Figure of eighty

Sometimes I wonder if I should give up being a christian. I've been saved and baptized twice but I see no fruit in my own life.. I've come to a place where I feel weird towards God. I don't trust him at all, I have alot of anger towards him and I genuinely don't want to surrender completely mainly bc I see an example being my brother who's brainwashed and has nothing. Idk what to do. I really don't know how to trust God Idk I wish I were full of faith but I'm not. I just know my situation isn't ideal-- I just feel like a pot of destruction.. I think maybe I should take a hiatus.

But don't you have to do something to achieve inner health?

I've always wanted to develop them. How would I go about it? Do I focus on one trait and try to moʻld myself into that characteristic.. how does one develop the fruits of the spirit?

Idk that's hard. A friend of mine lost her son when he was 1 and she has questions for God and I don't blame her. I think God can handle our confusion,anger ,disappointment and grief. His grace and mercy will cover our doubt and lack of faith.

Loss isn't easy and we're all different and have different coping abilities and strengths. We're all still human at the end of the day just pray for them.

This reminds me .. I should go to church and get some people to pray for me.

It went well. I see her again on the 10th. I'm happy bc I had 2 prior therapists that didn't hit the mark.

It went well I like this therapist she seems really good at what she does. Have another apt on the 10th.

What happened to you if i may ask? Car accident? But you're right.. I may try meds. I'm feeling better but Idk i need some type of relief.

I agree. My brother stays with me he's a minister and he said I should just trust the Lord which I feel I should but I think I also need meds to round me out.. but I truly feel people that don't experience this depth of anxiety or depression are the ones that may be anti-med.

I'm not sure if should take meds or not...

Pls pray God had mercy on me

I'm afraid ofngoing clinically insane and losing touch 2ith r3laty that's my worst fear. I'm shaking so bad rn

My birthday is coming up next month and I want to ask God to take away these sui**/ depressi thoughts ..

I'm disappointed at myself. Idk why I'm not mentally stronger. I'm afraid I'll do myself in. I don't want to but I'm in such a slump.. I feel a panic attack coming on. I feel like I can't distract myself anymore. I'm so scared.

I was trying to find prayer requests I didn't see it feel free to move this. Some days are some are bad. I got into my nursing program but I'm struggling paying my rental car, my brother stopped watching my kids so I can only work 3 hrs a day, I did my interview for government funded daycare ( after the 29th well see what happens), my anxiety is bad. Still dealing with su*** thoughts. ( I'm always afraid of offing myself. ) Please pray this therapist is able to help me in some way.. this is the 3rd one. I feel like God doesn't care about my mental health idk it's hard for me to fully trust God is for me when my mental is unraveling..

That would be super harsh imo

My thoughts are so bad right now. I feel so tormented. I want to cry bc I feel ashamed and upset I'm struggling mentally. I feel weak needing to take meds. I feel too ashamed to speak out that idk maybe this is more than anxiety I'm experiencing. I'm afraid of sever mental illness. One the 16th of Aug ill know if I make it into my nursing program. I'm so afraid I can't do it or complete it bc of my poor mental health. I want to sob bc I feel burnt out. I'm afraid I just won't make it. I'm scared. I have self harm intrusive thoughts and they're high tonight. I wish I could make it go away.

Right. I feel people who say that probably haven't dealt with mental illness much. Idk I'm just afraid. I'm already an anxious mess. I'm afraid wellbutrin may make me so anxious and such a mess I may do something stupid .. but I'm really struggling. I hope wellbutrin takes away these crappy thoughts.

I prayed but God hasn't answered yet. I feel at the end of my rope. My therapy session was just fluff. Don't think they're the one that can aid me. I just f3el scared I may off myself soon. That scares me so much bc I don't want to.

What if God wants me to take medication? I pray3d and asked God if he wants me to take my Wellbutrin or if he's gonna help me.

I tried it. It didn't help me at all. I wished it work. Sometimes I feel scared like w hat if this is it for me. If therapy and wellbutrin don't work and I end up gone bc of my mental issues I hope God has a heart to let me in heaven bc I don't want to do this. I'm trying so hard. I feel so pathetic and weak and pathetic bc there's people that go through worse and don't have thoughts that I have but I know I have mental ailments

Today is really bad mental day. I told my.therapist how anxious I was feeling and have a session tommorow. I feel like I shouldn't be or feel as overwhelmed or stressed as I am. Even though I'm a single mom to 2 toddlers, I'm in school and I'm facing eviction every month and I have no transportation... I feel I shouldn't feel this anxious, near tears and have death themed thoughts. I have meds for depression but I'm afraid to take them bc I'm afraid I won't feel like myself, I'm afraid something will happen like I'll lose my job or insurance and can't afford the meds and have to withdraw cold turkey bc I have no money.. I'm mainly afraid they won't work and I have to try med after med. I'm afraid I won't get over this and I'll end myself which I DONT want to do. I'm also afraid of having an episode at the office I work. My boss has been so accommodating thus far and I feel me crying or having an episode at work will not only be embarrassing but take the cake. Pls pray Advice if any.

Well I got baptized my water and spirit. I served in church earlier.. don't know what else to do 🤷‍♀️

Death was chasing you? What do you mean?