AspiringChristian

The woman I am dating and would like to marry (and love) is nominally a Christian, and shares a lot of the moral beliefs of Christianity with regards to social and sexual morality, but lacks the underlying faith in Christ. In some cases, for example, when it comes to taking decisions for us, she often has a tendency to do this alone, by herself, instead of consulting with me. And sometimes she insists to do things her way and does not want to listen to me (in the end she does listen, but it takes a lot of arguing). She also gets angry quite frequently, and says lots of disrespectful things that she regrets. In this regard I tend to be the opposite, and rarely get angry, and most of the time when I do, I don't show it. I feel that a lot of these differences are the result of a weaker faith in Christ. As I said, she is nominally a Christian, but often says she has a hard time believing Jesus was the Son of God, and not just a prophet. She has read Tolstoy's Gospel in Brief, and seems to have taken on that worldview. In addition, many of her (female) friends are secular, so there is also that influence. How can I help build her faith apart from praying for her? What actions are most effective? Any reading material? Any activities we can do together? Anything else? If you can help me I'd also be happy to talk to you in private, as I really feel that I need some guidance here from people with more experience in the faith and greater knowledge about human nature.

What does "love one another" mean? Because on this hinges the whole commandment. It is useless to repeat it, if we do not properly understand what loving one another consists in. Is it loving to rebuke another sinner for their sin and try to set them on the right path? Or is it loving to avoid rebuking them so as not to cause emotional discomfort to them? What if to "love another" means to help them love God? And loving God necessitates following His commandments. So how is the commandment to "love one another" excluding the law (the don'ts)? It seems to me that the positive is inherently tied to the negative, love is tied to law, and love is tied to duty.

The bible clearly says to remove the plank from your own eye before taking the speck from your brothers. Not after, not at the same time. If one can't even get their own house in order they have no business trying to sort someone else's. It's called hypocrisy and people can smell it a mile away. Okay, but I was asking you what should we, as Christians, do to get our own house in order? We have to start somewhere with solving this problem, let's start with ourselves. How shall we solve it?

Sure, solving the general social problem requires that we also, in the process, solve the problem for Christians. So what is your answer to your own question?

I agree with this! Why did God create human beings in the first place? Were human beings not supposed to work to subdue the Earth and continue the process of Creation that God has started? What does it mean for human beings to be "in the image of God"?

Hi Neighbor, thanks for sharing. I find your perspective very interesting, even though I'm not sure that I fully agree. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you seem to be saying that obeying God is at the heart of the Christian faith. I have one comment, and one question. First the comment: I would have thought that loving God with all of one's heart and loving one's neighbour as one's self are the heart of the Christian faith, as shown through the life of Christ, His Person, and His teachings. Obedience to God as such is secondary, and emerges out of loving God. And loving God is loving one's self, because it is only in this relationship to the Divine that one's self really exists as a person, instead of merely as a self-enclosed ego. So of course, loving God helps one put one's self-love and neighbor-love in their right proportions. To me, it seems that it is Islam, not Christianity, which emphasises this obedience to God more than love of God. Now the question: If you are correct, and all sin emerges from disobedience, then what is it that brings about obedience to God? As St. Paul writes, I know what is good, but I still do what is evil. How do you justify this assertion? Why do you reckon that instilling the positive is sufficient? I think accepting limitation is part and parcel of having the positive in the first place. It is the Serpent's inability to accept his limitation as a finite creature, and not as God, that leads him to commit the very first sin. Limitation is actually the key to having freedom. A child who is in a well-designed playground, which has all the necessary limits, is free to play as he pleases, since nothing he can do will bring about any harm to him. He is entirely free to be creative. Whereas a child in a defective playground, which lacks fences, and limits, is always at risk of injuring himself, and thus cannot afford to be as free as the other one. Is fear of the Lord essential in living a Christian life? Why do you reckon the do's are more important than the don'ts?

Why is it an issue to be anxious about a problem in our society? Afterall, we have to live in this society, and it affects us and poisons our minds. If I am concerned about the prevalent opioid use, or people's eating habits which lead to obesity, that is all well and nice, I'm a great citizen. But as soon as I am concerned about other people's sexual behaviour, then I am seen as being deranged, as if it was everyone's right to choose how to behave sexually. But, by its very nature, sexual behaviour (apart from masturbation) is a social activity, and involves and affects other people. It is absolutely rational to be concerned with the sexual behaviour of others even more than to be concerned with their eating habits - at least one who eats toxic food only harms oneself, but one who engages in sexual immorality (apart from masturbation) harms others too.

