Quizzy

I say this respectfully and in love... No, point blank, you would not be better off single. That is not God's will for you. There is something lacking in your marriage on both your parts, he was unfaithful....and so were you. When two people in a marriage look outside for a relationship it is because they are not getting their needs met within the marriage, it's as simple as that. Do you know what your husband's needs are? Does he know what yours are? Do you each even know what your own needs are? Sounds like a serious disconnect, and I beleive it would be better that you start spending 30 minutes a day reconnecting. That means talking about your feelings, find out what you're both really about. Find out why he has trouble with finances, the answer lies within him somewhere. Relating to your hurt about the infidelity, what is the cost of reconcilliation. The timing is quite relative, lets look at Jesus and His sacrifice on the cross. He initiated the reconcilliation, he bore the pain of our guilt and shame, although he was sinless, he bear the hurt that was put on him, as well, he bore the guilt of all of us...he carried the shame, all so that we could be reconcilled to God. That is what is required of us, as hard as it is, to follow in His footsteps. Your marriage CAN be better, but it takes more work and time than anyone realizes, its emotionally draining, and at times very very uncomfortable talking about our REAL feelings. What are you hiding from your husband, what does he not know about you? What is your husband hiding about himself, what don't you know about him. I'm not talking about secrets, I am talking about who the "real" you are, without the masks..... It would be interesting to know.

Hi Seashell, I do know what you're going through....but enough about me Here are some other helpful tips: Try to get as much rest as you can. Try to nap when the baby naps. Stop putting pressure on yourself to do everything. Do as much as you can and leave the rest! Ask for help with household chores and nighttime feedings. Ask your husband or partner to bring the baby to you so you can breastfeed. If you can, have a friend, family member, or professional support person help you in the home for part of the day. Talk to your husband, partner, family, and friends about how you are feeling. Do not spend a lot of time alone. Get dressed and leave the house. Run an errand or take a short walk. Spend time alone with your husband or partner. Talk with other mothers, so you can learn from their experiences. Join a support group for women with depression. Call a local hotline or look in your telephone book for information and services. Don

Hello, I sure hope I'm not repeating anything here, but I think perhaps we have all had a little trouble in this area. I just wanted to respond to your suggestion of a support group. I honestly think that you may be bombarded with interested people, unfortunately. I think there are very KEY guidelines, though, that must be well thought out before you begin. It should not be a group that gets together to focus on negative things that have happened in the church. The focus should be very positive, encouraging and healing through a person's own feelings, not what the church did to them. I would suggest that people with particular gifts in this support group, that (if actions or teaching in a church are not scripturally based) can lovingly approach the church with the discrepancy. If a church is way off base in its interpretation of scripture, we cannot be silent and move to another church, we should be standing up and promoting God's truth. I don't know how many people I've come across in the last 10 years that have told me stories that would curl your toes. This was not what the church was meant to be. I also know that out of the support group, many wonderful new initiatives may come out of it. We never know where the Holy Spirit will lead us!! I would like to emphasize though, that it should not become a support group that meets just to aire all the churches baggage, maybe have a qualified and experienced moderator to get past the issues and deal with the hurt. IMHO, Quizzy

Hi Michael, I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling so down. It sounds like something in your life has changed recently, would I be correct in guessing that? Also, you are at an age where your hormones are probably doing the hippy hoppy dance, and that can have a serious affect on what moods you go through. How long have you been feeling like this? Did anything significant happen before you felt this way? I believe the best thing you can do is go to someone you trust, maybe an adult or a school counsellor, and just tell them what you have told us. Depression can be a very serious thing Michael, something that needs to be addressed before it gets even worse. If you can't find a trusted adult, then keep in frequent communication on this board with your brothers and sisters, or come into chat, quite often there are people there who can really talk to you about this. Praying for you my dear brother, Quizzy

I could not agree more with this post......we all make our own choices...

It is neither your problem, or his, it is a problem for both of you. When we are married, we are one. It sounds like he needs some counselling, as pathological liars have issues far more than just lying. Can you get him to seek help, and go with him and learn how you both can deal with this issue. Until you do, it will not get any better, even when you pay off the credit card, the issue will still be there. You both need counselling. In His love, Quizzy

Now my two cents.....trust can be earned back! It is hard and takes time but it is all in the person. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> In agreement here, trust can be earned back, definitely!! Actually a relationship can be stonger after going through the "rebuilding" of the trust.

