young unmarried love... please help!

[Guest pianist4him]

hi

i'm 17 and have a hugely long life-story. i was raised in a christian home, but when i got nearer my teen years, i was sexually molested / abused and have delt w/ many addictions. this past aug. my parents found out about everything. quite a big deal! n e who... my youth pastor ended up mentoring me. throughout a long proccess of many things... i ended up having a "three-some" w/ he and his wife while in a drunken state-of-mind. we all enjoyed it a lot... and have had a few re-occurences.... i know that this stuff is wrong and whatnot... but here is the problem. his wife and i have fallen in love.... very deeply. my friend (we'll call him tom and we'll call his wife sara) n e who.. my friend "tom" works a lot. he just got a new job and spends NO TIME at home w/ his family! "sara" and i are always home and we spend a lot of time together. another aspect is i'm a very "cuddly" and "lovey" (as "sara" would say) person and i am very have been around for the past few months to comfort her in her frustrations with "tom's" new job. we have ended up becoming very sexually active and he found out. he claimed that as long as she don't get pregnant... he don't care if it happened every-so-often. well... there was another re-occurance and he flew off the handle! so we have quit. he tells us we can do whatever we want.... as long as we don't have sex (any other type of sexual activity is fine). well... to make a long story short... he aint' handling anything too well claiming that he can't "please" her any more and wants everything to be stopped. although, she has secretly confided in me that she would rather divorce him and be with me.... and honestly i understand cuz he is being a jerk to her and pays no attention to his own two daughters. right now a huge issue at home is that the 20 month old baby is calling me "daddy"! they barely know who he is... what should i do??? help me please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Guest mcm42]

n e who... my youth pastor ended up mentoring me. throughout a long proccess of many things... i ended up having a "three-some" w/ he and his wife while in a drunken state-of-mind. we all enjoyed it a lot... and have had a few re-occurences

Well, without being too harsh, you have some things to stop doing, and did I read it right that "tom" and "sarah" are the youth pastors? You need help, real help. You need to get away from his wife, honestly I would have beat you beyond recognition if you had even thought about sleeping with my wife, so, you're lucky to be alive.

Really though, get out of that house, that is no place for you. That youth pastor and his wife have their own problems but you need to separate yourself from them. What is going on is not right, and it's very difficult for me to even see that you could all be Christians consider all this. I'm not trying to judge, but if you are Christians you have back slidden WAY TOO FAR.

When Christ enters your life, you are to have a hate towards sin, what is happening here is not hate at all, it's lustful desires at it's worst.

Point Blank, it needs to stop, the drinking, associating with his wife, leave his kid alone!

This is really a sad situation, and proof of all that sin can do to a life! God can restore. It is good that God has mercy and grace, for I could not do it. When someone elses kid calls you daddy, there is something wrong, that is not your kid.

Oh, and your not in love, that is not love, if you were in love you'd leave her to her husband and child, and if she were in love she'd be sleeping with her husband and not you!

This is serious stuff your messing around with, and you know it. You must stop! that's what you "need to do".

[Ericka]

first.. I'm sorry but I have to say that is gross.. a threesome? eww..

now I wouldn't change a word of what mcm42 said.

[Guest freebird]

please get out of that house, that is like so scary it isnt funny. im not even gunna comment on the 3way

[Guest rmj7]

.....phew....sigh. okay. I'm pretty much goin on what mcm2 said.

Sigh, what strange emotions you must be goin through. I was 17 just two years ago, so I can see and understand all of this "confusion" you're dealing with.

But as much as you may hate it kid, you can't go on living like this anymore. Theres just no justification in this matter. I am outraged that youth pastors would do such a thing...if that's what they really are that is.

For one, you're too young to be drinking.....I can't believe I just said that.... ANYWAY! Ahem.... :sweating: , we're not suppose to drink to the point of intoxication, no fornication, no adultry....even if the husband...:wac: permits it....and there's just gotta be some sort of immorality with a threesome....

Now. I'm not trying to condemn you or anything, or list all the sins you did. I'm not a "perfect lil soldier" either. As a matter of fact, I've been a pretty bad one for the past couple of weeks. But I guess the first step to getting out of a situation is accepting that what we are doin isnt right.

Goodness man! You need to just get away from this situation! I would also encourage you to report this to your parents......or tha cops maybe, but I dunno if you're willing to do that. You should, that's FOR SURE. but I don't know how you feel.

One thing I can tell you though. You ARE NOT in love. I know you hate being told that. You're absolutely positive convinsed you are I bet. You know that you know that YOU KNOW you love her, but kid. Dat's not love. That's not love at all, and God help us if that was what love was originally suppose to be. :down:

You may care for the wife, you may think about her all the time when you wake up, when you're doing your daily routine, and even when you go to bed, but that really doesn't account for anything. Sorry to bust your bubble. I know I thought it used to when I was in love, but I later found out I was just wasting my time and more importantly feelings that were meant for someone else who really deserves them.

