Nicks Girl Posted November 1, 2003 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 30 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 669 Content Per Day: 0.09 Reputation: 7 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/26/2003 Status: Offline Birthday: 09/04/1986 Share Posted November 1, 2003 Hey Rager! Welcome to the boards, Sister. I will definately be praying for your situation. I don't know what to say, other than pray about it and let God take your anger away, and seek wisdom on the correct way to handle the situation. Our God is an Awesome God! He will NEVER let us down. I know He never has let me down, even when I know I don't deserve His love. As a teenager, and having a really rough time in my childhood (I'm the oldest of 7, and my parents got divorced when I was young) I let certain things take control of my temper, and its hard to forgive things that happened, even today I still struggle with, forgiving my parents for their divorce, etc. but we have to look at the brighter side of things. All things work together for Good, to those who love God and are called according to his purpose! I think I quoted that right..sorry if I am wrong! I should actually look that up... Anyways, don't give up Faither, Rager. God IS taking care of you, and working in your life and in your family's lives. Trust Him, have Faith : ) I agree with what some others said. It sounds as though your father is really struggling with something as well. Communication is the key. try communicating, little by little. its ok if its really short at first, you can grow on that! I'll be praying GOD BLESS!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ColleenLovesMischief Posted November 1, 2003 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 100 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 2,791 Content Per Day: 0.37 Reputation: 21 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/21/2003 Status: Offline Birthday: 06/13/1977 Share Posted November 1, 2003 Rager I will be praying for your situation! God Bless Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anonymous Posted November 2, 2003 Group: Royal Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 97 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 1,550 Content Per Day: 0.20 Reputation: 8 Days Won: 0 Joined: 01/18/2003 Status: Offline Birthday: 10/15/1943 Share Posted November 2, 2003 Me too Rager.... (praying for you) For your sake, forgiveness is more than an option... it is also a means to your own well-being! Blessings & many prayers for you ~ AP Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest rmj7 Posted November 2, 2003 Share Posted November 2, 2003 peace and blessing unto you and your famiy Ragar :il: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest dove2 Posted November 2, 2003 Share Posted November 2, 2003 Welcome Rager, I hope this comes out sounding right. Your situation reminds me of an old movie called, "Life With Father." Clifton Webb, the father, seems so cold and calous on the surface and he seems to be yelling at his wife on the surface but it is what goes on behind the scenes that tells us about this man. The father loves his wife and children very much. He doesn't say he does nor does he show that he does that much. He finally tells his wife that he loves her and he had never done that before. This movie was supposed to be based on a somewhat Biblical view, however it is not the true view of the Bible. What I am trying to say is that I know your Dad loves your mother very much and you and your siblings very much or he would not be there with you. Some men just don't tell you how they feel. Some men think that it is not manly to show their love. I can tell you that if you no longer talk to your mother that I am sure she is need of a big hug and an I love you mom. Maybe your dad might be in need of that also. If he lost his job he is hurting more than you know. When a man loses his job he feels like he is worthless. How is he going to tell you that he feels worthless when he probably hasn't even admitted that to your mom? I will be praying for you and your mom, dad and siblings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest idolsmasher Posted November 2, 2003 Share Posted November 2, 2003 Sounds to me that like I said, dad is going through some things, and he's either too depressed or too proud to say anything, or both. It's very difficult to reach people when they are like that but something has to give. For some people getting mad at them will cause them to break and want to change, but others it will drive them further into their shell. Judging from what you've said I would say your dad is into his shell. To draw him out may take a whole lot more than anger and strong words. It may take a humble spirit! I know you said you don't want to forgive but when you say that I think you know, that's probably what it is going to take for you to be able to move on from this barrier in your life you have right now. Love loves the unlovely and casts a veil over countless sins. Forgiveness is not only having the grace to let your Dad off the hook, but it is also allowing yourself to not be bitter and angry any more. In other words, it doesn't only benifit the receiver but the forgiver too. If you had gotten into some long standing bad habits and didn't know how to change, which would you prefer, to have someone scream and yell at you and complain about all your faults and failings, or to have someone say that in spite of all that, I still love you and forgive you? Just think how much better you would feel without all that negative baggage weighing you down. The choice is yours, you can hold people to the law and standards they don't meet up to, or you can give them grace and try to encourage them to do better. As for your little sister I think you are on the right track, it's not so good to let her hear you voicing your unhappiness because most likely she will look more to you than even your mom or dad. You need to be vigilant to guard your heart against roots of bitterness and catch yourself when you are getting hit with negative thoughts and go on the attack against them to stay positive and in a victorious state of mind. Pray, sing, praise the Lord, get busy doing something positive and fight to not get dragged down by negative thinking. Our spirits and state of mind we are in can often rub off on others and be contagious. Being in a victorious state of mind may do more to help than anything else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest freakinrager_03 Posted November 5, 2003 Share Posted November 5, 2003 Hey everyone! I just want to say thank you soooo much for the advice. Keep it coming . You guys keep saying more and more stuff that makes sense. Dove, I really liked