mathqueen Posted April 8, 2007 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 55 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 962 Content Per Day: 0.15 Reputation: 1 Days Won: 0 Joined: 03/26/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 05/16/1975 Author Share Posted April 8, 2007 (edited) Edited April 8, 2007 by mathqueen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mathqueen Posted April 8, 2007 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 55 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 962 Content Per Day: 0.15 Reputation: 1 Days Won: 0 Joined: 03/26/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 05/16/1975 Author Share Posted April 8, 2007 If your husband is working to restore a "wonderful" marriage, then I conclude it was wonderful before the adultery, right? Um no it was horrible actually, lol, and we should never have married in the first place. We were nothing more than roommates within a year of marrying(hence, easy to see why he would have an affair 5 years later, even though he claims faithfulness to his first wife who was horrid and, as I said, had repeated affairs. Whatever.). BUT something transpired in those two months between the rumors of the affairs and me finding out their validity. It's been off and on ever since, on my part, never on his, he has always been trying since that time. I think you're right on with the resentment comment, that I will have trouble getting past that because I have spent 9 years being resentful. That's a lot of time to undo. :-( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mathqueen Posted April 8, 2007 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 55 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 962 Content Per Day: 0.15 Reputation: 1 Days Won: 0 Joined: 03/26/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 05/16/1975 Author Share Posted April 8, 2007 (((((mathy)))))) As I read your story, I too, saw my self and feelings about believing that I would be better off single than being married. I thought I was the only one who felt this way and it was all my fault. I have been married only 10 months, and yet I dont want a divorce. The responses have been of some encouragement to me as well. Thank you for sharing your feelings. I dont feel so alone in my feelings and I am grateful of the others responding with so much love and care. berribear to you dear. Only 10 months in and you're already experiencing this. It happened quickly for us to, the deterioration. I don't know if the fact that we are still married 9 years later is good news or bad news for you!! But I will be praying for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheoMike Posted April 8, 2007 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 9 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 499 Content Per Day: 0.08 Reputation: 3 Days Won: 0 Joined: 01/21/2007 Status: Offline Birthday: 01/27/1964 Share Posted April 8, 2007 (edited) If your husband is working to restore a "wonderful" marriage, then I conclude it was wonderful before the adultery, right? Edited April 8, 2007 by TheoMike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheoMike Posted April 8, 2007 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 9 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 499 Content Per Day: 0.08 Reputation: 3 Days Won: 0 Joined: 01/21/2007 Status: Offline Birthday: 01/27/1964 Share Posted April 8, 2007 I was thinking of something else. I hope you insisted your husband be tested for AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases. When he slept with the other woman, he was basically sleeping with every partner she ever had. In today's world...you can't be too careful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mathqueen Posted April 8, 2007 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 55 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 962 Content Per Day: 0.15 Reputation: 1 Days Won: 0 Joined: 03/26/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 05/16/1975 Author Share Posted April 8, 2007 Incidentally, every "first wife" is horrid, if you believe the husband. And vice versa, as well. SO true lol. Very basically, we are unequally yoked, and the resentment started early on, as I stated. I know I do have to forgive him and I continue to make that choice whether I feel it or not. Trust is definitely another issue altogether, good point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shazza Posted April 9, 2007 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 29 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 526 Content Per Day: 0.07 Reputation: 2 Days Won: 0 Joined: 04/03/2004 Status: Offline Birthday: 11/25/1965 Share Posted April 9, 2007 Mathy, I have been where you are right now!! God is so gracious, He CAN restore the most broken marriage. He restored mine. I have experienced infidelity not once but twice within my marriage, several years apart. My husband is a back sliding Christian, we have been married 21 years with 3 beautiful sons and he walked away from God within 2 years. Mathy, have you forgiven him within your heart, you say it with your mouth but maybe you are hanging onto the hurt still?? You need to let it go, because resentment is a poison in you that rears its ugly head. I am not saying it will happen over night but with God's powerful healing it WILL happen. I don't believe you would be better of single, God created you and your husband for each other. Plain and simple, you are not married by chance, God arranged it all. Now He is using you to reach the heart of your husband to show him the love of Christ. What has helped me, is to look at my husband through the eyes of God not through my own, and I have changed my attitude towards him. You will be truly blessed for your faithfulness Mathy Praying for you Mathy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Floatingaxe Posted April 9, 2007 Group: Royal Member Followers: 3 Topic Count: 62 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 9,613 Content Per Day: 1.45 Reputation: 656 Days Won: 9 Joined: 03/11/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 05/31/1952 Share Posted April 9, 2007 Mathy, I have been where you are right now!! God is so gracious, He CAN restore the most broken marriage. He restored mine. I have experienced infidelity not once but twice within my marriage, several years apart. My husband is a back sliding Christian, we have been married 21 years with 3 beautiful sons and he walked away from God within 2 years. Mathy, have you forgiven him within your heart, you say it with your mouth but maybe you are hanging onto the hurt still?? You need to let it go, because resentment is a poison in you that rears its ugly head. I am not saying it will happen over night but with God's powerful healing it WILL happen. I don't believe you would be better of single, God created you and your husband for each other. Plain and simple, you are not married by chance, God arranged it all. Now He is using you to reach the heart of your husband to show him the love of Christ. What has helped me, is to look at my husband through the eyes of God not through my own, and I have changed my attitude towards him. You will be truly blessed for your faithfulness Mathy Praying for you Mathy I really like your encouragement. BUT...do you really believe that God would put two people who are unequal in their spiritual lives together? No--sometimes people choose what they want over what God wants. God doesn't put people together like that. That is why there is serious trouble. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mathqueen Posted April 9, 2007 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 55 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 962 Content Per Day: 0.15 Reputation: 1 Days Won: 0 Joined: 03/26/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 05/16/1975 Author Share Posted April 9, 2007 I really like your encouragement. BUT...do you really believe that God would put two people who are unequal in their spiritual lives together? No--sometimes people choose what they want over what God wants. God doesn't put people together like that. That is why there is serious trouble. That is what I struggle with floaty. I agree with shaz on some level because God knew I was going to marry my husband, albeit outside of His will I am quite sure, and I know our mistakes are not above His reach. He can and does work miracles daily in this area. BUT I agree with floaty that God did not intend for me to be unequally yoked, and that is at the heart of the problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kat8585 Posted April 9, 2007 Group: Royal Member Followers: 3 Topic Count: 1,360 Topics Per Day: 0.21 Content Count: 7,866 Content Per Day: 1.24 Reputation: 26 Days Won: 0 Joined: 11/22/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 04/18/1946 Share Posted April 9, 2007 It's amazing how many people have been where you are. I know exactly what you are going thru, too. My ex and I never should have been married, either. Within 3 months I was in counseling, and we were sleeping in separate beds. (That never changed.) I fell into such a black pit of depression that no one would have been able to fathom it. I actually wished he would commit adultry so I'd have a valid reason to leave. But I knew he never would, and that made it worse as I felt I would be trapped in my prison of misery all my life, with never a way out. I hated him for the first 3 years, and I had to pray for a long time before I could tell him I loved him and mean it. Toward the end he did go to marriage counseling with me, 2 times, and it didn't work. Then it was all taken out of my hands when he left me for another woman after 12 years. But he was so slick that I didn't know this was the reason we split til after the divorce. I was relieved in a way, but when I realized how I'd been done, on top of a miserable marriage, it broke my heart more than anything ever had. It's been 6 years, and I can't get past it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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