Besides, think about it. You're sharing your love WITH someone else. Hmm? Everytime you hold her, touch her, kiss her, you should always remember that even though you're doing all of this stuff, IN REALITY, she STILL belongs to someone else. And that doesn't matter how much more time you spend with her. The only thing you need as proof is that lovely wedding ring she has on that finger of hers. Where's yours?

Do you not deserve more than that? The love between a man and a woman is to be to the extent that you won't even want anyone else to love that person the way you do, as God intended it to be. True love is to be so great, that only two people can share it, and two alone. Tom made his descision some time ago to share his love with Sara, and no one else, and he has violated that sacred love and you by permissing such actions to continue.

So, what you need to do is just walk away, and leave those two alone......Besides. I ASSURE YOU that you can find better. :suspect: I ASSURE YOU!!!! AS A MATTER OF FACT, I PROMISE YOU! I 100% GARUNTEE YOU!

Peace and Blessings, and may God Shine a light through your tunnel

[Only4Him777]

Hi there,

I completely agree with all of these posts... though I would like to add one thing. You do need to report them... at the very least - to the church! They should not be in a leadership role if they are involved in actions like this. They should not have access to others who may be vulnerable to their twisted manipulation.

You have apparently been through a lot, and you should talk to someone about that... someone trustworthy. You know that what is going on is wrong. You do know right from wrong, so you know if someone is stepping over the line.

You should be very careful, because some people have been known to loose it to the point of murder because of things like this.

It is enough to make you wonder if they have done this before with others. Hopefully not. Someone needs to make sure that they can't do this again. You need to tell someone. It may be uncomfortable, but you did go along with it.

If you think you are adult enough for the action, you should be adult enough for stepping up. It is like people who have sex and can't handle getting pregnant. Well, if someone is not ready to possibly have a baby... maybe they should not have sex.

Pray for forgiveness for one... Pray for strength and wisdom in this situation so that you will do what is right. Recommit yourself to God and make Him first.

I will be praying for you.

In Christ's Love,

Alison :hug:

[Guest rmj7]

. Chyeah, what she said. Here here!

[WatchingForJesus]

pianist,

You obviously came here to get answers! I can't imagine you came here thinking that someone here would condone your behavior. So, I'm guessing you already knew the answer and you were looking for someone to flat out just tell you to DO IT!

Many already have, so I will just say this! RUN - Don't Walk!

I was 17 too! I know the sexual feelings that you have, and when used according to God's plan, they are a wondeful thing. You will definitely need to pray for restoration because you have already defiled the marriage covenant of One Man and One Woman. God is gracious and can deliver you from this. Satan has a strong hold on you right now and you really need to dive into God's Word and let the Holy Spirit convict you.

I believe you are on the right path because you are troubled by this and you have come here looking for help.

You got one more brother praying for you now!

YBIC,

Bradley

[GymRose]

I have to agree with evey post here especially the RUN Don't walk. Pack your bags now and leave even if you have to go to some sort of a shelter for a night or two.

And most definetly you need to go to your Pastor immedietly and tell them everything. Do not let them do this to one more person, they have abused you greatly, there is no love in this at all. It is just pure sexual gradiforcation on their part and it sickens me that you have become a victim and I am so sorry for the way they have treatd you.

Yes you are old enough to know this is wrong and need to repent ( turn away from ) your part in this BUT big BUT. You are also a vulnerable victim they knew your past and have played on your vulnerability. You are not totally responsible and are a victim of them twisting the way they have comforted ( used very loosely ) you. Ask God for forgiveness and the courage to repent totally, also the boldness to speak out to your pastor for genuine counsell and guidance.

My heart goes out to you and I pray for the courage and boldness you need to take the stand and prevent them from being able to do this to another. I also pray that your Pastors heart will already be open to you and that God will open his eyes and that he would take your words as truth and act upon them. And I ask for healing comfort in the arms of your loving Daddy who wants to see you healed and strengthened through you courage. May God speak to you and Bless you abundantly that you can grow and heal to be fully restored and a testement to His grace and loving ways.

[Leonard]

Jesus Christ Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.

Well kiddo, I'm really sorry this had to happen to you. What a mess for a Christian to have to live through.

Let me first give you a little ecclesial advice. As an old cleric myself, I must say GET OUT OF THAT PLACE IMMEDIATELY, AND TELL THOSE PEOPLE NOT TO TRY TO CONTACT YOU; that you want to get your life straightened out.

Then I want you to get the phone number of the Senior Pastor, or whatever they call the highest official in that church. Then I want you to call that number, and tell the Pastor EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED.

Third, if what you have told us is true, and they are not IMMEDIATELY removed from their positions, and you are not IMMEDIATELY set up in some very intense biblical counseling and discipleship program, YOU ARE TO LEAVE THAT CHURCH FOREVER!

This is truly one of the most egregious cases of clergy abuse I have ever encountered...and I've been around a while.

Listen, my young Brother; I dearly value your soul. If you need to talk privately, please send me an e-mail, and I'll be more than glad to talk to you.

Blessings to you my Brother,

Leonard, a sinner