I struggle with fear

[stormy612]

Thank you so much everyone for your loving encouragement and guidance. I'm reading everything I've been given, and of course, praying.

I'm trying to understand fear. I've heard people say that real courage is being afraid, but doing it anyways. God knows I'm afraid, and He knows better than I, why. Fear is pretty important to Him because He tells His people to not be afraid and is always reminding us that He is with us. And I think the verse in 1 John tells me how to conquer it- how to do it afraid anyways. When I am so focused on loving people, fear vanishes completely. I'm usually very surprised, too. So, I'd like for love to be my constant companion, not fear.

What is bothering me is that last bit-"But he who fears has not been made perfect in love." I'm kind of a people watcher, and there are people out there who are so social and so unafraid-moms in PTA, dads who coach various sports, people who work in homeless shelters, those who go into the most dangerous places to help those on drugs, missionaries who willing suffer alongside other Christians who are persecuted daily for their faith...so many people doing such wonderful things for God, people who face fear everyday but it doesn't debilitate them. And I want so much to be one of them. I don't have a 'thorn' of fear, I've got a whole bush surrounding me. I obviously haven't been made perfect in love yet, because I am always afraid.

There is a root to it somewhere in me. I'm trying to find it so I can dig it out. These verses are the key, especially 1 John. I want to know what it is in me that Satan is using against me. Once I find this out, then I can really fight Him.

[stormy612]

Found another verse!

Revelation 21:8-But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.

What if this isn't a thorn! What if this is willful sin! I mean, it would have to be right? Fear hasn't been given me to keep me humble! I either do it (go amongst people), or I chose to follow fear and stay here.

But I hurt people when I go amongst them! I say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing, I rub them the wrong way, I don't have what they need...I've been handed every reason in the book. I even hurt someone on a post and he just about tossed his faith away! I didn't mean to. I didn't want to. Even when I'm trying to love people, I HURT THEM! God will hold me accountable for this one.

Yes, I'm afraid of people hurting me, but I am also afraid of hurting them! I'M AFRAID! and look at what happens to those who are fearful!

[Guest man]

Yes, I'm afraid of people hurting me,

Do you mean hurting you physically?

[stormy612]

Yes, and hurting me emotionally-a.k.a. betraying me, mocking me, lying, etc.

[Guest man]

Yes, and hurting me emotionally-a.k.a. betraying me, mocking me, lying, etc.

Let's talk about this physical hurting.

Why do you believe people want to physically hurt you?

[stormy612]

Because of the nature of sin in mankind. I use to believe that if I was a good person, kind, loving, gentle, then people would have no reason to hurt me in any way. If I stayed away from things that stirred up anger in a person, they wouldn't get angry at me and lash out.

My husband molesting my daughter taught me that no amount of that can turn away the sin in the world. Only God can, and even He allows trials for the strengthing of my faith and the faith of others. I can no longer believe that just because I follow the will of God, I will not be harmed physically. On top of that, Jesus makes it very clear that we will suffer because we love and follow Him and some of that suffering is in physical form.

When I was very little, at night (and during the day), I would over hear my parents beating each other up. I remember distinctly the heartbreak I felt. I would get up and silently head down the hall to the living room, then I would crouch outside the door in the dark. I would listen and cry. Part of me wanted to go in and bring peace, but part of me knew going in would make things worse. My older sister would find me in the hall, then go barging in to make them stop. I'd seen her do it enough times to know what would happen if I walked in. My purpose, my desire, was peace, but the result, no matter the intention, was violence and anger. It's been the same throughout my life. I reach out to comfort, to heal, and I pay for it. I guess you could say that I'm still that little girl hiding behind the door of the world, wanting so much to bring peace, but knowing the violent retaliation. So, I created a fantasy world sort of. And in this world, I could protect myself from harm if I was a good person-it was a mental bubble of safety.

God has not hid His truth from me. He burst my 'safe' bubble and now I'm having to look at the state of the world AS IT IS, not as I wish it would be. I can no longer pretend to myself that what harm there is in the world will not touch me. I am not of this world, but I am in it.

[Guest man]

So, I created a fantasy world sort of. And in this world, I could protect myself from harm if I was a good person-it was a mental bubble of safety.

God has not hid His truth from me. He burst my 'safe' bubble and now I'm having to look at the state of the world AS IT IS, not as I wish it would be. I can no longer pretend to myself that what harm there is in the world will not touch me. I am not of this world, but I am in it.

Please do not take this as being mean spirited, but.........

God may have burst your bubble, but you're still living in that fantasy world. Only now, everything has turned ugly and cold.

Your fears that everyone is out to hurt you is all in your head. You let the act of one person, your husband, claim victory over you. You should not let what he did crush your spirit.

The devil gave you some rope and you tied yourself to a whipping post, and as crazy as this sounds, you're whipping yourself. You've created a world that is so ugly and heartless that it is impossible to live in. A world where everyone is out to get you.

