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  1. Needing advise

    Thank you that makes perfect sense. I thankfully do not think he would "cheat" on me physically again and I do know this is my heart issue more than his. I am just going to go to my Lord and Savior and seek guidance from him and lay this all at the foot of the cross. I think that also it something adding to this is my husband is not a follower of Jesus Christ and that really has put a wedge in our marriage, not from me but for some reason my husband seems to feel this, and I do not put it in his face either, I may simply say wow the Lord really was here during this or that. Anyways thank you so much for your insight on this.
  2. Needing advise

    Thanks again for the advise. I don't have issues with being friends of the opposite sex on social media, I mean we are friends with some females that he knows more than I do but we also know their spouse as well. They just don't "interact" between the two of them, there are guys i know more on our facebook same thing we know their spouse as well, but I do not interact with them on messenger either about anything either. I do agree with you that policing is not helping anything and that is the LAST thing I want to do it police anything. I just know that there are healthy boundaries that marriages should follow. For instance I have been in situations where a man had to bring a woman in the same room so we were not alone ect. But again I don't know where that fine line is. I guess for me, I would not just go over to some married man's house and spend time with him alone for any reason, I would make other arrangements. I thought my husband was on that same page but apparently not.
  3. Needing advise

    Thank you, I agree that it definitely is something that hasn't been fully healed even though I thought it had. That's where I am confused is what is appropriate boundaries/social boundaries in any marriage? or are they not all the same?
  4. Needing advise

    So yesterday was the day she came and he "helped" her with her bike. When she arrived he asked me to go out there so he could introduce us which I thought was nice. I felt weird doing that but he insisted so I did. It took them an hour and half opposed to the 30-45 min he told me it would. I could hear them laughing (not that I was listening but my business is right here in the home and I can hear and see what they were doing) so I can pretty much guess that they were talking about riding and trails and stories which I don't know I feel again maybe casually asking simple questions, where was your race, how did you do, but not going into depth about riding, but I don't know for sure though I do know that when they were done, she loaded her bike and they stood out there talking for about 15 min so again, I don't know how to view it anymore. I did pray and pray and really felt God release me from the anxiety and was thankful he wanted me to meet her and he didn't take her out to the shop where all of our bikes are, he did tell me that he showed her how to do it and she wont have to bring it back again (although she seems to message him over alot of stuff about her bike so I feel it's not the end, my husband gives way more info that needed in my opinion) He said she brought up how everyone out in the riding group talks about the bike he built for our daughter, I'm sure he told her what he did to it but he didn't go show her. I also want to add that I do dirt bike ride with my husband as well, for me I'm not passionate about it like he is it's just something we did as a family for a long time, I just don't do the type of trails he likes to do so when we go we do our ride or family ride as we used to call it but our kids are grown and they don't go anymore as much then he will do his ride. I don't go all the time either. Someone asked if I was just upset he was going out for the day leaving me here and that's further from the truth I actually enjoy a day some times "alone" not in a bad way but we both work from home and see each other 24/7 lol. I know that his job he has to interact with women alone I get that but he doesn't help them with their cars or whatever. I also was a little upset that he didn't charge this woman either yesterday and whenever on the rare occasions he's had someone help him work on their car he just gives them a discount not do it for free. Again, I don't know how to view this. I hope I didn't give too much info
  5. Needing advise

    Well based off at the time before finding out, no I probably would not have been upset by it, although, we have always have had some boundaries in place of how we would interact with the opposite sex. It's really kind of complicated but back to our dating years (we were very young) he crossed the line a lot going out behind my back yet he was very controlling of me where he was extremely jealous and I barely as much as could look at a guy, not to mention he took advantage of the curfews in place for me as a 16 year old. But yes I still married him because after a breakup when I was done with it at 19 yrs old from him for a year he insisted he changed he seemed to our relationship seemed better (at least I thought at the time) but going into our marriage everything seemed pretty well other than he was still controlling and has a temper so whenever anything is pointed at him he gets angry yet at my job if a guys was in the office with me alone at work he would flip out, there wasn't anything I could do about it, I was a bookkeeper that's where the managers did their stuff but he still got angry yet he would joke around with the females at his work (we worked same company just different buildings and different times) and I didn't have an issue with it. Anyways after our kids were born everything seemed great, I never suspected he cheated during that first year of marriage (he claims it was only once but I have never been quite sure I believe him) but I trusted him. When he started dirtbike riding in around 1999 he used to go all the time with another guy and his wife, I had no issues with it. Then we started having issues after his mother passed away in 2004 and things got really hard and I don't even remember how it came about but I felt he had continued a relationship with one of his past relationships, that's when he told me about his cheating. I guess what hurts is that he see's nothing wrong with it, or doesn't even want to hear my concerns and blows it off, but when he's had concerns of something I make a point to talk to him about it, comfort reassure ask what would make him feel comfortable ect he wont do that, it's just what it is. He insists he wouldn't be uncomfortable if the tables were turned and I know he would because he makes comments all the time about who I meet at church or talk too at other places men could be. I don't want to make it sound like our marriage is horrible, it's not, although communication is a huge thing, he still gets angry can have a temper, and yes I have said things that aren't nice too. But usually I've learned over the years to tell him how I feel and drop it because if anything more is said he can just get mad.
  6. Needing advise