Total Amen on this, and I agree

What the heck kind of advice is that????????????????? What happened to the truth will set you free? Honey, we're all human, I don't condemn you or judge you, but I do say, tell your husband, leave him, because he will never get over it and both of you get on with your lives. He deserves someone he can trust and you have to be big enough to let him be happy. My husband cheated on me 9 years ago and I still don't trust him, never will, that is that and I wish I'd left a long time ago. You'll be allright, live and learn. Jesus loves you, BTW I was raised SDA and I understand the whole false church thing and the effect it has on your life and your thinking process. Sorry if I was too harsh. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Yikes. This too is not very sound advice according to the word of God. God allows for divorce in the case of infidelity but that choice is there for the one who remained faithful to make. (reference 1 Cor. ch.7 and Matthew ch. 19). If you tell your husband and he is willing to remain with you, then it is your obligation to him and to God to work it out with him. It's not about feelings but obedience to God's word. No doubt the situation is difficult but restoration is possible when preceeded by true repentance. God is in the healing business and can mend broken lives. Trust Him to help you work through this no matter what the outcome. God Bless <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Oh sheesh, Im glad someone said that!!! Thank you, I agee with the "Yikes"

Am in agreement with this prayer, be strong in the Lord sister!

I'll be wearing whatever the Lord provides me with

Love it

Curious, would you have taken my advice seriously if you knew I was a woman?

Hmmmmm, Carlos, I totally hear what's going on with you and your situation. Hmmm, I don't mean to be blunt (well yes i do), i don't mean to be tactless, but not once, did I hear you say that you were partly to blame for problems in your marriage. Having gone through marriage counselling, it is imperative to note that in a marriage, there are things that BOTH people do and attribute to the health or disintegration of a marriage. I hear your hurt in a lot of this, but do you know what the root of her hurt is? I think that sometimes to fix problems we need to look inwards, not outwards, we can only change ourselves (through God's guidance and prompting), not other people. We have to ability to make choices, are we going to be a victim, or are we going to make changes for the better. Just my humblest thoughts on this situation. Praying for this situation Love Quizzy

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Zoe)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) When your dad gets angry like that, it's not other people's behaviour making him do this stuff. He and he alone owns his actions. We are all accountable for how we behave. You nor anyone else is not responsible for making your dad like that, HE is. When he lashes out like that, it is because of a hatred for his own life and what problems he has, he deals with this by transferring the blame to someone else. This is not your fault. Your whole family needs counselling. Any kind of abuse requires a person to help you deal with "stinkin thinkin", this may include feeling your at fault, thinking this is normal, or even to learn proper ways of dealing with anger. Your dad DEFINITELY needs help, but like Rusty said, it's gotta come from him. He has to admit he is the one who owns this problem and take responsiblity for it. Violence is not a way to deal with conflicts, Physical force against women (or men) is not right, Being a woman (or young woman) does not mean being a victim, Discipline does not include verbal, mental, emotional or physical abuse, We all have choices Zoe, your dad, you, your mom, sometimes when your in a situation, it's hard to see them all, but if you can get to some counselling find out some healthy and real options that you have. Above all else, when you can do nothing else, just trust..............just trust in Jesus, who is involved in this situation, .............just trust. (((((((((((((((((Zoe))))))))))))))))))))) Love ya, Quizzy

I think they cut off the hangy-down parts. <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I would llike to ponder something.....the one thing that really jumped out at me was "I hate my father". Now I am no expert in this situation, but I have "heard" that there is a link between homosexuality and relationship (abandoned physically, mentally, emotionally) with the father. You've mentioned that you have forgiven, but have you reconcilled your relationship? I don't know, just thinking here, not an answer by any means, just speaking to what really struck me. Love and lifting you up, Quizzy

..............and she had her room clean!!

I don't think i would have been mad, any bad report card would be overshadowed by her cleverness in the note.

GLS, please don't feel a need to apologize. When you're comfortable, we'll still be there, when your ready, please don't feel pressured Quizzy

Hi Jennifer, I don't have much to say, lot's has been said already, but just want you to know I will lift you up in prayer Quizzy

Sounds like a great idea to me!! Quizzy

How bout this: Stop trying to change yourself, let God do it Want Help? The Lord has the perfect solution for you, just ask