Figure of eighty

Its not about being easy but seeing god in my life. I personal feel ive regressed, when I was first saved I was much happier but then something bad happened in m church and it messed up my faith.. idk I guess that's what happened. I grew and then egressed badly. Idk. I give up. I'm isolated and have 0 Christian friends or influences.. God rarely speaks. I'm alone. I just give up. I'm not doing this anymore. I'm done reaching out. I don't care if I lose my faith I just was a are to begin with most likely. o maybe I'm just one of those that serves as a warning to others..idk. I don't care anymore. God doesn't and neither do I..Im tired of this same cycle. I'm done with it completely.

1) One main issue is that I feel alone with God I don't experience his joy,peace..no fellowship. I don't have Christian friends so its like I'm doing this by myself along with Gods silence--its just hellish being this alone and isolated .. I just feel numb like I just don't desire God at all..a part of me wants to be honest and tell God exactly how I feel about him but I'm afraid I might yell or something... idk I just feel like God isn't for me. He works for those he likes and love but its clearly not me because ven with his spirit I still struggle to do basic things like hear Him and Ive been saved since 2010. So I just think maybe God doesn't want to talk to me idk. 2) Idk, I just wish he'd guide me like others, make it clear. Talk to me, lay things on my heart. convict me of sin... Just be a presence in my life.

I'm glad I'm not the only one. I really don't know how to fix this feeling-- I know myself and I feel i'll run to someone to try to get rid of these feelings of depression and loneliness and God will catch me when I fall time and time again. its an endless cycle but I'm becoming so apathetic to it I just..idk I'm starting not to care. I feel whats happening is that I'm starting to not want God I see it happening but I feel I cant do anything about it. I don't know how to make myself desire,want or love God. I feel so thoroughly disappointed and let down by him that I just want to give up and I'm just being honest...I hope God respects my honesty.

I'll start by thanking I guess. I still feel up in the air and I just feel I'm drifting away and wanting relationships more than God because it registers on my 5 senses where as God doesn't I just feel he hides from me and has been for years. it just feels like a futile attempt.

I have intrusive thughts as well. ?

Wow..why? that's just wrong

That's beautiful when and if youre supposed to meet someone nothing will stand in the way. it'll just happen.

This is true but even single I have issues living for God. I don't have a magnificent relationship wth God like paul did, I don't hear God at every turn..I struggle for guidance, I struggle with everything concerning God. to not hear his voice and have no one either is really lonely and depressing.

This is actually something I'm just discovering..people use the whole if you delight in god he'll give you the desires of youre heart. Not always. It has to be his will..it'll upset a lot of singles ..it upset me but It all depends on Gods will and I'm just trying to learn to surrender desires that may not be what God wants for me.

Youre right. it would have felt good to own a house. I mean with my score I could still get it but It would be later and atleast Itd be bymyself.

That's what I'm saying. Our desires don't matter it just depends if its Gods will that's all

I'll have to check that. I wasn't on here for awhile. I kinda feel like I'm falling into a dark place-- I feel like I'm bored with god and I don't desire him at all.. I feel my faith is hanging on by a thread and that is so close to snapping. I feel I'm very very close to losing God completely and finally. I just don't know what to do. I have no desire to read, it feels boring watching sermons.. idk I feel like this a weeding out process for me.

what offer? but sure we can definitely talk. I have a lot to say.

Lol dairy queen. that's nice. it always happens when least expected doesn't it? ) but that's a wonderful story.

True but there are some people who have had a desire to marry and never have. it just happens like that. I don't know if ill be married or not I just don't want it to consume my life more than it already has.

This was funny to read. yeah..i just idk... I'm losing a bit of hope..not just for the men but I wonder if I would be a good wife ..I have a bit of a past

You know what. I agree with you. I just had a guy who ( well he wasn't bad he was upfront and said he didn't want a relationship I also said I didn't want an FWB situation) However he still pursued me and I should have cut it off but I liked him. he did nice things for me but in the end when I wouldn't give it up in a car ..I got a nasty text back...so yeah I agree with what youre saying. I personally don't think I'm going to be married. I just wish God took this desire away.

he was immature ,rude, just so much to list I tried to hold on to something that was not good for me..like not good for my mental/emotional health. As for dating, I see nothing wrong with getting to know someone..

