salos Posted May 21, 2007 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 7 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 160 Content Per Day: 0.03 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 12/04/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 10/26/1950 Share Posted May 21, 2007 Hi, Ash. I went back and modified my previous post. Here's more. I CARE! I know what this kind of suffering is like, how it reaches down into your bones and the marrow of who you are. I also know that God's gentle love is there for us. So many times I've quoted Genesis 1:1 to myself. It really says it all. I've learned to be able to tell my friends from my enemies. This is huge because as long as you're thinking someone is your friend when that person is against you, it's impossible to deal with the situation correctly. Edward Welch wrote, "People can be enemies. They can be consistently against us. They can plot our destruction and be committed to shaming and disgracing us. As a couselor I have reminded many Crhistians that a person is their enemy. Usually people did not want to hear it, but it was true. Even worse, many of these enemies were friends or family.... I remember those who had husband enemies, wife enemies, brother enemies, parent enemies, children enemies, co-worker enemies, and church enemies. The list is too long." (from When People are Big and God is Small) I've learned that when I'm overly concerned about other person, this sometimes is because I don't want to admit to myself that that person is my enemy. I'm learning: God loves me. People often don't. God is fair. People often aren't. God is strong. People feel weak and take it out against me. Oh, Ash, there is so much I would like to share. Think about what I've posted, give me some feedback, and I'll post more later if you wish. I am so proud of you that you want to do right!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ash7614 Posted May 21, 2007 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 1 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 6 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 05/21/2007 Status: Offline Author Share Posted May 21, 2007 i refuse to believe that anyone is truely my enemy since becoming christian i've put God above all but lately i've been quesitoning it all.. questioning my faith i only even see the good in people and although i know that's proven me wrong sometimes.. well so has God i appreciate and admire your words but i just don't know anymore i'm questioning everything i believe in and i don't know what i should/do believe anymore Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladypeartree Posted May 21, 2007 Group: Royal Member Followers: 37 Topic Count: 542 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 33,008 Content Per Day: 5.05 Reputation: 23,821 Days Won: 235 Joined: 06/21/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 02/23/1953 Share Posted May 21, 2007 Ash just to be sure that you do not think that people are saying one thing and then abandoning you ...you CANNOT make or recieve personal messages ( pm's ) untill you have 10 posts to your name ...that is one of the rules to stop people spamming so if you need to receive a pm just post another 6 replies right here and it will open that door to you We love you sister and want to help you , there is always someone around on worthy boards because we are all in different time zones but it may take a short while for people to respond for various reasons ( my computer is soooo slow or people may be away from the keyboards or reading in a forum ) just do NOT give up , if you are feeling overwhelmed by these horrid thoughts and fears just pm one of us and we will be there for oyu Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PamD Posted May 21, 2007 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 11 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 402 Content Per Day: 0.06 Reputation: 1 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/03/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 08/22/1959 Share Posted May 21, 2007 Hi Ash, My name is Pam. I am a mom of 5 sons...I'm 47 years old...I have struggled with depression since my teens. I still by times struggle with thoughts of suicide. I know what causes the depression and most times I am good at keeping things on an even keel. I want to share a bit of my testimony.... When I was 18 I had decided that it really wasn't worth the struggle anymore. I sat in my room, wrote my good bye notes while I listened to some music. Yes, I was a Christian at the time but life wasn't worth the fight anymore, so I thought. I had been praying and trying to hear an answer but really wasn't able to be still. I made a trip to the bathroom and in tears, looking into the bathroom mirror said more to myself then the Lord, "What do I have to live for?" and I heard just as plain as day..."What are you willing to die for?" I was surprised to say the least...I went back to my room, sat on my bed and made a list... for every thing I wrote down that I was willing to