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worriedwife69

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  1. Thank you for sharing this with me. I appreciate all the encouragement and prayers Thank you for praying for us! I have really no one to talk to here.
  2. Thank you mlbrokish, yes that is something I have feared as well. I only rededicated my life to the Lord about 4 years ago now and since then he just puts it down, it's hard to explain things when he has had so many health issues, he lost both his parents we have been going through something with our son and all he says is why would a God do this how is this love ect. I keep remembering God loves him more than I do. Thank you for reminding me of this verse. I need it. I also don't know what to do with my job and going to appointments, I own my own business and closing any day is a hardship on a lot of people and jeopradize their jobs as well. I know that I will have to close for a major surgery but I really need to pray about what to do as this could be a financial hardship if I lose all my clients. Thank you for the prayers
  3. Thank you so much! I just don't know how or what to say to him about Jesus, I want him to know I'm praying for him but I know that the moment I do he will just throw it back at me with why would God to all this to me and it goes on and on, we've been down this road before with other health issues he's had. I just never know what to say anymore because he just gets so angry about it. Please pray that God will open those doors for me. I feel so alone right now, he doesn't want anyone to know as of yet, I understand that but I just feel so sick inside.
  4. My husband just found out today that he has a cancerous polyp. He is being sent to multiple different places over the next couple of weeks to see if this has spread or not. fine. Please pray that the cancer has not spread and that they will just need to go in and remove it and that he will recover quickly. We are both scared and my husband does not share my faith, he is so angry at God for all of the medical problems he has endured over the years. Please pray for me to keep strong in my faith and that God will open doors for me to talk to him and know what to say to him because even if I say I'm praying for you he will just throw it back at me. Thank you
  5. I need prayers with a job career change decision. I have owned my own business for about 20 yrs and lately have been thinking about closing and changing careers. I have an interview tomorrow somewhere I am very interested in but am so confused on what I should do. Please pray the Lord will lead me in what to do. thank you
  6. Wow thank you so much for all of your support and advice, I look so forward to reading this each day as it really brings things to me that I can't see on my own. Marilyn I would love to talk on a more personal level, that would be nice. I see what you are saying about how the devil can work up schemes and every time I feel anxious and angered by all his increased sharing of research to her I pray, I do feel most of the time it being lifted from my shoulders but then sometimes in the back of my mind I get that anxious feeling of, he is in business working on bikes (not sure if you knew that) he works on many many bikes, that's part of his work, that's why it's hard for me to see why he would continue to "help" her when it was free, I work from home as well and I can't see me just "helping" someone out for free. I mean from the beginning she really wanted to "help" so she could learn and i see how he was just assisting to show her but then it wasn't just a quick thing either that's what bothers me. I know that when he does other jobs he will allow someone to help him when someone wants to learn and depending on the amount of work they do or who they are he will cut his price. I don't know I just can't help but keep from analzing the situation so I just keep praying. Thank you willa for sharing your husbands salvation story, what an answer to prayer boy do I keep praying but I have faith that he will some day. My husbands heart is so hardened towards God it makes it so hard, I need a miracle and God can do just that. I actually keep praying for my kids as well, they both are saved but neither are really walking with the Lord and we have a whole other story with our son that has put tremendous stress on our family and marriage. About the dirt bike riding he knows he can get hurt and he has thankfully nothing too serious but he injured his knee (not dirt bike riding) and all he kept asking me was why would God allow this, why didn't he stop me from hurting my knee, what am I now suppose to "praise" him because my knee is hurt? or he'll say things like so we praise God when good things happen and it's satans fault when bad things happen? It's difficult to hear these things and hard for me at times to always know how to respond as I'm still learning so much but I think I've been doing pretty good. Right after his knee surgery he was still a little out of it he said, so I suppose you prayed today while I was in surgery? I said well yes of course I did and he replied I'm just trying to understand. I kept thinking wow did he have some revelation while under anesthesia, why would he randomly ask something like that, and he was so calm about it, but he hasn't said a word since. Thanks again for all the wonderful Godly advise
