The choice not to have children

[LUVNCHRIST]

We had this discussion in my Bible Study class over the scripture of the Lord saying be fruitful and multiply. Some believed He wasn't only saying this about procreating but also about producing good fruit in the Lord and helping many more come to Him.

That being said....

Leonard I feel your post can have a negative affect on people who look forward to marriage but not having children. God doesn't discriminate against those who don't want children. Indeed if He desires for them to have children nothing will stop His will from being done. And like nebula said there are some medical conditions that prevent others from conceiving. Like if a man gets the mumps after a certain point in his life it can cause sterilization...should he not be allowed to get married. I think you were extreme in your post. And I say that with gentleness and love in Christ.

Some people were created to love and nurture children. Some were not and how my heart aches for those who hurt the precious innocents. I can't say they weren't meant to have children for that is saying God made a mistake and we know HE NEVER EVER MAKES A MISTAKE. They just didn't have the capacity to love these precious gifts. Sad but true. We don't know why things like this happen. But they do.

Internalflame pray and listen with your heart to His response. Go slow you have time. God's will shall be done. No one has the right to judge or condemn you for what ever choice you make. It is between you, your fiance, and the Lord.

I have raised 4 beautiful children and now have 8 wonderful granchildren. And if I was asked if I would do it all over again would I... without hesitation a resounding yes but would desire even more children. I love children and I can't get enough of my grandchildren. Be blessed sister and remember to pray.

[Babbler]

I believe having children is an affirmation of life. It is essentially returning what you have been given. I buried my Father-in-law last week. Though he had died, he lived a blessed life. He experienced all the goodness along with the pain and suffering. As his six children stood at the grave site, I realized how blessed he was. During his sojourn down here he built a family. Of all his accomplishments this was his greatest. His children were a blessing to him and his wife. His grandchildren gave him joy in his later years. How blessed to see his children grow and have their own families. Looking around and seeing that his children were now in the world without him; it was then I realized that as we were a blessing to him, we are a blessing to each other.

Family and long life is the greatest gift from God. Being a parent and married teaches you what Christ was teaching, the more selfless you become, the more like Christ you become. To not experience having your family is to miss the greatest experience of life. The birth of a child isn't just a child it is a new soul in the image of god. How can anyone make light of that?

[Believer1997]

I believe having children is an affirmation of life. It is essentially returning what you have been given. I buried my Father-in-law last week. Though he had died, he lived a blessed life. He experienced all the goodness along with the pain and suffering. As his six children stood at the grave site, I realized how blessed he was. During his sojourn down here he built a family. Of all his accomplishments this was his greatest. His children were a blessing to him and his wife. His grandchildren gave him joy in his later years. How blessed to see his children grow and have their own families. Looking around and seeing that his children were now in the world without him; it was then I realized that as we were a blessing to him, we are a blessing to each other.

Family and long life is the greatest gift from God. Being a parent and married teaches you what Christ was teaching, the more selfless you become, the more like Christ you become. To not experience having your family is to miss the greatest experience of life. The birth of a child isn't just a child it is a new soul in the image of god. How can anyone make light of that?

I think the original post was serious and not making light of the decision not to have children. I love children and enjoyed having and raising mine. I enjoy my grandchild immensely. I respect anyone who makes a conscious decision not to have children. I wish more people who felt they had a 'duty' to produce children were more thoughtful in their decision and did not have children they really did not want or love. We all have seen children brought into the world who never knew love, kindness or anything but abuse and neglect.

My condolences in the loss of your father-in-law; it appears that he loved his family and they indeed cherished him also. Blessings!

[Guest LadyC]

Some people were created to love and nurture children.

and God BLESS those who are wise enough, honest enough, to not bring a child into this world that they know they won't love.

what is selfish is to insist on having children for the sake of some 'duty' and not out of genuine love and desire to raise a child. what is selfish is to bring a child in this world knowing full well before hand that you haven't got the patience to love that child and give it the nurturing he/she deserves. what is selfish and incredibly un-Christ-like is to impose one's own feelings of nurture onto those who don't have those feelings... how selfish is it to demand that others have children just because YOU believe it is the right thing to do, despite the fact that it is certainly NOT in the best interest of the children that will be born to an unloving parent.

and for the record, the "you" i'm referring to is just a general term, not directed at anyone in particular, but at everyone who calls those who don't want children "selfish".

