What's it all about?

[Northern lass]

I have been a Christian for many years. In my youth, as is usually the case, I had many dreams about serving God and finding my gifts and/or "ministry". I went on Operation Mobilisation and have also held various offices in church.

I gained a degree in languages from an English University.

Now I am approaching retirement and looking back on my life, there seems to be absolutely nothing to show for it and looking forward, nowhere to go. Because I put my family first, my languages degree was never used and I have never been in a job that fits my qualifications. Even putting my family first has not, it seems, yielded fruit as only 1 of my 3 children seems to honour and appreciate me. The other 2 seem to feel their upbringing was seriously lacking. None of them are serving the Lord.

I have been in a church for the last 5 years (having moved area) where those already doing something are the only ones who continue to do something! I have offered my services in eg. administration (in which I am trained) and not even had my offer acknowledged, never mind accepted. So I am now in the position, which as a young woman I vowed I never wanted to be - "a pew filler".

In the meantime family problems have been so intense that now I am not in a position to offer any help anywhere anyway. Even on these Boards I am really only a passive member.

I just feel that I am nearing the latter years of my life and have absolutely nothing to show for it, apart from surviving one long hard struggle. I say surviving, not being victorious. I don't know what "advice" I expect posting in here. Guess I just felt the need to unload.

[Guest lovinghim4ever]

I have been a Christian for many years. In my youth, as is usually the case, I had many dreams about serving God and finding my gifts and/or "ministry". I went on Operation Mobilisation and have also held various offices in church.

I gained a degree in languages from an English University.

Now I am approaching retirement and looking back on my life, there seems to be absolutely nothing to show for it and looking forward, nowhere to go. Because I put my family first, my languages degree was never used and I have never been in a job that fits my qualifications. Even putting my family first has not, it seems, yielded fruit as only 1 of my 3 children seems to honour and appreciate me. The other 2 seem to feel their upbringing was seriously lacking. None of them are serving the Lord.

I have been in a church for the last 5 years (having moved area) where those already doing something are the only ones who continue to do something! I have offered my services in eg. administration (in which I am trained) and not even had my offer acknowledged, never mind accepted. So I am now in the position, which as a young woman I vowed I never wanted to be - "a pew filler".

In the meantime family problems have been so intense that now I am not in a position to offer any help anywhere anyway. Even on these Boards I am really only a passive member.

I just feel that I am nearing the latter years of my life and have absolutely nothing to show for it, apart from surviving one long hard struggle. I say surviving, not being victorious. I don't know what "advice" I expect posting in here. Guess I just felt the need to unload.

Wow! Thank you for posting this.

I know exactly how you feel, because I sometimes feel the very same way.

What is my life (my purpose) really all about?

I have been so involved at church for so many years with so many dreams,

and now it seems those dreams are passing, my life is passing with them and I too am becoming a "pew filler."

I don't have children, but I do know what it's like to feel alone in a big family.

All my siblings have children of their own and not much time for me.

I too have gained a degree that I am not pursuing, so why did I get it?

I have more questions than I do answers, but HALLELUJAH! God has my back, and He has your back too.

I know it can be very difficult for us to hear that in our times of "just surviving."

However, it truly IS what keeps me going. I don't always understand, but I keep trusting God.

In my loneliest moments I have to remember that God has not abandoned me,

and I pray you will remember that as well. God has not abandoned you.

I apologize for the vagueness of my response. I'm really not sure how to respond.

But, I at least wanted to let you know that you are NOT alone.

Once again, thank you for posting this. It has helped me more than you know.

I am anxious to read the responses of others.

You are in my prayers.

[Scarletprayers]

I think sometimes, we may never know our purpose, because we look around us and see people doing things that are noticeable by everybody. But............the ears and the heart are also part of the body. Ears to listen to those that are hurting and need a shoulder, and the heart to give love and hope to others, hope about Jesus and about the problems of life. Because these things are usually done one on one, who knows them or sees them but the people we have helped? God knows, and I've decided thats enough for me!

[7thseal]

I have been a Christian for many years. In my youth, as is usually the case, I had many dreams about serving God and finding my gifts and/or "ministry". I went on Operation Mobilisation and have also held various offices in church.

I gained a degree in languages from an English University.

Now I am approaching retirement and looking back on my life, there seems to be absolutely nothing to show for it and looking forward, nowhere to go. Because I put my family first, my languages degree was never used and I have never been in a job that fits my qualifications. Even putting my family first has not, it seems, yielded fruit as only 1 of my 3 children seems to honour and appreciate me. The other 2 seem to feel their upbringing was seriously lacking. None of them are serving the Lord.

I have been in a church for the last 5 years (having moved area) where those already doing something are the only ones who continue to do something! I have offered my services in eg. administration (in which I am trained) and not even had my offer acknowledged, never mind accepted. So I am now in the position, which as a young woman I vowed I never wanted to be - "a pew filler".

In the meantime family problems have been so intense that now I am not in a position to offer any help anywhere anyway. Even on these Boards I am really only a passive member.

