fact that I shared more in bible study than my husband did). And, then he added, "Would you say that you have been crucified with Christ?" I said, "Yes!" And, he said, "Well, I would say you haven't!" Wow! And, I did nothing to provoke this - absolutely nothing other than to obey God by being who he wants me to be and by saying what he wants me to say.

After that, I just withdrew inside myself. I was so hurt by this. So, I just played the game "I'm ok, you're ok," but I wasn't ok. Then, one day I was reading the story of Jonah and the Big Fish to my children and God pierced my heart. He said, "You are running away." And, I said (get this), "But, God, you don't understand!" Can you imagine? But, God understood perfectly. He told me to get back in there and fight, but I was afraid to fight. But, he kept encouraging me until I said "Yes!" So, I called the pastor and told him I wanted to get to the bottom of this. I wanted to find out what the church leaders objected to in me. So, he said he would send the elder who "had the problem with you" as though he did not have a problem. I asked if my best friend's husband could also come, because he was also an elder, so he did. Three of the elders came to visit my home.

I asked them what I was doing wrong, but they could not tell me, and none of them admitted that it was "their problem" with me, either. They said, "It's your attitude. Pray about it and see." But, I had prayed about it, and God's answer to me was that I was righteous before him, not that I was perfect, but that I was innocent in this matter. I told them that. Then, they had me read James 3:13-18:

Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such

[Christ's Free Servant]

Utter trite...people have free will and people sin..If God had everything planned, then how could you possibly make a decision for Christ? This is a great example of the mumbo-jumbo that defies scripture and makes a mockery of Love.

So....if God doesn't have everything planned then why does scripture say,"All things work together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purposes"? I'm very sorry you're feeling so wounded. I'm just hoping this won't turn into a resentment for you....

It sounds to me like it already has. He has to come to grips with the Sovereignty of God if he is ever to be free!

[billie]

Utter trite...people have free will and people sin..If God had everything planned, then how could you possibly make a decision for Christ? This is a great example of the mumbo-jumbo that defies scripture and makes a mockery of Love.

So....if God doesn't have everything planned then why does scripture say,"All things work together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purposes"? I'm very sorry you're feeling so wounded. I'm just hoping this won't turn into a resentment for you....

It sounds to me like it already has. He has to come to grips with the Sovereignty of God if he is ever to be free!

That makes me so sad....

[FailedChristian]

Utter trite...people have free will and people sin..If God had everything planned, then how could you possibly make a decision for Christ? This is a great example of the mumbo-jumbo that defies scripture and makes a mockery of Love.

So....if God doesn't have everything planned then why does scripture say,"All things work together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purposes"? I'm very sorry you're feeling so wounded. I'm just hoping this won't turn into a resentment for you....

Read your Old Testament. You will note many times when the Children of Israel were disobedient. If God is in complete control, and our lives are nothing but fate-driven, then no reason would exist for salvation.

Evil actions do not originate from God. An evil spirit does. read how God placed an evil spirit on Saul. Satan cannot place spirits on people. No scripture supports such garbage.

Free will is necessary for there to be love.

"All things work together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purposes": Read that again: ACCORDING TO HIS PURPOSES. That means that some are NOT acting according to His purposes...

I was in achurch that acted Not according to His purposes...result: evil actions.