Ddavid from NC Posted February 9, 2008 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 196 Topics Per Day: 0.03 Content Count: 1,343 Content Per Day: 0.23 Reputation: 12 Days Won: 1 Joined: 01/15/2008 Status: Offline Birthday: 12/03/1964 Share Posted February 9, 2008 I am new to this site and not sure where to add my question, so I will just post here and hope some of you can respond. I am a Christian, have been for many years. Without going into major background that can fill a book, let me just ask my question as straightforward as I can: My husband and I are divorced. I need scripture to hold onto when he approaches me wanting to "make love" even though we are divorced. I still love him very deeply and so let's be honest, of course I'd like to....but we are divorced! Isn't it wrong now!???! Someone please give me some scripture to support why I'm right or why I'm wrong. THANK YOU!!! Why is being married again not a possibility...I think that is where you need to be questioning... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jewels4jb Posted February 9, 2008 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 0 Topics Per Day: 0 Content Count: 6 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 02/09/2008 Status: Offline Share Posted February 9, 2008 I am new to this site and not sure where to add my question, so I will just post here and hope some of you can respond. I am a Christian, have been for many years. Without going into major background that can fill a book, let me just ask my question as straightforward as I can: My husband and I are divorced. I need scripture to hold onto when he approaches me wanting to "make love" even though we are divorced. I still love him very deeply and so let's be honest, of course I'd like to....but we are divorced! Isn't it wrong now!???! Someone please give me some scripture to support why I'm right or why I'm wrong. THANK YOU!!! Why is being married again not a possibility...I think that is where you need to be questioning... b/c he is an alcoholic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ddavid from NC Posted February 9, 2008 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 196 Topics Per Day: 0.03 Content Count: 1,343 Content Per Day: 0.23 Reputation: 12 Days Won: 1 Joined: 01/15/2008 Status: Offline Birthday: 12/03/1964 Share Posted February 9, 2008 I am new to this site and not sure where to add my question, so I will just post here and hope some of you can respond. I am a Christian, have been for many years. Without going into major background that can fill a book, let me just ask my question as straightforward as I can: My husband and I are divorced. I need scripture to hold onto when he approaches me wanting to "make love" even though we are divorced. I still love him very deeply and so let's be honest, of course I'd like to....but we are divorced! Isn't it wrong now!???! Someone please give me some scripture to support why I'm right or why I'm wrong. THANK YOU!!! Why is being married again not a possibility...I think that is where you need to be questioning... b/c he is an alcoholic Then this is sex wothout commitment, it is a lie, and very confusing to both parties involved. In fact, you are contributing to his problem and you become an enabler and co-dependent. You need to stop rationalizing this delusion. Marry him and help him solve his problem or clearly define your relationship absent of sexual or romantic involvement. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jewels4jb Posted February 9, 2008 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 0 Topics Per Day: 0 Content Count: 6 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 02/09/2008 Status: Offline Share Posted February 9, 2008 I am new to this site and not sure where to add my question, so I will just post here and hope some of you can respond. I am a Christian, have been for many years. Without going into major background that can fill a book, let me just ask my question as straightforward as I can: My husband and I are divorced. I need scripture to hold onto when he approaches me wanting to "make love" even though we are divorced. I still love him very deeply and so let's be honest, of course I'd like to....but we are divorced! Isn't it wrong now!???! Someone please give me some scripture to support why I'm right or why I'm wrong. THANK YOU!!! Why is being married again not a possibility...I think that is where you need to be questioning... b/c he is an alcoholic Then this is sex wothout commitment, it is a lie, and very confusing to both parties involved. In fact, you are contributing to his problem and you become an enabler and co-dependent. You need to stop rationalizing this delusion. Marry him and help him solve his problem or clearly define your relationship absent of sexual or romantic involvement. I have made it clear to him that I will not have sex with him b/c we are no longer married. He states that b/c he never wanted the divorce in the first place that he still considers us to be married. I just wish I had some scripture to quote to him when the subject comes up. We have two teenagers together, so it's not like I can completely shut him out of my life at this point, nor do i really want to. You are right, I was completely co-dependant on him but have not been for a long time. I don't help him with anything, I don't depend on him for anything. It's just when this subject comes up, I haven't been able to argue effectively enough to convince him that b/c I divorced him that it would be wrong to do, whether we still love each other or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RCruise Posted February 10, 2008 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 23 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 633 Content Per Day: 0.08 Reputation: 12 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/12/2002 