The devil is leading you around by the nose and you're letting him. Those fears you have is not a thorn. They are lies that the devil whispers in your ear whenever you take your eyes off the Lord.

All those verses you're reading regarding fear is the devil telling you, you have no hope. You're looking at the negative side of those verses when you should be concentrating on the positive. The Word of God is there to give you hope and inspiration, not fear. The only fear you should have, is a fear of the Lord. And that "stormy", is a good fear.

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge.

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.

Just because we live in this world, doesn't mean we have to be a part of it. We should not fear what the world can do to us, because in the end, the only thing that will matter is God's opinion of who we are.

The Lord is able and willing to heal you, all you have to do is let Him. He stands at the door and waits. All you need to do is go over and open it.

[stormy612]

I don't take it as mean spirited, man. I can see where your coming from too. I already went through that with God-moving from one view of the world to the other. He said I needed balance in my view and I was moving from one extreme to the other. He gave me the verse about concentrating on those things that are good and pure. And when I get caught up or overwhelmed with fear, I capture those thoughts, bind them, and return to His strong tower where there is His light, His goodness, and His purity.

This may sound silly, but this is how He rescued me one night when I was fighting my anger (when He revealed to me the meaning of those verses). I got in a fight with my step-mom. I won't bother with that now. Suffice it to say, it was real battle for me to control myself and handle myself as God wanted me too. Sitting on my bed, begging God to help me, He started giving me pictures of chocolate chips cookies, beautiful trees, cute baby animals, things like that. He then said to me, "Even though you are enraged right now, I am. I am always here; My goodness is always here to run to. You can choose to stay here in rage, or choose to come to My strong tower and celebrate with joy all the good I am." I started thinking about all the kids who were enjoying chocolate chip cookies right then, moms giving birth to babies with joy like I felt, babies who discover they can really walk now, all the joys of the Lord...yes, I was angry and hurting, but joy was still abounding in the world. It was such a relief! And I felt the peace that passes all understanding. Coming to His tower did NOT make my anger or her anger a fantasy. That was real. But His peace DID offer me the chance to calm down and think straight about the situation so I could do His will.

My fears are very real. Paul was beheaded, Peter was crucified upside down (at least that is what I heard), and Jesus was crucified. Women are being kidnapped, raped, tortured, and murdered. Kids are being molested horribly, people do lie, they do manipulate and take advantage of people. I have been pinned down by a guy and told me he was going to kill me. This world belongs to Satan. And God is sovereign. Job lost everything, including His health because God let Satan do it. Shadrach, Meshach(sp?), and Abendego went into the fire not knowing if God would save them. They knew He could save them, and they trusted and honored God no matter what.

What I don't want is to go before Jesus thinking I'm a sheep, when I'm really a fearful goat. I want to have that strong faith of Jesus, Paul, Peter, and all the rest-even those who die for Christ today. Since perfect love casts out fear, it's obvious I don't have perfect love. That is NOT okay with me.

(If I sound angry, forgive me. I'm angry at myself. Loving God and being afraid at the same time feels like I'm slapping Him in the face.)

[shepherdsgrace]

I guess I just don't feel safe. I've never felt safe. I feel safe when I read the bible, when I pray- when I'm alone with God. But when I have to walk out the door...I feel vulnerable, targeted, and in danger. I feel the same way when I meet people either in groups or one on one. I feel this way even with people I've known for a little while. It's worse now because the people in my past that I did start to trust betrayed me deeply.

Six years ago, when my husband was arrested for molesting my daughter, I was interrogated too because they thought I had known about it. That has, so far, been the worst terror I've ever been through. Something in me died because of it. I use to just be afraid, but now...all I can say is that I couldn't handle anything like that again. Just thinking about it...I'm sorry.

But I will go through something like it again, and worse. I've been called as a warrior for Christ. And I want to be a strong warrior too. If I don't figure out these verses, I won't be any use to God.

I am so sorry about what happened to you and your daughter. Things such as what you have been through effect us deeply. God's healing touch will deliver you more and more as time goes by and you experience his faithfulness.

But dear Sister, you do not have to figure out those verses. The Word is not a mental exercise. As you meditate and think and ponder on the Word, the Holy Spirit will make it real to you. It is up to Him to enliven the Word and make it produce fruit in you. All you have to do is read it, believe it, and pray over it. Tell the LORD you want to be this person who lives in love and not fear and that you are depending upon Him and not yourself. God has provided CHRIST to be your very life. Christ will live his love through you.

And remember that David himself said, "When I am afraid"..........

As you "feel" fear wanting to overwhelm you, simply pray to your LORD in your heart. Tell him you are trusting in him NO MATTER how you feel. That is all you have to do. Then just go on. Watch him come through for you.

Life is not easy. But I can tell you that every time you move on, even though you fear, and decide to deliberately trust in the LORD,no matter the emotions involved, that you are being pleasing in God's sight.

And what else do we want but to please the LORD?

Thinking of you. Many blessings......

[-Nolongerinwaiting-]

((((((((Stormy)))))))) Praying for you.