I Have Had It.....Really

[He giveth more grace]

Sleep is a major issue in this house. One I took the liberty of addressing to a point last night. At the present though, there is only so much we can do. That is until we get our oldest into a sleep specialist. Last night I made sure to go to bed not long after my little ones were in bed. Made sure to be as alert as possible so that away if either stirred, I could get up and into action. Woke up a few times, but that is normal for the time being as my youngest is getting two new teeth. The oldest, well we are working towards adressing his sleep issues.

My boys and I have started to get into a habit of eating breakfast together. There for a while I did not eat at least until lunch time, but not letting a little grogginess or issues with digestion get in my way there. Will sit down to a bowl of cream of wheat or cereal, if not some fruit in the mornings now. Lunch, I tend to miss. The little ones are fed though. Unless we had a big breakfast and no one seems to be hungry. I do munch a bit....on anything from carrots to an occassional pretzel, but I do try to watch what I eat to a point. Dinner is usually well balanced if I can help it. Usually do not get too big on the junk food come dinner. Try to do some remotely healthy meals like grilled chicken with veggies or macaroni, if not both on the side. If one thing is for sure...I try to make a healthy or remotely so in the home.

Do not really get out much unless hubby is up and I can get his help with the boys. Usually those trips out entail getting the mail, or buying some odds and ends at a store that is three blocks over. Otherwise we usually all go out together to run errands just to get out of the house. Got birthdays coming up and fortunately they are Spring ones, so planning some picnic like settings for at least one.

Nonetheless, there is always room for improvement. Will try the hymn suggestion while house cleaning and things, it may help.

May God Bless You

Dani

I acknowledge your limatations to meet your needs, yours is a complex situation and I should have made reference to that fact.

Not only hymns, but chorus's to worship to. When I was a bit younger I was the night porter at Burger King and was the only one there and as I was breaking down the boiler the tape of scriptures with hymns "got to me". It had be storing up in my heart then it hit me I cried, I worshipped, I thanked God.

[AnotherSinner]

Sleep is a major issue in this house. One I took the liberty of addressing to a point last night. At the present though, there is only so much we can do. That is until we get our oldest into a sleep specialist. Last night I made sure to go to bed not long after my little ones were in bed. Made sure to be as alert as possible so that away if either stirred, I could get up and into action. Woke up a few times, but that is normal for the time being as my youngest is getting two new teeth. The oldest, well we are working towards adressing his sleep issues.

My boys and I have started to get into a habit of eating breakfast together. There for a while I did not eat at least until lunch time, but not letting a little grogginess or issues with digestion get in my way there. Will sit down to a bowl of cream of wheat or cereal, if not some fruit in the mornings now. Lunch, I tend to miss. The little ones are fed though. Unless we had a big breakfast and no one seems to be hungry. I do munch a bit....on anything from carrots to an occassional pretzel, but I do try to watch what I eat to a point. Dinner is usually well balanced if I can help it. Usually do not get too big on the junk food come dinner. Try to do some remotely healthy meals like grilled chicken with veggies or macaroni, if not both on the side. If one thing is for sure...I try to make a healthy or remotely so in the home.

Do not really get out much unless hubby is up and I can get his help with the boys. Usually those trips out entail getting the mail, or buying some odds and ends at a store that is three blocks over. Otherwise we usually all go out together to run errands just to get out of the house. Got birthdays coming up and fortunately they are Spring ones, so planning some picnic like settings for at least one.

Nonetheless, there is always room for improvement. Will try the hymn suggestion while house cleaning and things, it may help.

May God Bless You

Dani

I acknowledge your limatations to meet your needs, yours is a complex situation and I should have made reference to that fact.

Not only hymns, but chorus's to worship to. When I was a bit younger I was the night porter at Burger King and was the only one there and as I was breaking down the boiler the tape of scriptures with hymns "got to me". It had be storing up in my heart then it hit me I cried, I worshipped, I thanked God.

Thanks again...just going to have to take it one day at a time....sad for me when hubby can go out with the car to look for the dog, but not help me get to the store....just...at the end of my rope here and needing to look to Jesus.

[Floatingaxe]

It seems it is time to take a stand, AnotherSinner.

[AnotherSinner]

It seems it is time to take a stand, AnotherSinner.

Taking a stand....the end result is a guilt trip. Just not worth it anymore...

