You depart from God instead of evil, you said you run from Him and push Him away, because you are angry with Him and not fearing Him. At least you understand your prideful and full of self righteousness, you got that right, you think you could do better at this salvation thing than God, that's why your angry with Him. Your wise in your own eyes because you don't fear God, it's very common, your all turned around, you need to understand what sin has made you, God is against you for thinking the way you have, on the verge of destroying you, fear Him while you still can and repent(turn from your sin).
Romans 11:22 (KJV)
22 Behold therefore the goodness and severity of God: on them which fell, severity; but toward thee, goodness, if thou continue in his goodness: otherwise thou also shalt be cut off.