Status: Offline Birthday: 06/05/1953 Share Posted February 10, 2008 I am new to this site and not sure where to add my question, so I will just post here and hope some of you can respond. I am a Christian, have been for many years. Without going into major background that can fill a book, let me just ask my question as straightforward as I can: My husband and I are divorced. I need scripture to hold onto when he approaches me wanting to "make love" even though we are divorced. I still love him very deeply and so let's be honest, of course I'd like to....but we are divorced! Isn't it wrong now!???! Someone please give me some scripture to support why I'm right or why I'm wrong. THANK YOU!!! Why is being married again not a possibility...I think that is where you need to be questioning... b/c he is an alcoholic Then this is sex wothout commitment, it is a lie, and very confusing to both parties involved. In fact, you are contributing to his problem and you become an enabler and co-dependent. You need to stop rationalizing this delusion. Marry him and help him solve his problem or clearly define your relationship absent of sexual or romantic involvement. I have made it clear to him that I will not have sex with him b/c we are no longer married. He states that b/c he never wanted the divorce in the first place that he still considers us to be married. I just wish I had some scripture to quote to him when the subject comes up. We have two teenagers together, so it's not like I can completely shut him out of my life at this point, nor do i really want to. You are right, I was completely co-dependant on him but have not been for a long time. I don't help him with anything, I don't depend on him for anything. It's just when this subject comes up, I haven't been able to argue effectively enough to convince him that b/c I divorced him that it would be wrong to do, whether we still love each other or not. WOW!!! Lots of stuff in here since I have been away. Jewels, if I may interject for several reasons; one being you asked for Scriptural reference and; two, I see a major problem in definitions of "Marriage". First and most important is the reference Paul gives in I Cor chpt 7; 1 Corinthians 7:1-17 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment. For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn. And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife? But as God hath distributed to every man, as the Lord hath called every one, so let him walk. And so ordain I in all churches. It is important to note that your current situation (if you have sexual relations with your estranged husband) is "Defrauding" each of you. For you are not "Reconciled" therefore not in a God Ordained relationship with each other. And please make note Paul is very careful to say this is from The Lord and not of himself. It is not clear who "Left" who in your marriage nor does it matter nor should you put much of any other information out here. The point is, is that Jesus Himself gave only one allowable reason for divorce and that being fornication/adultery and none other. Not Alcoholism, not instability in finances, etc.... Divorce has entered the Believing Church at a beyond alarming rate yet few stand up and call it what it is: An abomination in God's eyes. He intricately weaves marriage and set it's foundations as synonomous with His own relationship with us. To break those vows outside of His ordained laws is doing the same to Him personally. That is why Jesus said; "whatsoever God hath joined together, let NO man put asunder.." So conclusively, Scripture abounds that condemns having unReconciled marriage relations when that Marriage itself is not Reconciled fully. It is really no difference than having an adulterous relationship in God's eyes. Now you say that you still love your husband and this is very good. Pray for him....pray for him fervently and without ceasing (as we are so commanded by Jesus). Paul says that even if your husband is an unbeliever, you should not depart for you do not know how God may utilize you in his salvation. In your case, you must do so alone and unreconciled for you are divorced. But know that Jesus Christ still reigns over All and particularly God Ordained arenas! And He can reconcile your marriage only with a "New Man" ... a "Regenerated Man" out of your husband. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jewels4jb Posted February 10, 2008 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 0 Topics Per Day: 0 Content Count: 6 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 02/09/2008 Status: Offline Share Posted February 10, 2008 I am new to this site and not sure where to add my question, so I will just post here and hope some of you can respond. I am a Christian, have been for many years. Without going into major background that can fill a book, let me just ask my question as straightforward as I can: My husband and I are divorced. I need scripture to hold onto when he approaches me wanting to "make love" even though we are divorced. I still love him very deeply and so let's be honest, of course I'd like to....but we are divorced! Isn't it wrong now!???! Someone please give me some scripture to support why I'm right or why I'm wrong. THANK YOU!!! Why is being married again not a possibility...I think that is where you need to be questioning... b/c he is an alcoholic Then this is sex wothout commitment, it is a lie, and very confusing to both parties involved. In fact, you are contributing to his problem and you become an enabler and co-dependent. You need to stop rationalizing this delusion. Marry him and help him solve his problem or clearly define your relationship absent of sexual or romantic involvement. I have made it clear to him that I will not have sex with him b/c we are no longer married. He states that b/c he