Footsteps

I can't help but think about my job in relation to this question. I am in the world (at my job), but when some of the employees get together and gossip about someone else or tell a dirty joke, then I excuse myself from the conversation (not becoming of the world.)

Sounds like a lot of Manson doublespeak to me.

Amazing. Absolutly amazing.

I remember Jolt. I think they still sell it in some Northern American markets, but I'm not sure.

Praying for you Elkie.

The Godfather of soul is dead. I feel sad too.

Hopefully some day, toward the end of Stallone's life, he can shout out to heaven as Rocky did to love interest Adrian.... "YO, JESUS!!!! I DID IT!!!!!!"

Part of going to church for me is being able to walk away every sunday with the pastor's message (thus being Christ's message) being a challenge of some sort to me. I want to be able to think about what he said throughout the coming week and figure out ways to aply it to my life.

I'll eat this thread!!

Any suggestions?

Why don't they just take out the part about Jesus dying for our sins. Yeah! that's the ticket!!

My 2 cents worth, here Mike is: If your mom wants to smoke, it's her business and choice. You love her whether she smokes or not right? and that is what is important that you show her how much you love her, whether she smokes or not. You may just have to remove yourself from her space while she smokes her cigaretts, and politely excuse yourself so as not to be offensive toward her. Remember, she is your mother and you only have one mother. Let her live her life to the fullest while she can because from what you say, she is not about to change, and nagging her will only make matters worse between you. You don't have to feel guilty about anything and all you really can control in this situation is what you eat and what you do with your life. Set your priorities which may include cooking separate meals for the two of you, and take time out for yourself for your exercise regime. My Web Blog Thank you for your advice. And yes, nagging her doesn't solve any problems. I've tried....it doesn't work! haha!

Actually Mike It was quite pathetic to get so entangled in just a part of your OP. One of the problems with posting in forums is that it is impossible to see a person to know what it is that they are stressing. I apologize and I will see that I don't have to apologize again. Yippie! Skippie!

It didn't turn into that. That was what it was in the beginning, if you read the whole OP post. Or you could say it turned into cooking, which it was too. Or you could say it turned into the other issues he addressed. Take your pick. Which one would you like to address? The point was more that HE was bothered by HER smoking, it was a personal request as to how to help him deal with a problem HE was having with one particular person. It wasn't really ment to be a debate over whether or not his mother's second hand smoke would really make him sick. It bothers him and that's enough to make it an issue that he wanted to deal with. See, I'm not of a mind to buy into the second hand smoke thing completely, and I don't think cancer is caused by tobacco (i'm more of a mind to think it's the stuff they spray the tobacco with if the link is direct which I think it is more indirect, as in aggravating other things), however nobody smokes in my house or my car. I have asthma. If I chose to visit someone who smokes I dont make them quit because of second hand smoke, when it bothers me I leave the area. I grew up in a house where people smoked and it bothered me and nobody really gave a crap that it did. Quoting statistics about the risk of cig smoke isn't going to make his mother stop smoking and so it isn't going to help him deal with the problem. BINGO!! Well said Lady! I'm glad you have the insight to see what my point was. And I NEVER let my mom smoke in my car. I have to put my foot down somewhere now don't I. lol.

This is the best advice I've heard so far! I like the carrot sticks comment!! Ha ha!!

For the people who gave me good, solid advice about what to do about my mom....thank you. For the others who want to get off subject and debate this second hand smoke issue....it might be a better idea for the lot of you to debate it via pm. Then you can just spend all day long going back and forth, back and forth...blah, blah, blah...each one stomping over the other one....everybody trying to be "right." How pathetically boring.

As much as I respect you, Leonard, this is only one study that has been done. I guarantee you I could come up with many studies both pro and con concerning the effects of smoking. It's not just the fear of getting cancer through second hand smokethat bothers me, it's just the fact that I find it an incredibly nasty habit that effects my life as well as hers. She'll be smoking a cig and then put it down and touch all the food with her hands while she's blowing smoke all over the food as she prepares it. If we're in the car, she lights up and I have to cough and choke it all down. Do you see what I mean? I understand that my mom has a terrible habit and it's very dificult to break. I have compassion for her, but she just doesn't understand that non-smokers don't really want to suffer along with her. This is just my cross to bear for a while I guess.

Unfortunately dude, your mom is the covenant head of that house and her way should rule. Why not alternate cooking, and don't do it in a condescending...healthier than thou manner, just do it as a way to show her love..what mother isn't gonna fall for...I want to cook for you a few times a week so that you can relax. I want to show you how special you are and thank you for all you've done for me over the years. You can learn to make some of the things both of you like n a healthy way and not really tell her what you are doing. Eventually, if you do so in a nonconfrontational manner, you can teach her some things if she shows interest, but if you attack her she will clam up. Better to say "How did you like that casserole Mom?" "Oh it was good" "You want me to show you how to make it?" and let her say yea or nay. On the lack of control, there is nothing wrong with a small plate of pork chops and if you need to do so, you need to learn portion control dude, you can do it. Trust me. I used to be addicted to food and if I can learn portion control you can. You can always purchase one of those air purifiers for the house too, it will improve the quality of the air even with the smoke there. Your mother will only be around for a while. I wish mine still was. I do cook for my mom. We take turns. See post above this one. I explain it all. I don't mind cooking for my mom either. I rather enjoy cooking in general, so it's all good. We already have an air purifier, but thanks for the suggestion anyway.

