I'm in a lot of pain.. I need support!

[Guest sethsev7n]

Alright, so I said I would share with you all what is happening in my life.. like I said I was going to put this in something other than the welcome forum seeing as that would be more appropriate, but I can't wait for my post count to go up and then share and look for support.. so that being said, I hope you don't mind.

Like I mentioned, I am struggling with a lot of emotional pain and have been for a couple weeks, and it involves my relationship with God and an absolutely wonderful girl. A bit over three years ago I starting dating this girl which I had known for quite awhile. We both took it very seriously, but I ended up breaking up with her because of "communication issues".. which wasn't the truth. She was spiritually motivated to have a relationship with God and I didn't care. I wanted to do what I wanted to do... I wanted to have complete control over my life.

Throughout the next two years we both actually grew closer.. we saw each other when we could, and were able to sort out all of the small problems we had, except I never had a desire to know God. I tried everything I could to ignore God and find someone else and forget her. I changed colleges. I took a year off and moved to the other side of the world. I slept around, hoping something would erase my love for her. Interestingly enough, I couldn't exactly put into words why I could not let her go the whole time. I thought eventually, I would meet someone new and that would easily solve the problem.

Well, God had a different plan... she started dating someone back around thanksgiving. At first, it hurt but wasn't devastating.. I guess because it didn't sink in. Finally it did, and emotionally I went downhill fast, until I had no idea what to do but reach out to God. I had a complete emotional and spiritual breakdown, and I believe God had to use an event like this to finally get my attention. This was only a few weeks ago, but I feel as if my life has completely changed. I long for a closer relationship with Him, and I hope that continues forever.

This all may sound great, but it still isn't. I realized that I cannot be in charge of my life.. God has to be. I have completely messed it up. Through this I've realized why I couldn't let go of her. She showed me what kind of person, through God, I needed to be. She is a beautiful, caring, and loving woman that I believe God put in my life, and I ignored God the whole time. The hardest parts I am dealing with now is the fact that the closer I come to the man I want to be, the more I feel that God wanted us to be together, and I, through my sinfulness, turned my back. I feel so much crushing weight from all the guilt I have for hurting her, which I did so many times without feeling.. I was numb. I feel so much regret, and such emptiness because of what I now realize I have lost. I am doing everything I can to reach out for support around me. I've found new Christian friends who care about me, I've shared this with my family (whom I never share my emotions with.. that was a big step), and I've reached out to pastors that know me and a counselor here at school.

So as you can see, my life has been turned completely on its head. I pray so hard to God to give me strength. I believe in his perfect will for my life and do I ever want to follow it! However, I am having such a hard time having joyfulness in hope. I still have hope, and I even pray for, that it is God's will that we both get back together, under his timing. Even if we don't, I know he has someone amazing for me, more than I could ever ask for. Even though all of that is great, it still doesn't replace the crushing pain of how much I miss her, and how much I know I have done wrong. This is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with.. its changing my life. Please, I need your prayers for me, and advice won't hurt either. Thank you..

[Trusting Jesus]

The good news is that God is dealing with you and is helping you grow. You are being convicted of things that you need to change in your life. First let me ask if you have surrendered to Jesus? Assuming you have, your need to remember that whatever you have done in the past is forgiven. If you have repented - turned away from your sins - you are forgiven. It sounds to me as if you have. Now, it's time for you to let go of it. Satan will put it into your mind that you are a dirty rotten scoundral for what you did. This is his lie and he wants to make you feel condemned. But Jesus has forgiven you, now you need to forgive yourself. If God leads you back to this young lady, you will be the man God had in mind for her. If He leads you to someone else, you will be the man God has in mind for her. Either way, let it be by God's will.

Study your Bible - really study it. Fill your mind with Scripture and your heart with Jesus.

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Nathele

Heavenly Father,

Please soothe the hurting heart of this man. Show him how to forgive himself, because through Jesus, You have forgiven him. Lead him the way that You want him to go. Give him peace in his spirit and help him know You better and serve You with all his heart.

In Christ's name I pray

Amen

[PamD]

God has a way of getting through to us.

I am praying here.

[O'Dannyboy]

I had a complete emotional and spiritual breakdown, and I believe God had to use an event like this to finally get my attention.

The same thing happened to me. I was not happy with who I had become and where my life was headed.

I long for a closer relationship with Him, and I hope that continues forever.

Amen!

I feel so much regret, and such emptiness because of what I now realize I have lost

I had a similar thing happen to me when I was saved as well. I liked a girl, I wasn't in love with her, and when I became saved I thought there was finally a chance for us. So, I went to visit her only to find her daiting someone else. I wasn't hurt but I did feel a sense of loss. As you pointed out for some of us it requires letting us find out for ourselves how truly empty life is without him. Consider this, imagine how God feels when just one of his children, not only ignores, but rejects him and spurns his love for them. That sense of separation you feel for the girl you love is every bit as painful, if not moreso for our Father in Heaven. Consider how Jesus fealt as he carried the cross while the crowd spat and cursed him. Just look around at how many people return his love.

There is a quote. "If you truly love something then let it go. If it comes back to you it's your to love forever and if it doesn't it was never yours."

This is true from almost eny perspective. This is what God did with us don't you think? He let us go by giving us free will. Those who chose him are his forever and those who don't weren't meant to. Your relationship with the girl you love is similar. Perhaps for your sake and hers you should let her go. If she comes back to you then she is yours forever. I wouldn't rush it or spend endless hours contemplating it. Put your focuss on God and the rest of your life will fall in place as it was meant to be.

[shanee]

praying...but ether way God will send you something good i think

[ladypeartree]

welcome to worthy ......you will meet a lot of people with similar experiences and most will tell you you have been forgiven but you still have to deal with the consequence of sin. This being said I pray that you always remember the way you feel right now ( without the pure pain of it ) and let it keep you close to God seeking HIS way rather than your own. If you want or need to dwell on the " might have beens" then dwell on what would have happened to you for eternity if you had not learned this lesson and rejoice that you have been given eternal life

God will help you to move on and if you continue to seek Him He will provide that which is perfect for you

[Bubba4J]

[Guest sethsev7n]

A big thanks to everyone... its really an up and down struggle of emotions, and I really appreciate your prayers and support.

[EricH]

Moved from Worthy Welcome to Looking for Advise