grace222 Posted March 12, 2008 Group: Junior Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 29 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 99 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 12 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/17/2007 Status: Offline Share Posted March 12, 2008 (edited) My husband and I are involved in prison sponsorship. We have sponsored a inmate from a prison and he spends weekend leave with us sometimes. It's a way of introducing him slowly back into the community and gives him a break from the prison walls! We have been doing this for nearly a year now. OK I will admit it hasn't been easy, but it's been a blessing too. We really like him and we are so happy that he is a christian. There were a few issues that we had to deal with in the beginning, when he was wanting his friends to come over to our place. We had to end up entertaining other people! So, we had to set some boundaries and put a stop to it! He still has to plan his weekend and give the prison some idea of his weekend plans. He is allowed a maximum of 3 hours out of the house! It's ok except that he plans the weekend how he wants it to be and what church he wants to go to! Ok. We have gone his way most of the time (out of love). Sometimes the hard part is not having him here - but the drive, which is a 3 hour drive from our place. So my husband comes home from work and we drive up to get him. For the past few times that we have had him here, he has wanted to go to his local church(which is near the prison itself). So, we have to get up extremely early Sunday mornings for the 3 hour drive. The service goes for about 2 hours or so. Then we drive him back to the prison and then home. It's a very draining weekend allround, because of that early start!! Now. the problem. My husband and I are very tired - especially my husband (who is a full-time truck driver). We have both not been very well, have had the flu just this week. I am also battling anemia and thyroid problems. We told our friend that, while we can continue to sponsor him we have to make a few changes now and then - he gets very upset. We told him we didn't want to take him to his local church, but have church here, where we are purely because of the long drive and very early start in the morning. He says he dosn't know if he can change his plans. Please don't think we don't like sponsoring him or having him here, it's just that we have to always do what he wants to do, otherwise he gets a bit of a grumpy attitude. Are we being unreasonable in feeling this way? Is this not doing God's will? Are our hearts selfish? Is it a matter of just continuing to give out of love and struggle at the same time? thanks. Edited March 12, 2008 by grace222 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ddavid from NC Posted March 12, 2008 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 196 Topics Per Day: 0.03 Content Count: 1,343 Content Per Day: 0.23 Reputation: 12 Days Won: 1 Joined: 01/15/2008 Status: Offline Birthday: 12/03/1964 Share Posted March 12, 2008 Take care of those in your household first. Part of his rehabilitation is to submit to the needs and concerns of others and the authority structure in the home. Never lose sight of this, or you will be sacrificing from sympathy and not loving with wisdom. Remember one word, boundaries. You and your husband define the boundaries and enforce them Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grace222 Posted March 12, 2008 Group: Junior Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 29 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 99 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 12 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/17/2007 Status: Offline Author Share Posted March 12, 2008 Thanks David - I take this as Godly wisdom and Godly advice, thanks for reminding us of this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LadyC Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 i agree with ddavid. caving in to this young man's demands is not beneficial to anyone... including himself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chin Posted March 12, 2008 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 7 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 166 Content Per Day: 0.03 Reputation: 4 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/14/2007 Status: Offline Birthday: 03/08/1950 Share Posted March 12, 2008 tough love is the only love, imo. jim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patricia1 Posted March 12, 2008 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 44 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 1,858 Content Per Day: 0.30 Reputation: 9 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/24/2007 Status: Offline Birthday: 05/23/1957 Share Posted March 12, 2008 definitely agree with David. Don't let the love and compassion you have get stomped on. He should have a heart more of gratitude. He is thinking of himself which happens to most who are stuck in the prison system. Do not be manipulated nor feel guilty at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Afal Posted March 12, 2008 Group: Royal Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 60 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 2,249 Content Per Day: 0.36 Reputation: 3 Days Won: 0 Joined: 06/12/2007 Status: Offline Share Posted March 12, 2008 Yep! I am another one agreeing with David! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richard_yaash Posted March 12, 2008 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 4 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 940 Content Per Day: 0.16 Reputation: 1 Days Won: 0 Joined: 01/10/2008 Status: Offline Share Posted March 12, 2008 Well spoken Ddavid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarletprayers Posted March 12, 2008 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 135 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 7,537 Content Per Day: 1.08 Reputation: 157 Days Won: 2 Joined: 04/06/2005 Status: Offline Birthday: 09/29/1956 Share Posted March 12, 2008 While I agree with Ddavid and the others, please keep in mind that he is coming from an environment where every minute of every day is controlled by others. That must make it hard to have a few days "outside" to once again be controlled by others! But, learning patience and submission to authority and consideration of others will profit him more in the long run than having everything his way! Bless you and your husband in your ministry! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trusting Jesus Posted March 12, 2008 Group: Royal Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 66 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 2,050 Content Per Day: 0.34 Reputation: 22 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/12/2007 Status: Offline Birthday: 09/09/1952 Share Posted March 12, 2008 I agree with what has been said. It must be nice for him to be out of prison for a short while and be able to make decisions, but life on the "outside" isn't dictating to others, but co-operating. Maybe that's a lesson he needs to learn. Do you get him every weekend? This seems like a wonderful ministry you have with him, but one that takes a big toll from you. How much longer before he is out of prison? <>< ><> Nathele Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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