    I don't think she thinks she's being disrespectful but by all the photos that she tags with all the guys my husband knows it seems that she hangs with the guys a lot. Her boyfriend to one of the guys my husband knows is very recent like a week ago according do facebook, (it comes up in our feed since we are friends with her boyfriend on facebook), my husband doesn't know him well but has ridden with him a few times.
  7. Needing advise

    Oh finally I can reply to comments, I figured out I needed to have additional posts. Thank you for your reply. I really like what you said that maybe it's more about something God is bringing something to the surface that He wants to heal in me. The thing is I'm confused over my feelings of this bothering me for good reason OR is it something me myself needs to work through. thank you so much for your encouraging reply. I've been thinking a lot about what you said, that he isn't hiding anything and I know what he's saying and doing. I guess what bothers me is that he chose to work on the bike with her alone. I feel that he should not do this with his past. I would never interact with another man alone even if my husband was in another room. But again maybe this like previous poster said that God is bringing this to the surface to heal me. Our marriage things don't ever seem to get "resolved" things seem to get swept under the rug. The hard part about this is that my husband sees nothing wrong with it and I get that maybe there isn't but he gets upset when I go to church, not always but a lot of the times and has told me that he has no idea who I interact with there and has asked me if other men have talked to me, but he denies he is bothered if I was with another man alone. I feel he says he isn't because he knows very well and is confident that I wouldn't therefore he can't compare. I agree that it is a dangerous thing but I also don't want to distrust him over everything either. I think I would definitely have issues if I wasn't here and they were here alone, or if he was going to her house to do it ect. I agree that past relationships should not be in our lives at all and they are not.
  8. Hello

    Hi there, I just posted about not being able to reply to my own post. Is this why because I need to post in here? thanks sorry for the additional post just trying to be able to reply to some advise given me in my original post
  9. Replying

    I'm sorry for this post but I am new to this site and posted my first post and for some reason am unable to reply. I want to reply because of some good advise but unable to. I searched on the internet about this and apparently I need so many of something to be able to do this which seems rather odd that I can't reply to my own post but anyways sorry for this post but I just want to be able to reply. thanks
  10. Needing advise

    Hello, I am new to this forum and am seeking some advise. I have been married for 28 yrs. I rededicated my life to the Lord about 3 1/2 yrs ago. My husband is not following the Lord and has no interest. Back when we first got married my husband cheated on me. I never suspected but found out about 10 yrs ago, it was a very difficult time in our marriage but we got through it and we have had good marriage since and have not ever suspected him of cheating ever. We do have ups and downs but for the most part it has been good other than he puts down my faith a lot because he blames God for a lot of stuff in his life, medical issues. Anyways to the problem, my husband works from and and is also an avid dirt bike rider. He rides with a lot of different groups. About 2 years ago he started riding with a few guys and from this he has met a lot more riders that these guys know. About 2 weeks ago he was put into contact with a female friend rider of one of these guys, through messenger on facebook, so basically a conversation was set up, she needed advise on her bike and my husband has worked on some of these other guys stuff in the past. My husband and I share a facebook page so I see everything they are saying to each other. I had no problem with this. She immediately sent a friend request, which I thought was weird because we (he) doesnt even know her, just because you have a conversation with someone doesn't mean you need to be friends on facebook, anyways the request sat in the notifications for a few day until I deleted it. My husband became angry with me saying that was a slap in the face to her and why I would do that, I said I didn't see any reason to accept it since we don't know her. I don't know if he was so mad because he claims she can see it was deleted or if it's because he knows most of the guys she does. So they discussed her bringing her bike over for him to work on, she asked if she could help and my husband said no because he had other jobs to do, so she ended up saying she could probably do it herself and they spent the next week corresponding basically her asking questions and him helping her through this repair. Well then after she did this she needed something else adj. she was talking to him about this but my husband said it's too hard to just walk someone through, so he gave her our number so she could arrange to bring it. She called and during the conversation it was evident she wanted to know how to do this so my husband said he would show her how to do it. It will probably take 45 min . So I became upset that he would actually work on the bike with her, I didn't understand this as shops don't show their customers how to repair their bikes. He said that he will show her and she wont have to bring the bike here again. My biggest concern is now that they "know" each other, she is going to start riding in his group when they go riding, he insists that wouldn't happen but I find that very hard to believe since every single guy he has ridden with knows her well and rides with her all the time. He says it has never happened over the last couple of years, I explained maybe either luck or that since she didn't "know" you she didn't go. Her boyfriend is someone my husband has ridden with as well. I just feel very uncomfortable about that having females in the group however I don't want to seem like a jealous person and make a big deal out nothing. Am I wrong to feel this way? Is there anything wrong with married men associated with unmarried women in groups? I just know that I would not feel comfortable doing it. He just never rarely "shows" people how to fix their bike, I'm not saying he never has but it's rare, I don't know if most people just don't want to and she does or what. Please any advise would be great