Matthew 24:36? Yes, the Bible does tell us what it will be like in the Last Days, but at the same time it also warns us that no man knows when the Last Days will have come. If we look through history, we're not at the worst point in history in terms of morality now. It is our duty as Christians to be soldiers for Christ, spread the Gospels, and through the power of the Holy Spirit bring as many as we can to Christ. It is not like we have been left powerless, just waiting and not being able to do anything. I think the Christian thing to do is precisely less focus on one's self, and more focus on helping others. Mercy and forgiveness, such as Jesus forgiving the woman who had committed adultery, seem to work in bringing repentance in a society where the social structures already help guide one's conscience towards the understanding of their own sin, which can bring about repentance. But in a society like ours, straight up forgiving in the absence of repentance often brings about repeated sinning. Matthew 10:16 - "be as shrewd as serpents and as innocent as doves". I think that the continuation of this immoral culture is possible because too many Christians are sitting down, content to simply live THEIR OWN lives as Christians, instead of trying to do something about the situation. We may not succeed - success may be outside of our grasp, and indeed it may be God's will that we fail. But that is not a reason not to at least try. I see many good Christians, and just good people today being ashamed of what they believe in. They are ashamed to tell their immoral friend, for example, that what they're doing is wrong, and they cannot accept it. While the secular crowd is not afraid to try to push Christians to licentious behaviour, drunkenness, and vice, Christians are shy about preaching virtue. Why is that? Why is it acceptable to brag about one's sexual exploits, but not acceptable to brag about one's sexual morality? Clearly we have to undertake some action against these diseased social structures which keep spreading and affecting more and more people negatively. Many people have not even been given the chance to hear an alternative - how a virtuous life could be. Christians most definitely aren't on this Earth merely to finish their lives and go to God - no, we are on this Earth as creatures in the image of God, co-creators, called to participate in Creation, and use our efforts and work for the betterment of nature and society. I may be wrong about this, in which case please correct me, but this is what I believe.

I agree that they don't see any shame in their sin. But the question is, why don't they? I think that one reason they don't see any shame in their sin is because they take it as something normal and acceptable in society. Because social norms with regards to sexual morality have gotten so lax, they are no longer uncomfortable about their behaviour, and openly share it with just about anyone. I think this is precisely the diseased state of our society in the present. I should not even mention that certain business organisations - take for instance Ashley Madison, promoting and earning money based on adultery - should be outlawed. Yes, of course only God saves, but God can act through other men - let's not forget that. For example, C.S. Lewis was greatly helped in coming to the faith by reading G.K. Chesterton and being affiliated with the likes of J.R.R. Tolkien. Even in the Bible we have instances of men performing miracles through the power of the Holy Spirit. Of course all power and glory comes from our Heavenly Father, but that's not an excuse for us to sit around satisfied that we cannot save any men (or women) and thus should not even try. I agree, but this implies that they need to repent. Repentance involves understanding the gravity of the sin, and changing ones ways along with seeking forgiveness. I think that currently the consciousness of sin does not lead to salvation because it's seen as illegitimate - ie, a means of oppressing and controlling others, instead of authentic guilt. What could we do to remedy this situation?

Well, I just think the society got brainwashed starting in the late 1960s when the Free Sex movement began. Before that time, there was real shame about sex outside of marriage and you hardly ever heard of a divorce. Yes, I agree that the change started to happen in the 1960s, starting with the USA and then spreading into other parts of the world, including Europe. So it seems that the Enemy has turned the weapon of peer pressure to his advantage as I have said in the OP. Instead of feeling shame at engaging in sexually immoral activities, society attempts to make one feel shame for NOT engaging in them today. So I think it's quite clear that a long-term goal for us Christians should be to change this once again. Peer pressure is a social barrier, a barrier which can allow freedom to actually be maximised. Consider the perfect playground. The perfect playground is so designed such that whatever the child does, he or she cannot get harmed. The boundaries that are incorporated in the creation of the playground actually ensure that the child's freedom to play, even without supervision, is maximum. So if society has been brainwashed, then I think that we ought to do something to attempt to revert this effect - it is part of our duty to help our fellow men and women.

Yes, I agree, this is a great point! Do you believe that sexual morality is part of natural morality, accessible in principle to our reason, or that it must be revealed by God, the way, for example, the Trinity must be revealed by God for us to know about it?