[mizzdy]

My dear sister I can so relate. My son had a lot of special needs growing up and a daughter who was just as willful if not more so than I was, combine those two with a few other real doozies and oh boy! lol I did stay at home with my kids until my son started school then I started working at their school, which lead to me getting pulled out of my classroom to take care of my sons problems the teacher didnt want to handle. My husband worked on many days at least an hour or so away, after we moved and he started his own business which leads to many many long hours so I was left to handle everything.

I could have made the list you wrote with a lot more added on that because I opted to work. My husband is one of the few really good guys, or at least I get told that all the time, he would cook dinners when I had to work late although I cant remember him ever using a vacuum or cleaning a toilet around the house. Its very overwhelming having a child with special needs, its not only tiring on moms but on dads and marriages as well. If you havent already please sit down and talk to your husband, tell him how you feel, put the emphasis on you not him that may only make a wall come up in defense. It is best if you could point to certain things and ask for a bit of help, feeding the kids, bath time, picking up the toys, simple things. If you hold all this in it will only fester and cause more problems as it grows. Bitterness and resentment come from not letting things out, by not allowing us as wives to address problems even if they are not really understood by our spouses. If you need to talk please pm me I am usually around or close by and check emails and pms often. Take this to Yahweh, ask for His guideance and direction. I pray that He send you shalom in your heart to conquer that chaos within.

shalom,

Mizz

[winsomebulldog]

My heart aches for you. I cannot claim to have any experience with the issues involved with rearing special needs children, or any children at all, as we do not have any. However, twice in my life I have been a caretaker for a terminally ill family member. I remember very well how difficult that is. It goes far beyond the mere physical strain of the constant care involved. It is emotionally exhausting as well. That's something that many who haven't experienced a similar situation cannot really understand. When you listed some of the details of your typical day, I just couldn't help but think of my mother-in-law who died five years ago the first of this month. She was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer and quite literally from the moment she was diagnosed, she required around the clock care. This care primarily fell to my husband and myself and it takes a real toll on a person over time. We filled that role for several months. I can only imagine the physical and emotional strain of being a full time caretaker for years.

As for your fears of depression, I can relate. I've suffered from it for my entire adult life. And while I know God has carried me through it, keeping me alive through times so dark and awful that death truly seemed like the only way out, I also know that He doesn't hold it against me that I eventually sought counseling or that I still take medication on a daily basis to help me resist that lying voice that tries to tell me I have no value and countless other things that only serve to beat me down to a pulp.

I have told my therapist that I find being a caretaker far more emotionally and physically exhausting than being the one in need of care. Just over a year and a half ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer. My surgeries and treatments are now behind me and I won't pretend that the fight wasn't hard and often unpleasant, but the reality is that being the one who was sick and in need of care was far easier for me than having to be the one providing care. And it isn't because I just like being taken care of. It's because as the one who was "sick" I was able to just hand it all over to God and trust completely that whatever happened, it was part of His plan and would work out for the best. But when I'm the one taking care of someone I love, I suffer from the overwhelming desire to somehow "fix" things. I want to do anything that might possibly somehow make the one I love feel even the tiniest bit happier or better or just make them smile. It's because I love them and I'd go through anything for them.

I tell you this because I think you feel the same. You love your children and your husband with every fiber of your being so you are willing to give and give and give because you want to make things easier for them and you want to take care of them. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. In fact, I think that's the way we all ought to be, especially in relation to our families. But I have also learned that sometimes you need some time for yourself. It doesn't make you selfish, it is just a simple fact. You have said your husband is a good man and I have no reason to doubt that, but I also know that while work can be tiring and stressful, it is also a form of "escape" from stresses at home. Please understand that I absolutely do not want to come across as sound critical of him or anyone else. It's just a simple fact that going to a job outside the home affords that person a chance to "get away" from whatever stressful issues exist in the home. My husband learned and admitted as much while his mother was sick. His hours at work gave a chance to focus on something else for a little while. You, however, as the full-time care giver for your children are never afforded that break. You live with it day in and day out, every moment of every single day. I cannot begin to imagine how exhausted you must be.

I don't know if my words are at all helpful, but I do know that you have nothing to be ashamed of. Despite some who claim otherwise, God never intended for women to the the sole caregivers of the children. We have unfortunately long been subjected to the culture of "Man work - woman raise kids."

