The Process of Mediation in Marriage

[Guest ninhao]

1. Should husband and wife use the process taught in Matthew 18 if necessary.

2. If so what are the implications of treating the unrepentant guilty party as a heathen.

3. If you don't believe this process should be used what process do you recommend and why. ( I would appreciate scripture and/or sound logic)

1. Yes

2. 1 Corinthians 7:¹² But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her. ¹³ And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away. ¹⁴ For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy. ¹⁵ Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace. ¹⁶ For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?

Hello Chloe_ Fantasic thank you for voicing agreement it has been rare. .

[Guest ninhao]

I am now closing this thread. any questions I have asked which remain unanswered please disregard.

Thank you to all who participated.

I now see I cannot close this thread. Could a moderator do this for me please thank you.

[Carlasangels]

Ninhao, You should see a Christian counselor and if your wife will go as well, that would be the best. I was in an abusive marriage for 20 years. I sought councel from a Christian counselor. My husband (ex) went one time. He ended up knowing the counselor he was assigned to from work. They sat around and talked shop and in the end said he didn't have a problem. I was not with him at his session, but I'll guarantee you he did not admit to any abuse. After that, he refused to go to any counselling sessions together and the counselor that he met with was fired for having a personal interest in the case.

What my counselor told me was that God does not expect for us to live in an abusive situation. She had scripture to back it up, but I do not remember it now. Divorce was not something that I even wanted to consider, but she helped me see, in my case, that it was in my best interest (if I wanted to stay alive).

The hardest part of the whole thing was being able to really forgive him for what he had done and it took me a very long time to really forgive him. After I was able to forgive him, we even tried again for about 6 months. My mom told me that yes, we have to forgive, but we should not forget. I didn't agree with her then, but when the abuse started again, I was able to walk away, for good. I still do not believe in divorce, but I do believe that sometimes we were not actually joined by God, but that's a whole different topic.

Please seek Christian counsel. No one can tell you what to do without the details and with the details, it falls under the category of gossip. So take the part in Matthew "¹⁶ But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses." read that as a Christian Counselor.

Hope a similar experience helps you with some decisions. I'll keep y'all in my prayers.

[GoldenEagle]

I am surprised GE that you insist I provide such personal information. I have explained to OneLight why I haven't given my marital status above and I also believe you are infringing the TOS by insisting I reveal this information. Is this infringing the TOS or not please tell me so that I know if I must answer these personal questions.

Ok yes I understand. Because I am unwilling to provide such personal information online this disqualifies me from participating in this discussion.

I will now close this thread and not participate in any future thread which I am not willing to reveal my personal experiences concerning the subject matter.

My privacy is very important.

I haven't belittled the marriage covenant but simply insist husband and wife can follow the Matthew 18 procedure as brother and sister in Christ that they are.

If you have read my posts in this thread you will see that I have insisted Matthew 18 process is only used in dire need. I have also said it shouldn't be used for everyday disputes.

You are actually agreeing with me why don't you show me the courtesy of acknowledging this ?

Ok thank you for presenting your position. I disagree whole heartedly because the Church should be able to mediate all situations with grace and wisdom. If we can't how will we judge even Angels.

Ninhao, I don’t see this question (are you married?) as infringing on the ToS. We’re free to ask and you’re free to decide to not respond. I understand you value your privacy. People are also free to leave the discussion or not participate at all. Having such strong opinions and not sharing your life experience or your position on the subject seems a bit odd to me.

To me, if a person would like to discuss a topic giving their position on a topic is important to any discussion. If we were discussing drug abuse it would be pertinent to know if the OP author had any experience with such. If we were talking about alcohol abuse it would be pertinent to know if the OP author had any experience with such. I think particularly on the subject of marriage it’s easy to have opinions but if one has not experienced them it diminishes that person’s expertise would you agree?

I agree in extreme situations such as physical abuse Matthew 18 is a possibility for a married couple. After all other options (individual counseling, marriage counseling, speaking to a pastor, etc.) I thought I acknowledged this with what I said… Perhaps I was unclear?

I’m just not sure how from a practical standpoint successful that it would be as many people don’t allow themselves to be under the authority of the local church for church discipline as found in Matthew 18.

I’m with Nebula I’m just not sure what you were looking for in this thread. You mention specific reasons… Yet you don't disclose them so the rest of us are at a bit of a loss... Are you trying to justify something in your life or a friends life? Or just think through possibilities? Do you have a pastor or Biblical counselor you can turn to for these questions?

I apologize as it seems I hurt your feelings with my words. That was not my intention brother. Please forgive me if I came across a bit too strong?

God bless,

GE

[Guest ninhao]

Ninhao, I don’t see this question (are you married?) as infringing on the ToS. We’re free to ask and you’re free to decide to not respond. I understand you value your privacy. People are also free to leave the discussion or not participate at all. Having such strong opinions and not sharing your life experience or your position on the subject seems a bit odd to me.

To me, if a person would like to discuss a topic giving their position on a topic is important to any discussion. If we were discussing drug abuse it would be pertinent to know if the OP author had any experience with such. If we were talking about alcohol abuse it would be pertinent to know if the OP author had any experience with such. I think particularly on the subject of marriage it’s easy to have opinions but if one has not experienced them it diminishes that person’s expertise would you agree?

I agree in extreme situations such as physical abuse Matthew 18 is a possibility for a married couple. After all other options (individual counseling, marriage counseling, speaking to a pastor, etc.) I thought I acknowledged this with what I said… Perhaps I was unclear?

I’m just not sure how from a practical standpoint successful that it would be as many people don’t allow themselves to be under the authority of the local church for church discipline as found in Matthew 18.

I’m with Nebula I’m just not sure what you were looking for in this thread. You mention specific reasons… Yet you don't disclose them so the rest of us are at a bit of a loss... Are you trying to justify something in your life or a friends life? Or just think through possibilities? Do you have a pastor or Biblical counselor you can turn to for these questions?

I apologize as it seems I hurt your feelings with my words. That was not my intention brother. Please forgive me if I came across a bit too strong?

God bless,

GE

GE,

Thank you for your consideration and for future reference I will not continue to discuss topics where it is deemed necessary for me to provide personal details of which I am unwilling. I am ok that you feel this lessens the credibility of my assessments.

I am not hurt brother but disappointed in the process that has been followed in this thread.

May you close this thread please it no longer serves any edifying purpose to me. I will seek counsel elsewhere.

Thank you.

( I am a direct person and don't think I am angry with you please )

[OneLight]

By the request of the OP, this thread is closed. There have been a lot of points made, so if anyone wants to continue the discussion, you may start another thread.