die for I was given a reason to live. I kept the list for a few years but lost it in a move. I don't need that list anymore because even during my times of struggle now I know that God loves me, and my family loves me. I also know that God will never leave me nor forsake me. He is my rock, my sword, my shield!! Stay in touch dear one, and remember when one in the body hurts we all hurt, when one rejoices we all rejoice. For now I will hurt with you but I would really like to rejoice with you. Anchored in Christ, Pam Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RebekahDavid Posted May 21, 2007 Group: Royal Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 320 Topics Per Day: 0.05 Content Count: 3,166 Content Per Day: 0.45 Reputation: 23 Days Won: 0 Joined: 12/31/2004 Status: Offline Share Posted May 21, 2007 This link is a good one http://www.suicide.org/suicide-hotlines.html I urge you to use it. For Australia Befrienders International Australia 175 Lilydale Road Chidlow WA 6556 The Samaritans, Subiaco 60 Bagot Road Subiaco PERTH Contact by: Face to Face - Phone - Letter: - Email: Hotline: 08 93 81 5555 Hotline: Youthline: 08 93 88 2500 Hotline: Freecall Countryline: 1800 198 313 Hotline: TTY: 08 93 82 8822 Website: thesamaritans.org.au 24 Hour service: Lifelink Samaritans PO Box 228 7250 LAUNCESTON Tasmania Contact by: Face to Face - Phone Hotline: 03 63 31 3355 Website: lifelinksamaritans.org E-mail Helpline: lifelinksam@intas.net.au 24 Hour service: Samaritans of Albany, WA PO Box 991 WA 6330 ALBANY Western Australia Contact by: - Phone - Letter: Hotline: 08 98 422776 24 Hour service: Lifeline Australia National Contact by: - Phone Hotline: 13 11 14 Website: lifeline.org.au 24 Hour service: ASH use these links that Jade posted for you;these people are there to help you. And come here for friendship and encouragement. All of the people here are praying for you and many have shared that they have struggled with some of the same things you do and overcome them with the help of the Lord. Do not give up! love your sister in Christ, Rebekah David Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EricH Posted May 21, 2007 Group: Royal Member Followers: 3 Topic Count: 366 Topics Per Day: 0.05 Content Count: 10,933 Content Per Day: 1.57 Reputation: 212 Days Won: 1 Joined: 04/21/2005 Status: Offline Share Posted May 21, 2007 Moved from the Welcome Forum to the Looking for Advise Forum Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol R Posted May 21, 2007 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 27 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 705 Content Per Day: 0.11 Reputation: 7 Days Won: 0 Joined: 04/01/2007 Status: Offline Birthday: 11/23/1958 Share Posted May 21, 2007 Sweetheart, I hope you dont mind me calling you that i have a teenage son and I'd hate to see him in such anguish. I pray that God will step into this situation that you find yourself. I pray that Gods love would surround you like a blanket. I pray that you will hang on to God for He is your Rock and He loves you and cares for you. I pray against the devils lies to you and Thank God that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. My love in Christ to you Carol R Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nebula Posted May 22, 2007 Group: Royal Member Followers: 10 Topic Count: 5,823 Topics Per Day: 0.75 Content Count: 45,870 Content Per Day: 5.94 Reputation: 1,897 Days Won: 83 Joined: 03/22/2003 Status: Offline Birthday: 11/19/1970 Share Posted May 22, 2007 Ash I don't know what pain you are going through, but I do know the hopelessness and despair of wanting to kill myself for years and years and years. Someone once said to me, "Is it death you desire, or just an end to the pain?" I could see that no, I didn't really want to "die", I just wanted to be free from all the pain of my life. But how does one no longer feel hopeless? I began feeling like the hopelessness was affecting me more than the pain. But you know something? God loves you, whether you like it or not! Precious Ash, I wish I could "cure" you of this affliction with telling you how I overcame this struggle. But I understand that my walk is not yours, nor yours mine. What I share, though, I give to you as a hope that overcoming this struggle can be done. I don't know if you believe the Lord speaks through images in our head, like daydreams, or not but when I was younger and crying my eyes out, telling the Lord how I wanted to die, in my mind's eye I would see myself approaching the gates of Heaven after having killed myself, and I would see Jesus there crying His eyes out and asking me, "Why did you do that?" The idea that I would hurt Jesus if I killed myself touched a soft spot in my heart, for I don't like hurting anyone. But to believe that my killing myself would hurt the Lord? That He loved me that much that it would hurt Him? I couldn't do that to Him. So it was enough to counter those attacks - barely enough - but it was what I needed. I do not know where you are with the Lord, but I trust that deep down inside of you there is a love