Unfortunately, I don't have any easy answers to offer. There just aren't any. Pray, pray, pray simply comes across as sounding trite. It's always good advice, but I know that sometimes we can get to a place where it just isn't that simple. The only thing I can say is that you shouldn't feel like a failure for needing a break every now and then. More than once every several months. You've said that you've tried to talk to your husband about how overwhelmed you feel. In my experience, men often have no clue what that really means. My own husband, who I would fiercely argue is the best in the whole world spent easily the first half of our relationship and marriage essentially telling me to "get over it" in relation to my major depression. It wasn't that he didn't care. He simply could not fathom the concept and I wasn't any good at explaining it to him. Eventually, after more than a few years and a large number of major depressive episodes and a bit of research on the internet on his part, he started taking it all a lot more seriously. He still has no true understanding of it. He just can't wrap his brain around how depression works. But he understands that it is real and that it can't be ignored. The point being, your husband may well have no actual real understanding of that drowning sensation that is plaguing you. Men simply don't work the same way we do and it is often difficult to bridge those differences, regardless of how good the relationship is.

You've mentioned your family and while I know you have said they aren't as understanding or supportive as they could be, I wonder if they are willing to be at all helpful? I really don't like coming across as "telling you what to do" or "having all the answers" because I KNOW it doesn't work that way. But at the risk of sounding like a pretentious jerk, I wonder if you could explain to your husband that you need more "time off." Not that you aren't madly in love with your children, but that you just need a break. You don't have to "go out" or anything, but a little time for just the two of you or even for just you can go a long way. So, is there any way that your family could or would be willing to step in and perhaps agree to take the boys off your hands once in a while.

Gosh, I hate offering advice like this. Makes me feel so obnoxious. Seriously, my heart is just aching at the thought of how enormous the weight you are carrying must feel to you. I don't know if your family or even your church family might have someone in it that could fill the role of "baby sitter" for a short while for you. Just long enough for you to get some time to focus on yourself. I do know that you deserve it and that you aren't somehow a "bad" mom or wife for feeling the strain.

Forgive me if I have come across as pretentious. I just want you to know you are not alone. In truth, all I can really do is lift you up to the Lord. Trite as it can sometimes feel and sound, He is the ultimate problem solver. And as one of my favorite expressions goes, "Sometimes He calms the storm, sometimes He calms His child." I pray He grants you peace and rest and a solution to the stress you are feeling. If you believe you need to see a counselor, do so. Believe me when I tell you that it's much easier to "nip it in the bud" than to wait until depression has fully bloomed and pulled you down into it's black pit. And if you do wind up seeking out counseling, don't let anyone tell you that your need for help isn't real or is only based in selfishness. Don't let anyone bully you into believing that it will all just go away if you'll simply have more faith or pray more often. Depression is a disease just like cancer or diabetes. It is not something to feel ashamed about. And even if you aren't suffering from major depression, the stress you are under alone is enough reason to seek out someone to talk to who won't be judgmental and make you feel like you're just feeling sorry for yourself.

God bless you, dear sister in Christ.

Winsomebulldog,

You are not pretentious at all. Your insight is much appreciated. In the past I had considered this option. However, trust is not something I would easily give even to my hubby's mother or family.

As mine is a long distance away and are not big on taking care of small children after raising six of their own. My parents feel it is my job to tend to my little ones, and that I surely do not argue with.

My hubby's family....well, a lot of them are drinkers. Aside from that my sister in law lives with my mother in law, this is mostly due to her life choices which are still ones in need of a lot of prayer. For she tends to bring it with her to her mother's house and her mother while she does not condone it, does nothing to put an end to it. In short, I feel it is not the safest enviroment for my children and do not want to run the risk of them being taken away. A lot of the time, if my boys go over there it is when I know it is just their grandma and grandpa home as they tend to the boys and usually do not have any questionable company with questionably legal habits within their home. For I have seen illegal things go on in that household while my husband's sister is there of which while have become less frequent have not stopped...which is why I keep his family at an arms length and pray for them a lot. There has also been a family member of a young age without proper discipline who tends to get agressive towards everything and everyone that is there on occassion and again....just do not feel safe bringing my children there while he is present.

This probably sounds like I am passing judgement....but I do not mean to do so. My resources and outlets are very short listed here.

Will surely pray for guidance though on this matter, and see what can be done. Thank you

May God Bless You

In an effort to inject a bit of humor here: “You can choose your friends but you sho' can't choose your family, an' they're still kin to you no matter whether you acknowledge 'em or not, and it makes you look right silly when you don't.” ― Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird

There have been lots of jokes in my family about my family. And my husband's family. Everything from doubts about whether certain members were actually hatched from eggs or about how I (and my husband for that matter) am the baby of the family, yet have seemed to have a far more stable life than my older siblings. I remember complaining to a friend once about how my sisters could never get past the fact that I was the "baby" and that they'd always see me as such. Her response was that I was the only one who acted like an adult between us. This was a bit exaggerated, but the fact remains that in the end, we are indeed stuck with whatever family we have.

