DesertSW Posted September 14, 2017 Group: Junior Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 5 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 97 Content Per Day: 0.04 Reputation: 50 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/31/2017 Status: Offline Author Share Posted September 14, 2017 Blue Minou private emailed me and I responded but I never heard back. Not sure if the PM is working or not Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DesertSW Posted September 15, 2017 Group: Junior Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 5 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 97 Content Per Day: 0.04 Reputation: 50 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/31/2017 Status: Offline Author Share Posted September 15, 2017 Another thing I wanted to add. While the emotional part of the divorce was the worst, something has to be said for the loss of finances. As a married couple we had a beautiful home, with a garden, koi pond, a cat and a dual income with retirement assets. When a divorce happens one has to divide the assets. The home sold and at a time when it was not wise to sell it since it has gone up $50k in value in just a year. A lot of money was lost. So basically one has to START OVER and rebuild everything. Not so easy to do when in your 40's. That's why when older couples divorce, it is much more devastating since starting fresh at 50 or 60 is not easy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DesertSW Posted September 15, 2017 Group: Junior Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 5 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 97 Content Per Day: 0.04 Reputation: 50 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/31/2017 Status: Offline Author Share Posted September 15, 2017 (edited) If my ex-wife would have only tried to go to the Christian counseling which has an 85% success rate. Of all the couples contemplating divorce, those who attended the class, 85% exited the class no longer choosing or wanting a divorce. That's an excellent success rate. Of course, it REQUIRES that the other spouse wishes to attend, which my wife DID NOT want to attend. That showed me the hardness of her heart. That showed me that she DID NOT want God to heal the marriage. She wanted it to end in divorce, God was NOT in the equation for her. We could have had a healed and prosperous marriage IF ONLY she would have followed God's plan and sought healing, counseling and restoration. Sadly, she chose to bail and run and break her vows to God. Edited September 15, 2017 by DesertSW Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DesertSW Posted September 26, 2017 Group: Junior Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 5 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 97 Content Per Day: 0.04 Reputation: 50 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/31/2017 Status: Offline Author Share Posted September 26, 2017 (edited) For those who are hurting and actually WANT TO restore their marriage instead of just bailing without attempting healing. Focus on the Family has a program to restore marriages. It's called HOPE RESTORED:https://hoperestored.focusonthefamily.com/faqs/ Edited September 26, 2017 by DesertSW Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DesertSW Posted October 2, 2017 Group: Junior Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 5 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 97 Content Per Day: 0.04 Reputation: 50 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/31/2017 Status: Offline Author Share Posted October 2, 2017 There are couples who were on the verge of divorce and went through this 5 day course and now are happily married. 5 days is a short time period and a small effort to save one's marriage. My wife wouldn't even give up 5 minutes on the phone to try and save the marriage. That speaks volumes about where her heart was and how willing she was to have God come in and save the marriage. The honest truth was that she was NOT willing to have God save the marriage. Her mind was made up when she originally left without notice. She NEVER sought Godly healing and Godly restoration. If she did, she would have given our pastor or the counselor some time on the phone to discuss the marriage and her reasons for wanting a divorce. She didn't. She told me she "didn't have the time" to even watch a 5 minute video about marriage from Casting Crowns: Casting Crowns - Broken Together Video Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 2, 2017 Share Posted October 2, 2017 21 minutes ago, DesertSW said: There are couples who were on the verge of divorce and went through this 5 day course and now are happily married. 5 days is a short time period and a small effort to save one's marriage. My wife wouldn't even give up 5 minutes on the phone to try and save the marriage. That speaks volumes about where her heart was and how willing she was to have God come in and save the marriage. The honest truth was that she was NOT willing to have God save the marriage. Her mind was made up when she originally left without notice. She NEVER sought Godly healing and Godly restoration. If she did, she would have given our pastor or the counselor some time on the phone to discuss the marriage and her reasons for wanting a divorce. She didn't. She told me she "didn't have the time" to even watch a 5 minute video about marriage from Casting Crowns: Casting Crowns - Broken Together Video How long has you been divorced? It seems recent Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DesertSW Posted October 2, 2017 Group: Junior Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 5 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 97 Content Per Day: 0.04 Reputation: 50 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/31/2017 Status: Offline Author Share Posted October 2, 2017 (edited) On 10/1/2017 at 9:13 PM, Blueyedjewel said: How long has you been divorced? It seems recent The divorce happened about 14 months ago. So yes, it has been recent and the wound is still fresh. Edited October 4, 2017 by