pokemaughan Posted December 7, 2008 Group: Senior Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 74 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 630 Content Per Day: 0.11 Reputation: 12 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/19/2008 Status: Offline Birthday: 03/09/1990 Share Posted December 7, 2008 (edited) edit: Thank you everyone for your comments. I apologize for this post being arrogant in places, and I hope you will forgive me. I've learned some important things since I wrote this- but all the parents think this is a good idea. I will also say my intentions and motives have changed in this idea, to reflect a more selfless, God-honoring plan. Edited May 29, 2009 by pokemaughan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunterpoet Posted December 7, 2008 Group: Removed from Forums for Breaking Terms of Service Followers: 0 Topic Count: 128 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 2,704 Content Per Day: 0.44 Reputation: 25 Days Won: 1 Joined: 05/29/2007 Status: Offline Birthday: 10/08/1950 Share Posted December 7, 2008 Your 18, came to the Lord a mere 5 months ago and you are going to EDIFY the christian mother of a minor female child. There are so many things so wrong about your thinking I don't know where to begin. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trusting Jesus Posted December 7, 2008 Group: Royal Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 66 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 2,050 Content Per Day: 0.34 Reputation: 22 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/12/2007 Status: Offline Birthday: 09/09/1952 Share Posted December 7, 2008 You have a heart for the Lord and for doing the right thing. First, pray. Always talk things over with God and seek His guidance. Now, have you asked Sara to marry you? Or are you just in a "what if" situation? I am a mother of an 18 year old daughter, so I am going to tell you what I think from that perspective. I love my daughter very much, but I don't think I owe her a college education! She does want to go to college, and will have to pay her own way. If you ask Sara to marry you and she accepts, you assume responsibility for your family. You would be her husband and she would be your wife. As married adults you take on the financial burden of food, clothing, shelter, and college. Now, if her parents or your parents are willing to help, that's another story, but they are not obligated. <>< ><> Nathele Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pokemaughan Posted December 7, 2008 Group: Senior Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 74 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 630 Content Per Day: 0.11 Reputation: 12 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/19/2008 Status: Offline Birthday: 03/09/1990 Author Share Posted December 7, 2008 You have a heart for the Lord and for doing the right thing. First, pray. Always talk things over with God and seek His guidance. Now, have you asked Sara to marry you? Or are you just in a "what if" situation? I am a mother of an 18 year old daughter, so I am going to tell you what I think from that perspective. I love my daughter very much, but I don't think I owe her a college education! She does want to go to college, and will have to pay her own way. If you ask Sara to marry you and she accepts, you assume responsibility for your family. You would be her husband and she would be your wife. As married adults you take on the financial burden of food, clothing, shelter, and college. Now, if her parents or your parents are willing to help, that's another story, but they are not obligated. <>< ><> Nathele I would go far to say that we are committed, but the actual proposal part is a ways off. The plan now is to grow and mature into our roles for God. Prayer is obviously a must! Both my mother and her mother liked the idea. Her mother seemed impressed that I was taking the position of leader. I'll approach this situation with meekness and fear, love and patience! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pokemaughan Posted December 7, 2008 Group: Senior Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 74 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 630 Content Per Day: 0.11 Reputation: 12 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/19/2008 Status: Offline Birthday: 03/09/1990 Author Share Posted December 7, 2008 Your 18, came to the Lord a mere 5 months ago and you are going to EDIFY the christian mother of a minor female child. There are so many things so wrong about your thinking I don't know where to begin. Well let me begin my reply with this: I'm really sorry you feel that way. Maybe you have had trouble in the past with 'us darn kids'! I will let you know that regardless of how time works, I have grown quite a bit in that short time. I do not lie when I say I hit the ground running! I will also say that I believe there are not tiers in this life! A brother is a brother is a brother, as a sister is a sister is a sister! One may be wiser than another, but we are what we are- servants of the Most High God. I think it would be a shame for me to turn down my God-given role just because I'm a youngun! On a side note, both my mother and her mother liked the idea, and her mother was pleased me teaching her daughter. After all, men are the leaders, right? I really hope you realize that what you said was very abrasive and judgmental... but I appreciate you expressing your view on the matter. I hope for your best! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunterpoet Posted December 8, 2008 Group: Removed from Forums for Breaking Terms of Service Followers: 0 Topic Count: 128 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 2,704 Content Per Day: 0.44 Reputation: 25 Days Won: 1 Joined: 05/29/2007 Status: Offline Birthday: 10/08/1950 Share Posted December 8, 2008 Your 18, came to the Lord a mere 5 months ago and you are going to EDIFY the christian mother of a minor female child. There are so many things so wrong about your thinking I don't know where to begin. Well let me begin my reply with this: I'm really sorry you feel that way. Maybe you have had trouble in the past with 'us darn kids'! I will let you know that regardless of how time works, I have grown quite a bit in that short time. I do not lie when I say I hit the ground running! I will also say that I believe there are not tiers in this life! A brother is a brother is a brother, as a sister is a sister is a sister! One may be wiser than another, but we are what we are- servants of the Most High God. I think it would be a shame for me to turn down my God-given role just because I'm a youngun! On a side note, both my mother and her mother liked the idea, and her mother was pleased me teaching her daughter. After all, men are the leaders, right? I really hope you realize that what you said was very abrasive and judgmental... but I appreciate you expressing your view on the matter. I hope for your best! As far as me being abrasive and judgemental, well you did ask for opinions, you didn't mention that they had to complement your position. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zaidenmom Posted December 8, 2008 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 8 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 118 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 1 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/08/2007 Status: Offline Birthday: 01/25/1971 Share Posted December 8, 2008 I smile as I read your posts. I can't help but to be "proud" of you for your stand and your concerns about your relationship with God and Sara. You really don't see that much in young men your age. Dating/courting has changed alot and is not Biblical these days. God has a plan for your life and you are working towards that. Please understand that what we believe to be God's plan for us is not always His plan but one we superimpose on ourselves to be God's (if that makes sence). I know that you will keep on your knees about it in prayer to our Father in Heaven. And I know that you will win the heart of Sara and her mother in God's timing. One other quick note, if you have a moment one day look up on the www.duggarfamily.com website and check out their oldest son's testimony about his marriage. I have a 3 year old son and I pray that he is as concerned about his relationship with God and being a leader as you are at 18 years old. God Bless you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pokemaughan Posted December 8, 2008 Group: Senior Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 74 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 630 Content Per Day: 0.11 Reputation: 12 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/19/2008 Status: Offline Birthday: 03/09/1990 Author Share Posted December 8, 2008 I smile as I read your posts. I can't help but to be "proud" of you for your stand and your concerns about your relationship with God and Sara. You really don't see that much in young men your age. Dating/courting has changed alot and is not Biblical these days. God has a plan for your life and you are working towards that. Please understand that what we believe to be God's plan for us is not always His plan but one we superimpose on ourselves to be God's (if that makes sence). I know that you will keep on your knees about it in prayer to our Father in Heaven. And I know that you will win the heart of Sara and her mother in God's timing. One other quick note, if you have a moment one day look up on the www.duggarfamily.com website and check out their oldest son's testimony about his marriage. I have a 3 year old son and I pray that he is as concerned about his relationship with God and being a leader as you are at 18 years old. God Bless you. So encouraging! Thank you very much! I really hope I've got the right idea... but I trust God will lead me the right way. "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." Prov. 16:9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest lorian Posted December 9, 2008 Share Posted December 9, 2008 well now that i'm not in ur situation i think my sugustion is not so convicing,but as a man older than u ,i think i have something that might be helpful to u. i have been 20,&about to finish my college next year,it seems that the burden of family is just about to arrive ,but i still have no opinion about marrige,frankly speaking,the proper age as i designed is between 24 to 27.And u r only 18.....don't u think it too young for u2 guys to afford the burden?u have no income,&no ability to get income,don't u think that the couple can survive without food water etc.and only by love?life is no hollywood series,dude.as a man you should be able to feed the family,to give the family happiness,for ur wife and ur children(if u mean to have),the big father is the god.u should shield them from wind and rain,give them warmth and light.YOU are the prop for ur family,have u been quiet ready for all of this?maybe u r ,but the reality might shows the opposite.it's good for u to have the willing to marrige the one u love ,actually in this respect u have winned a lot of elder in the world, it's just too early.be patient, and work hard,one day you will be proud to have your girl home,with blessing from all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Floatingaxe Posted December 9, 2008 Group: Royal Member Followers: 3 Topic Count: 62 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 9,613 Content Per Day: 1.45 Reputation: 656 Days Won: 9 Joined: 03/11/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 05/31/1952 Share Posted December 9, 2008 I'm sure this is sound like a broken record to some, by now. But anywho, here's the reader's digest version: I have been in a long distance relationship with a young woman for 3 years now. I recently came to the Lord 5 or so months ago. My mother is Christian, Sara's (the young woman's) mother and father are Christian as well. As I've been growing, life has become much more meaningful, and I've pondered the things of God. The most relevant in my life in the moment is marriage. Now I am 18, Sara is 17 (18 in May). I am blessed beyond measure that both my mother and her mother have been tolerant of our relationship, and allowed us to see eachother, and so on and so forth. So, as you can imagine with the facts in place, both mothers, by their conservative and protective natures, are going to be pretty edgy on the subject of marriage. Keep in mind here that Sara is very concerned about her future, and is concerned about college. Her mother has said 'If you get married, all bets are off for college,' ergo 'If you marry that kid, I won't pay for your education.' She may have grand intentions for her daughter, but I feel that something in that statement is very wrong. Also keep in mind that Sara's mother seems to have some issues acting godly when irritated, possibly has control issues (I don't see the father taking spiritual leader). I got an idea to start sending emails to Sara, Sara's mother, and my mother to edify them and help them grow. The ultimate goal is to illuminate their way, and show them the big picture, and then panultimately, show Sara's mother that her actions are not godly, and dare I say, marriage is more important than what she wants for her daughter. The big idea is to build a good relationship. I fear now that if I were to talk to her about marriage, she'd get irritated and rude. "I'm her mom, she's my daughter, and that's not your place to do such and such." That's speculation, but from what I've seen, she does have some weakness in the control department. I'm kinda rambling here, but the big point is this: What do some mothers here think? How should approach this, or am I doing the right thing? Fathers, brothers, daughters, feel free to answer as well. God bless. If my young daughter's (I have three) boyfriend presumed to show me anything of spiritual truth, pointing to my behaviour, being a new believer and all, I would do everything in my power to dissuade my daughter to marry the bloke! It is her parents' right and responsibility to handle her in any way they see fit, being a mere 17 years old. You need to respect them and keep your nose out of their business. You are judging them spiritually and you have no right to at this point. After all, men are the leaders, right? Arrgh! A woman can teach you a thing or two--even Sara. And what man is leading you in this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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