  7. Thank you Marilyn, I appreciate you thinking about me and my situation. Your advise is so incredibly helpful to me. I've been thinking a lot about what you said in your last post. I can't believe these issues are here after 28 yrs of marriage. I know these issues have always been there though it's one of those things that I have never dealt with an raising kids I think things just are different and then here our kids are grown it's the two of us again and it's different yet again after so many years. You are absolutely right that pretty much all of our years together have revolved around each other. I rarely ever did anything with a girlfriend as we always did everything as a couple. We had a sport we did together from our dating years up until around 1998 that's when he got into the dirt bike riding which at the time I couldn't even think about joining in with him as our kids were very young. He would go out both weekend days leaving me home alone with the kids, I started to resent it then which I was not seeking the Lord at this time but I felt I was raising our kids alone, I'm the one that took them to the zoo, the park, or whatever, he rarely did these things. It came about when our daughter was about 5 or 6 when she started asking why daddy doesn't go and do these things. It hurt so much to hear those words from her. Although she is VERY close to him now and she's almost 26. I just kept thinking well least he's dirt bike riding and not out partying, or drinking I tried to justify it, but the resentment did build. Then our kids got old enough where they could ride so we all took up the hobby, went camping we would do our "family" rides and he would do his guy rides, I did not love either of these things although I didn't hate it either it was a fun family thing. Then things changed again, our daughter married and we sold our trailer and my husband cut back to riding one day a week if that. He really enjoyed me going with him (I think because he didn't really have anyone else to ride with anymore) but I went and enjoyed our time together. That's when last year he met these other riders and he just got all pumped up about riding all over again and now that's all he talks about. He wont be able to ride for a year because of his knee surgery and that's all I hear. Here we are today and I do feel lost, I don't have many friends that I can really call and do anything with, I don't have really any hobbies away from home, I do crafting and stuff, but when I'm here he acts like he doesn't like if I"m doing something else when he's here not doing anything. Same as when I go to church, he says I'm taking time away from him, yet he can leave all day dirt bike riding and he doesn't see the difference, although when I do hang out with my daughter or someone else (on that rare occasion) he's fine with it so I think the church issue is because he doesn't understand it doesn't like it and it's new to him me going. But I do know I need to find something I can engage in I have interests but they would be things with my kids, hiking I love going to the beach (my husband doesn't like to do these things) although beach isn't really a hobby lol. I just still am having such a difficult time with all of this, I pray and pray and keep asking God to help me through this and I feel fine for awhile UNTIL he messages her again. Last night he excitedly told me that he messaged her to see how her bike did over the weekend, he said I think I got her bike jetted right, I said oh that's good, he continued to tell me their conversation (I hadn't seen it as I don't go on facebook too often), I asked if he was done with all of it and he said, I think so for now anyways, I asked oh what do you mean? (and I wasn't asking in any concerning way just in the conversation calmly, nicely curiously), he said I guess until she has further questions. I said oh I see. Then I asked him again which maybe I shouldn't have but it again was calmly and no arguing but said I guess I still don't understand why you have taken such an interest in helping this particular woman and for free? I said I have never known you to go through such great lengths and for free to just keep helping someone? he said well it just makes me feel good to know that I can help someone out, I said but you have plenty of other people that consult you and you don't do this much research and for free, all he could come up with was one guy recently he helped out. So I don't know if he feels helpful just because maybe he figures a guy could figure it out on his own where he feels a female wouldn't know what to do? I don't know. But again he sent MORE information after all of this. I didn't say anything but I just have this feeling this woman will be here a lot with him just doing all this work on her bike for free and with her, plus maybe even riding with her in their group. I don't know. I did ask why her boyfriend doesn't help her out because I said he has a bike and works on it, I said it seems like it would be the same as if I said ok I know you are a mechanic (which he is) but I said I want Bob to help me and show me how to do this on my car, he said ok that would be fine (which I doubt ) but anyways he claims he isn't very good mechanically even with his own bike, he tries but has blown things up. Boy I just need to keep praying and pressing closer to God through all of this.
