Sick and tired of this guy at my church!!!!!!&

[DarkNebulaWelder]

can u get the pastor to talk to him maybe? and explain that you arent interested?

Oh, I have told him that I'm not interested....numerous times. He just says that he knows I'm not interested, and that he just wants to be friends.

I don't believe it for a second.

There's your answer then...you've told him "numerous times" and I wouldn't "warn" him so he won't be embarrassed. Just have a sit down with a Pastor or Elder, you and the young man.... get it out in the open. If this does not deter him. Get a restraining order because he has some problems.

Well, the guy is actually not young (10 yrs older than me), but that's beside the point.

What really gets me is the fact that he does this all in the name of brotherly Christian love, which really upsets me, because if it were really brotherly love, I doubt that I would be feeling like this.

God's love isn't supposed to irritate you, is it?! It really upsets me, because he is always talking about how God tells him things about how he can be a better brother to me....why am I not hearing these things from God? If it's from God, why is it so intimidating?! Because it's not from God, that's why....He's using brotherly love as a cloak for his own interests.

A few months ago, he called me at work, and when I didn;t pick up, he kept calling. Then, I got upset and told him to stop, to which he responded that he was intentionally trying to get me upset because he knew I had to release my anger. Well, I basicallt pointed out the Phil. verse that tells us not to provoke our brothers/sisters, and that he was way out-of-line.

He showed up on my doorstep, and was very apologetic, and said he'd not used to dealing with women. He treats me like a charity case.

AAAARGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm not one to get angry, but this is just about to drive me bananas!!!! See, that's just it...even now, I am so bad at confrontation, and if I bring him before a brother, I just know that I will feel guilty for days.

[Believer1997]

can u get the pastor to talk to him maybe? and explain that you arent interested?

Oh, I have told him that I'm not interested....numerous times. He just says that he knows I'm not interested, and that he just wants to be friends.

I don't believe it for a second.

There's your answer then...you've told him "numerous times" and I wouldn't "warn" him so he won't be embarrassed. Just have a sit down with a Pastor or Elder, you and the young man.... get it out in the open. If this does not deter him. Get a restraining order because he has some problems.

Well, the guy is actually not young (10 yrs older than me), but that's beside the point.

What really gets me is the fact that he does this all in the name of brotherly Christian love, which really upsets me, because if it were really brotherly love, I doubt that I would be feeling like this.

God's love isn't supposed to irritate you, is it?! It really upsets me, because he is always talking about how God tells him things about how he can be a better brother to me....why am I not hearing these things from God? If it's from God, why is it so intimidating?! Because it's not from God, that's why....He's using brotherly love as a cloak for his own interests.

A few months ago, he called me at work, and when I didn;t pick up, he kept calling. Then, I got upset and told him to stop, to which he responded that he was intentionally trying to get me upset because he knew I had to release my anger. Well, I basicallt pointed out the Phil. verse that tells us not to provoke our brothers/sisters, and that he was way out-of-line.

He showed up on my doorstep, and was very apologetic, and said he'd not used to dealing with women. He treats me like a charity case.

AAAARGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm not one to get angry, but this is just about to drive me bananas!!!! See, that's just it...even now, I am so bad at confrontation, and if I bring him before a brother, I just know that I will feel guilty for days.

For some reason - this is the 2nd thread like this today. I am saying what I'm saying as a Mother whose daughter was stalked, kidnapped and attacked by someone who professed love for her and who stalked her relentlessly. He was very unbalanced. She got a restraining order and provided a copy to the campus police... this did not stop him from abducting her. He served 8 years in jail and he has tried to communicate with her. He was discouraged by a Federal Prosecutor. Do not feel guilty about this - make him realize that his attention isn't wanted. IF he continues.... involve the police. He is not thinking right.

[Guest HIS girl]

can u get the pastor to talk to him maybe? and explain that you arent interested?

Oh, I have told him that I'm not interested....numerous times. He just says that he knows I'm not interested, and that he just wants to be friends.

