Jackie0621 Posted May 17, 2006 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 3 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 7 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 05/17/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 05/27/1980 Share Posted May 17, 2006 Hi all!! I need some advice. I have been married for 7 years and my husband has eyes for other women. He is currently involved with online chat with a girl who sent him some mildly explicit pictures of herselh. he says there is nothing going on but I have seen the emails he has sent to his friends about her. Mostly they are about how hot she is. she does know that he is married. Over the years I have dealt with alot of things with him. Pornography, magazines, his flirting, and I just can't seem to trust him. I have told him how I felt but it doesn't seem to really matter. He doesn't see anything wrong with it. He doesn't believe that lusting after other women can lead to having an affair. He will not have anything to do with God so that is out. I am constantly hurt over and over. I feel inadequate,ugly, unworthy of true love. The kind where it is just me and him. I realiz this is an addiction but how long shoukd I keep hurting. i end up resenting myself and him. I have tried ignoring it thinking it really has nothing to do with me but the hurt never goes away. When i push te issue he makes me feel stupid for feeling the way I do . Or that it is all in my head. There r times I just want to pack up and leave to save myself the heartache. However,we have four children and are about to have our fifth. i worry about there future and sexual morality. What do I do???? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest atestedmiracle Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 Wow, What about their sexual morality if you guys are together? Kids learn things and I'm sure they will be aware that he is operating in some sort of an "affair" state, whether mental, physical, emotional or sexual. Think of the things he may bring into the house that they could find. He is given the devil a foot hold in your household! I have a hard time with the thought of divorce, but seperation? Yes, I think that is wise. Some people may tell you that you have every right to leave and have nothin to do with him, and well yes, you have every right. But, I don't believe that is what you should do! I believe a seperation can be a positive thing... may not be a quick thing though. I believe God can work all things together for good, that he can change the situation, but again, like I said, it may not be a quick thing. Understandably you are hurt and have these negative feelings. Remember though that you are a Princess, you are the daughter of a King! Royalty! It's hard to look past those feelings, especially the feeling on not really receiving anything. Trust is a very difficult thing, sweetie, and its understandable that you can't do it. Trust God though and know that He will most definately see you thru this. He is beside you, with you, He is the "strength of your heart and your portion forever" (says that somewhere in Psalm) I would love to talk with you more, feel free to email me. I will be praying for you though in the mean time so please do keep me updated on things or even if you wanted me to pray about something in addition to these. Rest your hand on your stomach and thank God for the blessing He is about to give you. With love in Him, atestedmiracle Hi all!! I need some advice. I have been married for 7 years and my husband has eyes for other women. He is currently involved with online chat with a girl who sent him some mildly explicit pictures of herselh. he says there is nothing going on but I have seen the emails he has sent to his friends about her. Mostly they are about how hot she is. she does know that he is married. Over the years I have dealt with alot of things with him. Pornography, magazines, his flirting, and I just can't seem to trust him. I have told him how I felt but it doesn't seem to really matter. He doesn't see anything wrong with it. He doesn't believe that lusting after other women can lead to having an affair. He will not have anything to do with God so that is out. I am constantly hurt over and over. I feel inadequate,ugly, unworthy of true love. The kind where it is just me and him. I realiz this is an addiction but how long shoukd I keep hurting. i end up resenting myself and him. I have tried ignoring it thinking it really has nothing to do with me but the hurt never goes away. When i push te issue he makes me feel stupid for feeling the way I do . Or that it is all in my head. There r times I just want to pack up and leave to save myself the heartache. However,we have four children and are about to have our fifth. i worry about there future and sexual morality. What do I do???? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JMJ Posted May 17, 2006 Group: Junior Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 1 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 122 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 8 Days Won: 0 Joined: 05/12/2006 Status: Offline Share Posted May 17, 2006 Jackie, Know that God loves you so much. You are truly wonderful and beautiful in His sight. Don't forget that. Someone told me a story of how a boy came to Jesus and asked Him, "How much do you love me?" Jesus answered the boy and said, "This much." The Lord spread wide His arms and died. Jackie believe and put your trust in the Lord. He will always come through for you. I have had difficult moments in my life and through God's grace everything turned out O.K. Hang in there. Your brother in the Lord Jesus, Tony Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kamusat Posted May 17, 2006 Group: Junior Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 8 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 102 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/18/2005 Status: Offline Birthday: 05/26/1961 Share Posted May 17, 2006 Dear Jackie0621, I am so sorry you are in such a difficult situation. Please, don't ever think it is your fault, or that you are ugly, or undesirable. It has NOTHING to do with you. Your husband would be this way with ANYONE he was with, it isn't just YOU. Please, dear heart, do not allow those feelings to get the better of you. I know how hard it is. I can identify with a lot of what you said, as my husband has done a lot of the same things. You are special, God loves you and He is there to help you through these times of pain. I don't believe in divorce, but if it is all possible, I would council a separation. No matter what he says, there is something wrong with internet "flirting" and it will lead to more sin given time... If you want to talk futher, more privately, PM me. You are not alone, sister... Blessings, kamusat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leonard Posted May 17, 2006 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 115 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 8,281 Content Per Day: 1.13 Reputation: 249 Days Won: 3 Joined: 03/03/2004 Status: Offline Birthday: 10/30/1955 Share Posted May 17, 2006 Get into some marriage counseling with your Minister or Priest, PRONTO! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elkieDannsa' Air An Drochaid Posted May 17, 2006 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 59 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 1,390 Content Per Day: 0.21 Reputation: 9 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/24/2005 Status: Offline Share Posted May 17, 2006 Dear Jackie, I also think it would be very wise for you to go to a pastor and have a one on one councel and prayer over this. Obviously your husband is ignoring God and waht He should do. He is ignoring your feelings ans by that is asking you to ingnore your own feelings, which it entirely unfai and wrong to do. God is not out because; you can pray for HIm regularly, trusting God is able to do all things. The Holy Spirit can and will lead you to the irght path of action in all things if you ask HIm to do that and listen closely. I am particularly sorry this is happening to you at the time of your new child and raising your children. I pray a hedgoe of thorns around your husband, that whatever is not of God will lose all attraction for him now in JEsu name. I pray this hedge that he can find no way left to go but Gods ay and his ways for anything not of God are blocked. May al who are attracted to him lose all interest in Jesus Name and may he come back to you in his whole heart and ind and to God firstly in heart and mind and soul. May he find no way to go but Gods way and see it clearly, may God help him to choose this path. I pray the Lord protect you and heal you and guide you in all of this. Please seethis site also, it has a husband and wife team who pray and will talk to you about this very thing. It is quite helpful. http://www.porn-free.org/ There are other women here who are praying together who are in the same situation and feel the same way and you may find it assuring and helpful to pray and talk with them. It is under women only on forums. I don't know where exactly. But, I am sure a moderator or someone can help you if you din't find it. Please do see the site link I put here. It sure is enlightening. One hting is for sure -it is not your fault at all. It makes any person feel bad when we look to our husbands for a true reflection and they give us this instead. He has a problem. It is not because of you in any way. The apostles called it pornia, that means fornication. He is already doing wrong and he needs to value himself and you in a real relationship and not hold back love and care to you and go be pretnding with others for a non intimate time. Some times this doeas have to d owith their not liking themselves and they will actually do such a thing to feel better about themselves, it is of course, the wrong way and it only makes them worse. I hope for your sake you stop blaming yourself in any way and do talk it out with a pastor and do read about this at the site I left. We are not without help, JEsus has sent us the Helper in the Holy Spirit and we can pray in JEsus name and rebuke this from our mates. I have seen God work through prayers for people who didn;t even know I was praying for them. Take care, God bless you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest healed Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 Hey my sister in the faith, I am touched my your situation, however there is a book by the name "The power of a praying wife". There is nothing that the blood of Jesus can not break. You continue to prayer and fast. That is your husband, lay your hands on his clothes and anything you can put your hands on and cover him under that Powerful name of Jesus Christ. His promise are yea and Amen so keep holding on to the promises on the Lord. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackie0621 Posted May 19, 2006 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 3 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 7 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 05/17/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 05/27/1980 Author Share Posted May 19, 2006 Thank you all for your advice and loving support!! I am still at my wits end with this but have laid it in Gods hands. I wish he would see a marriage councelor but he is very objective to this. Feels there is nothing wrong. I just get to the point where I stop talking about it to avoid problems. I have asked God for many years about this ands have gotten no clear answers. I know leaving would break the kids hearts so have avoided that at all costs. There are times it feels easier not to care at all. I love my family so to keep fighting seems like the answer. I just wish my heart would listen once and awhile. Thank you agin for all of your help. You all have been a great comfort to me for I have no one else to talk to about this. God Bless, Jackie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyRaven Posted June 3, 2006 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 13 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 1,981 Content Per Day: 0.30 Reputation: 3 Days Won: 0 Joined: 05/22/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 04/20/1964 Share Posted June 3, 2006 Hi all!! I need some advice. I have been married for 7 years and my husband has eyes for other women. He is currently involved with online chat with a girl who sent him some mildly explicit pictures of herselh. he says there is nothing going on but I have seen the emails he has sent to his friends about her. Mostly they are about how hot she is. she does know that he is married. Over the years I have dealt with alot of things with him. Pornography, magazines, his flirting, and I just can't seem to trust him. I have told him how I felt but it doesn't seem to really matter. He doesn't see anything wrong with it. He doesn't believe that lusting after other women can lead to having an affair. He will not have anything to do with God so that is out. I am constantly hurt over and over. I feel inadequate,ugly, unworthy of true love. The kind where it is just me and him. I realiz this is an addiction but how long shoukd I keep hurting. i end up resenting myself and him. I have tried ignoring it thinking it really has nothing to do with me but the hurt never goes away. When i push te issue he makes me feel stupid for feeling the way I do . Or that it is all in my head. There r times I just want to pack up and leave to save myself the heartache. However,we have four children and are about to have our fifth. i worry about there future and sexual morality. What do I do???? I have been there and I hurt for you. I am now the single mother of two young men who love God and who know a thing or two about how to treat girls with respect. You are not unworthy of love and respect, your husband is in sin. And he is manipulating you filling your head with lies and making you question your righteous hurt and anger. Lies come from where? At the very least I would not give myself in any sort of intimacy to a man who does not value me or my feelings. You have a choice or two and sometimes making the choice just takes all the power away from the other person even if you do nothing to change your physical proximity. You can do some sort of encounter with him about it. Tell him that these things are not negotiable, you demand that he stop this relationship, online porno and all the other nonsense immediately. You can chose to set guidelines like having a filter or not or you can say he can't be on the computer if he wants to be with you...but these will likely make him angry... and you have to determine consequences that you can deal with for his failure to comply. Perhaps you will leave, perhaps you will seek a divorce or demand counseling or perhaps you will just remain legally married in name only, whatever suits you right now. However, because he has been allowed to run roughshod over you n the past I can tell you he will not believe you and will rebel to see what you will do. Then you need to be mentally and physically and spiritually strong enough to do whatever you have determined to do. You could simply remain in the relationship the way things are due to considerations that you find too compelling to leave. However, if this is what you do, make sure you and he both know that this is what you have decided, not what he has decided. You might also consider that this is a temporary fix, things will likely becoome unbearable and because you decided to stay, he can taunt you. Or you could leave, either with or without an ultimatum. You could plan this and save for it, or you could jump out on a llimb and do it, whichever suits you. If you are a stay at home Mom, this is scarey, it was for me, but God will take care of you. He has me. Your children are more resiliant than you think and honestly, my kids are much happier now that my ex and I are not constantly fighting, crying or giving each other the cold silent glare. Think and pray and work a plan and act on it with confidence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bolts Posted June 3, 2006 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 50 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 963 Content Per Day: 0.14 Reputation: 4 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/27/2005 Status: Offline Birthday: 07/10/1963 Share Posted June 3, 2006 praying for you .... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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