Figure of eighty

Yes. God is awesome. I'm thankful for his foresight and provision.

Hello all, it's been a minute since I've checked in bit after what I'm about to tell I had to tell someone about this because God is truly truly good. Okay, so at work everything was fine atleast in the beginning. There was a set of women I was cordial with but eventually everyone's true colors would show. So at my job there's a production to meet and I'm not the fastest person. ( I'm going to give little names for the people I worked with. A, B, C, T and Anny) One day me and A were left together to work and one box I had had alot of pieces I had to scan up to 1600.( I did a few more but not as much as her bc my box had more volume whereas hers didnt..maybe 300 pieces ) A complained they did more boxes. So T is close to A and A told T how she complained to rhe supervisors about me and how slow I was and why they left her with me bc I'm slow and management responded that they'd get rid of me as soon as another employee got brought on board. ( I also wasnt the only person A would say was slow. )One day when it was just me and T she told me everything bc she knew I was a mom and said if I'm not looking for another job now is the time.. So I appreciated the heads up so much. Fast fwd..management is tightening their belt and firing people left and right and I saw the employee they brought on and my heart kinda fell bc I was nervous of being let go. Along with noticing how barren the work place was.. I noticed.. A wasn't here. That person missed 2 days in a row. And I asked T and she asked around what happened to A from a supervisor ...and they said.. They fired them. When T told me that I was so astonished. Now someone losing their job is never a good thing but it'd thr simple fact that person was digging a ditch for me and fell in their self. And I had no idea A was trying to fire me. I'm so grateful to God and thanked him many times.

I agree with you about that.

Wow. You are amazing to get through all of that.

Hello. So I'm back again and I want to thank you guys for keeping me in your prayers about my previous situation. Now I feel I have another thing to deal with now. I've been struggling with my mental health. Some days are okay and others like today have me really on edge. Sometimes I feel it's a bit normal as I'm a single mom of 2 toddlers and I'm going through a break up with my BD but it's really triggering deep insecurities. I'm doing therapy but it's once a week and I feel perhaps I need medication bc I feel very alone with my kids and them being needy and demanding...then dealing with the break up and all of these dark and heavy thoughts. It feels overwhelming. I wish I could force myself to be normal but I can't. I know God wants us to include him in everything so how do I do that while I treat myself as well? Also how do I get over the fear of meds? I'm afraid I won't be myself or ill gain alot of weight..

Yes. Thank you all for everything.

I wanted you post an update. I was able to move. I'm now in a townhome with my kids. I'm so grateful.. I'm so thankful. I thanked God. I'm still struggling with anxiety as it's just me and my kids and it's alot.. so if you could please keep me in your prayers. But the load is a bit lighter.

I didn't see the top portion of your thread so I will reply. I agree some of what I'm going through are consequences of my own actions but there are people have made my same choices and worse having more kids than I but are still able to achieve and aren't railroaded and the main difference is the fact that they have support where as I don't. I don't think my parents treating me poorly is a consequence of having kids when some other single parents don't endure the same. It's just a reflection of my parents. If that's the case then all single parents would struggle and we all don't the major factor that decides that is support. I think consequences of single parenthood is the lack of sleep and sacrifices but being treated like garbage definitely isn't one. Neither is losing everything back to back from your job,car and everything else. I know a single mom that has a good ,job, home and car ect... so if it was a consequence of being a single parent then every single parent would be destitute but that's not the case. Also like I was saying. I am trying.. it would be different if I weren't then I'd understand why my situation is the way it is. It seems the harder I try to find my way out the more blocked off I am. You are right I have been super critical of God bc I was just trying to take care of my family ( my kids) so I don't know why everything was taken from me. I also kind of forgot about the trials well face in our lives as I got caught up aith day to day life and just got really frustrated nothing was working. Now that I was forced to stop I'm more introspective and trying to incorporate God in my life. I'm gonna try and make the prayer line conversation a daily or weekly thing.. Bc I can't even go to church and it was nice to talk to someone that's also a believer.

Thank you. I'm glad someone understands what I'm going through. What did God say when he finally did speak? Thanks for saying he doesn't despise me. I got off the phone from a prayer line and the lady I prayed with helped. She helped me not to feel crazy.

Yeah your are right. I'm trying to pray more said a prayer today. Gonna look for a prayer line.

This is very true. After alot of time thinking and being in this situation I truly feel maybe there is something to be learned in this situation. I just don't know what just praying for spiritual guidance and not to lose it mentally all in the process.

I just don't see anything being done. I lost my job, daycare for the kids, I have no car. I really don't see anything working out.

So I told an aunt about my situation. Not being treated well at home and my kids father not being the best person to live with and having everything taking from...job ,car,daycare...mental health deteriorating. She said she thinks Gid is trying to get my attention...but he isn't saying anything. I can't pray much bc my kids are always on the move and I struggle with depression sui* thoughts and self harm .... But God is silent. Why do I have to play a guessing game? I feel God left me for dead. He seems to be just as harsh as my parents.

This is true and very real. God always has our faith at the top of the list. I just have such a tug o war going on. I feel like my daughter's father is trying. I want to believe in him and try to keep our little family intact. That's what I want but idk it's beenn 3yrs of mess but I want to believe the best in him. Thank you guys for not being tired with mem I'm really going through a trying confusing time. Thanks for the replies.