Sure, but the fact that they do not live according to biblical values is a problem that Christians should address. Nowhere in Scripture is it said that sinners should be allowed to persist in their sin. It is a Christian duty to our fellow men to try to bring them to Christ. For to love your neighbour means precisely to help them love God. But this is precisely the attitude that has got us here. In the past, immorality still existed - but it was looked down upon, the culture as a whole was against it. Sure, you could be a homosexual, but you had to hide it from everyone else. You could be an adulterer, but you had to keep it a secret. You could be a sexually promiscuous young man - but again, you would have to keep it a secret, or at least avoid talking about it. Nowadays, you can "show off" based on your immorality - you can wear your immorality with pride, instead of shame. This is the kind of shamelessness which screams to the heavens for justice.

I agree that Christ is the ultimate solution to the problem, but going from not accepting Christ, to accepting Christ is a process. It is not a on-off switch. Apologetics exists because we think it is possible to bring others to the faith. So this is definitely important - we are called to care for the state of our fellow human beings. And, on top of that, we also live in society. Whether we like it or not, we are affected by society, so it's only sensible that we should care about its state. So accepting Christian sexual morality is part of the path of coming to Christ. Many people are kept away from Christ because they are ignorant of the dangers of sexual immorality.

Hi everyone, I have recently joined this forum, and this is a question that has been with me through my entire life. I am a young Christian surrounded by mostly secular people. A lot of the social ills today are caused by lack of sexual morality, and the fact that this lack of morality is justified as cool, chic, and fashionable. We see 50%+ divorce rates, failing marriages, harmed children, broken families... Seeing other men looking after scantily dressed women, lusting after them, people who date multiple people at once, people who cheat on their wives, I find all these issues disgusting. Personally, a lot of these issues outrage me, and the injustice that I see is hard for me to bear - even just thinking about it hurts. I don't personally find it difficult to stay away from sexual immorality, but then peer pressure has very little effect on me, while on most others I notice the exact opposite. I am trying to build a community of Christians locally, but it is very difficult in the midsts of a largely secular society. I came to understand the wrongness of sexual immorality a few years before becoming a Christian. I cannot see why anyone would give up the beauty and stability of a monogamous marriage for sexual promiscuity. Even in terms of sexual pleasure alone, nothing can rival the passion, emotional and spiritual intimacy that can exist in a monogamous marriage. To give up a monogamous marriage for promiscuity seems to me to be the height of folly - it is much like giving up $1,000,000 to get $1,000. And I'm saying this as a man, and yet most people around seem to think that men are naturally promiscuous (something with which I very much disagree). I have found that the "unpopular" views of Christianity on sexual morality - and I include here abortion, homosexuality, promiscuity, adultery, fornication - are very frequently THE stumbling block when it comes to secular people seriously considering Christianity. So to re-Christianise the West, we have to change views on sexual morality. My question is, what is the best way to approach this? How can we go about convincing others who disagree with us? How are we to act in the face of injustice - say if we hear that a friend is cheating on their wife? I think one big weapon that secular society uses to enforce sexual promiscuity is peer pressure. By using peer pressure, and having society approve of things such as homosexuality and promiscuity, they make them popular. I notice that many young guys are promiscuous NOT because they enjoy it, but because it is popular, because it can make them look good in the eyes of other people. Other guys would admire them, and want to imitate them. So more than a sexual sin, it is a sin similar to idolatry - putting what other men think of you above what God thinks of you. To counteract this, we need to make sexual morality cool again - not something for prudes, but something for real men and women. Another big weapon of the enemy is the intolerance that exists when we try to condemn sexual immorality. If we try to condemn homosexuality, we get a massive reaction from the rest of society. However, if they try to condemn Christian sexual morality, then this is very easy to do. If we try to condemn adultery, suddenly we are judgemental, obsessed about the private behaviour of others and bad. But of course, sexual crimes like adultery do not impact just the adulterer. It also harms other people. I see no reason why we should accept an unrepentant adulterer in our midsts. On the contrary, as a society, we should isolate such a person. But when the adulterer excuses their behaviour in the eyes of society, that is acceptable. Also, the other big thing to notice is that the biggest sins that come through sexual immorality aren't sexual sins at all. For example, as I mentioned before, many promiscuous people do it not because they enjoy it, but rather because they enjoy the status that others give them for it. So it's really their pride driving them to do it, not their desire for pleasure. So my question is what can we do to bring back sexual morality in society? What can we do to convince others? How should we deal with seeing sexual immorality around ourselves? How can we go about building Christian communities in the midsts of immorality?