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  1. Thank you, I keep praying reading God's word but I think I'm letting all this fear get in the way even though I truly do trust God with all of this. This fear that he will stop chemo has really been something I just don't know what to think and I keep praying and praying and reading God's word for comfort. I know this is in God's hands. It does help to go back and read all of the comments on here.
  2. Thank you I really appreciate the encouragement and the stories. I think what I am struggling with the most right now is him saying he is going to stop chemo, I mean I don't know if I'm being selfish by saying that would be a stupid decision or not. I mean he has a very good prognosis, even with his being stage 3 colon cancer it can be cured, I know that that is not always the case but I just feel he is giving up and I honestly don't know how to deal with that. I keep praying for wisdom, strength and I just feel lost with this
  3. Thank you! I do encourage him constantly and I know that being his wife I am going to hear his emotions more than anyone else, it just hurts to hear him say those things. I know that it is nothing to do with me but when you are sick constantly 2 full weeks out of a month and feeling only ok the other 2 I see how he must feel. I just honestly don't know if he will give up on it or not and take the chance. I don't know what I will do if he does, how we would tell our kids all of that goes through my mind. I am praying for words of wisdom to speak to him. Thank you for the story.
  4. I really appreciate everyone's encouraging words. I need it every single day. I come back and reread when I'm really feeling alone, stressed and scared. Husband just had his 3rd round of chemo and he is really struggling with it. I know he feels awful and I know I truly don't know how he feels just know by what others say about it and I know it's bad. Lately my fear is that he will not finish chemo, he keeps saying he doesn't want to do it anymore. Am I wrong to be angry with him having those thoughts? I mean it can be life or death, he just keeps saying he's so tired of feeling sick all the time and doesn't think he can make it the whole six months. He also says there is no guarantee that it wont come back even with chemo but I keep explaining he has a better chance but he's right we don't know. I'm so afraid if he chooses to stop. Praying a lot but I don't really know what is appropriate to pray for, him to make the best decision for him self? pray he will keep doing chemo? thanks again for all the encouraging words.
  5. I tried posting in the prayer forum but I never saw my prayer there, but saw it under my profile. I'll try it again.
  6. Thank you, great story! I do have a question for anyone. So I always tell my husband I am praying for him and he doesn't usually say anything, which is actually a good thing. However, when things get bad, for instance when he got the cancer diagnosis and then the diagnosis got worse going from stage 2 to stage 3 he told me that prayer doesn't work, and said he didn't want anyone to pray for him anymore (I do not think he really meant it but he was scared at that moment) and that he prayed for his mom and dad yet they both still died. I have a hard time knowing what to say in these times. I mean I see to him how he thinks prayer isn't working but I explained to him when his mom passed away, she was not a believer but when you brought the pastor in to sit with her those weeks she was sick she came to know the Lord, I said maybe at another time she wouldn't have. He never really said anything other than he wants to believe in God but is having a hard time. I just don't ever know what to say in those times. I always pray for the Lord to give me the words to speak and wisdom but I am still learning so much.
  7. Thank you I really appreciate everyone responding and with encouragement. Jubilea you are absolutely right, I know that when he sees my fear and anxiety he's not seeing Christ. If I cry with him or just have a crying episode does that make me look weak to him? Does that make it seem I'm not trusting God to my husband? I am trying so hard every day to give it to Him. Thanks everyone
  8. Helllo, I needed to come back for some encouragement so I was rereading the replies. These past couple of weeks have been very up and down. He has good days then a couple really bad days, mostly from chemo and just adjusting to other things from his surgery. I keep praying and praying and giving this to God and I want to I know He is the only one who can deliver me from my fears and anxieties but I still seem to always be so afraid and full of anxiety. I sit with the Lord and cry out to him, I just feel like I'm doing something wrong. I know in my heart God has control of this and I can't fix anything but here every day I struggle with actually doing this. It is so hard on those difficult days he has how he feels like he's a hostage to his own home and can't even go anywhere and how he gets angry, i'm not used to that it scares me, I don't know how to react. I know he's hurting and hates what he is going through and I'm sure others have felt like giving up but I just don't know how to react it hurts, I pray. thanks for listening
  9. I really appreciate the encouragement. Lately I feel like I just don't know how much more I can take. I'm trying to remain faithful and trust the Lord but when my husband is getting more angry and down about everything makes it so hard. He is literally starting to give up hope that anything will ever get better. I try to be encouraging but he thinks I'm only saying it. I do research after research to try and find things to help his symptoms he is having. I just don't know what to do, I keep praying and know God is here working even though I can't see it but it doesn't seem to make the day to day any easier. My anxiety is so bad lately. I feel like I'm doing things wrong. Please pray for us.
