Why would God let me hurt so much?

[Guest scrambled_brain]

Hi.

I have a problem, I am very much in Love with a non-christian. I know that I could be with him but I also know that being with a non-christian would start pulling me away from God. I guess I wouldnt notice it at first but eventually I wouldnt have the same relationship there with God. Also, this guy has been in sexually active relationships before and although he would be able to hold off for quite a while, eventually I'm sure either he would be tempted to cheat or else I would be tempted to cheat on God. I also know that he is very much in Love with me too, I have told him that I can't be with him and he is trying to accept it, I have tried to explain it to him but it makes him think that God and christianity is wrong and that I dont beleive in a good thing. I even lent him a couple of books which explain my beleifs in what I think is a very good way and he still thinks it is just over-the-top. What upsets me also is that I know that even if he became a Christian - and it would be a miracle of a blessing - I couldnt go out with him straight away, maybe not at all because, firstly it may not be what God has planned and secondly because he would have to get to know god on a personal level and learn how to put god first rather than anyone else - including me. I couldnt be someone who would hinder his relationship with God, or stifle it in any way. Oh this is so hard, if you are the person reading this then u will probably be thinking that the answer is obvious, stay away from the guy, put your trust in God, I think i'm just finding it helpful to write it out. I have asked God to help me and the part that is killing me is that I know that if i trust God then it should work out well, that he has something special in store for me. I've asked him to help me understand what he is going to use me for and the message i got was that, when I am ready, when I have learnt to live for him in the right way and in everything I do, then it will be shown to me. In the mean-time I cant help but question his motives!. Those of you who are married or engaged or getting there and Love your partner may know how I feel... or maybe you have been in a similar situation. I Love this guy so much that it feels quite literally like my heart is being ripped out when I think about not being able to be with him and all I can think about right now is, how can God be asking me to do something with hurts me so much? And now I feel bad because I sit here and think, Jesus died on the cross for me and did it willingly, how can I be un-willing to do something which costs so much less? - U know? It just hurts, its really, really hurts. This guy is my best friend and knows me better than anyone... here on earth... and yet... ... The thing is that I know all the arguments and still I am finding it hard to accept. After he left tonight I really cried out to God asking him why he's wants me to do something which hurts so much, the passage John13 v.22 came into my head and so as I opened my bible it fell open at Lametations 3 headed 'The meaning of suffering' ... now i dont quite know if you would take this as a sign but i have had messages come to me like this before and it really caught my eye and I knew I should read it. I am not going to write the whole thing in here because it is quite long, what struck was that the bit which I felt really talked about my current problem started at verse 22, (see earlier, John13 v.22) and carries on throughout;

'The lords mercy never ends. His mercies never stop. They are new every morning. Lord, your loyalty is great. I say to myself, "The Lord is what I have left. So I have hope." The Lord is good to those who look to him for help. It is good to wait quietly for the Lord to save. It is good for a man to word hard while he is young.

'Although the Lord brings sorrow, he also has mercy. His love is great. The Lord does not like to punish people or make them sad'

Admittedly when you read the whole chapter it doesnt seem like this is the best thing to beleive as a message as it talks about God punishing and not-forgiving but I know it was part of the message God was giving me so dont dwell on that! The other verse, John3 v.22 is;

And what is the seed that fell among the thorny weeds? That seed is like the person who hears the teaching but lets worries about his life and the love of money stop that teaching from growing

Which I take to be telling me that to grow as Christian I need to really give my life to God and give up things that are going to stand in the way of that i.e. having a boyfriend/girlfriend releationship with this guy. A message from God recently that I received as I mentioned earlier was that as I grow as a christian God will begin to reveal to me what it is that he wants to do through my life and so I think this is quite important. I guess I just dont want to.

The infuriating thing about all this is that I can hear myself giving the answers to all the questions and queries that I have but I just dont want them to be true.

I still gets to me that I have found a person that I love so much and I'm not allowed to be with him.

Aaaaaaah!... now that I have rambled on and on it seems silly to eben post this as I oviously know the answers to my own problem... I guess i just want to know that I'm not the only one out there and other peoples opinions on this... maybe I am looking at this wrong or something? Please write back and help me get some piece of mind.

-Scrambled -

[our3blessings]

I'm sorry about your situation. I don't have any answers for you. I will keep you in my prayers, though. :hug:

[Crusader4Christ]

This is between you and God, Scrambled Brain. I can honestly say that I have no answers for you. This is something you must pray about with God. He'll show you what He wants of you. He might want you to stay with him. Who knows? That's for God to decide. But just remember, you will never be alone with God by your side.

[Guest scrambled_brain]

Thankyou, knowing I have prayer for this helps

[senerhu]

The thing is, if he is not willing to wait, if he wants 'it' now.....who is he looking out for? Himself or you?

A Christian man puts God first. He is putting sin first, isn't he? You have expressed some deep hunches about him, whether he will get tired of you and cheat, etc. I'm not sayin a Christian man won't, but you would be better off with one, IF you truely loved him...

I guess my question is, why won't he truely listen and consider Jesus? That would scare me....just thoughts here. I pray that God answers your prayers in a way that blesses you...:dove

[rejoicevermore]

Scrambled brains, First of all God did not lead you into this relationship because He said it all in His word. Period. There is no any special revelation about this situation.

2Co 6:14

Edited September 26, 2004 by rejoicevermore

[RGR]

Hi, scrambled_brain, welcome to Worthy! Your situation is one that has been lived out by many, many Christians at one time or another. Satan would love us to settle for second best when God has something so great and wonderful out there waiting for us.

Feelings are nothing more than an emotion. Sure, they are tough to deal with and they can hurt when we're not getting what the flesh wants, but we do have to learn to subject our feelings, and just as our thoughts (which feelings are an extension of) make them captive and obedient to Christ.

From my own personal experience, I will tell you that if you can't trust someone in the sexual side of things BEFORE you marry them, you won't be able to trust them after you're married. This is going to lead you down a path you don't want to go down. Plus from a common sense standpoint, let's look at all of the nasty things you can get these days from a sexual encounter with just one wrong person.

Another thing to watch out for is the Christian act. There are some out there who are so deceptive, they will put on a good Christian act for you to see. This is where we have to trust God and His leading. A person may talk the talk, but if something doesn't seem right, you need to take it to the Lord in prayer-it may well be the Spirt trying to reveal some things to you!

Sister, you'll be in my prayers! God bless.

[Guest scrambled_brain]

Thankyou everyone for all your replies, this has been very helpful

Im going to have to learn to leave him in search of what God has in store for me.

I know its going to be hard but I know God will be helping me on the way. Being able to write it all out on here in front of other christian has been a real help so thankyou again.

God Bless.

[AllforJesustheLord]

Are you young, in the teens, if so you do not have to get into extreme relationships, keep searching. In other words you can do what you just said, I did not see it there until after I wrote the first part of this.

[Guest FrenchPhenom]

Dont worry Scrambled.

God will lead you to where you need to be. I know your hurting right now, but try to remember God loves you and has something and someone very awesome planned for you. Just keep your eyes upon Him and He will help you figure it all out.

Your in my prayers.

God bless.

FrenchPhenom