Waiting for Marriage

[Guest Falling]

My husband and I both waited.

I know others that did and many that didn't. It isn't easy, but considering the baggage other relationships, hardships, and kids can bring to your future one and only, I think its a case of Father knows best.

It was something really special to know that you and your spouse know each other in a way no one else on earth does.

Helpful resources:

http://www.rbc.org/ds/family.html

Good Luck and God Bless your efforts.

[Guest joalmon]

I see lots of very good advice is here already!!! The only thing I might attempt to add here is this: what about trust issues? If the other person is pressuring me to sleep with him/her outside the boundaries of marriage, what's keeping him/her from doing the same with other people as well? I would think that the person pressuring me does not regard relations as the precious gift it is. Weigh out the matter: is the fulfillment of this brief moment in time worth a lifetime of consequences that will come as a result? Is it worth breaking fellowship with the Father for? As sheep (that's what scripture compares us to...eee gads!), we look for reasons to justify what we want. We hear the line that it's easier to ask forgiveness than to ask permission. Wisdom in these matters does not come by accident. Job 28:28 says, "Behold, the fear of the LORD, that is wisdom; and to depart from evil is understanding." Proverbs goes on to tell us to get wisdom and understanding above everything else. Tension may be relieved but will only return, and loneliness will never be solved by doing things that are not God's way. He made us and knows what's best for us...from the earlier post, "Father knows best." Wait.

[Guest Jules]

I really appreciate the way you people respond to these questions asked by others. It is thing's I've wondered about myself but have not asked and really didn't know if people like that exist. This was so encouraging to read. Thanks for being truthful. I enjoy and get a lot out of reading around here on these boards.

[Guest Tamara]

Hi Tamara,

I've been married for 28 years, so though I'm no expert, I know a little something about relationship.  Marriage is work. It takes alot of love, respect, and patience on both sides.  If a guy can't respect your commitment to your beliefs now, don't expect it later.  If you loves you, he will deny himself --- to keep you.

Also, we woman(most of us) cannot have physical intimacy without emotional involvement; most guys can.  It won't mean the same thing to him that it means to you.After  a few months, he may decide he's bored or he's made a mistake and move on. 

You will be devastated.

Without the physical component, you may still be deeply hurt, but it won't be the same.

One last thing--no sacrifice you make for God is ever a mistake.

WOW, thank you so much for this reply to my post. I am going to copy it and paste it to an email for me to send myself, so I can look back at it repeatedly. This has really made me think. You have all been such a great help to me! Your answers, I know, have been from God. Thank you! Tamara

My advice is ---wait.  You won't be sorry.

Your sister in Christ,

Fiosh

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[TEN COMMANDMENTS]

Tamara, One thing you have right now is that you are pure and for one to abstain from sex before marriage is a commitment not only to yourself but to God as well. There are many in your position that go ahead and have sex before marriage they cant go back They cant be where you are and you cant be where they are. Sex isn't a reason for marriage and if that is the only reason one day it will not be enough to keep the marriage going. The world says it is alright the music teaches its alright and the so-called stars of Hollywoods say its alright but look at the miserable lives they have because they don't follow the principles of the Bible. Sex outside of marriage is adultery and sex is saved for marriage. I have seen a great film that talks about the love of a father for his daughter and always stresses abstinence until marriage "Pamela's Prayer" and also Pam Stenzel does conferences on the dangers of sex (Let the Bible be your guide) In His Service TEN COMMANDMENTS

[Iryssa]

Tamara, PLEASE wait...I was with a guy a couple years ago...I really thought I loved this guy, and I wanted to marry him...we were young (just out of highschool), changing a lot, and our relationship was running into troubles. I finally gave-in to temptation and had sex with him, because I thought it would help the relationship (looking back I can't believe how illogical that was). We did get engaged eventually, and we were planning the wedding. Then I got that horrible phone call one afternoon while he was out of the province. "Um, you'd better sit down, I have something to tell you." The gist of it was that he'd gotten drunk and slept with someone else. I decided to stay with him so long as he agreed to work on it with me and never get drunk again. He went ahead and did it again. The reason behind all that? There was no commitment on his part. None. I think by that time he just kept me around for the sex and because he could manipulate me.

Even after he got drunk again, and got to the point where he was being mentally/emotionally abusive, it took me five months to break up with him (that emotional tie created by us having sex had such a strong hold on me). (Thank God or the counsel of my close, Christian friends, who helped me back on my feet in faith and self-respect)

It's been well over a year since I broke up with him, I'm over him, but the damage is still done. The hardest part is knowing that I've hurt the love of my life by not saving that for our future marriage.

PLEASE please please wait. God tells us to wait, and He knows best...you don't want to have to find that out the hard way, like I did.