Grrr...how to deal...

[Kabowd]

Do step-parents have equal authority to actual parents? My situation is a little different (since my brother is my guardian) so it's not actually a step-parent I'm asking about but my brother's wife (my sister-in-law). If they are raising me, and she is married in...do you think she has equal authority over me as my brother does?

[IslandRose]

If she is your guardian's wife, and she has taken on the same responsibility of raising you and loving you that your brother has,then, yes. You owe her the same respect and obediance that you give your brother.

[Guest Zayit]

If she is your guardian's wife, and she has taken on the same responsibility of raising you and loving you that your brother has,then, yes. You owe her the same respect and obediance that you give your brother.

I concur! Unless she is abusing that priviledge and abusing you.

[Sisterchick]

If she is your guardian's wife, and she has taken on the same responsibility of raising you and loving you that your brother has,then, yes.  You owe her the same respect and obediance that you give your brother.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I don't have any personal experience with step families, but, I would agree with the above post. --- I'm sure it's difficult for all of you, at times, BUT believe it or not, this is harder on them. Your brother may not want to come down hard on you, because he wants to be your friend and feels bad for being in the position of being a parent to you. Not because he resents it, but because that's the way it has to be. It takes alot of love to be responsible for a younger brother/sister. And, it can't cause friction between your brother and his wife. --- I'd have to have more details, I guess.

[Kabowd]

If she is your guardian's wife, and she has taken on the same responsibility of raising you and loving you that your brother has,then, yes.

[Constant]

I would tell them this stuff, if you haven't done it already. Tell them that they need to respect you as you will respect them. She is your brother's wife and I do understand how you look at her with the authority thing. If she and he are abusing their authority over you, you need to tell them that. I hope all works out for you!

[Kabowd]

I certainly don't want to imply that there is any "abuse", there isn't. Just...it's annoying me sometimes I guess.

[Fiosh]

I certainly don't want to imply that there is any "abuse", there isn't. Just...it's annoying me sometimes I guess.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

If it makes you feel any better....when my kids were teenagers I'm sure I annoyed them....ALOT.

But I love them more than life itself.

Hang in there, soon you'll be making your own decisions.........and probably wishing somebody would make some of them for you.

Peace,

Fiosh

[amazingrace]

Remember that self-control is a fruit of the Spirit, and often the best response is to say nothing at all. If you think you are being 'baited' into arguing, simply remove yourself from the situation quickly... with as little attitude as possible... move to a different room, or stand up, or get a drink of water, etc. You have to admire that your brother and his wife have taken on this responsibility, and acknowledge also that their parenting skills may not be as acute as they need to be. Add to that the fact that they acquired you half-grown, so you came to them with perhaps with habits that they might not have allowed to develop if they were training you from infancy? And you, as well, came in with a different set of standards.

Are your brother and his wife born again Christians? If not, this is another complication.

Dont rule out dueling hormones as a fact of life.

[Kabowd]

You have to admire that your brother and his wife have taken on this responsibility, and acknowledge also that their parenting skills may not be as acute as they need to be.

Well in all fairness to my brother, he is by far a much better parent than any parent I know. Somehow I guess God just gifted him with wisdom concerning that (and he's learned along the way), but it's not uncommon for other parents to come to him for parenting advice. He counsels several ppl often about how to handle various situations. He's also recently taken on the role of being a father-figure to one of my cousins who's parents split up and his dad doesn't really father him. He doesn't live with us (my little cousin, that is), but my brother spends time with him, has been developing trust and is trying to establish a relationship with him so he can learn to be a godly man. Maybe my brother's career (as a prosecutor) has lent itself to helping him know how to handle me or something. I dunno. All I know is that he has a strong sense of justice. Sometimes he just leans a little heavy on the punishment aspect of things, in my opinion. When I was younger I was extremely stubborn and rebellious so I know I needed more discipline. But then as I grew (and before he met Kelli) he relaxed some, we had a tighter relationship and he seemed to show more grace. Now that he's married and has his own child (my little nephew who is 1), he just seems less tolerant lately.

Add to that the fact that they acquired you half-grown, so you came to them with perhaps with habits that they might not have allowed to develop if they were training you from infancy? And you, as well, came in with a different set of standards.

Actually no, it didn't happen that way. He's been very close and a part of my life since I was born (he spoiled me til I was about 5 or 6), but then when our mom died (when I was 6 1/2) he became my guardian. It was actually his own fault that I was so rotten, lol...cuz he just had to turn around and undo those things once he had to be responsible for me. It did take me quite some time (years) to adjust to him being more of a parent than a doting brother, though. I tested his patience and pushed the boundaries for a long time just trying to find out what I could get away with and where he stood on stuff. Eventually I did learn that he is more stubborn than I am and that he was the boss. I learned the hard way of course.

Are your brother and his wife born again Christians? If not, this is another complication.

Yes, they are both very strong Christians. My brother is a very wise and godly man, I want to be sure I don't paint him/them out to be some type of abusers. That's not the case at all. There's just been alot of changes over the last couple of years, alot of stress, alot of adjusting and it seems like whenever that happens he just tightens the reigns. He also has EXTREMELY high standards and expectations. I don't mean to sound like I'm complaining, because I'm appreciative of that for the most part. Just sometimes it can be overwhelming.

Dont rule out dueling hormones as a fact of life.

You know, I'm beginning to wonder if this isn't a HUGE factor. I'm not really used to being around a "mother" type figure, especially a female with a strong personality like mine. Alot of times I just feel myself resisting her, her "authority", or even a close relationship with her because I almost feel like it insults my mom in some way. I can't explain it. I just...I dunno, no one can ever take my mom's place and I really don't like it when someone tries. I've had ladies from church or my friend's moms try to "mother" me or they'll say "Tess, you can call me mom" and stuff like that and I just....I don't like it. I know they're just trying to be nice and all but I refuse to call someone else "mom". That title was/is reserved for one person. Just because she's not here will never change the fact she's still my mom and no one else ever will be.