letting go of the past - jetpack jay

[Ghostdog]

We're the one's holding ourselves back with past events we still carry on our backs. The past is a story we keep re-reading day in and day out. Nothing changes because we're stuck in the same chapter. So if we want for things to change, we got to drop the past and turn the page. Again it's simple and I do understand and believe this to be true, yet dropping the past is probably the hardest thing I've ever attempted to do. Simple doesn't mean easy and just because something is easy doesn't mean that it's going to be simple. I've dropped some of my past but if I'm honest I'm still struggling to release the rest that is stuck within me. These old outdated beliefs about myself aren't easy to replace. We tend to relive our past on a daily basis because that's not only how we've learned to function but also to survive. But what used to once serve me is now holding me back. I don't see the same me anymore when I look into the mirror. Honestly, I'm not yet sure what or who it is that I'm seeing but I'm sure it isn't what it used to be. I actually got a feeling it's something better and this is where I am holding myself back, because I do not believe to deserve the good that I am starting to see in myself yet. It's a weird feeling. I am excited one moment, yet sad in the next because I can feel myself dying. Not in the literal sense but in a transformative way. The old me is fading and with him the way he's lived and handled life. It's a scary process because right now I find myself in the middle, in the middle of who I used to be and who I'm becoming. Sometimes I cry and I'm honestly not sure why, but I think I'm griefing myself and that's the thing. Letting go is not just releasing what happened to you and forgiving the people involved, it's a death of yourself. It's a painful journey because you're not just gonna give yourself up without resistance. You're not going down without a fight. But I'm learning that you can't struggle yourself out of struggle. You'll eventually find yourself in a corner with no space to even breathe. You have to learn to relax out of struggle. I am changing, that's life and since I can't do anything against the flow of life, I might as well learn how to flow with it. I'm not the best at it yet, I still find myself under water more times than not but I trust this process, I just need to keep reminding myself of it. This happens for me, not to me. And even though this part of my journey feels absolutely uncomfortable, I feel a sense of inner peace because I know that this is right. I'm somewhat grateful for my growing pains. I don't know where all of this will take me but I know that I'll arrive. I might be in the middle of a storm right now but this too shall pass. I might be walking through a valley now but I am not alone, cause I know God got me. So I will keep on walking in faith. I may not see the next step but I believe it to be there. ''If he brings you to it, he'll bring you through it.'' And since I asked to be made an instrument of his peace, I trust him to bring me through this mess. No weapon formed against me shall prosper, that's his promise. So my promise is to keep on walking, further away from who I used to be and closer to who I'm supposed to be.

[branchesofHim]

Good point. I can hear the Apostle Paul writing on the subject.  Shalom

Phillipians 3:[8] Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ,
[9] And be found in him, not having mine own righteousness, which is of the law, but that which is through the faith of Christ, the righteousness which is of God by faith:
[10] That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death;
[11] If by any means I might attain unto the resurrection of the dead.
[12] Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect: but I follow after, if that I may apprehend that for which also I am apprehended of Christ Jesus.
[13] Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,
[14] I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.
[15] Let us therefore, as many as be perfect, be thus minded: and if in any thing ye be otherwise minded, God shall reveal even this unto you.

[Dennis1209]

I hear you, been there, done that. Our transformation to be Christ like is not an instantaneous process, it is a lifelong process, it's called Christian growth. The Devil delights in us dwelling on our past sins, mistakes and old self, pushing it in our face. The seemly good times we had enjoying our sins and past life. If that doesn't work; the guilt trips, the worthless person you are, not worthy of forgiveness. Yep, experienced that too!

There is nothing we can do to change the past, that's why it is called history. I believe we learn from the past: “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it,” ~ George Santayana

The wisest man to ever live, King Solomon, had much to say about it, and called it vanity. The Lord is faithful to forgive us and our sins when we confess them. However, those sins that negatively affected and impacted others' lives, still remain. The best we can do is forgive ourselves, try to correct them, and move forward, not backward. 

We are only guaranteed today, not a tomorrow. We can do positive things today for Jesus and the Kingdom of God: 2 Corinthians 6:2 (For he saith, I have heard thee in a time accepted, and in the day of salvation have I succoured thee: behold, now is the accepted time; behold, now is the day of salvation.) James 4:15 For that ye ought to say, If the Lord will, we shall live, and do this, or that.

What you are feeling and experiencing is not unique in Christian growth. I would surmise the majority of born-again believers experience the same thing, to different degrees.

[GandalfTheWise]

I went through what was perhaps a similar spiritual journey about 10 to 15 years ago.  (Time flies.)   It's a long story, but here are a few thoughts about it.

One of the biggest changes was to quit seeing my value primarily through what I could accomplish (e.g. being a good father, husband, Christian, neighbor, employee) and to start seeing my value primarily as becoming who God created me to be.  I used to define myself mostly via my gifts and talents and set my life around how I could do the most good from them. Then over a period of a year or so God dragged me into a figurative desert where I had minimal opportunity to use those gifts and talents.  I was completely at a loss as to what to do.  He put me in front of a mirror and I frankly had no idea who I really was.  In fact, I despised myself and I'd literally think to myself "loser!" every time I looked at the mirror shaving.  I've always been an encouraging positive person that can bring out the best in others and see well past their flaws and see their potential, but I could never extend that grace to myself.

Over the next year or so, God took me on a spiritual journey to learn who He'd really made me to be.  Instead of defining myself via gifts, talents, roles, etc., I started to emerge as the unique person God made me to be.   My wife and kids noticed a huge change in me.  It seemed the world around me had changed though it was really just me.  It's hard to describe in words in a few sentences, but life changed in a way that I was no longer having to work and labor at things I was doing but rather that things I was doing just naturally flowed from me as if I was meant to be born to do those things.   Much of this was not so much a conscious decision or hard work on my part, but rather an unfolding natural healing and discovery process God took me through. 

I guess if I had summarize it it would be something like this.  I stopped worrying about figuring out what God wanted me to do with my life and started worrying about who He wanted me to become.    In the churches today, there is often much focus on questions like "what is your calling?" "what are your gifts and talents?" "where can you actively get involved?"   To the extent it is asked, "Who are you?" is answered through common adjectives and nouns that apply to all Christians (e.g. child of God, forgiven, redeemed) or biographical info (my parents are A and B, I have this education, I have this or that job, I have this hobby, etc.).   Very few Christians can answer that question in a unique way as the unique person God created them to be.   Ask that question of people, and you most like get a list of biographical info or standardized church roles or societal roles.  

I was once talking about this with my pastor about this and he shared something about himself that he was usually too embarrassed to talk about.  He often had to hold back tears when attending cross-country track events.  It was seeing people straining and giving their all to cross the finish line that moved him deeply to the point where he'd often struggle not to be crying.  To me, that speaks much more profoundly and passionately about the person God made him to be than his list of academic qualifications and ministry resume.  When I talk about being able to answer the question "Who are you?"  This is the type of thing I am talking about.

 

 

 

[Blue Lulu]

I am in a similar situation but maybe a little behind where you are.  When I am in a difficult situation my flesh screams to handle it the way I always have.  I must confess that I often fail but I praise God that I am recognizing the wrong behavior.  I recognize satan’s lies but I often still believe him until I can clear my mind and hear from my loving savior.  This too is a step in the right direction.  Thank you for sharing. What you said made a big difference in my life.

[Bawb]

I once heard someone say, "Whenever the devil reminds me of my past, I'm going to start reminding him of his future"...