I am sorry that you are in a situation where you cannot comfortably seek assistance from either side of your family. That's a real shame, as I fully believe that families ought to be something of a unit - within reason of course - where they provide all the support and assistance they can for each other. But as you have said, you absolutely must do what is best for your children, so I can only applaud you for not placing them in a situation that you feel is potentially risky.

I have little family left, on either side, and so while our situations are dramatically different, I do understand the sense of loneliness that can come from being unable to depend upon your family to simply "be there" to support you. No doubt that God makes it plain that once we are married, we are to become one with our spouses and place that "family" unit above our extended family, but I do still believe that our parents, siblings, aunts and uncles, all of our family are meant to be a unit that can offer mutual love, support, and encouragement. Before my mother's death, this was precisely how my family functioned for the most part. Losing her, however, was a bit like losing the lynchpin that held us all together. After she was gone, it was just so easy for everyone to get caught up in their own lives and drift apart. Very sad. Not to mention that my mother was often the "voice of reason" in our family and without her there, things got... complicated for lack of a better word.

But I'm rambling. (I do that a lot. Love to chase those rabbits. ) Mostly, I just want to offer you encouragement and support. We all need that from time to time. Plus, you just have such a sweet spirit. Makes me smile.

God bless you and your precious family.

[winsomebulldog]

My dear sister I can so relate. My son had a lot of special needs growing up and a daughter who was just as willful if not more so than I was, combine those two with a few other real doozies and oh boy! lol I did stay at home with my kids until my son started school then I started working at their school, which lead to me getting pulled out of my classroom to take care of my sons problems the teacher didnt want to handle. My husband worked on many days at least an hour or so away, after we moved and he started his own business which leads to many many long hours so I was left to handle everything.

I could have made the list you wrote with a lot more added on that because I opted to work. My husband is one of the few really good guys, or at least I get told that all the time, he would cook dinners when I had to work late although I cant remember him ever using a vacuum or cleaning a toilet around the house. Its very overwhelming having a child with special needs, its not only tiring on moms but on dads and marriages as well. If you havent already please sit down and talk to your husband, tell him how you feel, put the emphasis on you not him that may only make a wall come up in defense. It is best if you could point to certain things and ask for a bit of help, feeding the kids, bath time, picking up the toys, simple things. If you hold all this in it will only fester and cause more problems as it grows. Bitterness and resentment come from not letting things out, by not allowing us as wives to address problems even if they are not really understood by our spouses. If you need to talk please pm me I am usually around or close by and check emails and pms often. Take this to Yahweh, ask for His guideance and direction. I pray that He send you shalom in your heart to conquer that chaos within.

shalom,

Mizz

Amen, Mizz.

[AnotherSinner]

My dear sister I can so relate. My son had a lot of special needs growing up and a daughter who was just as willful if not more so than I was, combine those two with a few other real doozies and oh boy! lol I did stay at home with my kids until my son started school then I started working at their school, which lead to me getting pulled out of my classroom to take care of my sons problems the teacher didnt want to handle. My husband worked on many days at least an hour or so away, after we moved and he started his own business which leads to many many long hours so I was left to handle everything.

I could have made the list you wrote with a lot more added on that because I opted to work. My husband is one of the few really good guys, or at least I get told that all the time, he would cook dinners when I had to work late although I cant remember him ever using a vacuum or cleaning a toilet around the house. Its very overwhelming having a child with special needs, its not only tiring on moms but on dads and marriages as well. If you havent already please sit down and talk to your husband, tell him how you feel, put the emphasis on you not him that may only make a wall come up in defense. It is best if you could point to certain things and ask for a bit of help, feeding the kids, bath time, picking up the toys, simple things. If you hold all this in it will only fester and cause more problems as it grows. Bitterness and resentment come from not letting things out, by not allowing us as wives to address problems even if they are not really understood by our spouses. If you need to talk please pm me I am usually around or close by and check emails and pms often. Take this to Yahweh, ask for His guideance and direction. I pray that He send you shalom in your heart to conquer that chaos within.

shalom,

Mizz

Mizz,

What gets me is...I SHOULD be used to this. Growing up I have had a younger sister with special needs. Once moved out of the house, I even worked as her support care staff. She is a lot more dependent than my boys may ever be too.... Maybe the reality here is, I am having a hard time accepting that my son has certain struggles that are going to require time to get through.