As I've stated before I just feel like I'm in a deep shadowy dark place , Like I feel I'm behind God while others walk beside him. I know , that God cares for me a little bit because he has helped me with some things in my life. But I don't hear God, experience His leadings, I have no clue what conviction feels like... Nothing I read in the Bible feels like it speaks to me or resonates with me personally. I feel a bit depressed I'm not like other Christians who freely trust God and are happy and you can see God shinning through them. As I'm typing this I'm close to crying because its so hard. I watch some Christian youtubers and wonder, why can't I be like that? One I watch has every blessing imaginable, well they both do. Both walk close to God, they hear him,feel him, sense his guidance. They have beautiful homes, Godly husbands and healthy children--theyre living in Gods blessings.. and before anyone objects or questions. Ive been saved since 2010 and ive been baptized with water and his spirit so this is definitely the end of the road for me.... and it saddens me. It makes me wonder like, why is it that it seems theres only one type of life that serves as this cookie cutter guidline to what being spirit filled and led Christian is like? Meaning, you always hear God, there no silent dry periods--you're always successful in everything you do,have children that are healthy and just a perfect life in general. Why can't someone single struggling with poverty, no kids be an example as well? Because I lack those spiritual and material things and it makes me feel like something is wrong or missing idk. I feel this book really speaks to me, its called blessed are the misfits by Brent Hansen, I haven't read it yet but I definitely know its for me. Its about Christians who struggle with doubt, trust who don't fit in with the spiritual world as a typical Christian... and that's me just odd. I don't fit in spiritually or in the natural world. I just feel like I'm in limbo...just invisible to both parties. The best way I can describe my relationship with God is just numb, silent and dark no matter how hard I try -- sort of how mother Teresa describes her's when God just kind of removed himself from her. (Not saying I'm anything like her at all. I'm not I could never match her in devotion or faith so please don't assume that..Im just describing that lonely feeling) I just feel alone spiritually and physically dealing with one or the other is manageable but dealing with both is pretty hellish. I just wish I a Christian model that was like me , not the typical Christian..but someone who didn't have morning coffee with God , struggled to hear him, was in their late 20's or 30's still single, just doesn't have it all together but still was devoted to God and despite not being married,having children or friends or hearing God well..... just knew God was with them and for them and they were in Gods will. I really don't know if such people exist. I know some do in the bible...like the poor beggar. I know in todays world someone would look at him and see his issues and the fact it never got better but he died in it and would probably deem him cursed... but I just wonder why someone who holds up in the face of a constant or never ending storm can't be the face, or one of the faces of what Christianity looks like. Why is it always perfect people with perfect faith, that have both spiritual and material blessings? idk ...idk where I fit. But I do know despite how I feel ll try to watch another chirtian video that addresses my feelings and well help me like it did last night. idk I just hope there's hope for misfits like myself. It seems some people enjoy both spiritual and material blessings here on this plane while some may have to wait untl the after life to enjoy them like that beggar. For me personally, I'm working on giving up things that I deeply desired such as a significant other , friends, an art career, a decent home as one,those things are material and they've been an incredible stumbling block that would make me angry towards God... so idk maybe its best to give those things up. I just don't think I'm meant to have an enthralling life... maybe I'm supposed to live humble pay check to pay check..i really don't know... I also don't know if God is calling me to singleness, I hve a deep strong desire to marry but our desires aren't always his will and despite the desire it can just never pan out it happens. but based on my life.. even though I despise singlness and don't want it I feel perhaps he's calling me towards it because I'm always alone. idk sorry this is just me getting a lot of things off my chest and out of my mind.

Yeah. The way i see it. I'd e paying the same amount for a crummy 1 bedroom apartment. When I could get a 3 bedroom house cheaper. But idk I'm still iffy about it.

I broke up with my bf mmonths ago.

I'm starting to feel a little bit better. Ive been unplugged from God so long... I think maybe watching sermons and what not will help... It did yesterday

This was a very good read

getting this house I'm looking out for me too I think..idk. well see what happens.

this is true . its such a depressing thought... I don't know how its a win for God. it just is what it is.