People Don't really care

[taylor30]

I appreciate your loneliness, Taylor. I myself am no stranger to loneliness.

I can only encourage you with this - press into the Lord for fellowship. Yeah, I know it is not the same as physical companionship - I've cried the same thing over an over again. But if somehow through your isolation you can draw nearer to the Lord, you will find something precious that most Christians never know. But spending time with the Lord means shutting off all media (unless soft instrumental or worship music helps you focus), concentrating on Him, talking to Him and waiting for Him to respond - thoughts, images, impressions, feelings.

I hope you can try this.

And as for dating - the best thing to do is wait. Seek the Lord for a wife, and don't pursue companionship with any females without affirmation from the Lord. I'm not saying don't be friends. But as far as "dating", its' best to lay it aside. It may be that either you or her or both are not ready for each other. This is what happened to me - and I've had to wait a lot longer than you have to finally begin a relationship (and even no we are separated by distance and other issues preventing us from moving forward, but we have both learned to trust God's timing by now).

This is the best I can offer; I hope it helps somewhat.

I have tried. growing close to god doesn't make my empty house any friendlier. And as for waiting for a wife, do you know how many people are Old and alone because they just waited? Is God going to put a woman on my doorstep and introduce me?

[taylor30]

I don't mean this to sound luke a poor me type of thing, but I do have some things I need to say.

Why are people so unloving? I have been alone for 10 years now. I am only 30. I am supposed to be happy with a good job, loving family, and Christian Brothers around. I have NONE of it. I have tried more dates than I can count. I used to go to church, but people were more interested in mingling with friends than welcoming a stranger into fellowship. I can sit in a pew alone or stand in the back of the church the entire time without a single word being spoken to me. I obviously have stopped going to church. I am better off without that " type " of Christianity. I also have dated Christian women who ONLY cared about looks or money. The heart didn't matter. Even pastors didn't give me the time of day when I sought their help. They were always too busy to help a brother, or my problems were not important enough for their schedule.

I don't expect unbelievers to show love and compassion, but such things should never be among those who call themselves Christians. We are called to step out of our comfort zones to others. REMEMBER, Jesus didn't just sit down and wait for people to show up. He went out and sought the people wherever they might be. We need to change church. We are to be a light to the world, but I am looking and I see no lights.

Personally I think we need to change our own attitudes first its through us that His light shines. Remember also people are flesh and blood and will be prone to messing up sometimes often in fact, the body of believers are neither perfect or what we often think they should be. The word and idea of 'christianity' gets a rap these days for all kinds of things, often times I think we look for the negative instead of the positive simply because of bad press. I mean we get all kinds of people calling for some type of perfection and thats just not going to happen until He comes and changes us. We also can choose to sit in the pew or put ourselves out there within that body instead of complaining no one likes us or wants to be our friends, if after putting yourself out there and nothing happens find another body that does show His love and Spirit.

I also echo Nebula's post sometimes we seem to think we need something and push ourselves to find that perfect mate or friend when its not our timing that is important but His. Prayer is always the best way to go, talk to Him give Him your concerns, your problems and needs as well as wants and then trust Him, thats what faith is all about trusting that He knows better than we do.

shalom,

Mizz

well I don't recall scripture saying, TAYLOR you need to go put yourself out there. i thought it was ALL christian's jobs to reach out. Well i guess that lets me off the hook if I see someone else hurting and alone, since arrording to you its THEIR job to reach out, not my job to reach in.

[taylor30]

I don't mean this to sound luke a poor me type of thing, but I do have some things I need to say.

Why are people so unloving? I have been alone for 10 years now. I am only 30. I am supposed to be happy with a good job, loving family, and Christian Brothers around. I have NONE of it. I have tried more dates than I can count. I used to go to church, but people were more interested in mingling with friends than welcoming a stranger into fellowship. I can sit in a pew alone or stand in the back of the church the entire time without a single word being spoken to me. I obviously have stopped going to church. I am better off without that " type " of Christianity. I also have dated Christian women who ONLY cared about looks or money. The heart didn't matter. Even pastors didn't give me the time of day when I sought their help. They were always too busy to help a brother, or my problems were not important enough for their schedule.

I don't expect unbelievers to show love and compassion, but such things should never be among those who call themselves Christians. We are called to step out of our comfort zones to others. REMEMBER, Jesus didn't just sit down and wait for people to show up. He went out and sought the people wherever they might be. We need to change church. We are to be a light to the world, but I am looking and I see no lights.

First I want to start with the notion of what is "supposed" to be happening at your age. None of that comes without a lot of work, sweat, tears, and sacrifice.

Loneliness is such a bummer. It can zap you right into depression faster than anything. However, we don't have to take it sitting down!

It's hard for people to trust others nowadays.....can you blame them? It takes time AND effort to be a friend, which means there is also a cost for people to come near. The scriptures say that we should show ourselves to be friendly if we want friends. Since I don't know you, there are some questions I need to ask before I could help you.

Like:

What are you doing to cultivate friendship with people who don't know you? How much time are you willing to give them?

Do you ever volunteer to help others in need?

Are you a good listener?

How much time did you stick around at the churches you mention? How much did you commit to that community?

Do you ever discuss your loneliness with people who aren't already close to you? That will drive people away rather quickly, btw, because no one wants to hang out with Debbie Downer, ya know?

