stillwaters Posted September 13, 2004 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 21 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 162 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 7 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/03/2004 Status: Offline Share Posted September 13, 2004 Some of you may know my son has left his wife...he has formed another relationship...he says he is not committed...but "she" is in the picture. My problem is feeling I am in the middle...hearing our daughter-in-cry her heart out and I'm listening to his side. The daughter-in-law calls my son some pretty bad names...she is hurting and I understand it...but I feel she wants me to fix this problem and I don't think I can or will try to...I'm trying to give my son Godly, motherly advice...he may or may not take it... The daughter-in-law thingks she has done nothing to help the marriage break down...she is not asking for any advice. I am finding, I'm angry . I think I need to make some clear boundaries about what I will hear or won't hear. This is also an old problem for me...feeling like I need to please someone else and I can't. Any thoughts from you brethren? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rockswillcryout Posted September 14, 2004 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 45 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 331 Content Per Day: 0.04 Reputation: 8 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/31/2003 Status: Offline Birthday: 01/01/2003 Share Posted September 14, 2004 Wow. This must be really difficult for you. I pray the Lord will give you wisdom each time you speak to both your son and your daughter in law. You said you feel like your dauighter in law wants you to fix the situation. Has she asked you to? If it were me, I would make it clear that the issue is between her and your son and that your involvement will only make things worse. Offer to be a mediator, but not a counselor, if they decide to meet and talk at some point. Otherwise, the best you can do for now is just listen. Does she have a mother? Is so, perhaps she feels closer to you and it's easier to talk to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UndecidedFrog Posted September 15, 2004 Group: Nonbeliever Followers: 2 Topic Count: 16 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 2,063 Content Per Day: 0.29 Reputation: 15 Days Won: 1 Joined: 08/02/2004 Status: Offline Share Posted September 15, 2004 Dear stillwaters, This is just my opinion. If you don't like it, you don't have to accept it. DISCLAIMER: I am not a christian. My recommendation is to stay clear of this situation, too. If you want to help, offer to pay for a mediator or a counselor. I would not counsel them yourself. You are involved because you are his mother and her mother-in-law. I think it is unfair if either one tries to use you against the other. Try to tell them that you are sorry for their situation and be neutral. Regards, UndecidedFrog Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RGR Posted September 15, 2004 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 512 Topics Per Day: 0.07 Content Count: 8,601 Content Per Day: 1.13 Reputation: 125 Days Won: 2 Joined: 07/16/2003 Status: Offline Birthday: 12/04/1973 Share Posted September 15, 2004 I have to agree. I would suggest that if either one of them are looking for advice, they should seek some sort of counseling. The situation could well be that they reconcile and there could be hurt feelings over things that you advised, even though you meant no harm. I would step aside IMHO! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tsth Posted September 15, 2004 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 297 Topics Per Day: 0.04 Content Count: 5,586 Content Per Day: 0.69 Reputation: 193 Days Won: 1 Joined: 04/09/2002 Status: Offline Share Posted September 15, 2004 Love your son, and tell him the Truth. Show him what the Word says. In His Love, Suzanne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rejoicevermore Posted September 15, 2004 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 24 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 230 Content Per Day: 0.03 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/22/2004 Status: Offline Share Posted September 15, 2004 Isa 58:6Â Is not this the fast that I have chosen? to loose the bands of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, and to let the oppressed go free, and that ye break every yoke? 7Â Is it not to deal thy bread to the hungry, and that thou bring the poor that are cast out to thy house? when thou seest the naked, that thou cover him; and that thou hide not thyself from thine own flesh? 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
artsylady Posted September 16, 2004 Group: Royal Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 171 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 4,813 Content Per Day: 0.64 Reputation: 150 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/26/2003 Status: Offline Share Posted September 16, 2004 You probably don't want her to feel abandoned either. Maybe you could continue the relationship (ie, going to lunch, shopping, whatever) and set a boundary with her. No talking about your son... period. And if she crosses that boundary and begins to talk about your son, politely correct her and remind her of that boundary. You can pray with her as well. If she has no other mother figure, maybe she still needs you for the time being. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Kandi Posted September 16, 2004 Share Posted September 16, 2004 (edited) stillwaters Sounds like pretty good advice to me. This is your son and I think it is your right to tell your daughter-in-law that you will not listen to her talking about your son. It is your right to tell her you will be with her only if she does not talk about your son. And we all know it takes two to make it and two to break it. I hope you can work it out. I pray that you will have strength to do what you know is best. :hug: Edited September 16, 2004 by Kandi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
artsylady Posted September 16, 2004 Group: Royal Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 171 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 4,813 Content Per Day: 0.64 Reputation: 150 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/26/2003 Status: Offline Share Posted September 16, 2004 And tell her that if she wants to talk about your son, to talk to a counsellor. I just posted a site where you can get live Christian counselling over the net - completely anonymous, free - what more can ya ask for? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tsth Posted September 16, 2004 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 297 Topics Per Day: 0.04 Content Count: 5,586 Content Per Day: 0.69 Reputation: 193 Days Won: 1 Joined: 04/09/2002 Status: Offline Share Posted September 16, 2004 When did the Truth go out the window? And to our own children??? Remember when we used to speak the Truth in love? In His Love, Suzanne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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