Joy and love Posted August 10, 2014 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 6 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 76 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 5 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/31/2014 Status: Offline Share Posted August 10, 2014 (edited) I'm just so fed up with how my mother treats me. I'm sick of being a fly on the wall when I'm metres away. I'm sick of being excluded. I'm sick of her nasty husband being her number one. I'm sick of her mind games. I'm sick of being an adult and still treated as nothing. I'm sick of being ignored. I'm sick of being alone. I'm sick of never being listened to. This woman claims she loves me (usually says 'cares' )but how she has treated me since she met him is nothing but favouritism and placing his importance over me, even to the point of laughing at my sadness. I've tried letters, emails...everything to make her listen but she throws them away, defends her 'darling' and rolls her eyes around. She just continues on with her emotional and psychological abuse day in and day out. Everything good she does for me she says "just being decent!" Or "don't want you to think bad of me!" Or "just being nice!" I cried out to The Lord last night, begged him to listen to me, forgive me, and prove to me he is there. He just keeps ignoring me. Why? I have tried so hard to devote myself to him. He apparently loves me but all I get is loneliness. Being with The Lord gives me pain. I wish I wouldn't go to hell and I wasn't afraid, because I think so often about suicide some days. My mother wouldn't even know I was dead until days later. All she cares about is how my money looks after her and him. All she does is devote herself to him day and day out. Yeah, sometimes I get some attention, but it never lasts long. It usually comes when she is mad at him. I have so much proof she doesn't love me. It's insane how much that nasty person she married means to her. I believe it has played a big part in these fantasies I have, because I think of them more when she has treated me bad. I just want to die. It's all I really want right now. I'm just in my room crying. I'm sick of it. I wish I could live alone but am unable to deal with it mentally. I have social phobia as well so I can't do much. I wish I was someone's first concern. I'm surely not the lord's. He enjoys this, probably a morbid thrill he enjoys like my mother. I have absolutely no one else to talk to. Talking to The Lord is exhausting and pointless. I don't believe he loves me or cares when he does this to me year after year after year. Edited August 10, 2014 by Joy and love Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joy and love Posted August 10, 2014 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 6 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 76 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 5 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/31/2014 Status: Offline Author Share Posted August 10, 2014 Her husband is horrible. He treats her badly and has hated me since day one. She just doesn't care or want to listen. It's been years now and she won't wake up to see what I see. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joy and love Posted August 10, 2014 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 6 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 76 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 5 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/31/2014 Status: Offline Author Share Posted August 10, 2014 (edited) And yes I've prayed about it. It's just going to keep going on and on and on. He doesn't want anything to do with me. Even at high school I asked him to help me, instead he didn't. I've asked The Lord for years to help me and he hasn't. Maybe he has in situations but nothing that would really prove it was him. I don't think I'm wanted by even the most loving of all. Nothing I read makes me feel like he does or make me believe that he does. I want the mum I knew back. Even though she never loved me and all that ever mattered to her was a man in her life, at least I could talk to her. Edited August 10, 2014 by Joy and love Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joy and love Posted August 10, 2014 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 6 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 76 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 5 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/31/2014 Status: Offline Author Share Posted August 10, 2014 Went into her room while my stepfather was there. Wouldn't even look at me. He went away and she still wouldn't acknowledge me like she did him. She looked up a bit, but not straight at me. Talked to me in a mellow way. She always talks to me like I'm nothing. There is so much she does that proves she doesn't love me. Tells HIM even just now...when she took something away that she is being 'fair' to me. Everything she tells him and has to explain anything she does for me or buys for me. Things she does? Bad mouths me often, leaves me all alone, cares and shows him love and kindness I don't get and just EVERYTHING! I feel so unloved and worthless to her. As an adult I even still get treated like I'm not valid in any conversation. Even if it's related to me somehow Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joy and love Posted August 10, 2014 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 6 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 76 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 5 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/31/2014 Status: Offline Author Share Posted August 10, 2014 She has said before she doesn't care if I go and just outright proving I mean nothing to her. I just wish I was able to be happy alone. I just live for the little moment where I do matter (whether that be when she fights with him or not). Even though I know she doesn't love me, I can't deal with that pain I just live for those 'little moments'. I'm also unable to cook and do the things she does, so I need her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
