A real pickle

[JIME]

Okay, I finally realized that I need advice; something I seldom seek. I can't seem to get any from anyone around me either; at least not any that's legal. Most people think it's funny; it is SO not.

The problem is my boss (I think I've mentioned him before) but, anyway, I despise him; I can't stand him in my sight and can't seem to hide my hostility. Three weeks ago our office was reshuffled to make room for new sales personnel and I was assigned to share an office with this person. We have never gotten along but, before, I seldom had to see him. I'm now having to look at him all day, every day (think of Mr. Burns on the Simpsons; that's what he looks like) This is not good; we got in a fight the second day I was in that office and there have been several blow ups since. But, this past week, it was every day. Friday the arguing escalated into shouting when he tried to tell me how to do my job. This is an untenable situation and it's not going to get better. I truly loathe him and I've prayed for over a year now for the Lord to take the animosity away. Maybe He won't take it away because He knows I'm not sincere? I thought about apologizing and trying to defuse a volatile situation but I'm NOT sorry so it would be a lie. And it gets worse....I actually found myself thinking about doing something I've never even thought about before in my whole life just about the time I blew a fuse; I was shocked and appalled at MYSELF. This isn't going to end well but I can't make myself stop despising this man nor can I control my mouth. And I'm afraid I'm sinning against the Lord by my actions and thoughts.

Anyone ever deal with this? And, before y'all tell me, I DO know that my actions are not what the Lord wants me to do. It's easy to fight with others; not so easy to fight yourself.

Morning Glory,

Remember, the Lord is in control of all our circumstances. Have you ever thought that He put you in this place to build your character and strengthen your relationship with Him? There might be a reason that only He knows as to why you are in this place. Surrender yourself to His will. Allow Him to guide you in your words, attitude, and actions. God just might use you to deal with this man if he is unsaved. Remember,Gods ways are not always our ways.

[spiritman]

Dear sister,

God is holding this situation in his hand up to your eyes so you can see it, and so that you can deal with it by trusting in Him. He wants you to deal with it His way (scriptually) Not MG's way. Do this and you will please God.

Your brother

Bob

[MorningGlory]

Morning Glory,

Remember, the Lord is in control of all our circumstances. Have you ever thought that He put you in this place to build your character and strengthen your relationship with Him? There might be a reason that only He knows as to why you are in this place. Surrender yourself to His will. Allow Him to guide you in your words, attitude, and actions. God just might use you to deal with this man if he is unsaved. Remember,Gods ways are not always our ways.

I agree that God knows what the purpose of this situation is; I just wish I knew but, like you say, His ways are not our ways. I'm praying about this and I will do what God convicts me to do. I've even considered that satan himself is causing all this. That my boss is evil and that's what I'm reacting to. I just don't know. But I'm going to trust in the Lord to lead me through this and, hopefully, to put His hand over my mouth before I can go on another tirade.

[MorningGlory]

Dear sister,

God is holding this situation in his hand up to your eyes so you can see it, and so that you can deal with it by trusting in Him. He wants you to deal with it His way (scriptually) Not MG's way. Do this and you will please God.

Your brother

Bob

It's very hard to surrender control, even to God, but I know we have to do that. I'm praying harder than ever before. Thanks, Bob.

[spiritman]

NP dear sister,

Also I was wondering does this man know that you are a Christian? If so perhaps this could be a good witness to him about who we are.

Here is some scripture I looked up for you concerning this situation. Matthew 5:43-48; James 4:6; 1Thess 5:15; Romans 12:21; Luke 6:27.

Be careful sister, or there might be a pink slip in your future, and jobs are hard to come by.

You're in our prayers

Bob & Dawn

[MorningGlory]

NP dear sister,

Also I was wondering does this man know that you are a Christian? If so perhaps this could be a good witness to him about who we are.

Here is some scripture I looked up for you concerning this situation. Matthew 5:43-48; James 4:6; 1Thess 5:15; Romans 12:21; Luke 6:27.

Be careful sister, or there might be a pink slip in your future, and jobs are hard to come by.

You're in our prayers

Bob & Dawn

Yes, he knows I'm a Christian and he professes to be one as well. I am worried about the pink slip; I know that, if I don't resolve this situation, I'll be gone either by my own volition or by being fired. But I won't lower my standards for any boss...or any job. It's just a bad situation all the way round. I can only trust in the Lord to show me the way.

[MorningGlory]

Listen sister. From what I see, I've had this problem before and I'll tell you that it was all me. First, I'm glad that you are taking responsibility for it. But listen, so far, all I see is you pointing a finger at him while it may be founded in your opinion but in a business, it doesn't matter what you think.

I recognize that most of the problem IS me. That doesn't make anything easier.

Let me explain, simply put. Until you work for yourself, you will work under a boss. It doesn't matter that he sits around all day long. It doesn't matter that he is computer illiterate. It doesn't matter that he tells you how to do your job. What he does doesn't matter as long as he isn't doing anything against labor & employment laws.

See where I'm going with this? My point is, he is your B O S S! So, if someone is the boss, unfortunately, they are the boss, you work under him/her and you don't get to have any say in business matters that they want to make the executive decision on.

Oh, I have to differ here. I am in charge of the projects I'm working on. He has nothing to say about them since they come from above him.

Listen, I know it's hard and you might hate me for saying this. And maybe you will cringe at the idea but maybe your boss is right. Maybe he doesn't have a problem with you. It's you who has a problem with him because you have a problem with submitting to a man.