  8. Thank you, can you also pray for me about my anger and resentment with his dirt bike riding in general? Although I go with him from time to time, he literally makes me feel like he doesn't even like spending time with me like its more of a duty. No conversation can never be without dirt bike riding coming up, all he talks about is how he wants to go. We have a vacation planned next month and not once has he said, I can't wait to go, or it will be fun nothing just when are we going again? So please pray for me with this too as it has really been building up lately inside the hurt I feel.
  9. Thank you so much for sharing your husbands words of wisdom. I agree that these are my issues, please pray for me to work through these things and to not hold anger, bitterness and resentment in my heart towards him because of his lack of understanding my feelings on things, that is a really hard one for me so please pray for me. I have the attitude, well if's he's not going to care then why should I, or if he's not going to enjoy things I like then why enjoy things and be happy about things he likes. So yes I need to work on this and just show him Christ through me because I do know that I am not doing this right now and his salvation is very important to me. Thanks again everyone for walking and seeing me through this, I don't have anyone to talk to about this so it's very helpful to have others in Christ help me through and pray for me.
  10. Thank you Marilyn for sharing with me. I know that's my husband personality and he enjoys helping people with something that is his passion and maybe that's where my jealousy comes from the fact that although I do ride dirt bikes with him, I"m probably not as good as this woman, I can take it or leave it and have no interest in "working" on my bike, although my hubby just has always done it, I do help him a lot because he needs "two" hands sometimes but dirt bike riding is his passion and it's hard not to feel jealousy or bitterness and resentment to the fact that that is all he talks about, he could care less to do anything I enjoy doing, like I love the beach, I don't necessarily enjoy walking for hours on the beach but there are certain areas I like to go, but he does not like the beach and wont go along with other stuff, dirt biking is all he talks about. I took up dirt bike riding because I wanted to spend time with him even though I have never loved it, he just flat out will say no I don't want to do this or that with things I want to do. He will say things like, if I can't ride I have nothing to live for, that is hurtful, he has me, his kids. I'm sure he doesn't mean it like that but it hurts .Plus I get what you are saying about appreciating him and he's being helpful ect. but I just rarely ever see him do so much research for someone like he has for her when he hasn't been paid to work on their stuff. Again, I'm sure the enemy is instilling a lot of these feelings I"m pressing closer to God through this. I'm really trying. Thanks again for sharing with me.
  11. Thank you Marilyn, I have been praying so much about this. I know this is a sin but I find it very hard to "show" him love when he acts like he just doesn't care or even want to listen to my feelings, I guess deep down I feel like if he thinks I approve of it then he'll keep going further with it. I have been really seeing how he has been acting nice to me, going out of his way to help me which is my husbands non communicative way of showing me he loves me, but he needs me right now because he just had knee surgery a week and a half ago. I'm praying thank you again. I know satan is going to try and get me to see all the bad
  12. Yes I have been praying faithfully for his salvation for 3 1/2 years. I do have others praying as well, but I don't have a lot contact with christian women around me because he doesn't even like it when I go to church therefore I highly doubt he would let me join a womens bible study. But I do put him on my churchs prayer list all the time. I agree but as others have maybe suggested that this might be my issue, my insecurity that I have to deal with that's what I'm trying to figure out. Is he stepping beyond an appropriate boundary or is he just simply being a "nice" guy? That's where I am very confused, I don't want me and any of my insecurities make the wrong choices. I've been praying and praying. thank you
  13. I'm feeling so worried and stressed about this. Again today out of the blue he did yet MORE research on her bike and gave her more information offering to order under his account new jets and needles for her bike. So of course she said yes. I would understand all of this way more IF she came to him and he worked on her bike and she was paying him, but he helped her for FREE and is doing all of this for FREE. I simply asked why and that I felt really uncomfortable about it, he thinks it's stupid that it's bothering me because I can see everything they are talking about, he said he is simply trying to help her jet her bike right. I explained I understood that IF she were paying him but he's doing all of this for FREE. He just got angry with me. I don't want to start something that isn't there and he's right I can see everything I just feel and maybe it's my issue and stemming from his cheating that he feels "good" that he's helping a female out and she enjoys working on her own bike I don't know. I'm just feeling so anxious right now. It doesn't help that I can't even talk to him and that he just gets mad so I have to stuff it inside yet again. why am I not seeing God helping me through this? am I not listening, is it me?