  10. Thank you everyone. It is so hard to go through this when your spouse is not a believer, or maybe he is but is really struggling with believing why God would do this. He told me that he wants to believe in God but when he has prayed it has always ended up bad, a few of those times have been when his mother was ill then died, when his father was ill and died, his medical issues but they keep getting worse. He has simply lost faith. In my times of weakness because this is so hard, hearing him be so negative and saying he doesn't even want to be here anymore are difficult things to hear and I feel like he sees my weakness more than my trust in God. Things I have done to remain positive,Lots of prayer, I have been in the word a lot, reading versus that mean a lot to me during this time. Outside of that talking with friends although a couple of them are not Christians but I do have a couple that are. I have family that are Christians but my husband does not like them knowing a lot about his issues because my mother tells the world the moment she finds out anything and my husband is a very private person. We have asked her not to only to find that she "slipped" and right now having them constantly bringing up God has been a touchy subject recently so it makes it difficult for me to talk with them. I keep praying and giving it to God but I can't seem to get rid of all of the anxiety feelings I have.
  11. I appreciate all of the replies and advise. I am trying so hard to focus on God during the times he is so negative. I understand his fear, wondering if the cancer will come back, whether his nerve issues will get better, I totally understand how he must be feeling, he feels like his life is over that he will live in fear forever. I am trying so hard to trust God, but I have been getting so filled with anxiety and stress that my stomach always is in knots. What am I doing wrong, I pray I give it to God, I read his word but the moment my husband is down and crying and angry I seem so weak. Please pray for us. I did add a prayer request but for some reason I don't see it in the prayer requests so not sure what I did wrong. Thank you
  12. Thank you everyone for all of you kind words and encouragement. It has been difficult for sure and right now it seems there is no light at the end of the tunnel yet as more issues keep coming up. I do talk to him about his doubts about God and who he is and why these things happen and he listens but then it starts all over again but he did watch the move "left behind" last week with me and he seemed interested in it and hasn't really said much in the way of doubting God. I feel like I have let my own fear get in the way where it seems I'm not trusting God but sometimes it is very hard to not let that show.
  13. My husband I'm not really sure is a believer, if he is he lacks faith and questions who and why God does the things he does, he is very angry with God for a lot of different things. He has had a lot of health issues over the last 25 years. Most recent he was diagnosed with colon cancer but it doesn't stop there, he developed something now with his nerves and he's been dealing with a lot of nausea. He is becoming so depressed and angry and just says he's tired of being here. I am very supportive, I love him and I do trust God but I do find myself in constant worry, fear I don't know if it's because they can't figure out some of the things wrong with him and I worry about his state of mind as we keep going to doctor and doctor and the frustration or if it's me lacking trust. It is so hard to remain strong and supportive and encouraging when he is none of that. How do I keep strong and remain positive when he is so negative and filled with anger and puts my belief in God down all the time?
  14. Thank you for sharing this with me. I appreciate all the encouragement and prayers Thank you for praying for us! I have really no one to talk to here.
  15. Thank you mlbrokish, yes that is something I have feared as well. I only rededicated my life to the Lord about 4 years ago now and since then he just puts it down, it's hard to explain things when he has had so many health issues, he lost both his parents we have been going through something with our son and all he says is why would a God do this how is this love ect. I keep remembering God loves him more than I do. Thank you for reminding me of this verse. I need it. I also don't know what to do with my job and going to appointments, I own my own business and closing any day is a hardship on a lot of people and jeopradize their jobs as well. I know that I will have to close for a major surgery but I really need to pray about what to do as this could be a financial hardship if I lose all my clients. Thank you for the prayers
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