never wanted the divorce in the first place that he still considers us to be married. I just wish I had some scripture to quote to him when the subject comes up. We have two teenagers together, so it's not like I can completely shut him out of my life at this point, nor do i really want to. You are right, I was completely co-dependant on him but have not been for a long time. I don't help him with anything, I don't depend on him for anything. It's just when this subject comes up, I haven't been able to argue effectively enough to convince him that b/c I divorced him that it would be wrong to do, whether we still love each other or not. WOW!!! Lots of stuff in here since I have been away. Jewels, if I may interject for several reasons; one being you asked for Scriptural reference and; two, I see a major problem in definitions of "Marriage". First and most important is the reference Paul gives in I Cor chpt 7; 1 Corinthians 7:1-17 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment. For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn. And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife? But as God hath distributed to every man, as the Lord hath called every one, so let him walk. And so ordain I in all churches. It is important to note that your current situation (if you have sexual relations with your estranged husband) is "Defrauding" each of you. For you are not "Reconciled" therefore not in a God Ordained relationship with each other. And please make note Paul is very careful to say this is from The Lord and not of himself. It is not clear who "Left" who in your marriage nor does it matter nor should you put much of any other information out here. The point is, is that Jesus Himself gave only one allowable reason for divorce and that being fornication/adultery and none other. Not Alcoholism, not instability in finances, etc.... Divorce has entered the Believing Church at a beyond alarming rate yet few stand up and call it what it is: An abomination in God's eyes. He intricately weaves marriage and set it's foundations as synonomous with His own relationship with us. To break those vows outside of His ordained laws is doing the same to Him personally. That is why Jesus said; "whatsoever God hath joined together, let NO man put asunder.." So conclusively, Scripture abounds that condemns having unReconciled marriage relations when that Marriage itself is not Reconciled fully. It is really no difference than having an adulterous relationship in God's eyes. Now you say that you still love your husband and this is very good. Pray for him....pray for him fervently and without ceasing (as we are so commanded by Jesus). Paul says that even if your husband is an unbeliever, you should not depart for you do not know how God may utilize you in his salvation. In your case, you must do so alone and unreconciled for you are divorced. But know that Jesus Christ still reigns over All and particularly God Ordained arenas! And He can reconcile your marriage only with a "New Man" ... a "Regenerated Man" out of your husband. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedeemedByHim Posted February 10, 2008 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 63 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 1,157 Content Per Day: 0.18 Reputation: 9 Days Won: 0 Joined: 02/24/2007 Status: Offline Birthday: 07/25/1982 Share Posted February 10, 2008 hmmmm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jewels4jb Posted February 10, 2008 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 0 Topics Per Day: 0 Content Count: 6 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 02/09/2008 Status: Offline Share Posted February 10, 2008 I am new to this site and not sure where to add my question, so I will just post here and hope some of you can respond. I am a Christian, have been for many years. Without going into major background that can fill a book, let me just ask my question as straightforward as I can: My husband and I are divorced. I need scripture to hold onto when he approaches me wanting to "make love" even though we are divorced. I still love him very deeply and so let's be honest, of course I'd like to....but we are divorced! Isn't it wrong now!???! Someone please give me some scripture to support why I'm right or why I'm wrong. THANK YOU!!! Why is being married again not a possibility...I think that is where you need to be questioning... b/c he is an alcoholic Then this is sex wothout commitment, it is a lie, and very confusing to both parties involved. In fact, you are contributing to his problem and you become an enabler and co-dependent. You need to stop rationalizing this delusion. Marry him and help him solve his problem or clearly define your relationship absent of sexual or romantic involvement. I have made it clear to him that I will not have sex with him b/c we are no longer married. He states that b/c he never wanted the divorce in the first place that he still considers us to be married. I just wish I had some scripture to quote to him when the subject comes up. We have two teenagers together, so it's not like I can completely shut him out of my life at this point, nor do i really want to. You are right, I was completely co-dependant on him but have not been for a long time. I don't help him with anything, I don't depend on him for anything. It's just when this subject comes up, I haven't been able to argue effectively enough to convince him that b/c I divorced him that it would be wrong to do, whether we still love each other or not. WOW!!! Lots of stuff in here since I have been away. Jewels, if I may interject for several reasons; one being you asked for Scriptural reference and; two, I see a major problem in definitions of "Marriage". First and most important is the reference Paul gives in I Cor chpt 7; 1 Corinthians 7:1-17 