Without knowing the answers to these questions, we're all guessing in the dark. But one thing I've learned in life is that when you start helping others who can't pay you back....you will find life is rewarding and full of purpose. Friends will just "happen" then.

I suggest that you find a place where you can serve. You'll find friends then and there.

.

i actually did do some volunteer work. The concept of TRUE friendship no longer exists.

[taylor30]

We are not called to be sponges, expecting people to be what we want them to be. People hurt us----even other believers, sometimes. But we are called to love others and to be what God calls us to be. We are called to be outward-focused, to see a need and fill it. If we are doing those things, we will be recompensed with people of integrity and value and lovingkindness in our lives. God will see to it.

So, no more complaining, but obey God, get back into the Lord's house, roll up the sleeves and get down to the business of serving Him by serving others.

See what El Roi, the God Who Sees, will do.

no more complaining huh? OK, i will tell other people that too. When I see broken or suicidal people, I will tell them STOP COMPLAINING.

[taylor30]

Taylor,

I was right were you are just a few short months ago. I was so lonely and to a point of desperation. I was so tired of being alone. I have two small kids and yet felt alone and was so discouraged because all I felt was that I had failed miserablly because I wasn't married and in a home with a yard and a dog and all was perfect. Then I started seeking God. Really seeking Him. He revealed to me that I was complete and that at this time in my life a relationship would only add to a plate that was already full. He (God) wanted all my attention I could give to Him so that I could grow and become a strong Christian woman. This singleness is a gift. Once I marry I will have even less time to get to know my Creator.

What feels like isolation right now to you may actually be God trying to get your complete attention right now.

I was also without a church home for quite some time. I attended several area churches and none fit. Until I walked into one I had been in five years earlier for a food basket. I knew when I walked back in I was home. This church is 40 miles from my home in another state.

Don't give up hope and don't let what you don't have keep you from hearing what God has in mind for you. One thing that kept resonatting in me was to "be still and know I am God" that played over and over in my head for months. finally I listened.

I am still single and probably will be for quite awhile. But I am happy, joyful and content. I know that I have all I NEED. That did not happen till I gave EVERYTHING over to HIM. I pray you find your path that God has in mind for you and that you find contentment in your heart.

Jennifer

forgive me for being blunt, but if you have kids you are not even close to being alone. Try going to an EMPTY house with no one there to meet you.

[Guest]

forgive me for being blunt, but if you have kids you are not even close to being alone. Try going to an EMPTY house with no one there to meet you.

Sorry, Taylor, but this just sounds a bit on the whiny side.

I'm 50 years old and I come home to an empty house each day from work. I've never been married. I don't even have a pet because frankly if I can't afford to care for an animal properly I would rather not have one. I'm in enough debt that unless something changes I will probably never get out from under it all. Yeah, that means I've basically got no "future," and will probably die broke as far as the world sees it. I don't like it, but I've got some peace about it because I know the Lord has a plan -- and that its not all about me.

Jesus is for eternity.

Go to Jesus . . . He's not going to be surprised when we whine, complain, rant and rave. Read through Psalms - there's lots of honest human emotion in there and God is not surprised by any of it. I doubt very much He's shocked, either, since He knows us better than we know ourselves anyway. Waiting really stinks sometimes, but we don't have the option of running ahead of the Lord. Do what you can as far as seeking a wife while praying and leave the rest to Jesus. If you go out on your own and do things your own way, you'll be headed for nothing but disaster.

[taylor30]

forgive me for being blunt, but if you have kids you are not even close to being alone. Try going to an EMPTY house with no one there to meet you.

Sorry, Taylor, but this just sounds a bit on the whiny side.

I'm 50 years old and I come home to an empty house each day from work. I've never been married. I don't even have a pet because frankly if I can't afford to care for an animal properly I would rather not have one. I'm in enough debt that unless something changes I will probably never get out from under it all. Yeah, that means I've basically got no "future," and will probably die broke as far as the world sees it. I don't like it, but I've got some peace about it because I know the Lord has a plan -- and that its not all about me.

Jesus is for eternity.

Go to Jesus . . . He's not going to be surprised when we whine, complain, rant and rave. Read through Psalms - there's lots of honest human emotion in there and God is not surprised by any of it. I doubt very much He's shocked, either, since He knows us better than we know ourselves anyway. Waiting really stinks sometimes, but we don't have the option of running ahead of the Lord. Do what you can as far as seeking a wife while praying and leave the rest to Jesus. If you go out on your own and do things your own way, you'll be headed for nothing but disaster.

What, you want a medal? Some people are able to handle being alone. Some are not. DON'T PASS JUDGEMENT ON THOSE WHO MAY NOT BE ABLE TO DO THINGS AS EASILY AS YOU.

[OneLight]

Let's keep our attitude in check before we hit the Post button. Debate the topic, not the person.

Colossians 4:6

Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.

[taylor30]

Let's keep our attitude in check before we hit the Post button. Debate the topic, not the person.

Colossians 4:6

Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.

Really? I don't have a right to be upset when people say Unkind things? Fine, I won't "rock the boat" anymore. I was just voicing my opinion as a hurt thrown to the curb Christian, but I will say NICE things for you. Can you recommend a site where the 1st amendment still exists, since I'm sure I will be banned soon for not being HAPPY enough for you.

[~candice~]

Time for a breather!