My hubby and I also tend to deal with things in VERY DIFFERENT ways. We sat down this morning and talked a little. While things are not going to just be alright overnight.... we at least now have a better, if not slightly more improved understanding of each other. Doing all that we need to do, in whatever time we are going to be given is just....a great weight on both of us. So much so, we are both afraid of hurting the other by asking for help. That is an issue him and I both have, we loath asking others for help...we want to do things on our own. Think we let that become so much of an issue at times that we tend to forget to let one another, more importantly...GOD in the picture to lend us a helping hand.

So I thank you, and everyone else here who has taken the time to read and reply. There is a lot of growing up that needs to be done on my part as both a mother and wife, as well as a daughter in Christ.

May God Bless You

Dani

[AnotherSinner]

In an effort to inject a bit of humor here: “You can choose your friends but you sho' can't choose your family, an' they're still kin to you no matter whether you acknowledge 'em or not, and it makes you look right silly when you don't.” ― Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird

I am sorry that you are in a situation where you cannot comfortably seek assistance from either side of your family. That's a real shame, as I fully believe that families ought to be something of a unit - within reason of course - where they provide all the support and assistance they can for each other. But as you have said, you absolutely must do what is best for your children, so I can only applaud you for not placing them in a situation that you feel is potentially risky.

I have little family left, on either side, and so while our situations are dramatically different, I do understand the sense of loneliness that can come from being unable to depend upon your family to simply "be there" to support you. No doubt that God makes it plain that once we are married, we are to become one with our spouses and place that "family" unit above our extended family, but I do still believe that our parents, siblings, aunts and uncles, all of our family are meant to be a unit that can offer mutual love, support, and encouragement. Before my mother's death, this was precisely how my family functioned for the most part. Losing her, however, was a bit like losing the lynchpin that held us all together. After she was gone, it was just so easy for everyone to get caught up in their own lives and drift apart. Very sad. Not to mention that my mother was often the "voice of reason" in our family and without her there, things got... complicated for lack of a better word.

But I'm rambling. (I do that a lot. Love to chase those rabbits. ) Mostly, I just want to offer you encouragement and support. We all need that from time to time. Plus, you just have such a sweet spirit. Makes me smile.

God bless you and your precious family.

[gdemoss]

AnotherSinner,

How easy it is to get caught up in the thorns and thistle of this life.

How easy it is to look at things from our own shoes. Much of the time

seeing the actual truth that is being presented around us. We know

very well when we are under appreciated or taken for granted and these

things stab at our hearts and tempt us to respond. It is often too much

when others refuse to hear our cries as we cry out for some love to be

directed toward us.

Look to the savior and live. Look to the one who nobody ever really

appreciated and still many take for granted. The one who looked past

all of his hurts and pains to see the end of those who were mean and

hateful to him. His heart was to ask for their forgiveness. To sacrifice his

own feelings and emotions for the sake of anothers salvation. To give up

hope of having any kind of life here in order that many could live through

him.

The bible teaches that there are those who escape the corruption that

is in the world through lust through the knowledge of Jesus. It sounds

to me like there are many around you who suffer from the inability to escape

as they don't sound like they are embracing the light that has come into

the world. Truly I am not here to address them but to reach out to

you. If our hearts are not right with God then we will become envious when

another gets to sleep in when we don't or when anothers work load is

acknowledged when ours in fact is not. We begin to hurt first but that

pain turns into a hardened heart toward those who sin against us and

toward the God who is allowing them to do so. We can't get into bible

study as we ourselves are slipping in to sin because we are focused too

much on the sin of those who sin against us.

Here is my counsel. Forget all about who and what you are at this

moment. Remember who Christ is and what he has already done for you

in the past. Go back through this thread and read your posts as if you are

reading the post of a complete stranger and pray for them that they be

healed of anything that is wrong with them. Then pray for their

family and the problems they have because they are not bearing their

own crosses before the Lord. We really need to see our own situation

as God truly sees it. Overcome evil with good is his way. Is that what

you have been doing? If not don't sweat it, repent and grow in the

Lord some more.

Remember, for a good man some would even dare to die. Your willing

to do 'your part' if everyone else is on board but that isn't the right way.

Christ died for us while we were yet ungodly. We need to pick up our

cross, deny ourselves and serve him with all of our heart, mind and body

even when it isn't fair.

I am speaking from personal experience as I go through this with my

wife everyday. She treats me really poorly and with great disrespect.

