couples that struggle over finances

[Prycejosh1987]

On 4/29/2008 at 8:54 PM, jesussaves said:

Could some of you share how your marriage relationship grew as your overcame the tendency to fight each other during financial difficulties.

Did you pray together and when your got angry did you practice quick forgivness, not going to bed angry, defeating the enemy of your souls with love?

 

Please share.

True marriage is working things out together. 

[TheBlade]

When we got married I loved the promises in Deut. So I had that read before we got married.  Not what anyone said. I learned that in this life we all have problems sometimes its so easy other times its very very scary. Yet I'm not new to His word His promises and trust/faith.

Something you said I don't understand " tendency to fight ". I truly don't like ever talking about this. We didn't find once and awhile but ever day 5+ for many years. So being together for 40 years not.. you don't wonder you know the only reason you both are still together is all HIM! He is faithful to His word... I don't like looking back

So not what I say or any one else. Not what I believe or anyone else. See I have learned He is a God of faith. I learned what ever the need to always find what His word says.. I pray that word I stand on His word. His word does not return to Him void. For me how am I living my life. Is it for Him? I don't call on Him only when I need Him. One my biggest hurdles is seems I am always asking for something.. I DON'T like that. yet.. He LOVES to give to His children. You have to know He is for you not against you. He does not want you to just make it.

Its written the angels only obey the lord. They are always listing for the lords words. "Bless the LORD, ye his angels, that excel in strength, that do his commandments, hearkening unto the voice of his word.". See faith comes by hearing hearing by the word of God. You can read it all you want.. thats a good thing. But that is not hearing. Its not us that is speaking when we speak His word. Its HIS word not mine. I don't ever command Him. Like this.. I have fear. Now I can pray have other please pray for me I have fear. So what I do is ..what does GOD word say? He said.. God has not given you the spirit of fear but of power and love and a sound mind. I pray THAT! I don't HOPE He hears.. He already spoke it. Like I said.. this is not something I heard.. since I was 12 or so.

I would if we were fighting.. know the root of this fight. Not of God.. there is spirit of fear in this. And doubt. Doubt will always stop God. You have to KNOW He is for you not against you.. that He supplies all your needs. Pray for favor.. pray He will open a door. I can't tell you the times I heard "I don't know why I am doing this" praise GOD glory to Jesus. I didn't do some great work so then GOD moved for me. Your a child of the only true GOD! KNOW Who you are! This is about your need no more no less. Agree together...find some common ground where you both can have faith in. When I pray for others I always ask "what can you believe for?". I then agree with them and He always answers it.

As He told Sarah "whats to hard for the lord?" I will be praying for both.... promises.. you have the peace of God.. you are strong in the lord in the power of His might. You have the joy of the lord. You have the full armor of God. Do you see? Its was is always shall be 100% HIM! See don't take my word for this. You pray.. HIS WORD! Know that IF HE said not me not any one else but if He said it He will do it. So just WHO you ask and listen to.. will have an effect in all this.

Isa 41:10.. this was written how long ago? Yet....did you know you are a child of promise? He said it also to you "Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.". That alone should give you great peace! There is no time where you Father is.. praying.. doors will open Its going to be ok. In Jesus name

[Starise]

I guess every couple is different here. When some people are upset they go away and won't talk. Some people are faster to forgive than others. Some people are very outspoken when they are upset. Still others are not really upset at only one thing. They have had issues build up over time and then they might eventually "blow" like a volcano seemingly over reacting to a situation when they are really letting out pent up frustrations.

 I would also tend to let things build up and not know how to deal with them. Often what it appeared I was upset over wasn't the total picture. I liked to correct a problem as soon as I seen it. If I seen the problem still there after a long time I would get discouraged if there wasn't a solution coming up soon. I would sometimes get frustrated at finding a way to deal with it. Of course for the Christian this can always be dealt with through prayer and doing the Lords will. I felt especially pressured at time with 2 kids and the only bread winner when I was younger. To work 60+ hours a week and not have enough money to pay all of the bills. We were ok until something big came up. We didn't make enough back then to put anything extra away. So I really feel for couples trying to make a go of it. I think men feel especially responsible to make sure there's enough. We always had "enough", but the stress of trying to stay there was beginning to unravel me. When the kids were young my wife mostly stayed with them. If she tried to work part time it didn't ever seem to work out. We had to pat the sitter which was most of her pay.

Even so back then we were able to get into our own home which was a basic home but ok for us. I realize that today, especially in light of the pandemic and the economy in general it is much much more difficult. Just getting by might be the only goal right now. 

In the end mistakes were made and my first marriage ended in divorce. I blame myself for some of it because I was not fun to live with during those times because of the immense pressure I felt to make ends meet all by myself.. It wasn't my choice. My 1st wife became disillusioned with life and thought another man was her way out. It basically ruined our marriage. In hindsight we should have looked for counseling way before things got to where they were. It wasn't my fault she cheated. It was my fault I made her feel bad in our relationship.

I am remarried now. For some odd reason I don't think about money and we seem to have enough and then some. Neither of us are materialistic. We might buy something every now and then but we aren't trying to keep up with anyone. We have three older cars. All paid for. My mortgage is only a few years from being completely paid off. I just added an addition to my house debt free. I have everything set up so that our tithe comes off automatically to the church. Most of my bills are auto pay. We have money set to come off automatically for savings and retirement. So once set up things are mostly "hands off" other than keeping track of  small expenses. This wasn't anything I have done. I give all the credit to the Lord for it. I am glad , at least for now, finances have not been a problem and we can concentrate on other things.