The Jewish Laws of Marriage

[angels4u]

The Jewish Laws of Marriage

"What has G-d been occupied with since the six days of creation? . . . With the task of finding appropriate life mates for his earthly creatures . . . Though it looks easy to make a match, even for G-d the task is as difficult as splitting the Red Sea" (Genesis Rabbah 67:3).

Judaism regards the family as the carrier of tradition and the agent for the perpetuation of the Jewish people. Hence, marriage is one of the most important milestones for both Jewish men and women. Marriage is considered the natural state of Jewish life, and necessary for personal fulfillment. According to Jewish thought, the relationship that most closely parallels the relationship between man and G-d is the marital union between a man and a woman. "If a man and wife are worthy, the Divine Presence is with them" (Sotah 17a). "A man cannot live without a woman, a woman cannot live without a man, and the two of them cannot live without the presence of G-d" (Berachot 9:1).

Indeed, marriage is part of the divine plan, for in the Bible, at the first time G-d speaks to Adam, He says: "It is not good that Man should be alone; I will make a helpmate for him" (Genesis 2:18). The use of the term "helpmate" in describing a woman has been interpreted within the Jewish tradition as meaning that the purpose of a husband and wife is to help each other reach a positive spiritual state, and not that a woman is subordinate to her husband within a marital union. A husband must love his wife as himself and honor her more than himself (Sota 47a). A husband who fulfills this obligation will merit a household of peace (Yevamoth 62b). Moreover, the male/female union is requisite for the first commandment addressed to human beings in the Bible: "Be fertile and increase, fill the earth and master it" (Genesis 1:18). The entire success of the covenant between man and G-d rests on the marriage premise and its procreative impulse.

Singlehood is greatly shunned upon within the Jewish tradition: "A wifeless man exists without joy, without blessing or boon" (Yevamoth 62a). "It is better to live one's life with another than alone" (Yevamoth 118b). Marriage is considered one of life's greatest blessings: "Whoever finds a wife finds great good and finds favor with G-d" (Yevamoth 63b). In fact, one should marry at a young age, and preferably at age 18 for men (Pirke Avot 5:24).

Chesed ["kindness"] is considered one of the foundations of the Jewish personality. According to Jewish tradition, a Jew is required to not only practice chesed, but to do so in an abundant measure. However, chesed is more than merely doing charitable acts; it includes the ability to shift the entire focus of one's concerns whereby one completely identifies with others' troubles and sorrows. In other words, traditional Judaism views kindness as acts that emanate from completely unselfish drives. A person who acts out of chesed does not act from concern for his or her own moral advantage, but from a genuine concern for the welfare of others. Chesed involves the merging of our own concerns with those of our neighbors, so that we no longer only think in terms of ourselves.

This idea of chesed begins with those who our closest to us, namely, our spouses and our families. Certainly, marriage is the beginning of chesed, for when one marries he or she becomes obligated to shift the focus of his or her concern from him or herself to his or her spouse. Acts of chesed lay the foundation for a marriage of peace and harmony, which leads to the next noteworthy trait of the Jewish family -- shalom bayit.

Throughout the history of the Jewish people, Jews have held an ideal standard for Jewish family life that is manifested in the term shalom bayit ["peace in the home"]. The term shalom ["peace"] also signifies completeness, wholeness, and fulfillment. Hence, the traditional Jewish marriage is characterized by peace, nurturing, respect, and chesed, through which a married couple becomes complete. In Jewish culture, a marriage is described as a "match made in heaven," and is treated as a holy enterprise. For example, the Jewish marriage ceremony is known as Kiddushin ["sanctification", or "consecration"]. By declaring the marriage union sacred, a couple stands sanctified before G-d. It is in a relationship where both husband and wife recognize each other as creations in G-d's image and treat each other accordingly that true sanctity emanates forth. Moreover, this sanctity of the marital union reminds the Jewish husband and wife to express their holiness through marriage and to build a home based on mutual love, respect, and chesed. Shalom bayit is considered to be so important in Jewish life that Jewish law allows certain latitude for those who wish to foster it, such as erasing the name of G-d, which is almost otherwise never allowed. "If one has a choice to light only the candle of Chanukah [Jewish holiday] or the candle of his home, one should light the candle of the home because of the need of marital harmony for which even the name of the Almighty may be erased. The Torah [the Five Books of Moses] was given to enhance the cause of peace" (Hilchot Chanukah 4:14).