in your heart for Him. Do you want to know this love? He does love you, you know! It's been a few decades since then, and I've had lots of ups and downs and close calls with my suicide struggle. A lot of pain and hopelessness. It finally broke last November of December, though. I know my root problem was the pain of my childhood (there was a lot of pain) and the layers and years of further pain made it grow stronger. Granted, this is what my walk required, but my release came the night I submitted to the Lord's hand in my life and thanked Him for the pain - a thankfulness that I meant, not just "mouthed." I didn't like the pain any more than I did before, but it was a submission in my heart, a trust, that He brought me through that pain for a reason - the reasons given in Scripture about breaking pride, purifying me from m sin nature, stuff like that. In some aspects, I could see how it happened. So for the greater treasure of a purified life over the lesser treasure of happy memories, I thanked Him. And that's when the depression broke! I wasn't even looking for that to happen, it just did, though. Again, I know your walk isn't mine, and what I needed to accept in my life may not be what is binding you. But something is. It is Satan that wants to destroy you and destroy your faith. Satan is the only one who will gain from your killing yourself. You won't gain. I know it seems as if you will, but that's a lie, a cruel bewitching lie. Satan is the one telling you that the Lord is cruel. The Lord is not cruel; He is full of infinite mercy and grace. He suffered a horrible death on the cross to redeem you - and those you love. Do you think He would give up on you so easily after going through that? Let yourself cry on Him. Just let yourself cry when you are in pain and tell Him what you feel. Even if you are mad at Him - He's not insecure like lot of people who get angry at someone being mad at them. He can take the punches. I've had to learn this: He doesn't hold a sledge hammer waiting for you to sin so He can pound you over the head with it. Father is not like that. Jesus is not like that. Holy Spirit is not like that. I pray you find Him in your pain. Somehow, even when you are confused and hurt about His ways, finding yourself crying on His shoulder (so to speak) is the most comforting place to be. Blessings, peace and love to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ONE WHO WISHES TO LOVE GOD Posted May 22, 2007 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 8 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 191 Content Per Day: 0.03 Reputation: 8 Days Won: 0 Joined: 11/25/2005 Status: Offline Birthday: 09/25/1972 Share Posted May 22, 2007 Dearest Ash I am One who wish to love God, I understand you are in much pain of heart. See I to battle with much pain of heart on account friends and fammily in whom I care for and and in whom I love, and I to am affriad of what will happen if they do not turn to God. And like you it hurts me more than they could ever know, and yes I have also desiered to be released from the pains of living in this world... But I have found comfert in reminding myself certain scriptures, which I will share with you, and I hope they will bring you comfert also... Isaiah 41. 10 Do not be afraid for I am with you. Do not gaze about ( in fear ), for I am your God. I will fortify you and I will really help you. I will really keep fast hold of you with my right hand of Righteousness... 13 For I the LORD your God am grasping fast hold of your right hand, and saying to you; Do not be afraid, for I myself will really help you... And Revealtion 21. 3 - 5 And I heard a loud voice from the throne say: Look! The tent of God is with mankind, and he will reside with them, and they will be His peoples. And God will wipe out every tear from thier eyes, and death will be no more, neither will there be any mourning, nor outcry, nor pain. For all these things have passed away. And the one seated on the throne says to me, write these things down. Because these words are faithfull and true... Also remember Ash that we worship a God of Love, infact there is no greater example of what Love is, for in Him in dewells the fullness of what Love could ever be. And so his Son said to us if you love those loving you what reward do you have even the people of the nations do this but you must be like your heavenly Father who casuse the sun to shine on the righteous and unrighteous, and to rain on the good people and the wicked. Ash we all need peolpe that we can lean upon and a shoulder to cry upon, friends who can encourage us and who will love us. I wish I was around you to give you a big hug and to let you know you are not alone. So Ash return to your congergation and draw strenght from your spirtual fammily. Because that devil wants you not to go. And he wants us all to lose faith that God will help us. Dont give up Ash, just keep trusting your heavenly Father and His Most Beloved Son. Take Care Kid Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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