stitchy Posted May 3, 2009 Group: Junior Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 35 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 171 Content Per Day: 0.03 Reputation: 1 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/12/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 05/06/1986 Share Posted May 3, 2009 Hi there, I have been a Christian for around 3 years now and the Lord has helped me uncover something about myself that was hidden deep down within me and I had never properly realised before: I have an almost crippling fear of the people I love leaving me, whether it be by moving away or death. The death part of it I feel is a bit more extreme because death is final; once someone has died you get no more chances to talk with them, laugh with them, be with them. They are gone. With moving away it's sad, but there are always opportunities to stay in touch and visit. I think this realisation makes sense with me; about a year ago both of my parents moved to another country, making me the only one in my immediate family still living here. I feel that I have never properly dealt with feelings of abandonment surrounding that. Their moving away I think has agitated a part of me that feels I am going to be "abandoned" by everyone I love, in some way or another, and the fact that they were emotionally absent when I was a child (so even in that way, they have emotionally "abandoned" me, and continue to do so). Sometimes all I have to do is think about my parents and it's enough to make me want to break down into tears, and I know it's because they left. Death is the same thing really - someone leaving, though not by their own accord (most of the time). Death has scared me since I was a child. I have recollections of nights I used to lay awake, worrying about the day dad would die. (funnily enough, thinking about the day mum will die did not have as much of an effect - I was sad, but not to the same heart-wrenching extent as when I thought about dad dying). I would just lie there in bed, crying to myself until I fell asleep. I still continue to worry about when dad might die, and it hurts me very deeply. Now, I have found a wonderful young man who I am in love with and deeply attached to, and we are going to be married, hopefully next year but we haven't decided on that yet. Lately I have been having really big fears about the day he will die. I don't mean it is a fear that he is going to die sometime soon. It's almost as if I am mourning the fact that one day, he will die. Because everyone dies. It seems that I am unable to cope with this natural fact of life, even though I am a Christian and believe there is a heaven. I guess because I have never experienced heaven, but I have experienced loved ones dying, it upsets me greatly to think about. If I have not experienced heaven then it makes it harder to find comfort in the thought of it - it is completely unknown to me. What should I do? Has anyone else been through this in their life before? It is a real problem for me because it is making me start to feel as though I don't want to live anymore, for the pain of seeing others go will be too much. It makes me fearful of the day ahead of me, it makes me want to curl up in a ball and hide. Sometimes my fear of losing people is so great I am depressed for days and days. I don't want to be feeling like this anymore. I need help; I need to know how to address it, I need to know how to pray about it. What can I do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 3, 2009 Share Posted May 3, 2009 Trust The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Psalms 23:1-3 In Your Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalms 139:23-24 Shepherd Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:5-6 Rejoice In HIM Rejoice evermore. Pray without ceasing. In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 Be Blessed Beloved Of The KING Love, Your Brother Joe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stitchy Posted May 3, 2009 Group: Junior Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 35 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 171 Content Per Day: 0.03 Reputation: 1 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/12/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 05/06/1986 Author Share Posted May 3, 2009 I know I need to trust in God, but it's not something that I can just turn on and off. I was more asking for ways I can make steps to trusting him.... things I could put into practice during my day, things I could ask for in prayer etc..... I just have no clue at the moment. I'm completely dry. I hated God during this past week, and I am still struggling with hating him on and off, and I am trying my hardest to rebuke those feelings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
georgedrw81 Posted May 3, 2009 Group: Royal Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 7 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 1,823 Content Per Day: 0.33 Reputation: 36 Days Won: 2 Joined: 04/10/2009 Status: Offline Share Posted May 3, 2009 When you have Jesus in you everything is washed away.No fear,no doubt.Only wonderfull things happen.Ask Jesus to take your fear out of death and He will Blessings Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
desi2007 Posted May 3, 2009 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 61 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 1,220 Content Per Day: 0.20 Reputation: 219 Days Won: 3 Joined: 10/05/2007 Status: Offline Birthday: 03/18/1966 Share Posted May 3, 2009 Hello stitchy, As a believer, we should be optimistic about life. Focus on Hopes not Fears. Your attitude toward the future will help create your future. So think realistically about yourself. God wants you to continue growing both spiritually and intellectually and how do you make sure you grow and learn during good and hard times? by praying, having a personal walk with Jesus, fellowship. While your enduring difficult days, you learn lessons you simply could not have learned any other way. God has an important plan for your life, and part of His plan may well be related to the tough times your going through. Everything takes Time to learn, don't be so rushed to get married, take time of finding who you are. Faith not only keeps us alive in God but enables us to grow stronger. And truly faith helps us move past the question of "why?", Feelings come and go, but God never changes. So when you have a choice between trusting your feelings or trusting God, trust God. Tears can't change the past, no amount of anger or bitterness can change what happened yesterday, our worries won't change the past, and neither will our complaints, simply put, the past is and always will be the