My mother can do certain things, like cooking. We usually split the cooking chores down the middle. She has problems with breathing and standing on her feet for long periods of time is difficult for her. She can't do a lot of bending over or hardcore cleaning becuase of her breathing problem, thus I do the majority of the housework. She doesn't like to drive because her eyes are bad, so I do all of the driving. She doesn't have a lot of energy to complete basic tasks all day long, so whatever she has diffuculty doing, then I step in and do it for her. She has good days and bad days and she has more stamina on the good days, but the bad days she's tired and needs to rest more.

...she is driving me crazy with some of her bad habits. For those of you who don't know, I moved to Florida recently to take care my mom, so moving out is out of the question. Here's my problem: My mom smokes and I can't stand it. She's knows how I feel about it, but doesn't really understand how much I loathe it. I really don't want to inhale second hand smoke because I am at risk getting cancer also. Sometimes I feel like giving her an ultimatum (sp), either her cigs or me moving out, but I feel this is the wrong approach. It's using fear as a tactic for change and it doesn't seem right to me. I don't know what to do. Also, I want to eat healthier, but my mom is stuck in the past, cooking all this greasy (although good!!) food, like pork chops, fried chicken, and she doesn't see it as unhealthy. Everything has to be cooked in butter or fat, etc. I want to eat better, but I know she will get her feelings hurt if I tell her I can't eat anymore of her foods. It's also hard for me to say no to a big plate of breaded pork chops and I'd rather not even be tempted with it! lol. I know how my mom thinks and if I start cooking healthier foods, she will choose not to eat and fill up on junk food and gargabe instead. Then I'll have to feel guilty becuase she won't eat anything beacuse I won't eat her cooking. She'll only eat if she knows I'll be eating also and all she'll eat is fatty foods. I want to eat right and excersize, but I feel my mom is holding me back. I don't know what to do and would appriciate any advice I could get. Thanks! Mike

It might help your hubby out to get with a strong Christian at church who will be an accountability buddy to him and help him to fly straight, pray, and seek God. Grace, this is also a time for you to trust in the Lord and grow in whatever way He wants you to. Jesus loves you with an infinite love and He understands what feelings you are going through while being pregnant. Go to the Lord and tell Him all the things you are feeling and experiencing and ask Him for the peace and strength you need to get trhough this difficult time. God has a mighty work He wants to do inside of you also. I'm payaing for you and your hubby. God bless...

Tah, maybe it's time for a check up at the doctor's office. Couldn't hurt anything.

It would take me to long to explain it all to you. I think, in a nutshell, I see al lot of my father in me (or the other way around) and it scares me. We are to much alike. When I look at myself, I see him and I hate that. In the way I talk, act, and think. Even the way I look. It's hard to like yourself when I remind me of someone I don't like. If that makes any sense. One thing that really bothers me about him is everytime I do something wrong, I apologize to him, but yet he never apologizes to me for any of the things he has done to me. It's like he's totally blind to everything. I'm sick of sucking up to him. It's time he apologized to me for a change. I don't like his wife either. She pats him on the head and tells him he's right about everything. Neither of them are Christians, but they think they are. They worship the dollar bill instead of God. They are both proud and arogant. I want God to whipe the smile off thier faces. A couple of Christmas's ago I made an excuse for not showing up for Christmas Eve and blew them off. I couldn't take thier lame money and gift generated Chritmas anymore. I was mad at my niece (who I have since made up with) at the time and I didn't want to see her that Christmas, so I wrote them a note saying I was going to go out of town for Christmas Eve (which I didn't), stuck it in their mailbox, and didn't show up. Nobody even cared. Nobody called or made sure I was okay. There was no, "Gee, this isn't like Mike (no, I was not born Footsteps. lol.) not to show up. I wonder if he's alright. Let's call him and see." None of that. I was just blown off. My dad thought I didn't show up because of him. He always thinks everything is about him. Instead of reaching out to me and making sure I was okay, he became selfish and focused totally on himself. His wife is the same way. She didn't reach out to me either. They do this all the time with everything. Somebody else is always the "bad guy" while they never do anything wrong. I went back about six months later and told him I was sorry, like a whipped dog with his tail between his legs, but I never got any apology or concern about my well being back. They made me feel like I was scum for not showing up for Christmas. I decided that was it and I blew them off and never talked to them again. I honestly think my life is better off without them in it and the only reason I'm trying any type of reconciliation is because I'm walking with the Lord now and feel like God would want me to make up with him. But in my natural state, I could care less. You have to understand my dad and his wife. They have lots of money and they look down on my brother and I because we came from my mom, who was never "good enough" for him. He got her pregnant in high school and they were forced to get married. My fayher never really wanted either my brother or I, and he even said that to my face once. He's lucky to be alive. I think he tries hard to be a good dad in some ways, but he's not doing the things I think a dad should do. I'm a natural with kids. I love kids and enjoy being around them. I want to get married and have a few of my own some day. My dad is not good with kids and he ruined my life by being a bad father. He needs to aopologize to me for all the trouble he's caused me in my life, but he doesn't get it. I've had a year and a half of peace not being around him. I even live in a different state and feel good about not having him or his wife around to muck up my life, but now that I am back with God, I don't feel right about hating him. I don't know how to love him except just to go to the Lord and ask Him to help me to reach out to my father. I feel more like I'm asking God to help me tolerate him. I need lots of prayer people. Thanks for reading this.