I just feel that I am nearing the latter years of my life and have absolutely nothing to show for it, apart from surviving one long hard struggle. I say surviving, not being victorious. I don't know what "advice" I expect posting in here. Guess I just felt the need to unload.

Matthew 22:37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.

39 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

40 On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.

Its really not about what we have to show for our achievements, but about God's love being shown through us. Have you asked Him where he wants you to be in this point in your life?

[kat8585]

I could have written this, except for the degree. I went thru pure H--- with my kids when they were younger, but now I have close relationships with both of them (tho not as close as I'd like). But neither of them serves the Lord, nor any of my grandkids. Lass, I know how lonely that is. I feel like a complete failure as a mother, and not just for this reason.

I feel like I don't fit anywhere, and never have. It's like all I'm doing is taking up space (way too much of it!). My (non)-life is useless and worthless. Besides this, I don't like myself, anything about myself. My best friends live far away, and I don't have anyone close around to do things with except family.

I've all but stopped going to church, as I seem to be invisible. Not one major prayer, that has eternal consequences, has been answered, in 35 years of praying. I have spiritual highs and lows, but the lows far outnumber the highs, and get lower. The highs are fewer and farther between, and don't get higher. I can't seem to get past a certain point spiritually, no matter what.

All of my greatest dreams are ones that the Bible says are God's will, but not one has come true. I feel like I'm asking too much of God for any of them any more.

[Northern lass]

I think sometimes, we may never know our purpose, because we look around us and see people doing things that are noticeable by everybody. But............the ears and the heart are also part of the body. Ears to listen to those that are hurting and need a shoulder, and the heart to give love and hope to others, hope about Jesus and about the problems of life. Because these things are usually done one on one, who knows them or sees them but the people we have helped? God knows, and I've decided thats enough for me!

Thanks Silent, I hadn't thought of that.

[Northern lass]

I could have written this, except for the degree. I went thru pure H--- with my kids when they were younger, but now I have close relationships with both of them (tho not as close as I'd like). But neither of them serves the Lord, nor any of my grandkids. Lass, I know how lonely that is. I feel like a complete failure as a mother, and not just for this reason.

I feel like I don't fit anywhere, and never have. It's like all I'm doing is taking up space (way too much of it!). My (non)-life is useless and worthless. Besides this, I don't like myself, anything about myself. My best friends live far away, and I don't have anyone close around to do things with except family.

I've all but stopped going to church, as I seem to be invisible. Not one major prayer, that has eternal consequences, has been answered, in 35 years of praying. I have spiritual highs and lows, but the lows far outnumber the highs, and get lower. The highs are fewer and farther between, and don't get higher. I can't seem to get past a certain point spiritually, no matter what.

All of my greatest dreams are ones that the Bible says are God's will, but not one has come true. I feel like I'm asking too much of God for any of them any more.

Kat thanks for your post. I am sorry you're struggling with some of this too. In all my difficulties I have never doubted God's faithfulness and I have OFTEN seen His answers to my prayers. It's just my part in it all that I'm questioning.

[fromthesouth]

hi northern,

i was reading your post and i suddenly remembered the verses God gave me in philippians when i was praying one time and seeking direction. it says, "in everything you do, do all for the Lord"...

i am a teacher by profession, i teach kids. im in a foreign country and have been attending this church. like you i have this desire to serve God in ministry as i used to do when i was in my country. i was part of the worship team and i sang in the church band. but at the moment, i dont know what my place is in the church i am now except as a pew filler, as you call it.

however, i know i dont have to be part of any minstry in church to serve God. in everything i do, i can do it all for the Lord...whether i teach kids, or do something for friends, or do some work at home.

an elder in church once told us, a street sweeper can sweep the streets in the same way michelangelo painted. it is said that michelangelo was a christian. a story goes that one time someone told him why he has to put so much detail in some parts of his work when no one can see. and michelangelo replied, "but God sees".

a pastor once told us that many people mistake serving God as having a place of ministry in church, but that is not always the case. each one has his or her own calling. there is much you can do for the Lord in all the everyday things...

but again, seek God

[Northern lass]

Hi From the South!

Thank you for your reply. I'm NOT seeking a ministry in the church. I thought for a long time that my "ministry" was to my family. However, despite my best efforts even that doesn't seem to have worked out. Hence the feeling of having got nowhere and going nowhere. I expect I'm just feeling a bit sorry for myself. But I'm feeling a bit as though I've lost my way too!

[Scarletprayers]

Hi From the South!

Thank you for your reply. I'm NOT seeking a ministry in the church. I thought for a long time that my "ministry" was to my family. However, despite my best efforts even that doesn't seem to have worked out. Hence the feeling of having got nowhere and going nowhere. I expect I'm just feeling a bit sorry for myself. But I'm feeling a bit as though I've lost my way too!

Honey, don't give up, sometimes it takes when they are older before the lessons from their youth comes back to them. It did for me, and now I seeing it working on my son!