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment. For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn. And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife? But as God hath distributed to every man, as the Lord hath called every one, so let him walk. And so ordain I in all churches. It is important to note that your current situation (if you have sexual relations with your estranged husband) is "Defrauding" each of you. For you are not "Reconciled" therefore not in a God Ordained relationship with each other. And please make note Paul is very careful to say this is from The Lord and not of himself. It is not clear who "Left" who in your marriage nor does it matter nor should you put much of any other information out here. The point is, is that Jesus Himself gave only one allowable reason for divorce and that being fornication/adultery and none other. Not Alcoholism, not instability in finances, etc.... Divorce has entered the Believing Church at a beyond alarming rate yet few stand up and call it what it is: An abomination in God's eyes. He intricately weaves marriage and set it's foundations as synonomous with His own relationship with us. To break those vows outside of His ordained laws is doing the same to Him personally. That is why Jesus said; "whatsoever God hath joined together, let NO man put asunder.." So conclusively, Scripture abounds that condemns having unReconciled marriage relations when that Marriage itself is not Reconciled fully. It is really no difference than having an adulterous relationship in God's eyes. Now you say that you still love your husband and this is very good. Pray for him....pray for him fervently and without ceasing (as we are so commanded by Jesus). Paul says that even if your husband is an unbeliever, you should not depart for you do not know how God may utilize you in his salvation. In your case, you must do so alone and unreconciled for you are divorced. But know that Jesus Christ still reigns over All and particularly God Ordained arenas! And He can reconcile your marriage only with a "New Man" ... a "Regenerated Man" out of your husband. Thank you so much for the scripture insight. I know I've read this from Paul many times before. It is ONE of the reasons I decided a few years ago that I am not interested in remarriage to another man. I know you said I didn't need to post more info here and I wasn't planning to, but I feel I owe an explanation as to why I would divorce someone I still love so much, other than him just being an alcoholic. We met very young, had 2 children before we got married the first time. When we did marry, he was on probation for 2 counts of aggravated assault on myself, but he had already served almost a year in jail and worked through another program and was attending church, etc. so I married him b/c I love him. Two months later though, his probation was revoked for drug use and he was sent to prison for 5 years. I divorced him believing I made a mistake marrying him. I had very minimal contact with him afterwards b/c he basically was living here and there and on the street. Almost 10 years later, I get a call from his dad that my ex was in the hospital, not expected to make it, after a car accident. I went to visit him and helped the nurses take care of him for three months that he was in the hospital. When he got out, he went to stay with his dad, got into an alcohol/drug program through church and was attending church regularly. I figured he had hit his rock-bottom and of course I still loved him, so we remarried 10 years to the date of our first marriage. Romantic, right?? The next Sunday after we remarried, he stopped going to church, he started drinking/using again and became extremely violent again. He was also still talking to a girlfriend he had been seeing before he was in the hospital. After 3 months of torture and waiting for him to check into treatment, I had enough and called the police after one of his attacks. he was sent back to prison for 5 more years. I divorced him again. Not b/c I didn't love him but b/c I figured I'd be crazy not to after everything. In prison this time, he has gone through a battery of psychological tests, been diagnosed with a few major disorders that are treatable with major medications. It's been about 4 years since he started the medication in prison. He kept in touch with me while in prison, explaining how all the alcohol/drug use was him self medicating and how he doesn't need to drink anymore and information about his disorders, how regretful he is for everything.....you know, all the things prisoners say when behind bars. He never wanted the divorce. I still love him, even though we've been through so much and he's done so much damage but I am afraid to reconcile our marriage. He seems so much better now that he's on the meds, but I have no guarantee that he won't decide one day to stop the meds and start drinking again. Not to mention what my family, friends, co-workers, pastor, etc. would think/say. I understand the scriptures. I KNOW it is wrong to have sex at this point b/c we are not reconciled. See, this is why I am confused. I WANT to reconcile, but that would be INSANE after all he did!!! RIGHT!?!? I have grown so much over the past 5 years in my relationship with Christ and ultimately, He is the one I want to focus on. But when I see my ex, I can't deny the feelings that I have had for him since I was so young and the hope I have always had that we could have a normal marriage. It doesn't help to hear him talk about how he still loves me and says he prays that God will reconcile our family and that he still considers me to be his wife, doesn't accept the fact we are divorced and wants to have sex. UHGHG! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest alwayswishing42 Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 I am new to this site and not sure where to add my question, so I will just post here and hope some of you can respond. I am a Christian, have been for many years. Without going into major background that can fill a book, let me just ask my question as straightforward as I can: My husband and I are divorced. I need scripture to hold onto when he approaches me wanting to "make love" even though we are divorced. I still love him very deeply and so let's be honest, of course I'd like to....but we are divorced! Isn't it wrong now!???! Someone please give me some scripture to support why I'm right or why I'm wrong. THANK YOU!!! Why is being married again not a possibility...I think that is where you need to be questioning... b/c he is an alcoholic Then this is sex wothout commitment, it is a lie, and very confusing to both parties involved. In fact, you are contributing to his problem and you become an enabler and co-dependent. You need to stop rationalizing this delusion. Marry him and help him solve his problem or clearly define your relationship absent of sexual or romantic involvement. I have made it clear to him that I will not have sex with him b/c we are no longer married. He states that b/c he never wanted the divorce in the first place that he still considers us to be married. I just wish I had some scripture to quote to him when the subject comes up. We have two teenagers together, so it's not like I can completely shut him out of my life at this point, nor do i really want to. You are right, I was completely co-dependant on him but have not been for a long time. I don't help him with anything, I don't depend on him for anything. It's just when this subject comes up, I haven't been able to argue effectively enough to convince him that b/c I divorced him that it would be wrong to do, whether we still love each other or not. WOW!!! Lots of stuff in here since I have been away. Jewels, if I may interject for several reasons; one being you asked for Scriptural reference and; two, I see a major problem in definitions of "Marriage". First and most important is the reference Paul gives in I Cor chpt 7; 1 Corinthians 7:1-17 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment. For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn. And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife? But as God hath distributed to every man, as the Lord hath called every one, so let him walk. And so ordain I in all churches. It is important to note that your current situation (if you have sexual relations with your estranged husband) is "Defrauding" each of you. For you are not "Reconciled" therefore not in a God Ordained relationship with each other. And please make note Paul is very careful to say this is from The Lord and not of himself. It is not clear who "Left" who in your marriage nor does it matter nor should you put much of any other information out here. The point is, is that Jesus Himself gave only one allowable reason for divorce and that being fornication/adultery and none other. Not Alcoholism, not instability in finances, etc.... Divorce has entered the Believing Church at a beyond alarming rate yet few stand up and call it what it is: An abomination in God's eyes. He intricately weaves marriage and set it's foundations as synonomous with His own relationship with us. To break those vows outside of His ordained laws is doing the same to Him personally. That is why Jesus said; "whatsoever God hath joined together, let NO man put asunder.." So conclusively, Scripture abounds that condemns having unReconciled marriage relations when that Marriage itself is not Reconciled fully. It is really no difference than having an adulterous relationship in God's eyes. Now you say that you still love your husband and this is very good. Pray for him....pray for him fervently and without ceasing (as we are so commanded by Jesus). Paul says that even if your husband is an unbeliever, you should not depart for you do not know how God may utilize you in his salvation. In your case, you must do so alone and unreconciled for you are divorced. But know that Jesus Christ still reigns over All and particularly God Ordained arenas! And He can reconcile your marriage only with a "New Man" ... a "Regenerated Man" out of your husband. I'm new to this site, and I found this thread interesting for many personal reasons. I do have a question though. I am a Christian, I have been for the majority of my young life (I'm 24). Here is my question. I see that you have said that Jesus Himself gave only one allowable reason for divorce and that being fornincation/adultery and none other. I'm guessing, that by saying this, you believe that a woman should stay with her husband if he mentally, emotionally and physically abuses her then? Do you really believe that God would want someone to endure that kind of pain for the rest of her life? What if she tried counselling, tried getting him to go to counselling and all he did was tell her it was her own F***ing problem and there was nothing wrong with him? What if it was physically harming her health? Do you really believe that because they get divorced, God will never bless her in another marriage? I don't want to sound harsh or like I am provoking a fight here, I am just really curious. I read this post a couple of nights ago and this question is really plaguing me. Any insight to this would be wonderful. Thanks! alwayswishing42 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RCruise Posted February 13, 2008 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 23 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 633 Content Per Day: 0.08 Reputation: 12 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/12/2002 Status: Offline Birthday: 06/05/1953 Share Posted February 13, 2008 Thank you so much for the scripture insight. I know I've read this from Paul many times before. It