Figure of eighty

Im kind of glad me snd the father of my baby seperated before he or anyone else could spew nonsense in my head. My lovely baby wasn't planned but boy is he loved. Not only loved but very handsome, he gets compliments whenever I'm out-- especially if he wears a hat. Then he's a good baby-- he doesn't cry much and I have someone to love. He's been a blessing. Im glad I kept him-- I couldn't imagine dealing with the heavy turmoil that come with abortion. Itd be too much for me.

How do I armor up?

I feel the same.

So Oxford scientists as well as some others seem to have a vaccine that shows promising effects. Will you take it?

Yeah I did that once and got yelled at. I helped My mom until she got another job so everything's somewhat ok. Just when stress levels are high I get the brunt of it. Which for the most part is why I cling to my bf for support.

Ok. Thank you for this

Right. David sinned horribly but God still called him a man after his own heart.

Do you know where you wefe going?

I think I'll do that. Apply for housing-- with Covid though I'm not sure how to go abt it though.

Maybe. We'll see. I havent been to church in a while was gonna try to go this Sunday but not sure if its safe still.

Idk. I feel like I shouldnt have to accept this behavior. I rather be with someone who treats me better than my parenrs or else I'm just accepting abuse and it becomes me fault.

Yeah. I guess I have to pray more for guidance and just general help. No unfortunately. If it we're Id defintely bike it. But I leave early in the morning when its dark and ride past dark roads and tree covered paths-- Doesnt sound like a good Idea or safe to bike alone that early and that long. I'm still getting to know everyone. Still I feel id be giving the same amount of money in gas to them as I would riding in lyft. Idk I'll think of something.

this isnt my dads home. My mom got this apartment without his help. He isnt working. All he does is create strife. I guess bc he's bitter... Idk. But he doesnt really help. Not with cleaning or cooking he just lays around and barks orders. I'm very grateful for my mom but I hate how she enables him. Its not healthy. Also my dad isnt good to me. He's called me a bad mother, stupid and said some people dont need kids(referring to me) and just mske terrible remarks. Idk why you'd assume my dad is so nice when he's not. Also he'll throw away my food I just bought wether its on a counter ( for more than 5 minutes) or in the fridge. Why do parents get a pass to act this volatile and they still get praised and revered for being "good parents" when they aren't? I personslly feel respect is a 2 way street and just because you're a parent doesnt give you a right to treat your children like this or worse simply bc you decide to have them snd hold the fact you provide for them and gave life to them as an excuse for your behavior towards your child and expect them to still revere you. Thats incredibly toxic and horrible. Id never dream of doing this to my son. I love him too much for that. People who do that shouldnt have kids.

For saving money- I can't when uber costs 120 a week. And still have a baby sitter to pay. I'm not just throwing money away. Ive looked at car dealerships ans scouted apartment complexs already. My only solution would be to move in with my bf bc my salary alone would be difficult to live on especislly with a car factored in. Then I couldn't save when my mom needes help financially bc my dad refused to work and my mom got laid off. I gave her So much money but she needed it. Now I see why I'm anxious half the time. I get it now.

Im doing my best. Its just hard financially bc I have to uber into work and that costs money. Then pay my baby sitter. And just yesterday I asked my dad if he could pick me up bc the warehouse has dead spots and I coupdnt get the Lyft app to work and he refused. He said no. So my friend who lives states away and paid for my uber. I got off at 3:30 ..i waited an hour to see if my dad wouls get me ... Then texted my friend for help. My other friend I was possibly being emotionally abused. I didnt think much of it until I looked it up and I can say that I slightly am. Its not full on but still bad.

I can? Didn't know I could

Im at the point I dont think my life will get any better. I try my best to make advances to be independent and leave my parents but I keep getting set back. Example. During this pandemic I was helping My mom, I was givinf her 200-300 a week and as a result couldnt save. Meanwhile my dad refused to work and when he did he kept his money but my mom kept begging me to help ( it was no problem bc I love my mom ofc) but when she no longer needed my help. I only had 300 saved. But that quickly dwindled bc I had to pay my baby sitter and uber to and from work.. Even though I have a car. I let My mom use it mostly. Now for yesterday, I started a new job and it was pretty smooth and easy but when I got home it got worse. So I ubered to work and asked my mom if she could pick me up. I told her twice in advanced. Once at 7a and another at 11a and I didnt even ask her. I asked if she could ask amd remind My dad to get me. My dad loves to do the least as possible. They came an hour late and my dad was on the passenger side and kept going pn abt how he wasnt gonna pick me up -- so my mom who works 20 hrs a day ended up doing it. My mom yelled at me called me ungrateful,I dont do anything with my little brother and a bunch of other stuff. It made me feel frustrated bc I try my best to be independent-- esp with transportation ( I had a car but it was old and I used it as a dwn payment for the currnt car but my mom uses it mostly as she should she pays thr note) But im just annoyed bc my mom lashed out on me but not so much on my dad. I do things my dad should do , like skth my little bro I take him to get his hait cut and go to the pool, out for ice cream...my mom yelled I dont so it enough. Then I helped alot finacially during the pa demic and worked over time while my dad sat on his duff..l..i just feel my mom enables and coddles my dad. I dont mind helping but im the only one it seems. When my dad did work for 3 days..he was allowd to keep his money im starting to get a little bitter at my mom bc she coddles my dad and enables him.

this is true. i take back what i said. ill just view online.

hmmmm. seems its still risky

im just gonna go bc my mental health is unraveling so fast and im trying to balnce everything and im failing, i need encoragement and I need to around believers and God's prsence b4 i lose it.

im not sure. would i google it?

No i dont have that. i saw some online services and theyre just sticking to inside preaching. I wish he did drive in servvice.

I feel I really need church but with covid surging.. Im not sure if it's best right now.

Im starting work again tommorow the hours are a tad better. 7 to 3. But M- F I wish I could just stay home and be with my baby all day. But i have to provide for him. I prayed tonight. Thinking of church Sunday but not sure with corona. I just don't know what to read.

Its over. We moved already. I really wish someone would close this thread.