  14. Thanks for all of the great advice. Over the past week I've just really been praying about this and thinking about all the different advice given here. I think it all boils down to a lot of issues in our marriage that we have "swept" under the rug. My husband does not and has never like to talk about issues so his resolution always is ok sorry it's all over then we move on but deep down nothing was ever taken care of until the next time it comes up. It's always been an issue in our marriage that if anything comes up he doesn't like discussing he gets angry (he has never hit me but has a temper and has thrown things) so out of fear our kids we see something I would drop it. I'm not saying that I was nice either, I was angry although I never threw anything. Our marriage was good when there were no conflicts but when there were it was rough mostly because I always felt we never resolve anything I also was not serving the Lord at the time either so I wasn't seeking him during those times either. We hit a really good point in our marriage about 8 years ago, things have been really good, and really even better since I rededicated my life to the Lord. Coming to this issue with this female, I see what everyone is saying and I'm really trying to see this as my issue because I do think in part some of it is, but I think what angers me is 2 things, the hurt that he doesn't even talk to me about what is bothering me about it just says, there is nothing wrong with it and moves on with no care of my feelings, however, he puts down my faith all the time, doesn't like when I go to church and gives me a hard time, I have even said fine, I wont go today even though I really want to, plus my parents who are believers push a lot of religious stuff on us, my mom will give us, books, literature just all kinds of stuff, my husband gets very mad and says she has no business pushing that on anyone, agree to a point she over does it and I have told him that, this causes arguments and stress in our marriage for fear they will bring something over. So I told him that I would tell her out of respect for him to please not do push this right now but prayers are welcome, but he says then it makes him look like the bad guy, he basically wants me to see his point that she over does it and wants me to agree so it is coming from me that it's too much, I agreed and said I would do that out of respect for him. I care about his feelings and feel that's the right thing to do that's what bothers me about this is he can belittle me, my faith, what I think is right and I even stopped praying at the dinner table because he doesn't like it (he was fine with it before), yet he seems to care less about how I feel about this. I feel like he is going too far with their conversation, he helped here here for almost 2 hours, for free. Since then, he keeps "researching" her bike and sending her information. He keeps asking her every time she rides her bike how it ran (because she is still trying to fine tune the jetting), so he spent time searching a dirt bike group he is in about someone having the same issue with their bike but fixed it, so he searches for it and then sends it to her. I just feel like he's going beyond being nice. Now my husband is a friendly guy and he is well known to a lot of people including the group she rides with, so I don't know if he's just trying to be extra helpful because he knows all of the people and he feels like if he's not they'll have a different opinion of him or if he's just "enjoying" the fact she's a female working on her bike and is like the attention. This is causing some issues in me because of all the resentment I guess I've built up and the hurt that he doesn't seem to care about my feelings and bring in the fact he wants to control my faith (which he literally makes it seem like I'm having an affair with my faith) it's been really hard for me to show him kindness, I've been really pushing away the last few weeks a wall is going up, I feel like I've been thinking of divorce a lot satan is having a hay day with me. I just feel so overwhelmed with so much.
  15. Thank you that makes perfect sense. I thankfully do not think he would "cheat" on me physically again and I do know this is my heart issue more than his. I am just going to go to my Lord and Savior and seek guidance from him and lay this all at the foot of the cross. I think that also it something adding to this is my husband is not a follower of Jesus Christ and that really has put a wedge in our marriage, not from me but for some reason my husband seems to feel this, and I do not put it in his face either, I may simply say wow the Lord really was here during this or that. Anyways thank you so much for your insight on this.
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