My dad and I don't really get along very well and I have not spoken to him in over a year. I feel it's time for me to reach out to him and make contact. The only problem is I can't stand him. I have prayed so many times for him to die and go to hell, but since coming back to the Lord, I know this is wrong. I sent him an email today and asked if he was okay. It's the best I can do for now. Pray that God will soften my heart toward my father and create a love in me for him. He's everything I hate in a person and it was difficult for me to send that email. Pray God leads me to the proper steps I need to take in order to get this relationship with my father going strong again and pray for his salvation too. Thank you!

Here's the latest news about this obsession I'm struggling with. I thought it was going away, but it has not. In some ways it has slackened off a bit and God has seen me through much emotional turmoil concerning it, but it is still there in my mind a good 95% of the day. God has giving me these two words concerning this obsession: rooting and routing. He told me He wants to go to the ROOT of this obsession and ROUTE it out. I don't know exactly what that means or where God will lead me concerning it, but it sounds like I might be in for a long haul with this thing. Please continue to pray that the Lord will give me guidance as to what steps I need to take in order to dislodge this thing from my life COMPLETELY. I feel I have already taken steps in that direction, but God has more He wants to show me. I believe it has something to do with a job and my father, but I'm not sure yet. Here are some of the temptations I have with this girl. Please pray that God gives me strength NOT to act on any of them. 1. I want to go back to her myspace account and look at her pics. ( I actually broke down the other day and looked at her profile pic. I also found another site that she was on where she had more pics, one of which I've never seen before. When I look at her pics it's like a junkie getting a fix. I feel this rush of fear/pleasure coursing through me. It's exhilirating and terrible at the same time. I gave both links up though and pray God will erase them from my memory.) 2. I want to send her an email. (I haven't broken down on this one. I havn't talked to her in over three weeks!) 3. I want to contact her via AIM or Yahoo. (I'm doing good on this one too. I havn't contacted her at all!) I know some of you (especially women) will think I am a stalker or something and will be turned off by this thread. Please don't judge me. We all go through obsessions with certain ppl from time to time and some obsessions are greater than others. I've learned a lot from this obsession, like how to pray for this girl without expecting anything in return. I figure if she's in my head 24/7 I might as well pray for her salvation 24/7! This is one of the ways in which God has taken this obsession and turned it into a postive. I want you to pray for her as well. Let's all pray for her and get her saved! Who cares if I don't get with her or if she gets with another guy. Her salvation is more important to me! I gave her to God and now I want what's best for her and if that means it's not to be with me than SO BE IT. At least I can pray for her. She is a serious party girl who likes to drink and do drugs. She likes to have sex with random guys and she told me that she has a hard time with her morality, especially the sex part. I don't think she sees at as being a bad thing. Pray that God will open up her eyes to the dangers she is putting herself through and that she will come to Jesus for salvation. Keep praying for me...for this obsession to break off totally. This thing is like Paul's thorn in the flesh and God told me He is giving me the grace I need every day to deal with it until He removes it from my life permanantly. I'd also like to ask someone if I can pm them from time to time and vent and get special prayer for this obsession. I need someone who will help me to stay accountable, so I don't slip up from time to time. Right now I am in a new church and I don't feel really comfortable telling anybody my obsession problem as of yet. Would anybody out there be my accountablity partner and help me get through this thing? I'm not asking you for any small task. This obsession may go on for months. Who know? I just need someone who is online a great deal of the time where I can send you pms every now and again if I feel the need to talk to someone about it. And I want you to hold up your end of the deal to and encourage me to stay with God and do the right thing. I don't want to sound rude, but if you don't want to make the commitment to see me though this thing until the VERY END, then you might want to pass this up. I need someone who is INCREDIBLY faithful and will not blow me off or wait a week to respond if I send you a pm. I know God is going to break this thing off of me some day. Jesus is victor. I have the favor of God all over me!!!! AMEN!!!!!!!!