is ONE of the reasons I decided a few years ago that I am not interested in remarriage to another man. I know you said I didn't need to post more info here and I wasn't planning to, but I feel I owe an explanation as to why I would divorce someone I still love so much, other than him just being an alcoholic. We met very young, had 2 children before we got married the first time. When we did marry, he was on probation for 2 counts of aggravated assault on myself, but he had already served almost a year in jail and worked through another program and was attending church, etc. so I married him b/c I love him. Two months later though, his probation was revoked for drug use and he was sent to prison for 5 years. I divorced him believing I made a mistake marrying him. I had very minimal contact with him afterwards b/c he basically was living here and there and on the street. Almost 10 years later, I get a call from his dad that my ex was in the hospital, not expected to make it, after a car accident. I went to visit him and helped the nurses take care of him for three months that he was in the hospital. When he got out, he went to stay with his dad, got into an alcohol/drug program through church and was attending church regularly. I figured he had hit his rock-bottom and of course I still loved him, so we remarried 10 years to the date of our first marriage. Romantic, right?? The next Sunday after we remarried, he stopped going to church, he started drinking/using again and became extremely violent again. He was also still talking to a girlfriend he had been seeing before he was in the hospital. After 3 months of torture and waiting for him to check into treatment, I had enough and called the police after one of his attacks. he was sent back to prison for 5 more years. I divorced him again. Not b/c I didn't love him but b/c I figured I'd be crazy not to after everything. In prison this time, he has gone through a battery of psychological tests, been diagnosed with a few major disorders that are treatable with major medications. It's been about 4 years since he started the medication in prison. He kept in touch with me while in prison, explaining how all the alcohol/drug use was him self medicating and how he doesn't need to drink anymore and information about his disorders, how regretful he is for everything.....you know, all the things prisoners say when behind bars. He never wanted the divorce. I still love him, even though we've been through so much and he's done so much damage but I am afraid to reconcile our marriage. He seems so much better now that he's on the meds, but I have no guarantee that he won't decide one day to stop the meds and start drinking again. Not to mention what my family, friends, co-workers, pastor, etc. would think/say. I understand the scriptures. I KNOW it is wrong to have sex at this point b/c we are not reconciled. See, this is why I am confused. I WANT to reconcile, but that would be INSANE after all he did!!! RIGHT!?!? I have grown so much over the past 5 years in my relationship with Christ and ultimately, He is the one I want to focus on. But when I see my ex, I can't deny the feelings that I have had for him since I was so young and the hope I have always had that we could have a normal marriage. It doesn't help to hear him talk about how he still loves me and says he prays that God will reconcile our family and that he still considers me to be his wife, doesn't accept the fact we are divorced and wants to have sex. UHGHG! Hi Jewel, Understand, I am not instructing or telling you what to do but, you asked for Scriptural reference and I hadn't seen where anyone brought the Bible directly into play. I am a 54 year old Preacher/Evangelist who came into serving Christ only the last 10 years solidly. I have studied and prayed and studied hard over marriage for I myself had three failed marriages before coming to Jesus. (Actually, the third left me because I chose to become a Christian....she was atheist). I hung in there for a year refusing to divorce for I knew how God felt about divorce in that first year of studying His Word. We started to reconcile once (not divorced as yet but separated) and that same evening I was going to spend the night at her residence. But the Spirit of God came on me heavily and said not to do it for we were not reconciled nor would she ever do so and allow me to serve Him. I had been praying for a reconciliation but understood Him well. It was a good thing to listen to Him for she had been secretly seeing two other men and had contracted AIDS. Had I slept with her, I would have it as well. This caused me to dig deep not only for my own understanding but because divorce has become too easy a thing for so many in the Body of Christ. I wanted a clear and concise understanding before I became ordained unto my Calling which He called me into. She has since slept with many men. We divorced and I waited until God spoke to me and led me 2500 miles down into Texas to pair me with a wife He had chosen for me. She is a beautiful Christian woman who supports and joins me in all Jesus leads us into within the Ministry. We have been married since June of 2000 blissfully, blessedly, abundantly without never a cross word or argument between us. So what I guess I am saying is that God may not have your former spouse in mind but, you will never know until you seek Jesus so deeply that He Will Answer and show you and lead you correctly unto His Will for you. Anything I have to say (besides instruction from His Word) or anyone else here, in the pulpit or offices of your church, or whereever, really does not add up to one little tidbit of anything compared to what Jesus will lead and tell you in. God Bless Pastor Ron Cruise Jesus Walk Ministries Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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