He giveth more grace Posted August 10, 2014 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 123 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 2,049 Content Per Day: 0.32 Reputation: 267 Days Won: 9 Joined: 10/22/2006 Status: Offline Share Posted August 10, 2014 I had a mother a lot like yours, she treated my three siblings better than she treated me. She hindered my life more than I can say, but you know what, I am a better man because of it. I suffered belittlement, and she kept me from growing up and she didn't acknowledge my manhood. God uses adversity to mold us. If you have a concordance, look up every verse where the word "adversity" is found in Psalms, it would be an excellent word study. Because I suffered under the hand of my mother I am a more compassionate man now. Seek God and not your mother, consume his word and ask him to teach you principles in his word on which to stand. Also, I think you lack maturity too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joy and love Posted August 10, 2014 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 6 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 76 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 5 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/31/2014 Status: Offline Author Share Posted August 10, 2014 Strange as it may seem, I feel I have grown a bit from them two. I'm still weak over it, but I feel after the years I've dealt with it better. In what area do you think I lack maturity? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sevenseas Posted August 10, 2014 Group: Royal Member Followers: 3 Topic Count: 30 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 3,373 Content Per Day: 0.76 Reputation: 683 Days Won: 22 Joined: 02/28/2012 Status: Offline Share Posted August 10, 2014 Hi Joy and love.... You need to focus on your identity in Christ. All of us are rejected at one point or another by someone in this world and some of us even reject ourself. I want the mum I knew back. Even though she never loved me and all that ever mattered to her was a man in her life, at least I could talk to her If you just want things the way they were, even though by your own admition they were not that good, it seems you may imagine you have an exclusive right over your mother. None of us has that kind of right over another person unless you are married and are one in Christ and even then, it is a matter of giving to the other person and not taking. Sometimes we think a parent or sibling does not love us because they do not meet the expectations we place upon them....that does not mean they do not love us. All of us are basically very selfish until we start to get ourselves straightened out and changed by what God says to us in His Word. If you do not believe your mother will accept, love and cherish you, why do you insist that she does? I am sorry to have to tell you this, but a believer in Christ may receive quite a bit of opposition from family and as far as God not anserwing you, let me assure you that He has already answered you! You cannot change another person's behavior except by manipulating them, deceiving them or intimidating them and none of those are kind, loving or good. In order to move on, you have to realize that you have to deal with things as they are and another person is not responsible for you happiness. Why did you give yourself the name Joy and Love? Is it because you wish it were so? You actually can make it so, but as you become aware of all that God has done for you and that you need to grab onto those things and not expect a person, like yourself, to fill the void only God can fill in your life. We change from the inside out...of it is from the outside in, it is superficial and will not last. Do you have any idea of who God says you are if you are a believer in Him? It is very different than the way you are sounding when I read your post... I can understand how you feel, but if you are serious about wanting love and joy, then you will have to take your eyes off your mom and get focused on God and on His Son. I did not say it would be easy because you will have to forgive your mother and anyone else you resent or you believe has harmed you or even does not love you. However, you will start to grow in the Lord and you will become stable in your relationship with Him and able to handle the emotional ups and downs of your life ... ps...we ALL have to do that! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sevenseas Posted August 10, 2014 Group: Royal Member Followers: 3 Topic Count: 30 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 3,373 Content Per Day: 0.76 Reputation: 683 Days Won: 22 Joined: 02/28/2012 Status: Offline Share Posted August 10, 2014 I've asked The Lord for years to help me and he hasn't. Well, that is quite an accusation. Jesus had died for you because He loves you and God has accepted you as His child if you believe in His Son. So, the conclusion would be that you are the one causing the problem...that, is also true of ALL of us. We are responsible for what we know about the Bible and we are responsible for taking a hold of God....He has already done all that we need to be accepted by Him and to be able to live for Him on this earth. Problems arise when someone has expectations that are either unrealistic or even sinful and that will always cause disappointment and often people will blame God for their own shortcomings or sinful behavior. Talking to The Lord is exhausting and pointless. I don't believe he loves me or cares when he does this to me year after year after year. You mentionned high school at one point and refer to yourself as an adult. As an adult, what have you done to begin a life as an adult? Are you going to college or working? Do you attend a church where you can meet people and make friends and learn about what it means to be a Christian? You say your situation has gone on year after year...why do you allow that? You can change that. God did not create your situtation...your own family created the situation and you contributed to it. God does not force us to behave in certain ways. We learn behavior by our world around us and the only way we can change how we behave is to have our minds renewed by the word of God. Nothing will ever change as long as you stew, gripe, complain and blame God . I think it would really help for you to focus outside of your home and begin the process of having a life apart from the new life your mother has made for herself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
He giveth more grace Posted August 10, 2014 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 123 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 2,049 Content Per Day: 0.32 Reputation: 267 Days Won: 9 Joined: 10/22/2006 Status: Offline Share Posted August 10, 2014 Strange as it may seem, I feel I have grown a bit from them two. I'm still weak over it, but I feel after the years I've dealt with it better. In what area do you think I lack maturity?just as an first impression, you seem to stay in upheaval. I was told that I was immature back in the '90 and it is not pleasant to hear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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