So why am I married anyway?

[mathqueen]

I dont have the desire to leave my husband. I just feel that I would be less stressed if I were not married. He is still unemployed, spending money left and right, and thinking about starting up a business, taking up golf, judging dog competitions, and purchasing a pistol. How he is going to do this, I dont know. When we got married he took over finances and burried my credit rating deeper than they bury people.

Perhaps I have forgotten the stressors of being a single parent on a single income. Second thought, no I have not forgotten, I have adopted a son instead of marring a husband. Same demands, same issues, and still have to be at three places at the same time. Same stress.

Yes, it is the "less stress" comment that weighs on my mind the most, that that would be SO true. Unlike you, though, I don't have the added worry of facing life as a single mom since there are no kids involved. My husband also has not done anything detrimental to our credit because I handle all the finances (very tightly I might add), although his speeding tickets have NOT helped. I just don't know how to get to a place of acceptance and joy. to you berribear

mathy

Edited April 10, 2007 by mathqueen

[Guest Biblicist]

I need someone to help with this constant struggle. Some of you know the troubles I have had to deal with in my marriage, and yes, everything is ok now, but I always feel like my life would be so much better if I were single. Not married to someone else, mind you, just not married period. Do you know that I would be better off financially if I were not married to my husband? Which equals less stress, more control. Perhaps therein lies my problem, the lack of control. Also, I walk my faith all by myself in this relationship as he has no walk with God himself. Things sure look MUCH greener on the other side of the fence right now. For the almost 9 years we have been married, I have spent more time wishing I were not married than being happy that I am. I'm not going to get into the destructive infidelity that occured, some of you know that story already. WHY, I pray God to answer this question for me, AM I MARRIED??? I'm not going to file for divorce, I have accepted this unending state of knowing I would be better off single but accepting my married state. But I don't WANT to feel this way. I want to believe that I am better married than not. But I don't. Any words of wise council would be so mch appreciated.

mathy

Just re-reading your OP and noticed how many times you used the word "I".

J.O.Y. = Jesus, Other's & You.

[mathqueen]

Point taken, and I have not for one second played this off like there was not some selfishness on my part in this. Btw, I looked through other posts and found that that amount of "I's" is common.

[Guest Biblicist]

I tend to use the word I a lot too. Sometimes I don't even realize it. But I know it's wrong. I am not to be the focus of my life.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails.

Once someone pointed out the procession of verse 7.

Love always protects, there is only so much we can protect our loved ones from.

Love always trusts, we have to learn to trust their judgement at some point, and trust God's sovereign rule in their life.

Love always hopes, when they are out of our hands, we have hope that they will stay on the path, or find that path through Jesus Christ.

Love always perserveres, we keep loving, even when they are unlovable, till the very end.

Love never fails.

[mathqueen]

bibli

Thanks.

[Guest Biblicist]

bibli

Thanks.

Anytime, sugar.

[None]

mathy,

Something that I have learned lately. . . Everyone in my life, good or bad, is there for God's purpose. Every circumstance is orchestrated by him. Every one. Nothing is outside God's sovereign control. And everything, everyone, in my life is for my good. Like Joseph, "God turned to good what you meant for evil."

God has an ultimate plan for your life. He see's the bigger picture, when all you can see is the stroke of the brush or the color of the paint. Give it all over to him and allow him to paint the portrait that he knows you can become. Pretty soon you will start to see more and more of a resembelance of Jesus in your portrait.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul & mind and love your neighbor as yourself. Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be added to you. Those are the things that God wants us to do.

That almost made me cry. Very poetically written and Spirit-filled.

Simply beautiful.

She's right, Mathy, and I know first hand from my own similar circumstances.

If you are a child of God, seeking Him wholeheartedly and your husband is not,

it's impossible to try and "reconnect" until your husband seeks Christ the way that you do.

I, personally, am riding my own storm of a marraige out with Christ at the helm, steering the way.

Come what may, His perfect accuracy comforts me through even our toughest battles.

Just remember, Peter had the visible Lord right in front of him(how lucky was he?)

and yet he still let the waves scare him and make him slip under the water.

We all take a look into the water sometimes, it's only human, but our fear never changes

the One steering our ship.

He'll never leave us or forsake us. We have only but to turn around and there He is.

I wish you well. May God help you and send you comfort when you need it.

Edited April 11, 2007 by None

[mathqueen]

Thank you so much none. It really saddens me to see how many people are experiencing this, and it really makes me question the purpose of marriage in general. Most people say to raise children. Then what does one to say to someone who is unable to have children (like myself)? I know it's one of the many downfalls of living in a fallen world, but it just seems so hopeless (I know it's not because there's always hope in Christ). All that aside though, I love the encouragement that you gave, none, and I appreciate it SO very much.

[None]

You're very welcome! I question the reasons for marriage as well.

But then I think, if I had married a Christian man,

I probably wouldn't be questioning this at all, would I?

Then I consider, some people have made much much worse decisions in their lives,

I got off easy with mine. I can deal with this.

It's always good to read other people's testimonies when wallowing in self-pity as we ALL are guilty of doing.

I know that didn't help. I never like hearing that either. But it's true.

The Bible is filled with stories of much worse tragedies than what we're suffering.

The worst thing all of us are guilty of doing is using relationships we only think are perfect

and comparing our's with their's when the only relationship that will ever be perfect

is the one we have with God.

[Carol R]

I need someone to help with this constant struggle. Some of you know the troubles I have had to deal with in my marriage, and yes, everything is ok now, but I always feel like my life would be so much better if I were single. Not married to someone else, mind you, just not married period. Do you know that I would be better off financially if I were not married to my husband? Which equals less stress, more control. Perhaps therein lies my problem, the lack of control. Also, I walk my faith all by myself in this relationship as he has no walk with God himself. Things sure look MUCH greener on the other side of the fence right now. For the almost 9 years we have been married, I have spent more time wishing I were not married than being happy that I am. I'm not going to get into the destructive infidelity that occured, some of you know that story already. WHY, I pray God to answer this question for me, AM I MARRIED??? I'm not going to file for divorce, I have accepted this unending state of knowing I would be better off single but accepting my married state. But I don't WANT to feel this way. I want to believe that I am better married than not. But I don't. Any words of wise council would be so mch appreciated.

mathy

Hi Mathy,

I am not a counsellor but I kinda know what you are on about but in reverse. I always wanted to be married and have a happy family life, well I was married had a son but unfortunately my husband didn't want to stay married this all happened before I was a christian, he wasn't a christian either . Even after I became a christian I still wanted to be married. Through lots of prayer reading the bible and wise counsel I am now completely happy in the Lord on my own with my son. I have accepted the walk God has given me. mine is on my own with my son yours may be with your husband. I don't know but I do know that God is the one to help, he loves you and knows all you go through. I do hope that you find in God what you require.

Much love in Christ

Carol R