past. Ask God to keep you mindful that He is your God, your strength and your shield. And the faithfulness to trust in His perfect plan for your life, turn your troubles over to Him, when you are fearful let yourself lean upon Him and Thank Him for creating you, loving you, guiding you and saving you. Hope this helps you some... blessings, desi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tah Posted May 3, 2009 Group: Royal Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 105 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 3,131 Content Per Day: 0.45 Reputation: 126 Days Won: 1 Joined: 05/12/2005 Status: Offline Share Posted May 3, 2009 I guess everyone deals with their fears in a different ways.. I was so terrified of death that it was debilitating.. Yes I was a Christian but the devil had so messed with my mind and my feelings that it was terrible ... One day , after deciding to trust God , I decided that when the fear hits me I will respond with "so, ok let me die then.." I did not die and have yet to ... and I had to tell that to myself several time before I quit being afraid but it happened .. I was not tormented any more when I told the devil my life was in Gods hands and I trusted him... And I have to do that for my family to.. I have to trust God for all our lives... I know I will die but know it will be God's time for me when I do and I can trust Him for that... I know they will also die but I trust Him for that too... I am not saying I never battle I am saying I am always choosing to trust in the battle... We all understand the way you feel about your family.. We love our families and do not want to face tomorrow without them but the truth is we will face eternity with them... Tomorrow is short and eternity is long... God has my life under his watchful eye and my family and if mine then surely yours.. You are precious to him your family is precious to him.. C.S. Lewis wrote a book called " the Great Divorce"... try reading that But... first and foremost .. get into Scripture and read read read... His word is alive and amazing and will strengthen you against any lies of the flesh and the devil .. One of my favorite Scriptures is "In quietness and confidence shall be Your strength.." My quietness and confidence in Him will carry me though any battle and it will you too... Trust Him.. A great song to sing to yourself.. My Jesus, I love Thee, I know Thou art mine; For Thee all the follies of sin I resign. My gracious Redeemer, my Savior art Thou; If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Believer1997 Posted May 3, 2009 Group: Royal Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 66 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 6,363 Content Per Day: 1.13 Reputation: 119 Days Won: 9 Joined: 11/07/2008 Status: Offline Share Posted May 3, 2009 Stitchy, A lot of people have issues about fear of losing those they love. I would suggest that maybe, if these feelings are 'crippling' to you, for you to seek a Christian counselor and discuss it professionally with that person. As a child I lost many people and sometimes was afraid, but this passage always brought me comfort: 1"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God[a]; trust also in me. 2In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. 3And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. God Bless and Keep You. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 3, 2009 Share Posted May 3, 2009 I know I need to trust in God, but it's not something that I can just turn on and off. I was more asking for ways I can make steps to trusting him.... things I could put into practice during my day, things I could ask for in prayer etc..... I just have no clue at the moment. I'm completely dry. I hated God during this past week, and I am still struggling with hating him on and off, and I am trying my hardest to rebuke those feelings. Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee. Psalms 119:11 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneLight Posted May 3, 2009 Group: Royal Member Followers: 22 Topic Count: 1,294 Topics Per Day: 0.21 Content Count: 31,762 Content Per Day: 5.23 Reputation: 9,763 Days Won: 115 Joined: 09/14/2007 Status: Offline Share Posted May 3, 2009 Stitchy, I understand your fear. It can overcome you, if you allow it to. When we spend time in our own heads, it becomes our main focus. Fear is not from God, nor does He wish you to focus on it. Whenever I am not trusting the Lord, but relying on myself to get me through hard times, I remember the scripture that I have in my signature. I placed it there as a constant reminder to get out of myself and into Him. Read and meditate on each line. Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths. Trust in the LORD with all your heart. By doing this, I leave no room for the self in me. Lean not on your own understanding. This reconfirms the above sentence. My understanding, like the ones you mention about abandonment, can only lead to discouragement. Our understanding is not His. We can create many scenarios in our mind that will never come about, if we continue to stay there. God came to set us free from this bondage in life. In all your ways acknowledge Him. When I acknowledge Christ in my thoughts, I am not acknowledging my own thoughts. I try to look for Him and His ways in all things. He will set my feet on the right path, never leave nor forsake me, and will always be there. Keep your eyes on Him, not yourself. And He shall direct your paths. Yes, a blessing He promises us if we follow Him and not our own understanding. I encourage you to meditate on things that are profitable to your growth, not detrimental. Scripture tells us: Philippians 4:8-9 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stitchy Posted May 3, 2009 Group: Junior Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 35 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 171 Content Per Day: 0.03 Reputation: 1 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/12/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 05/06/1986 Author Share Posted May 3, 2009 Thank you all for your encouraging responses. This is hard, really hard. Even as I read your messages I began to cry and I'm not sure why. I will try my hardest to focus my heart entirely on Him and not on my worries. To those that mentioned counselling... I would love to get counselling, but I am a student on a very low income and I can't afford the sessions... Thankfully though I have a youth pastor who likes to meet with me and talk me through things, also my small group leader has been sending me verses every day and praying with/for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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