DesertSW Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DesertSW Posted October 16, 2017 Group: Junior Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 5 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 97 Content Per Day: 0.04 Reputation: 50 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/31/2017 Status: Offline Author Share Posted October 16, 2017 Here's more salt on my wound. Today, I found out that my ex-wife's uncle had passed away. We would write Christmas cards each year and send it to them during our 11+ year marriage. So knowing of his death, I emailed my ex-wife's father (the brother of the deceased) and said I would mail out a condolence card to that family. His response was "we would appreciate if you didn't send any cards to them" Say what? How is that a Christian response? I am sure a grieving family would appreciate a card from someone, even if I am no longer married to their niece, they would appreciate a card. I was treated as if I was some outlaw renegade that nobody wanted to hear from again. Where was the Biblical and Christian love they claim to know and talk about? To reject a condolence card? It was like a slap to my face. There are ungodly divorced couples, who have zero Christian beliefs, yet they actually talk and communicate with each other even after a divorce. Yet, here is a Christian family that can't even get this right. Unbelievable. It truly is unbelievable to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DesertSW Posted October 17, 2017 Group: Junior Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 5 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 97 Content Per Day: 0.04 Reputation: 50 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/31/2017 Status: Offline Author Share Posted October 17, 2017 (edited) 1 hour ago, Cobalt1959 said: I will point out that you do not know what your wife has told her parents, or any of the immediate family about the divorce. And despite what she has said, it is un-realistic to believe that "family" ties that once existed with the in-laws and the immediate family would remain intact post-divorce. Because they rarely do. This is one of the components of divorce. It is not just the relationship with the spouse that is severed clean, it is almost and sometimes all relationships with the spouse's immediate family. As well as shared friends. These relationships do not remain either. Very good points. She most likely slandered me, so in turn they will have negative views of me. In order for her to have some type of reasoning to divorce, she couldn't claim adultery or abuse so she had to make something else up to make me look bad. Whatever it was, she went around telling them in order to save face and justify her position to divorce in front of friends and other family members. That is why my pastor said Christian divorce is like a death in numerous ways. Someone that you loved is gone, never coming back. In addition, other close loving family relationships are shattered, dead and dismantled. I not only lost my wife but I lost a family. Divorce destroys so much and that is why God never took it lightly. Not only are Godly covenants broken and destroyed, but lives and ones testimony are torn apart. When children are involved, they are caught in the middle taking sides between parents. It's so tragic. One can take any marriage, happy and grounded, and turn it into a wreck by finding reasons WHY one should divorce. Sadly, it's done more often than one believes. Instead of finding things one doesn't like about their spouse, they should find the things they do like about the spouse. Finding negatives in any person is easier than finding the positives. I can say as God as my witness that I was a loving husband. I never abused her and never cheated on her. Was I perfect? Of course not but I definitely was not a bad husband. Edited October 17, 2017 by DesertSW Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hmbld Posted October 17, 2017 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 4 Topic Count: 48 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 2,491 Content Per Day: 0.54 Reputation: 1,457 Days Won: 1 Joined: 10/23/2011 Status: Offline Birthday: 02/02/1971 Share Posted October 17, 2017 7 hours ago, DesertSW said: Very good points. She most likely slandered me, so in turn they will have negative views of me. In order for her to have some type of reasoning to divorce, she couldn't claim adultery or abuse so she had to make something else up to make me look bad. Whatever it was, she went around telling them in order to save face and justify her position to divorce in front of friends and other family members. That is why my pastor said Christian divorce is like a death in numerous ways. Someone that you loved is gone, never coming back. In addition, other close loving family relationships are shattered, dead and dismantled. I not only lost my wife but I lost a family. Divorce destroys so much and that is why God never took it lightly. Not only are Godly covenants broken and destroyed, but lives and ones testimony are torn apart. When children are involved, they are caught in the middle taking sides between parents. It's so tragic. One can take any marriage, happy and grounded, and turn it into a wreck by finding reasons WHY one should divorce. Sadly, it's done more often than one believes. Instead of finding things one doesn't like about their spouse, they should find the things they do like about the spouse. Finding negatives in any person is easier than finding the positives. I can say as God as my witness that I was a loving husband. I never abused her and never cheated on her. Was I perfect? Of course not but I definitely was not a bad husband. Friend consider not your reputation nor what you have lost For where is God's heart in this All these things are temporary but what is eternal? Who does God place in front of you today to love? Can you love your ex in some way ? Pray God's heart his will over your ex Place her in his hands Take a step forward press in to God Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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