I look to the Savior for strength and i love her anyway. I take her abusive

remarks and lack of care with a grain of salt and seek to help her see her end before

the judgment seat of Christ. I pray for her daily that God would reveal

himself to her and soften her heart. I love God because he first loved me.

My hope is that if I love my wife as Christ loved me, that maybe she will

come to know him through me and be saved.

Progressive sanctification is a matter of coming before the word of God

for an overdue bath. The fact that it is progressive means that we

must actually progress. Pray that he will mold you into a vessel unto

honor that is capable of serving even in the worst situations. Loving and

following God is easy when all is good. Being loyal when iniquity abounds

is what makes a saint, a saint.

In His Love, your in my heart, you hurt and now I hurt,

Gary

Gary,

This insight is much appreciated. In my heart, I truly think I was heading this way. For the past few mornings I actually did find myself feeling rather bitter

towards my husband for his ability to sleep in while I tend to the little ones. Going to do some praying about this. Try to look at it from the beautiful picture

you painted here for me. Jesus did endure so much more, and he was blameless....yet his sacrifice is not acknowledge or goes unappreciated by so many.

Thank you...this was much needed.

May God Bless You

Dani

Dani,

I have one child with juvenile diabetes and another with down syndrome. But I always go back to Jesus who taught me that circumstances are no excuse for me to alter my person and behave poorly. My special needs children can be overwhelming with all of the meds, doctor visits, diet etc (although my healthy 3 year old is the most taxing of the bunch personality wise). But I bet it was nothing compared to walking day in and day out as the leader of 12 Apostles who were without understanding and being trained up to be the foundation of the church. I can't imagine being Jesus, the Son of God, and being told by Peter that your wrong and don't know what your talking about (although my 3 year old does that to me regularly). Walking in his shoes is extremely difficult and we have sin dwelling within us to boot.

A few things that have helped me to understand my situation and not fall into hopelessness when I fall.

1. All my thoughts are not my own. Some come from demons who wish to destroy me. I bring every thought subject unto Christ. Demons don't always hang around, they come and go so don't be surprised if things go well for awhile and then your all of a sudden being tempted big time in your thought life.
   
2. Sin dwells within me and I must rule over it. When ever I would to do anything I am well aware that evil is present with me urging me to do otherwise. Sometimes I just plain talk to sin and tell him not today as I am no longer your servant.
   
3. I wrestle not against flesh and blood (other people) so much as the principalities and powers and rulers of darkness in high places. The devils as well as sin are in everyone around me and I try to remember that they may not understand what is affecting them either. Scripture says that Gods people are destroyed by lack of knowledge.
   
4. Sin is pleasurable and very attractive though it come with a great price. I must ask God to remove its allure. He has been so kind to me in this area when I remember to go to him first and ask.
   

Set your heart on God and pleasing him and he will lift you up. Remember that scripture tells us that we will suffer before we are settled. Here is a passage of scripture to meditate on for today. I am sure you already know it. Don't get sucked into the habit of just reading it and reflecting on some old thought about it but truly explore it for what it is saying to you today. Let it speak to your heart and give you understanding through the Holy Spirit. Keep it all together as the whole thing applies and if moved to, go and reread all of 1 Peter.

1 Peter 5

6 Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: 7 Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. 8 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour: 9 Whom resist stedfast in the faith, knowing that the same afflictions are accomplished in your brethren that are in the world. 10 But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you. 11To him be glory and dominion for ever and ever. Amen.

Have a wonderfully blessed experience growing in the grace of God. Tribulation->Patience->Experience->Hope and Hope makes one not to be ashamed because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Spirit as we are filled with him -> Then we have the fruits of love, joy, patience, temperance, faith, meekness, goodness, gentleness and kindness for others to readily feed off of. We will never stand before him ashamed if we are made perfect by his love and give that love freely to everyone around us regardless of their spiritual condition.

It gets easier with time and experience.

We started here:

Now we are here:

I have grown so much closer to God during this experience. There is nothing like seeing your baby hooked up to so much technology just to continue living knowing that God could make it all different but instead chooses to cause you to grow through the experience instead. My son is 11 months and can just now roll over. His muscle tone is so weak that everything is a struggle. He has a tube coming directly out of his stomach that he gets 80% of his feedings through. He had open heart surgery at 6 months. All he ever does is look at me, smile and laugh. I can't imagine life without him in it.

This is the only life that will ever be like this and thank God it is short. Praise him for his excellent mercies.

Gary