your comment---and idolssmasher's too--I guess I've never looked at things from his side before. Figures me and my selfish human nature. I never thought about how he feels having gone through a job change, and no longer being able to provide for our family. Idolsmasher-alot of what you said also hit me. I have been a little too unforgiving i do believe. And *sigh*, well, I know how I should act--and I do want to make it better--at least part of me does, it's just so hard to be willing to take that step. But, it's so cool too...how ever since I started posting here, and you guys have been praying for me, I've been feeling more charitable towards him, and the bitterness has seemed to disappear. I know there's still a lot of stuff we have to work through,--but it all seems so much more easierto work through now. I know your prayers have been working and it's been helping in ALL of my relationships, not just the ones mentioned. I think it's also helped that I"ve been having a consistent quiet time this past week--I just feel so much closer to God, and I feel able to handle things. Thanks for everything! You guys are the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adstar Posted November 5, 2003 Group: Royal Member Followers: 12 Topic Count: 75 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 3,399 Content Per Day: 0.43 Reputation: 1,307 Days Won: 1 Joined: 09/01/2002 Status: Offline Share Posted November 5, 2003 Hi Rager :t3: welcome to our boards Sister Well it seems you are getting a lot of good points that you to think about. I want to give you another from my own experience. Well I am older than you and I am a guy but we do have things in common. I am one of 10 siblings and I also had a dad who I never had a close relationship with. I also had thoughts about him as you are having about your dad. I wish I had a computer back then and posted on a forum like this as you have. Rager through Jesus I came to understand that the hate and resentment that I felt towards my dad was only causing me pain and suffering. The mental wall that I built around me to keep my dad away from me was becoming a prison. That prison also kept me from relating to my other family members as well. I knew I had to give up my hate so that I could be free to love and be at peace within myself. Jesus helped me to find the grace I needed to have that peace. Rager when I was a kid I was like most kids, kids think of their parents like Christians look at God. That is they see them as perfect, like they are gods on earth. When children start becoming adults they start to discover all the faults in their parents. This can cause them to feel betrayed to look upon their parents as hypocrites. They end up thinking of their parents as devils. Rager the message of Jesus is forgiveness. through Jesus I came to understand that my dad was just a man, just human. Like me he had his faults. Once I accepted my Dads humanness I could give up my hate and resentment because I knew by then that Jesus had forgiven me and I was like my Dad, I was just a faulty human. This change in my heart did not change my Dad. He went on being himself. But it did change me for where there was hate not there was compassion, not just for my dad but for all people who suffer because of their limited ability to love others and for those who suffer because they are starved of love. I do not know why my dad is the way he is, maybe the damage was caused by the way he was brought up when he was young? Maybe he never received love? Maybe the cause came from many generations past? Maybe the hurt was like a shockwave passing through the generations. I was determined to adsorb that shockwave to bring it to an end. With Jesus I found the grace to do that. Rager Jesus is there for you. He is there fore every aching heart, for every broken soul :il: with him we can be healed. All praise The Ancient Of Days Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest idolsmasher Posted November 6, 2003 Share Posted November 6, 2003 I never thought about how he feels having gone through a job change, and no longer being able to provide for our family. I suspect that there could be some other deeper issues as well. I have been a little too unforgiving i do believe. And *sigh*, well, I know how I should act--and I do want to make it better--at least part of me does, it's just so hard to be willing to take that step. God bless you! You know, being able to admit to yourself these things is half the victory. You're doing great. I've been feeling more charitable towards him, and the bitterness has seemed to disappear. I know there's still a lot of stuff we have to work through,--but it all seems so much more easierto work through now. Wow, this is a victory, thank you Jesus! Keep filling your heart with love and there'll be no room for hate. Love is the greatest force in the world because God is love. I"ve been having a consistent quiet time this past week--I just feel so much closer to God, and I feel able to handle things. This is really important! Keep it up! Isaiah 26:3 Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee. You're doing fantastic! Keep fighting and stay loving! This is so pleasing to God, and I must say it makes me feel better too! Thanks for the update! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Kiki Posted November 9, 2003 Share Posted November 9, 2003 hey rager! Well, something I can say is that I also have had problems with my dad, and my step dad. It always has seemed to me that they don't care at all about me. But differently, I feel this way because they always pay more attention to my brother and sister than they do me. I didn't really ever notice it until I noticed no one in my family has hugged me since I was like 5 or 6. Especially not my dad. I rarely do see my dad, or my step dad anymore, they are always gone bowling, golfing, at work or somewhere else doing things I don't even know. Another problem I had with both of them, is that they are both alcoholics. They never seem to have any feelings, and are always mad or just not noticing I exist. I blame hating life because of them. But I know, its because I let them get to me. I still don't talk to either of them, but I forgave them for not caring along time ago. They might not know it, but I do, and God does. I am just not ready to let them know. My life has been getting a lot better since I let myself forgive them, and move on. I am a lot happier now, and just talking to people I know helps. If you are ever upset, talk to someone. It does help. I know. Life becomes better when you forgive, it might not be as easy to forget, but forgive. God bless you! And welcome to Worthy Boards! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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