I might point out that the four bosses before this one were men as well. No problems with them; ever.

OH MY GOSH! DID SHE JUST SAY THAT? HUH Yes, I did

I put that down to just being honest.

Okay, but really. We do it with women bosses to because we feel inferior to them. It's just the way that life is. BUT! Yes, there is a BUT!

I didn't have any problems with my one woman manager.

Because we are Christians, new creatures in Him, He dwells within us, we can choose not to walk according to the flesh. So, what you need to be praying for my dear sweet sister is not that God would take away your feelings towards this man but that He would teach you how to love your fellow man.

How do we learn this? By reading what His Word has to say about it and practice it, truly practice it with a sincere heart.

I love you!!! Muah, go! Be with the Lord. You will work this out as long as you are honest with yourself. Stop pointing fingers!!

Actually, I already love my fellow man. In a general sense.

P.S. Now as far as the "staring at your chest thing goes", first examine yourself. I know this hurts too but because we are His children, we are told to do these things. Look at ourselves to make sure we aren't doing anything to cause it by something like say our attire. Then, if you have examined and not found anything you are doing wrong, then pray for the man. You could always throw in a little "Hey, hello! I'm up here!"

Working with all men, I don't dress provocatively; I don't even wear dresses to work since that just wouldn't be cool up on the catwalk! Nor am I a Dolly Parton type.

[refugepsa91]

Don't eat me for this.....no offense intended here.

Do you harbor bitterness because you can do his job better than he is?

Just a first question...I'll await your reply.

And heres a hug just so you know I'm not trying to be offensive

[Guest yod]

NP dear sister,

Also I was wondering does this man know that you are a Christian? If so perhaps this could be a good witness to him about who we are.

Here is some scripture I looked up for you concerning this situation. Matthew 5:43-48; James 4:6; 1Thess 5:15; Romans 12:21; Luke 6:27.

Be careful sister, or there might be a pink slip in your future, and jobs are hard to come by.

You're in our prayers

Bob & Dawn

Yes, he knows I'm a Christian and he professes to be one as well. I am worried about the pink slip; I know that, if I don't resolve this situation, I'll be gone either by my own volition or by being fired. But I won't lower my standards for any boss...or any job. It's just a bad situation all the way round. I can only trust in the Lord to show me the way.

Maybe you could put some rotten eggs inside your desk and keep sitting on a whoopie cushion? He'll ask for a different office if you can do it a couple of times.

....and maybe even grow some armpit hair for a week?

just trying to be helpful, don't ya know?

[IslandRose]

hey sis - I'm in agreement with Monarchy. You say this man is your boss, then you should find a way to work for him.

I have/had the same problem. My boss was such a problem for me. Yet, I stayed in the same room with him for years. It got really bad before it got better. I ended up listening to advise here on Worthy years ago. I began to pray for my boss. I never told him, I just prayed. And I prayed a lot. I found tht if I lifted him up before the Lord continually, it got to be harder and harder to harbor intense ill feelings toward him.

Now, my boss was an atheist. And an arrogant one at that. After a long time praying for him, the company built me my own office downstairs from him. I'm there all by myself and I love it! And, after I was downstairs for a while, he came down to talk to me about something, He said, "tell me about your God." just like that, out of the blue. But - - that's a long story.

So - while I can't really help you out, I can emphasize with you, and I can suggest that you lift him up in prayer all the time. And I do mean all the time. Pray for his health, for his success, for his family, for his heart to soften to the word if he's not a believer, and if he is, for his understanding to grow. And, like Monarch suggests, serve the man. It does wonders in a marriage, and the same principle works in the workplace.

the power of prayer.

Omigosh, trav! Sharing an office with an atheist would be the WORST! You surely are stronger than me if you could do that. So far I've been praying for myself and that doesn't seem to be working. He's a believer, not a strong one, but I guess a little is better than none.

I can only serve him to a point because he is lacking in the skill and knowledge to do his job. I seriously don't know why he was hired. But..... I'm taking your advice and am going to pray for the Lord to work on him. Maybe I've been approaching this whole problem from only one direction when I need to come at it from every which way.

.

In reading this thread, the bolded part of your quote caught my eye. I'm afraid you missed the point. When you pray for him, it should not be for the Lord to 'work on him.' It should be for the Lord to BLESS him. Bless his marriage, bless his work, make him successful and happy. If yhou pray for any change, it should only be that the Lord would change YOU. Change our heart, but I believe that you will find that praying for him will change you.

I went through a similar situation several yuears ago. There was a man who was threatening out ministry. He was a wealthy man who who had a lot of influence in the country where we lived. I was in a lot of grief because of him. One day driving down hte road, I caught sight of him in his car and felt such a burning anger, and then it came to me. I was allowing this man to teach me to hate.

So I determined that day to make him a matter of prayer. He was at the top of my prayer list... before my kids and my husband and my church, I prayed for him. I prayed that the Lord would bless his business, his family, and all his endeavors. That his life would be happy and healthy. I prayed for God to BLESS him, not change him.

But God did change him. He is now in church, making missions trip's and before we left that country, I could meet him in the streets and have fellowship with him. God changed him, and he changed me. I now see that man as my brother.

One thing I know... you cannot hate someone you pray for every day. You begin to see all the good things in their life as an answer to your prayer and you learn to allow God to love them through you.