Tormented by a Bipolar Stepson

[Turnapage]

I guess this is the thread I need to come to for this one. I've had another sleepless night.I haven't had one in about 2 months, but I believe I'm getting way ahead of myself.

Let me start from the beginning.

About 4 years ago I met a man ( my husband now).We began dating.We have both been married before and divorced. I have a son (he's 26yrs) and a daughter (24) and he has 2 sons, 33 and 26.We dated for 1 yr. before deciding to get married.My kids love him and his sons,I thought loved me.

After we had been married about a year his oldest son called him saying that he hadn't worked in about 6 months (he had been a successful real estate agent) and that he had used up all his savings. His son told him that he was depressed and had been diagnosed as bipolar.He was crying the whole time he was talking to my husband.I told my husband to go see him and try to comfort him.My husband went and when he walked into the house it smelled of cat urine(he does have a cat) and the place looked like a tornado had hit.His son had always been a perfectionist and had always been very clean.They talked about everything, how his son was raised(i believe there was some abuse there, physical, mental and emotional),how he didn't want to lose his house and me.He told his father that I was the best choice that he could have ever made.He even told his father that he was gay.My husband held it together but I think that really bothered him the most.

When I got home from work my h relayed everything toat was said to me.I told my h to tell his son to come stay with us and see if we could work things out.I prayed for his son so hard. His son would stay with us like 3 days in a row and then go back home because of cat.

He didn't want to lose his house but we told him he couldn't keep it.He wasn't working.I told him he could live with us.He didn't want to hear it.He started asking for money from his mom and my husband.Every moth it was more and more.Within 3 months my husband had given him 7 thousand dollars and his mom had given him about the same.My husband put his foot down.He told him that he just couldn't do it anymore,Thats when the phone calls began.He started leaving nasty messages on our voicemails and would call our house phone and cell phones continously.An example would be 9 calls on the house phone and maybe 7 to 8 on our cell all within 1 hr. Can you even imagine that?He would leave messages that said my husband and I

were living in adultery ( he always attacks our faith) that I was no good and that my husband should put him before me.My husband told him that I was his wife but his son said no that I was the second wife and I didn't count.This is just a little bit of what we have been through with him.I have prayed and cried so much. The night before my daughter got married my husband and I went to the rehearsal dinner ,his son left 5 nasty messages on our home phone saying that my husband shouldn't have anything to do with his so-called stepdaughter and that he should always come first.On the message he even told his dad to get rid of me.I got 2 hrs sleep that night I was so upset.The day of my daughter's wedding I looked like death could help me.

About 2 or 3 months ago he received his first disability check and we thought he might have cooled down.Last night my husband was talking to him and his son brought up the bible.Well, my husband tried to talk to him about it.You can't talk to this boy without him starting an argument especially about the bible.My husband told him that he loved him but he wasn't going to argue.When he hung up the calls started.I'm tired so tired.I laid in bed last night not crying but thinking how did all this happen.I know God says that he will repay but I just laid in bed and thought about how I could just get him back to make him stop.I'm not like this.I've always been humble and easy to get along with.I did ask for forgiveness for my thoughts.My husband says it's satan trying to attack our family.

This is just the tip of the iceburg of what all has happen.

I welcome your advice.I welcome your prayers.

God Bless,

Wendy

[Leonard]

Get this kid to a psychiatrist. Now that's something I almost NEVER recommend. But he will devastate your home and family if you don't.

Also limit the number of times he's allowed to call. Tell him if he goes over that, you're going to have to block his number(s) and then he'll have to go to a pay phone in order to call you.

[Northern lass]

Hi Turnapage! I can sooooooooooo identify! My son is bipolar and at the moment living with us. He has caused us so much hurt and anguish over the years not to mention a fortune in money!

I can only agree with Leonard - get him to a Psychiatrist and on medication if he isn't on it already.

Apart from that - I can't really offer any help as I am still struggling with the problem myself. Try and become detached. There was a time when I tormented myself with feeling how unhappy he must be but there is a large sin element in it, which he alone is responsible for. That's not to say I have managed to be detached, but I'm getting there I hope. Assure him that you are there for him and love but put down boundaries!! (still trying to do this myself!)

Guess I'm not much help but to offer you my love and prayers when I pray for our own situation!

[Turnapage]

Well I just got home and our answering machine had 1 message.I debated on whether to listen to it or not but I did.I was relieved to hear that it was only a political message.

Leonard and Northern Lass thanks so much for your input.

He has been seeing a psychiatrist for the last 5 yrs. My husband never knew this until he had his talk with him. The doctor put him on paxil but this kid upped his own medication to double the amount.He stopped seeing his doctor but kept taking this drug.He never had these outbursts until

last year when a male friend of his ( I did mention that he said he was gay) died suddenly.

Thats when he started going down hill. Also when his dad said he would not give him anymore money. When he applied for disability he got a check for back pay and instead of putting it away he got his mom to cosign for him to get a Landrover.Makes no sense to me at all especially if he wants to keep his house.

I have also mentioned to my husband about blocking his number but he will not do it.I don't know why.

Northern Lass, I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this too.It hurts, I know.

It hurts when you know this isn't the person that they truly are.

[BFP]

I know exactly where you are coming from! I have a 19 yr old son who is also what we figure is bipolar (not diagnosed) and is very psychotic. Raising my son ruined me and the rest of our family to a large degree. He is the eldest of three children and the two younger ones are really messed up.because of all the stuff we had to deal with. I live with anxiety and depression a great part of the time because of what we went through. My 16 yr old daughter is so angry and places all the blame on us, and my youngest son deals with huge anxiety as well. I could write a book on the huge things this kid did, from dragging our family through children's services everytime he pulled off something stupid: to going through court and paying lawyers ridiculous amounts of money to defend him from his "mistakes" (and in Canada you are responsible for your child's run ins with the law).