This was amazing to read. This is exactly how I feel. I feel very lost, mid life crisis like. I don't know what to do. I'm glad you mentioned having kids as I do. I just feel very directionless, I mean I have my own directions and plans but none of them are coming together. I just feel like I'm wasting time and I'm getting older and I hate that feeling. But I really relate to this. I was close to quoting scripture tp God as well to remind him lol of his promises. If u have a number to a prayer line service I could use could you please drop it? I need prayer I feel really isolated.

I say God bc nothing can happen without his approval nothing. I've talked about this before but it's still on my mind as I'm still in my situation. So I have kids and I was doing well, I had a job and a car and all of that was gone in a couple months. My car broke down, I lost my job and I couldn't pay for daycare so my kids were kicked out. I feel this goes beyond just having kids as there's plenty of women in my shoes with more kids that have things situated. I'm stuck at home with toxic parents, that demean and ignore me daily, and it's just a cycle. Everyday I wake up I'm stuck inside with my kids, I can't take them out no where bc my car is gone. So I'm just stuck . I've tried to apply for wfh jobs and no one responded. One job I thought I had ghosted me for 2 weeks. I was gonna use that to pay for daycare but it just fell through. It's not like I'm not trying. Even now I'm doing school online. I just wonder why did God not only take everything away but isn't speaking. I've tried praying and even fasting but I stopped bc I got depressed and I felt like at this point I'm just twisting God's arm to care about my situation. I don't know what I did wrong except for try to take care of my 2 kids w/o zero help. I just don't know why God is isolating me. I have no friends, I can't even go to church bc I have no car. Idk why God is doing this. Just feels mean. I have no one to talk to ..it's just me and my thoughts and the mental aspect is getting to me. And also my son has autism. I love him regardless but it hits me in waves at times. I just wonder and hope he'll be functional. I hope he can enjoy life. Idk I just want my son to be happy and enjoy life to the fullest. Idk why all this is happening to me. I watch videos on women who've had abortions some times and though they're broken God ofcourse forgives and not only that but he enhances their life. Some meet their husband's or go on to have more kids. I just wonder if I did the right thing bc I kept my kids. I thought I did the right thing... but maybe I didn't bc God himself is punishing/stopping me. Sorry I know I keep venting abt this but I'm just stuck and feel hopeless.

I agree. I will say he said he wanted to marry he said he always knew and brought it up multiple times in our relationship...BUT.. I can't t excuse all of his short comings. He isn't a good father or partner for that matter. I struggled alone and whenever I have disagreements with my parents he always takes their side then tells me not to get it misconstrued and that he has my back while throwing me under the bus. And yeah he was crafty he keeps telling me he didn't do it for court he did it bc he got into a fight with the supervisor. This reason alone I can't marry him bc he's a liar and just kind of sorry. Your hit the nail on the head. He wants all the rewards and none of the responsibilities. I'm going to tell him if he wants me to be with him ect then he needs to go back down to the office and let them modify the child support he slipped out of. If he doesn't do that then it's over and I'm sure he won't. So there's my out I guess.

You are absolutely right. He only cares about himself. He had a savings and could've helped put his daughter in daycare but he chose to pay his own bills. I can't rely on him and I should've saw it all with my own eyes. Well I did but it was his friend's place and car.

This makes alot of sense. I kept telling him that but he wants to be a family but I strongly feel it'll be me doing all the work while he just sits back and watches. So I probably will have to cut it off again.

So with my daughter's father. He didn't help me with our child. I lost all of my jobs c he wouldn't help watch her when my family wouldn't. He had money saved and still wouldn't put her in daycare when I asked him twice. He told me he had bills to pay. He quit his job 6 days before court just so he could pay the least in child support and he only pays 264 a mo th starting on the first of Jan. He would not leave me alone he kept crying and begging and pleading and bc of the harshness of my own family and feeling stuck.. I did. Now he just keeps telling me how well his job is going and how he will be moved up in position soon and I'm just stuck taking care of my kids waiting for CAPS ( gov funded daycare) to call me back for my interview. He said he would get a car and a place.. by Valentines. I'm still angry that he didn't help me when he could have and he kept making excuses and helping his mother over his daughter and me. Idk if I should depend on him. I'm trying to get out of my situation by doing everything possible but the situation isn't budging. Hopefully this new yr is my year. Anyway should I let it go and just try to have a life with him or no?

Yeah but people could look at me and say atleast my life isn't like hers. I have nothing even though I'm trying so hard.

I don't consider my life a blessing honestly. I really dont know why I wake up each and every day. My friends ( online) are succeeding and achieving meanwhile I keep getting dead ended. It's just hard. I love my kids but I don't want my life anymore if it's just going to be like this.

Thank you. This is a really good answer.

Yeah I don't get my situation. Either way I'm in school since I don't think I'll be able to work like I need to bc of my credit transferring I'll be able to get an associates in less than a year and even sooner if I do full time but as excited as I am I'm just as down bc I'm afraid of bad stuff happening to stop me like it did last time. I'm tired of being my family's punching bag and I'm tired of feeling hopeless.

Yes you're right. I'm embarrassed how I've responded. Idk what to do right now. Reading this made me remember the tests and I keep playing into it instead of trusting. Idk how to change.