I don't believe it for a second.

There's your answer then...you've told him "numerous times" and I wouldn't "warn" him so he won't be embarrassed. Just have a sit down with a Pastor or Elder, you and the young man.... get it out in the open. If this does not deter him. Get a restraining order because he has some problems.

Well, the guy is actually not young (10 yrs older than me), but that's beside the point.

What really gets me is the fact that he does this all in the name of brotherly Christian love, which really upsets me, because if it were really brotherly love, I doubt that I would be feeling like this.

God's love isn't supposed to irritate you, is it?! It really upsets me, because he is always talking about how God tells him things about how he can be a better brother to me....why am I not hearing these things from God? If it's from God, why is it so intimidating?! Because it's not from God, that's why....He's using brotherly love as a cloak for his own interests.

A few months ago, he called me at work, and when I didn;t pick up, he kept calling. Then, I got upset and told him to stop, to which he responded that he was intentionally trying to get me upset because he knew I had to release my anger. Well, I basicallt pointed out the Phil. verse that tells us not to provoke our brothers/sisters, and that he was way out-of-line.

He showed up on my doorstep, and was very apologetic, and said he'd not used to dealing with women. He treats me like a charity case.

AAAARGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm not one to get angry, but this is just about to drive me bananas!!!! See, that's just it...even now, I am so bad at confrontation, and if I bring him before a brother, I just know that I will feel guilty for days.

For some reason - this is the 2nd thread like this today. I am saying what I'm saying as a Mother whose daughter was stalked, kidnapped and attacked by someone who professed love for her and who stalked her relentlessly. He was very unbalanced. She got a restraining order and provided a copy to the campus police... this did not stop him from abducting her. He served 8 years in jail and he has tried to communicate her. He was discouraged by a Federal Prosecutor. Do not feel guilty about this - make him realize that his attention isn't wanted. IF he continues.... involve the police. He is not thinking right.

Please listen to people who have been through this kind of thing....

This has the potential of getting far worse - the guy sounds quite unbalanced...stop this before it unravels any futher...

[DarkNebulaWelder]

Thank you, everyone. I am seeing him tonight at Bible study.

He brought me a gift earlier....I'm going to have to give it back to him and confront him. Please pray for me!!!

The worst part is....he knows I am still married....albeit separated, but married, nonetheless.

[OneLight]

From a males prospective ...

If I may ask, does this person bring gifts to anyone else whom he has Brotherly love for? If not, then you need to point this out to him. Have you sat him down and told him exactly what you see as a friendly relationship and where you draw the lines? Have you told him that he scares you?

From my point of view, you need to talk with your pastor. He needs to be aware of this person so he can keep an eye on him, even if this guy stops hitting on you, he may turn his desires toward another. When you do speak with him, do make sure that there are others with you that will be able to give an account of his behavior and words. This is scriptural since you have gone to him yourself. Since it appears that he holds no value to your feelings, consider this when talking to the pastor.

You say he is 10 years older then you, but I don't know your age, so i don't know how much of a real difference that is. Are you 40 and he is 50 or are you 18 and he is 28? It does make a difference. He may be the type that hits on the young, the reason why I am asking.

You can not be held responsible for others feelings unless you do something for the sole purpose of hurting them. If he takes what you have to say and stays away, that may be God working in him. By showing him remorse for being away for a week, you could of given him false hope. Please, be more careful in the future.

Be very concerned when anyone tells you that God is talking to them about how to treat you about any thing. First off, if there is anything in you that needs to be addressed, the Holy Spirit will first come to you before going to anyone else about you.

Lastly, you need to inform the police of his habits and allow them to determine if he is stalking you. If you are in any fear of your safety, then they need to address this issue with him. They at least have to become aware that he will not leave you alone in case something else happens, there will be a file on him and know where to reach him. Calling you at work and then showing up at your house goes way beyond and normal line everyone has, unless they have permission to do so, which he does not.

