Not sure what to do... (advice needed)

[KPaulG]

Welcome to Worthy.

[jtartar]

I am a seventeen year old girl. Despite being a public school student who is surrounded by peer pressure and negativity all the time, I have managed to truly maintain my Christian ideals and beliefs. Not only this, but I came from an abusive home that was not religious at all (both of my parents are drug addicts) and I prayed every single day for a way out and took comfort in reading the Bible. I was finally put into a new home, but my situation isn't much better than it was before. But I still haven't lost faith and I refuse to. I trust God and I know that He has a plan for me and that He is all the strength I need. According to statistics I should have dropped out of high school or been on the street by now, but instead I am one of the top 10 in my class. It seems like in these modern times teenagers are so obsessed with sex, and I actually get mocked and bullied at my school for remaining a virgin and wanting to wait until I am married and for studying all the time as well. I have set high standards for myself and I will accept nothing less. I also refuse to listen to anyone who tries to convince me that what I'm doing (pushing myself and studying all the time) is stupid or that my faith in God is pointless. So now that you know a little bit of my background, here is my issue. Five months ago I started dating someone. He used to be a very religious Christian but he fell in with the wrong crowd and became addicted to drugs and sex. I pretty much picked him up at his lowest point, and tried to help him overcome everything and his problems, as he has been through a lot. He is a work in progress, but he is getting better and I have noticed a significant change in him. I finally convinced him to open up to his family about what was going on and seek help for his drug addiction and other things. But I believe (unlike most of the individuals I know who are of my age group) that you should not be with someone if marriage is not the ultimate goal. I have an internal conflict when it comes to my current relationship. I care for him very much, but sometimes I ask myself if I can really accept the fact that I won't be his first for anything. I have purposefully saved myself to marry someone who possesses the same moral values and level of self respect as I do, someone who wants to wait until marriage, someone who is a Christian. And here I am, having trouble accepting that he will never be that. I don't really know what I should do because I care for him, and I am trying to help him to get better and become the person I know he can be, but at the same time the internal conflict and questioning of "Is this what I really want?" are boiling inside of me. I need some guidance because I have no idea what to do at this point.

Anyway, if you read all of this thank you!

I appreciate your time! God bless!

shas456,

You sound exactly like my younger sister. She started dating a boy who was terrible on every way. He had a filthy mouth, had absolutely no morals, drank excessively every day.

He told me that he was going to marry her. I just laughed, because she was the prettiest girl in school and the smartest, Suma Cumlaude. He started to change, and everyone started to like him, because he then seemed the ideal boy.

To make a long story short, they got married. As soon as they did, he went back to his old ways. I had gone into the Air Force, so he started to treat her very badly, even beat her. He would have been afraid to do that if I had been around. fer he beat her a few times she finally left him, but buy this time she had a little girl, which made it rough to work and take care of her child.

They have a saying about the leopard changing his spots.

If you truly want to be a Christian, you must obey what The Bible says about bad associations, 1Cor 15:33. Bad associations bring you down, rarely does the good person bring up the bad one, it's like getting into a pigsty and try to clean the pig.

Also the Bible warns a Christian against being unevenly yoked to an unbeliever, 2Cor 6:14,15.

Even more pointed is what is recorded at 1Cor 7:39, a Christian is only to marry another Christian, marry only in the lord.

[Alejandro84]

Hi shas456

Yes your first instinct is right, you need to depart from this individual, you can't be lead by your feelings in life but on truth and discernment from the Lord. Two can't walk together except they be agreed. What you can't do is try to walk with him trying to make him agree, it won't work. I've been through the same thing myself with relationship with a woman. No matter how many times I related scripture in application to daily life, you can't birth it in them. Only the Lord can sober a person unto eternal life and open his eyes. For your own best interest and not to further apply arrows of hurt to your heart over him, it is best to put your feelings aside and say "Lord if it is your will you will see for me to find a man with a new heart that's focused on you".

[1to3]

Hi and welcome shas456;

 

You thoughts are sound about the morals and ideals you have been sharing with us.

And a lot of good advice has been given to you about keeping those sound thoughts and morals as a guiding compass for the rest of your life.

 

It only takes one bad mistake at your age to set things off course for the rest of your life.

And with much regret down the road.

 

If you stay on track with school and keeping your virtue until you find a like minded moral fellow,

you will have spared yourself a lot of grief and heartache.

 

School at your age is the most important thing to focus on.

This will determine your future.

 

Please, please, please, guard your heart and virtue.

These are yours and very precious.

Very precious.

 

They are like precious pearls, not to be thrown to swines, who will not appreciate them.

 

This male friend you are talking about, I can understand your empathy and concern, but you have to save yourself and secure a good future for yourself.

 

If this young man is struggling like you say, yes he needs help and he needs to find it, but not from you, from people,

 organizations that have the knowledge, experience and wisdom to guide him back in the right direction.

 He is not in a direction that is helping himself right now. And he cannot help you either.

 He does not need you either, he needs big time help, that may take for him years to a lifetime to recover from his wrong mind set.

 

Distance yourself from him. Kindly but firmly.

Keep healthy boundaries.

If you don't know what boundaries are.

Learn about them.

They will protect you.

 

Find out more about  what boundaries are if you have to, and learn more about their importance for the well being and protection of your life.

(Know that many people who have come from dis-function and abuse, also have lost their ability to utilize a healthy inner boundary system that God placed in

 every being, as a guide to protect and guide us all out of danger.)

 

If this man has lost his boundary system, how can he help you to keep yours?

With a broken or fragile boundary system, a man or woman can only act from that point of reference

 and bring down with them other fragile people until they find help themselves to resolve their broken boundaries system .