Traditional Judaism prescribes certain laws that determine how a husband and wife can create a family with a minimum amount of strife. These laws include role divisions, inheritance rights, how the family should approach financial support, and how a husband and wife should treat each other emotionally. A legitimate Jewish wedding has two fundamental requirements: (1) both parties must enter the marriage voluntarily and willingly; and (2) their marriage must be accompanied by a ketubah ["that which is written", or more commonly, the "marriage contract"]. With regards to the first requirement, a man must initiate a marriage, and a women must consent to it; the reverse is not valid (for entering marriage in Jewish law). The unilateral nature of entering marriage plays a major role in Jewish divorce law, which will be thoroughly addressed later. According to the spirit of Jewish marriage, though, a Jewish husband and wife are equal partners in the marital relationship.

With regards to the second requirement, the ketubah is a document that is, in addition to willingly joining a husband and wife in marriage, intended for the purpose of protecting the wife financially, emotionally, physically, and socially. The ketubah may be loosely broken down into two parts: (1) it outlines the obligations that a husband must fulfill in marriage -- to honor his wife, to provide the necessities in life, such as food, clothing, and shelter, and to fulfill his wife's sexual needs; and (2) it specifies that he will pay his wife a particular sum of money in the event of death or divorce. The ketubah was originally created to protect Jewish wives from simply being abandoned by their husbands without provision for their economic well-being. Also, the ketubah serves the purpose of making divorce more difficult in that the "penalty" for divorce involves costly monetary obligations. The total amount of money outlined consists of a preestablished amount, plus whatever capital and personal possessions the wife brings to her husband at the time of marriage and the amount of money her family spends for the wedding. The ketubah is considered to be so important that a husband and wife are forbidden to live together without the wife (or her agent) having it in her possession (Ketubot 10a), not even for one hour (Ketubot 7a). [i would like to see a translation of the text of the ketubah].

Prior to the start of the actual wedding ceremony, the officiating rabbi asks the bridegroom, in the presence of two witnesses, to accept his marital obligations as outlined in the ketubah. The ketubah is then signed by the two witnesses and presented by the groom to the bride in the following manner. Since one acquires something in Jewish law through an act of kinyan ["acquisition" of something in exchange for something of monetary value], the groom presents the ketubah (i.e., a monetary contract, as outlined above) to his bride in exchange for her becoming his wife. Although the groom nor his bride sign the ketubah (only the two witnesses sign it), the exchange is symbolically performed before the wedding ceremony when the bride and groom each lift a handkerchief proffered by the attending rabbi; this symbolic act of kinyan binds the husband to the specific monetary obligations set forth in the ketubah. Once married, the wife may not waive her right to the ketubah, nor may she continue to live with her husband if it is lost or destroyed without another one being drawn up.

All in all, it should be clear that the Jewish tradition conceives of marriage as a crucial dimension of human existence. This dimension can loosely be broken down into three parts, as explained above: (1) marriage is the natural and preferred state for individuals; (2) marriage is a reflection of the covenantal relationship between G-d and man; and (3) marriage imbues humankind with sanctity. Moreover, marriage is a holy enterprise within Judaism. The Jewish marriage is characterized by kindness and the pursuit of peace. Women are treated with care and protection, as is provided in the ketubah.

[Dad Ernie]

Greetings Angels4u,

When you post articles that have been written by others, which this one pretty obviously has been, please add your personal comments to them so that if you are posting them for comments from the forum we will know in what manner we should respond.

If you are posting them for informational purposes, then please give attribution to whom it belongs and a web address that we might find it at.

George is pretty leniant here and allows these type postings. Most other forums I belong to do not, unless they are relevant to an ongoing discussion.

So if you have something to say about what you posted, please tell us.

Blessings,

Dad Ernie

[angels4u]

Is there anything wrong with the information?

I thought this might be interesting to read just to know how the Jewish people experience weddings, I think its interesting and see no reason at all why it could be upsetting to anybody?

And sorry that there was no name on the article, I don't know who wrote it, but it comes from http://www.foreverwed.com/Jewish/lawsofmarriage.htm.

[Dad Ernie]

Greetings Angels4u,

I can't break this to you gently, but modern day Judaism IS ANTICHRIST. Be cautious with what you find on the web, it can lead you astray.

Blessings,

Dad Ernie

[angels4u]

Hmm, thank you very much for the warning, I did not know that and I will be very careful do you know some respectible Jewish sites?

Thank you , In Christ, Angels

[Dad Ernie]

Greetings Angels4u,

I don't know what you mean by "respectable". If you meant "godly", then what does God have to do with Belial? As in all "religions" we can find good and we can find bad, but only the Word of God is worth studying if you want the TRUTH.

Blessings,

Dad Ernie

[angels4u]

You're right, I just the wrong words, Godly Messianic Churches.

[Dad Ernie]

Greetings Angels4u,

I have run across a couple GOOD Jewish Messianic Web sites, but I haven't visited them in so long, I can't remember where you could find them. I will try to keep this in mind and look for them. Perhaps Ya'akov or his replacement might be able to direct you to some.

Blessings,

Dad Ernie