My son is also gay...not only gay, he has been living as a woman for the last few months, and demanding that we accept it all without blinking! According to him we are 'judgmental' and 'cruel' and 'homophobic' Thank goodness he doesn't live at home, but he calls us collect everyday to tell us about what he did last night, drugs experimented with, etc etc.

A few weeks ago he showed up at home in a state of psychosis...walked up the street in his underwear with flowers in his hair swinging a whip of somekind with writing on his face.

He thinks he has to prove to the world that the Lord accepts and loves everyone no matter what they do. He misconstues what the Bible says and wants to start his own cult. He also doesn't work...lives in homeless shelters and asks us for money (which we don't give him anymore AT ALL.)

Anyway there is so much more I could say, but the point is that you are not alone. Keep praying for your stepson. Don't let him get the best of you. Don't let him get between you and your husband becasue he will try so hard to! I know! How my husband and I have made it through is only by God's grace!

Keep him as far away from you as possible. It will be hard on your husband because it is his son, but nothing can be done outside of prayer. We know...love does not fix everything, not parental love anyway. God's love can

But on the bright side...I am bursting with joy these days! Last week my husband finally accepted Christ, after 15 years of me praying! He is changing in leaps and bounds and I am finally going to have a headship in my home!!!!! God DOES answer prayer!

Keep your chin up!

May God wrap you and yours in his Love

BFP

[Northern lass]

I know exactly where you are coming from! I have a 19 yr old son who is also what we figure is bipolar (not diagnosed) and is very psychotic. Raising my son ruined me and the rest of our family to a large degree. He is the eldest of three children and the two younger ones are really messed up.because of all the stuff we had to deal with. I live with anxiety and depression a great part of the time because of what we went through. My 16 yr old daughter is so angry and places all the blame on us, and my youngest son deals with huge anxiety as well. I could write a book on the huge things this kid did, from dragging our family through children's services everytime he pulled off something stupid: to going through court and paying lawyers ridiculous amounts of money to defend him from his "mistakes" (and in Canada you are responsible for your child's run ins with the law).

My son is also gay...not only gay, he has been living as a woman for the last few months, and demanding that we accept it all without blinking! According to him we are 'judgmental' and 'cruel' and 'homophobic' Thank goodness he doesn't live at home, but he calls us collect everyday to tell us about what he did last night, drugs experimented with, etc etc.

A few weeks ago he showed up at home in a state of psychosis...walked up the street in his underwear with flowers in his hair swinging a whip of somekind with writing on his face.

He thinks he has to prove to the world that the Lord accepts and loves everyone no matter what they do. He misconstues what the Bible says and wants to start his own cult. He also doesn't work...lives in homeless shelters and asks us for money (which we don't give him anymore AT ALL.)

Anyway there is so much more I could say, but the point is that you are not alone. Keep praying for your stepson. Don't let him get the best of you. Don't let him get between you and your husband becasue he will try so hard to! I know! How my husband and I have made it through is only by God's grace!

Keep him as far away from you as possible. It will be hard on your husband because it is his son, but nothing can be done outside of prayer. We know...love does not fix everything, not parental love anyway. God's love can

But on the bright side...I am bursting with joy these days! Last week my husband finally accepted Christ, after 15 years of me praying! He is changing in leaps and bounds and I am finally going to have a headship in my home!!!!! God DOES answer prayer!

Keep your chin up!

May God wrap you and yours in his Love

BFP

BFP that's wonderful news about your husband!!

I feel so much for both you and Turnapage in the suffering this terrible illness causes both to the sufferer and the rest of the family. I stand with you both for the healing of these young men. We have had periods when my son has been much better but he's in a very deep depression at the moment and he is also living at home, which is not easy. However, it's good to know that we are not alone and that other people understand. I agree about not giving money! Our son has cost us thousands of pounds over the years! He has got into debt so many times over. At first I bailed him out but not any more.

Feel free, either of you if you just want to sound off and have someone listen and pray, to PM me. I have so much valued this kind of support from another person on this Board!!

[Turnapage]

BFP, that is wonderful about your husband !You know God works in his own time and miraculous things happen everyday!

Northen Lass and BFP thank you! Sometimes when we think we are alone there is someone going through the same thing.

I often wonder if this is some kind of test,then sometimes I wonder if I'm being punished for something.I've only been going through this for a year...I can't even imagine going through it year after year.Without the grace of God and his mercy what would we ever do?My prayers are with you both and thank you so much!

God Bless,

Wendy

[terter]

You are in my prayers. Yes I agree with your husband, it does seem like the enemy has stepped up attacks on families but we know that God is greater. For the recent Feast of Tabernacles, we prayed Num 6:24-26:

"The LORD bless thee, and keep thee: The LORD make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee: The LORD lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace."

The Lord has the answer to everything.

[Turnapage]

Thanks terter! Thank you so much for the prayers.Yes I believe my husband is right too. Have you ever noticed that when you think you see a light at the end of the tunnel it's the train and the devil is the conductor? I do know this though, God is bigger than anything and I mean anything.

[Northern lass]

You are in my prayers. Yes I agree with your husband, it does seem like the enemy has stepped up attacks on families but we know that God is greater. For the recent Feast of Tabernacles, we prayed Num 6:24-26:

"The LORD bless thee, and keep thee: The LORD make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee: The LORD lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace."

The Lord has the answer to everything.

I love this blessing! I used to pray it for my son but got out of the habit! You've reminded me to try it again as I think there is some power in a parent's blessing.