[Believer1997]

Some people were created to love and nurture children.

and God BLESS those who are wise enough, honest enough, to not bring a child into this world that they know they won't love.

what is selfish is to insist on having children for the sake of some 'duty' and not out of genuine love and desire to raise a child. what is selfish is to bring a child in this world knowing full well before hand that you haven't got the patience to love that child and give it the nurturing he/she deserves. what is selfish and incredibly un-Christ-like is to impose one's own feelings of nurture onto those who don't have those feelings... how selfish is it to demand that others have children just because YOU believe it is the right thing to do, despite the fact that it is certainly NOT in the best interest of the children that will be born to an unloving parent.

and for the record, the "you" i'm referring to is just a general term, not directed at anyone in particular, but at everyone who calls those who don't want children "selfish".

I agree Lady C.

[darkest_red]

Some people were created to love and nurture children.

and God BLESS those who are wise enough, honest enough, to not bring a child into this world that they know they won't love.

what is selfish is to insist on having children for the sake of some 'duty' and not out of genuine love and desire to raise a child. what is selfish is to bring a child in this world knowing full well before hand that you haven't got the patience to love that child and give it the nurturing he/she deserves. what is selfish and incredibly un-Christ-like is to impose one's own feelings of nurture onto those who don't have those feelings... how selfish is it to demand that others have children just because YOU believe it is the right thing to do, despite the fact that it is certainly NOT in the best interest of the children that will be born to an unloving parent.

and for the record, the "you" i'm referring to is just a general term, not directed at anyone in particular, but at everyone who calls those who don't want children "selfish".

I completely agree.

[Babbler]

I feel enlightened now. If you feel economically or emotionally encapable of raising a child; one should throw their seed on the ground. Many are genuinely concerned about not ruining that child's life, and apparently, logic dictates, that to safeguard that childs life, the best means is to not procreate at all. You can't ruin a life if it doesn't exist. I understand. If all else fails--you can always protect it and abort.

[Guest LadyC]

you have a severe lack of understanding regarding the biblical purpose of marriage (which goes way beyond procreation), the biblical command to fill the earth and who that command was issued to, and the entire concept of what onan's sin was to begin with. i feel rather sorry that you're not only NOT enlightened, but that you're dripping with sarcasm and condemnation about it.

by the way, condemnation is not of God. it's of satan. maybe you should express a little less of it.

[Believer1997]

I feel enlightened now. If you feel economically or emotionally encapable of raising a child; one should throw their seed on the ground. Many are genuinely concerned about not ruining that child's life, and apparently, logic dictates, that to safeguard that childs life, the best means is to not procreate at all. You can't ruin a life if it doesn't exist. I understand. If all else fails--you can always protect it and abort.

I agree with LadyC - no one has suggested abortion and that is not the topic of the OP. We have all seen children who came into a world of self-absorbed adults who didn't want them, or love them ... or even care for them. In my career field, I've seen far too many of them - I've attended both trials and funerals for little children who just were not wanted. There are many people who do not want children, but feel duty-bound to have them ... and never feel a strong bond or parental instinct with the children. I know a lot of people who should have never had kids. Your sarcastic comments are not warranted here. I hope you will be able to address your thoughts in a more Christ-like way in the future.

[nebula]

I've been thinking about this debate, and have formed some thoughts.

The desire to have children is 100% natural. Animals seek it instinctively. And their different species naturally procreate in ways that best ensures the health and survival of their offspring.

Even in humans, it is 100% natural to desire children.

So what causes people to not want children? What happened?

Before you throw opinions like stones, there may be something deeper going on that goes beyond individuals who feel this way, as this seems to be something that has been spread across society.

In the animal world, some species will naturally produce less young when there is an overcrowding problem. I don't know if it's been determined how they know this, but it has been observed.

I am wondering if with us humans, we are losing our desire for children because our society has lost its sense of community.

We are designed for family units and community. But most of us don't have this anymore. Parents and siblings often don't live in the same states, or if they do not within an hours' drive of each other. We don't know our neighbors very well. We have created isolation amidst a crowd.

I believe this has affected our natural desire for creating family when the family unit has become torn, unglued, dispersed.

And by the way, it's also Biblical to have "a quiver full" of children. How many here have been arguing for the Biblical case to have children yourselves have a "quiver full" of children?

If not, why not?