 

Life is full of trickery.

What is down, likes to take down others with them.

 

What is young and innocent, the downtrodden seek to bring down with them.

And then what?

 

You then become worse off, the green stem becomes broken, less steady, with less of the good sound morals it began with.

 

Prevention has sounder sense  than having to fix something.

 

Prevent a pregnancy, prevent a disease, prevent running into the arms of a man in trouble.

 

Prophylactic measures ensure success.

 

Trust the red flags that are warning you. They come from the right minded consciousness that God gave you to help save yourself.

 

Your direction right now is tender and sound but it also needs to be guided further in that right direction.

You need to follow what works, what is positive, what is sound.

 

Your thought pattern of school and keeping your virtue is sound. Hold on to them with dignified integrity.

 

 

 

Hanging to long around a person who has not this type of thought and virtue (be it female or male)

 and is going down the wrong path can absolutely bring you down with them.

And then what?

 

This man in trouble you are talking about getting more emotionally involved with, he can't help you,

 he will only drain and exhaust what you have. and you don't need that.

You don't need to concern yourself further in getting more emotionally involved with him.

 

Right now in the decisions making of your life and future well being, you need to keep level headed.

 

Remember also that emotions can be misleading, they change to often.

Drugs change emotions,

Drinking changes emotions

Sex changes emotions.

Falling to quickly in love changes emotions

 

When not sure, follow what is sound, morally sound and that does not change, like emotions do,

 follow what remains steady and proven to work good things in a persons life.

 

Remember, you don't have to repeat the life path your parents went down.

 

The choices you make now will determine the course for your very own future.

 

Shas456,, when you give away your virtue, its gone .  It will be lost, irretrievable.

 

If you still have it now, be grateful and cherish it.

 

Your life, your virtue, is to be given to the right man. A God fearing man, a man of morals,

 who wants to be the leader of the family and respect you as he respects himself, who wants to build a future with you, 

that is built on a rock and not on sand.

 

To loose it to a man in trouble, without goals, moral direction for a future, without

scholastic aptitudes for a future, 

who has trouble getting up on his own two feet,

is like throwing the pearls God gave to you to the wind, trampled in the sand.

Matthew 7:6

 

Your sound mind that you are sharing with us, is like a tender fresh green branch, full of life.

It needs to be lovingingly cared for and tended to, with the right nourishment.

 

This man is not the right nourishment that will care for you and make you become the vitues moral woman you sound like you want to be

 

The wrong nourishment, and the wrong care especially at this time of your life, 

can whither away those bright green tender branches and turn them dry and hollow, brittle and broken.

 

You don't need to throw your life and gifts away. They are yours.

 

Be grateful you have them and take good care of them.

 

Your life right now is a fresh, beautiful green stem, full of GOOD possibilities.

Take care of it. Take care of you.

 

Enjoy your youth, by developing your skills for your life and well being.  Developing right now,

 

your very own skills in these formative years, is also how you will get to know yourself better.

 

Let the wise moral thoughts you shared, and that are warning you, guide you away from and towards the prize of a higher calling.

It can be a wonderful time.

You don't have to place yourself in a position to loose everything you got, just because someone else did.

Protect yourself , protect the soul inside you, the little girl inside you who needs protection, care,

 and the proper love, that will bring and lift her to thrive and be of great value along the way to the jobs, people she meets ,

 to her future children, and to her future husband.

 

Their is a proper way to build a house and a sloppy way to build a house.

 

A house build with a rock solid  proper foundation stands the test of time.

 

A house build quickly on a loose sandy foundations, quickly falls apart in no time flat, like a deck of cards

 

The Holy Bible is a book that can guide you and teach you all through your life.

In it, it talks about the right man a man should be, before he takes a lady to be his precious pearl.

 

 

Listen to those good morals, they are your guide to life and also to God.

 

When you go right you can't go wrong.

Edited November 29, 2014 by 1to3

[Mike]

Welcome to Worthy shas456!! You'll have a awesome time here!!

 

God bless you!!

[katyolemiss]

Hi Shas Hope we meet in chat some day I can relate to some

[Guest]

Hi Shas bless you for the walk you are in. My wife like you wanted to wait until she was married and I loved her all the more for that. None of us where Christians at that time. Or even went to church for that matter. But bless you for the stand you are taking. But unfortunatly I pressed my now wife into a sexual relationship after about 18 months. I had an affair. And hurt her very badly after all the promises I made. We are now happily married and I love her more today than ever I did. But she had a lot of pain through that one act. I blamed her for the affair and there for forced her into what she never wanted. The heart of man is decietfull. Even Christians soemtimes dont fair any better. I know. But Bless you I would say go with what you believe Gods saying to you. But it my believe that he will drag you down before you will lift him up.

I found Christ was real 23 years ago. I am no 51. We married 27 years ago. My wife found Jesus was real 12 years after me. I have heard about all types of Christians. And where they are in there walk and ubderstanding of scripture. And it is so varied and wide. Sometimes its hard to know the world from the church. But Bless you for making it this far. Gods blessing you no doubt and you also have a part. I now work part time with drug addicts and any tyoe of addict really. And I watch a woman who has more love for these people than anyone I ever saw. I learn from her. Your doing great. Keep pushing into God. But remeber this one thing Believers lay hands on the sick and they will recover. God is Good when we take him at His word.

You are blessed in Him.

 

Hope this is somewhat encouraging to you.

Davy.

[Guest]

Ps if we were to drop all the people that have a negitive effect on you/me. I would need to get rid of my wife and daughter. I believe its for us to set people free. Anything you ask in my name and dont doubt in your heart I will give it.

Blessed be the name of the Lord.