please help

[Guest]

Ash,

Praying for you!

I agree with the others who have posted replies, but would add one thing. You mentioned you had quit reading the Bible. This is not a good thing. Satan is the enemy of believers and will use what ever he can to separate you from others and get you isolated from the power of God. The depression, hopelessness, helplessness, and all the rest DO NOT come from God. You need to spend time in God's Word, and in prayer. That's where our spiritual strength comes from.

While I haven't had to deal with thoughts of suicide, I know what hopelessness feels like, and other sorts of pain. Jesus is the only One who can give you the strength for this fight.

Still praying for you.

Edited May 22, 2007 by walla299

[Leonard]

Jesus said that satan came only to 'steal, kill and destroy.' So by listening to that desire to kill and destroy yourself, you are listening to satan, who is a liar! YOU ARE LISTENING TO THE LIE.

By not reading your Bible, you are denying yourself THE TRUTH. The Truth is the perfect, full, and complete ANSWER to the lie.

It is satan who wishes to destroy you with his lies, and God's Word is the correct antidote. Do not deny yourself that which can save you.

Read the Word, and be blessed. +

[Ash7614]

I had a conversation with God last night..

for so long i thought i had been praying.. being honest to Him and myself, but i wasn't..

last night everything came out

i told Him i didn't feel worthy of aksing for forgiveness for my sins because i know i will repeat them

how can i be truely sorry when i know i will do them again

i'm not worthy of anything

no matter how much i trick myself or others into believing i'm sorry for the things i do i know inside that i'm so weak that if the opportunity arrose i would do it again..

and i'm sick of lying to myself, my friends, my family and most of all my Lord..

He deserves a better child than I..

I feel like a cheat..

I don't want to go to hell..

i don't want to commit these sins over and over again and i hate the fact that i say i CAN'T do something when i know i can but just won't..

I'm not worthy of the life that God has granted me..

I wish it weren't so but it is

Thanks for all your kinds words, advice and prayers.. they're very appreciated..

but i suggest you put your time and effort in to a more worthy cause..

This isn't a Goodbye post.. well maybe it is i don't know

at the end of everyday i say goodbye with the intention of pursuing with my desire of suicide and yet every morning i wake up with more energy to face the world than ever.. even that being a lie in itself.. moreso, more energy to FOOL the world into thinking i'm a generous, kind, happy person.. but it isn't so..

I am nothing but a lie..

[ColleenLovesMischief]

I had a conversation with God last night..

for so long i thought i had been praying.. being honest to Him and myself, but i wasn't..

last night everything came out

i told Him i didn't feel worthy of aksing for forgiveness for my sins because i know i will repeat them

how can i be truely sorry when i know i will do them again

i'm not worthy of anything

no matter how much i trick myself or others into believing i'm sorry for the things i do i know inside that i'm so weak that if the opportunity arrose i would do it again..

and i'm sick of lying to myself, my friends, my family and most of all my Lord..

He deserves a better child than I..

I feel like a cheat..

I don't want to go to hell..

i don't want to commit these sins over and over again and i hate the fact that i say i CAN'T do something when i know i can but just won't..

I'm not worthy of the life that God has granted me..

I wish it weren't so but it is

Thanks for all your kinds words, advice and prayers.. they're very appreciated..

but i suggest you put your time and effort in to a more worthy cause..

This isn't a Goodbye post.. well maybe it is i don't know

at the end of everyday i say goodbye with the intention of pursuing with my desire of suicide and yet every morning i wake up with more energy to face the world than ever.. even that being a lie in itself.. moreso, more energy to FOOL the world into thinking i'm a generous, kind, happy person.. but it isn't so..

I am nothing but a lie..

Ash...what you have said in this post is nothing more than the enemy getting to you. God chose you as you are. Not as a perfect person, but as a human. All imperfections, and tendancy to fall. I myself spent many yrs in a suicidal depression with many failed attempts. I was a cutter (which I have curbed by piercing). I have been into drugs, and I also know the eating disorder road. None of this surprises God. He knew what we were the day He chose us. Nothing we can do will make Him love us any less. He is still standing by waiting for you to cry out to Him. I am not a counsellor my friend, and I would advise letting one know how you feel. there is some help out there. It took God to pull me out of what I was in, and it can be done. I'm praying for you ash. If you need a friend I'm around.

Colleen

Oh and by the way. Being honest with God is good. Whatever you have to say to Him trust me He can handle it. I have screamed my frustration to Him before.

[Iryssa]

Ash, why do you believe that your Christian friend who committed suicide is in hell? I've heard people say that a lot, and frankly, I can't find anything scriptural to back up the idea that a Believer who commits suicide goes to hell. I think God understands us better than that.

Take hold of grace...God didn't send His son to die for us because some people out there were worthy of His sacrifice, rather,

"...God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8)

God doesn't need you to be perfect before He takes you into His fold. Also, you don't need to fabricate feelings of guilt in order to be forgiven. Christ's blood covers your sins and His forgiveness is there, even if you don't feel forgiven.

