dating issue

[other one]

paperflowers, you are not describing submition here but total servitude and no relationship can flurish in that kind of environment if you have any self esteme whatsoever.

Go find someone that will put you up on a pedistal and take care of your every need out of love and respect. There are still a few of us around.

See, being submissive only works when he loves you so much he'd die for you, and make decisions that are in your best interest and not his.

If you marry this guy you can look for the same tretment for ever and most likely get voilent if you change your mind about taking it.

Run for the hills

[Kabowd]

It's true that a wife is supposed to submit to her husband, and I can even somewhat understand his request that you discontinue your friendships with males...however, a few things raised some red flags.

First of all, being a 39 year old woman, you've survived all these years and learned to make wise decisions I bet. So, I don't understand why he feels the need to make decisions on your behalf. It's not like you're 16 years old. You're 39 for goodness sakes. The deal with your brother-in-law's number is very very odd. It sounds like this man is very insecure about himself and your relationship. Can I ask a few questions?

* How long have you known him?

* How long have you been dating?

* Do you love him?

* Are you both Christians?

* Do you respect him?

If you've been together a long time, you respect him and love him..then I'd suggest counseling or something. If you hardly know him and don't have feelings for him.... I'd probably say avoid the trouble and move on. It just depends on how you answer the quesions above. I think he has a distorted view of marriage which Im sure comes from the way he grew up. But at the same time, that doesn't mean he's beyond hope. He may just need educated and mentored by a godly man who can encourage him on how to treat a woman. I dunno. I'm not married yet so I'm just taking some wild guesses..lol.

[Quizzy]

I am 39 and have met a man that tells me he is to supposed to be my all. He says that I need to ask permission on talking to others, paying bills, cooking. Get the picture?

Hi, It is amazing to me, how we already know what our answers are before we ask them.

Case and point: "Get the Picture"

Yes Paper, i think you hit the nail right on the head, I think you do get the picture, otherwise you would not have written that. I believe that the Lord is causing you to seriously question this relationship.

Love Quizzy

[Joe@actsii]

I am 39 and have met a man that tells me he is to supposed to be my all.  He says that I need to ask permission on talking to others, paying bills, cooking.  Get the picture?  He says that this is the way God intended for a woman to follow a man.  His exact words are submissive.  I was asked to remove males of any sort from my cell phone.  That he doesn't understand the need to have my brother-in-law's number left in the cell phone.  My sister is five months pregnant. That he will not attend a church with females in the pulpit.  I love my church which he has not stopped me from attending but says that he is looking for one for us to attend.  His parents did not get divorced but died when he was 15 and they lived apart.  He will answer when asked about his mother that she was mean and hateful but his dad was quiet and peaceful.  The parents died 3 months apart.  There are some things I can overlook but I am asking for spiritual words here. Be straight and to the point.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

He could be the one for you. That is not my place to say, but if he is it sounds like he has a lot of healing he needs to go through. Only Jesus can do that and with emotional healing it almost never happens fast.

I am the head of my household, my wife is very submitted. I love her like Christ loves the church. I would lay down my life for her in a heartbeat. I almost never "put my foot down" on subject. Maybe less then 10% of the time if that. Even then she will pray and ends up coming back to say she is sorry. (I am the most blessed man on this planet.) We talk and pray about most important things in our lives.

I have an illustration if you don't mind me sharing. I think it will make the subject of submission more clear. Marriage is like driving a car. The husband is driving. He is in control, of the speed, direction, when and if to use the brakes. I think you get the picture. The wife is the passenger. Now when I drive my wife and I talk all the time. I am in control of the car, but she also has her eyes out for danger. She helps me with directions and other things. Now if she tells me to turn and I say no I know what I am doing, that is ok if I say it the right way. But if I do that and then I find out I was wrong, it is my place to tell her that I am sorry and she was right. I have no problem with that. Sometimes I submit to her in areas that she knows more than me. I she feels something in the Spirit, I will listen and pray for direction from the Lord.

Now what if she tells me to turn, and I say no I know what I am doing. She then reaches over a jerks the wheel from me. We are in trouble. What if she says I am going to fast, so she hits the E-brake, or slams the car into park. Again we are in trouble.

I know I don't know your whole story, and I am not your pastor, but it sounds to me like this guy is the driver and he wants you either on the hood or in the trunk. Please be very careful. Next to the Holy Ghost, marriage can be the greatest blessing on this Earth. Or it can drag you to Hell.