Are we married in God's eyes?

[Prycejosh1987]

On 6/17/2019 at 4:45 PM, Lilfox said:

Would appreciate some input from pastors on how they'd council members of their congregation on this?

I think it is best to follow what the bible says and get the certificate of marriage before other actions if you need to. Marriage is sacred and purified when it is done properly. I wish you good luck, ultimately the decision rests with you. Observe married life with him and see if you really want this.

[Sugarbaker]

I think the fact that you are posting this is your answer. If you have doubts, then separate. 

[LonerAndy]

On 6/17/2019 at 11:45 AM, Lilfox said:

Just a little background, no judgement please as I am working on correcting things, just want to make sure I'm doing what is God's will.

When my mom got sick (2009) and passed back in 2010, I lost all faith in the Lord and had a falling away for about 8+ years. Yes, I was mad at God, mostly about how she had to suffer (Pancreatic cancer).  That's a story for another time though. 

During that time(2009) I met a great guy, down to earth, a great mentor , best friend and good advice giver. We get along great, we are a family.  We dated about 4-5 years before we actually moved in together. We are engaged, but have never had a "legal" wedding.  Laws of our state consider us common-law married, he considers us married, however, I do not, nor do I know if I want to be married to him for several reasons (he's not abusive or anything like that, he truly is a good guy).

We have talked about religion in the past and he's always told me he's a believer, but "has lots of questions".  He grew up Catholic but doesn't seem very knowledgeable with regards to the Bible.  This past weekend we were talking about things again and he brought up how he believed in evolution, which was a huge disappointment, in the 10 years we've been together he has never mentioned this. So, I believe this was God's answer for me. He does, however, support my walk with Christ, but it is MY walk not OURS. I know not to be unequally yoked, just want to make sure it's not too late...

So, with all of that in mind, does the Lord consider us married?  I am pretty conflicted as to whether the Lord wants me to try and stick this out, I think I can "make" him legally marry me, but that isn't always the right way to do things either. We have no children together (mine are fully grown) and no financial ties, so there will be no adverse effects there. It would be a very easy split on those levels and I believe we would still remain good friends.

I am in the process of putting a 2nd home out at my dad's farm and plan to move out within the next year (hopefully sooner). He knows this and thinks I will live at both homes, but the writing on the wall is telling me differently.  With my change/renewed faith is it fair to him that I just up and leave a good working relationship as we know how hard these are to find. 

Would appreciate some input from pastors on how they'd council members of their congregation on this?

Right um....

Well first, if you are not plugged into a church, you should be.   Because different churches are going to have slightly different answers to this, and you have to live with the church congregation you are in.  So you really need to be in a church, and following the guidance of the church you are in.  (obviously assuming it is a Christian congregation based on the Bible).

So that said....

I want to say up front that this is going to be a little harsh, but it is not intended to be mean.  It just is what it is.

So are you married?   You are either married, or you are not married.  There is no "married in the eye's of G-d".  With due respect to all those out there who view otherwise... that is crap.

What did Jesus say to the woman at the well?

https://biblehub.com/john/4-17.htm

John 4:17-18

"I have no husband," she replied. Jesus said to her, "You are right when you say you have no husband. The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true."
 

Notice Jesus said, 'the man you now have, is not your husband.'  He didn't say "The man you have now... you are married to, in the eye's of G-d".

You are either married, or you are not.  There is no grey area, you are either married completely legally, religiously, entirely.... are you are simply not married.

So based on what you said, you are not married.

Now I don't know what the laws are in your state specifically.  But if you are saying that legally you are not married, then you are not married.

That said, when you say "renewed faith", I don't know what exactly that means, because the Bible also says...

"Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God."

1 Corinthians chapter 6 verses 9 and 10.

Now what the Bible is saying here, is that fornication... the act of having sex with someone you are not married to, is sin just like homosexuality, adultery, thievery, and so on.

In fact the only counter to this, in the new or old testament, involves when you intend to marry the other person to begin with, and you have already stated that you intend to not marry this man.

So if you really want to follow the teachings of Bible, and follow Jesus Christ the Lord, you should end this relationship immediately.

And, by the way...

I have to say this....  My apologies if this comes across harsh.

I have met women, that have spent 10 years.... ten full years of their entire lives... with a man who never intended to marry them.   They spent all that time, thinking that man would do the right thing, and that man never intended to marry them, and never told them that they intended to leave.

Ten years.... flushed down the drain by a self centered evil man, who played with them, and used them, and then ditched them.

This man in your life, believes that you and him are going to stay together, and you have said here "the writing on the wall is telling me differently".

You need to tell this man TODAY... that you are intending to end this relationship.  This is cruelty and evil.  You need to stop.

And before you get angry at me for saying it... spin the situation around, and pretend you are him, and he is you, on he's on here saying he is planning to ditch you. 

I'm not mad.  I'm not looking down on you.  I'm just calling it the way I see it.  I don't mean this to be insulting.  Forgiveness is given to everyone who repents, and no one will condemn the one who turns from evil.