[nebula]

i told Him i didn't feel worthy of aksing for forgiveness for my sins because i know i will repeat them

how can i be truely sorry when i know i will do them again

i'm not worthy of anything

Dear Ash,

I don't know what sins you are struggling with, but did you know that we all still struggle with sin. All of us have weaknesses. All of us are repeat sinners. Some sins are habits; any habit takes hard work to change. Some sins are addictions; those are not normally conquored easily, either. Some sins are defense mechanisms, things we do to protect our fragile souls; those take inner healing to conquor. Some sins are a search for love; very often it takes time to grow in the security of God's love to overcome this. In fact, behind every "fault" there can be found a "need" that drives the fault.

What is your "need"? What are your hurts? What fulfillment are you looking for? These are the things you need to focus on dealing with more so than the outward expressions.

Praying for you!

[nebula]

P.S. If you are thinking we have more grace to give you than God does, guess what? He has more grace than any of us can give. It is us humans who would rather judge and criticize, but God who would rather forgive and heal.

[salos]

((( Ash )))

[sweetycakes]

Hi my name is ash and i'm an 18 yr old female christian from sydney, australia

This is the first christian forum i have come across that does not require a million questions just to join

i've come here seeking the help of my fellow cristian community

To put my problem straight out there, I want to commit suicide.

I have for many years and have almost succeeded a few times but failed due to my mother or a friend finding me.

Everyday I fight the urges simply for the fact that I know I will go to hell if I do. But ever since a friend of mine committed suicide last year (she also being a Christian) has made me want to doubt my faith.. I can't stand the fact that I know she's in hell for how can He accept us into heaven when we throw away His gift of life.

I'm starting to actually WANT to not believe just so that i can kill myself without fear, so that I can ignorantly believe that my friend is in heaven..

I pray everyday that somehow my thoughts will leave me.. that I can just want to live..

But this praying has been going on for years and years and still these thoughts still remain..

I've begged and begged for Our Lord to heal me of my mental anguish but without succession.

I've stopped going to church, stopped seeing my counsillor and am on the vurge of dropping out of college despite my impressive grades..

I've turned to this forum anonymously for help and guidence from others..

I have tolerated my head until now and i'm very worried i'll try again.. this time being successful..

I don't want to hurt my fmaily nor God..

I don't know what to do..

Please help me

Just know that you have friends here.

You are precious to God, to me and to so many others.

You have so much to live for.

I know that you may think 'How can I have friends when they are on the other side of the world?'

But I am a real person, just as you are.

Hang on in there, precious. There is a God who loves you. And who loves you for just who you are.

A God who knows how many hairs you have on your head.

I suggest that you seek the advice of female members on this board.

And above all:

"Underneath are the everlasting arms."

...........you can't get below that!!!

[Kristano Esperanta]

Ash,

I heard something on the radio I'd like to share with you.

If you can't find a Bible go to BibleGateway.com, there you can look up a bible passage.

John chapter 21 tells us all about how our Lord Jesus accepts us no matter WHAT.

Earlier on, Jesus told Peter that before the rooster crowed, Peter would deny Jesus three times. Peter swore up and down he wouldn't... but he did. He lied to the face of our Lord, he denied our Lord, which has to be one of the worst sins ever, i mean come on, he sinned to the face of God Himself!

Now getting back to John chapter 21.

Peter felt terrible about what he did, so he decided to get it off his mind by returning to his old life, as a fisherman. He got a few of the other disciples to go with him fishing in the Sea of Tiberias. They went out and fished.... and fished, and fished. However, they didn't get ANYTHING. Then, someone called out to them. Keep in mind, they didn't know who it was! The voice asked them if they had caught anything. They hadn't! What is this? Peter, a professional fisherman, hadn't caught ANYTHING! Then the voice said to throw the net on the right side of the boat.

They did, and they caught SO MANY FISH, that they couldn't even pull them in at first! Surely this was very strange... but then, one of the disciples called out, "It is the Lord!" JESUS had told them to do this! JESUS had rewarded Peter, even AFTER he betrayed him!

Peter jumped into the water, and Jesus said to bring the fish to shore. The disciples towed the fish to shore, and Peter climbed aboard and dragged them onto the shore. There Jesus had a fire burning, and He said, "Bring some of the fish you have caught."

Then.... he invited them all to breakfast. Peter had denied Jesus, but that didn't matter... Jesus still accepted him.

Ash, Romans 3:23 states that "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." Do you think God is surprised when we fail? No, He isn't. He knows we will, because we are human, we are not God. You have failed, Ash, and you will fail again, but GOD LOVES YOU NO MATTER WHAT! That is something you can't deny. You can't say "I'm not worthy of forgiveness" or anything like that. You AREN'T worthy, but neither is ANYONE! However, through God's grace, and through the love of Christ, we are forgiven anyway! Know this always, that no matter what God will always forgive you, if you'd just ask.

Don't let the enemy do this to you. You have to tell the enemy to go away. Pray that the Lord will give you the strength, and then tell Satan, "In the name of Christ, go away from me!" You must have faith, sister, that the Lord will guide you!

If you need someone to talk to... i'll give you my email address, kristano_esperanta(at)nerdshack(dot)com. I have faith that God will heal your heart. You must know that you are valuable. Just know that. You mean something to the Lord and that's all that matters. He loves you. He loves you... not just everyone with one single love, but He loves us ALL individually, with the personal love that surpasses that of a friend, a lover, or a parent... Jesus loves you, sister, and that alone is enough to give your life meaning.

I will pray without ceasing for you. Please know that you are loved.

Hugs in Christ!

Edited May 27, 2007 by Kristano Esperanta