You need to take steps that involve first, your pastor and friends, and then the police. Your pastor and friends will be able to verify what you are saying as the truth, even though the police won't need that to investigate the claims, but it will give validity to your statement.

Do not leave your church. They are your protection. How do you know he will not go looking for you and that alone may fire up a new line of trouble?

One more point, God is not responsible for another persons actions. He has given you His words, which does tell you what you need to do. Don't blame God for what a sick mind does.

In prayer ...

Your Brother In Christ,

Alan

[glorywatch]

You have been given some really good advice. But I noticed that you said in one of your latest posts that he gave you a gift, and that you need to give it back. HELLO! STOP taking gifts from him. You are saying one thing, but doing another. STOP! When he brings you a gift say NO THANK YOU and turn and walk away. When he sits beside you, get up and move, or at least sit in the middle of others, so he will not be able to sit by you. Stop making yourself available. When he comes up to chat with you, say excuse me" and walk away.

You do not have to be rude, but you can be direct and to the point. He is stalking you, but you aren't helping yourself by trying to be nice and not hurt his feelings. Just because he is in church doesn't mean his motives are pure. I have seen too many "church guys" that were wolves in sheeps clothing. Many a pervert know that they are able to find prey at a church.

If being rude is the worse thing you ever do, you will be ok. But STOP this man NOW. You are putting yourself in a dangerous situation by being polite. GO to the pastor immediately, church elders, or whom ever you need to in order to put an end to it.

Praying for you!

[Scarletprayers]

You have been given some really good advice. But I noticed that you said in one of your latest posts that he gave you a gift, and that you need to give it back. HELLO! STOP taking gifts from him. You are saying one thing, but doing another. STOP! When he brings you a gift say NO THANK YOU and turn and walk away. When he sits beside you, get up and move, or at least sit in the middle of others, so he will not be able to sit by you. Stop making yourself available. When he comes up to chat with you, say excuse me" and walk away.

You do not have to be rude, but you can be direct and to the point. He is stalking you, but you aren't helping yourself by trying to be nice and not hurt his feelings. Just because he is in church doesn't mean his motives are pure. I have seen too many "church guys" that were wolves in sheeps clothing. Many a pervert know that they are able to find prey at a church.

If being rude is the worse thing you ever do, you will be ok. But STOP this man NOW. You are putting yourself in a dangerous situation by being polite. GO to the pastor immediately, church elders, or whom ever you need to in order to put an end to it.

Praying for you!

Now THIS is the best advice you've been given.

[DarkNebulaWelder]

You have been given some really good advice. But I noticed that you said in one of your latest posts that he gave you a gift, and that you need to give it back. HELLO! STOP taking gifts from him. You are saying one thing, but doing another. STOP!

Man...You are so right!!!

When he sits beside you, get up and move.

You do not have to be rude, but you can be direct and to the point.

Wouldn't getting up and moving as soon as someone sits down be considered rude? I would think that is the epitome of rude.

Doesn't the Bible tell us that love is not rude? How is this showing Christian love? Although, I do agree that sitting in the middle of others would be a good solution.

For a while, I was purposely coming in late to church to avoid him, but I really don't like doing that!!!!

[Ovedya]

You have been given some really good advice. But I noticed that you said in one of your latest posts that he gave you a gift, and that you need to give it back. HELLO! STOP taking gifts from him. You are saying one thing, but doing another. STOP!

Man...You are so right!!!

When he sits beside you, get up and move.

You do not have to be rude, but you can be direct and to the point.

Wouldn't getting up and moving as soon as someone sits down be considered rude? I would think that is the epitome of rude.

Doesn't the Bible tell us that love is not rude? How is this showing Christian love? Although, I do agree that sitting in the middle of others would be a good solution.

For a while, I was purposely coming in late to church to avoid him, but I really don't like doing that!!!!

Isn't coming late for church rude also? How is that solving the problem.

Consider this: This person has had such a profound impact on your life that it's affecting your relationship with the Lord and your relationships with people. Whether you like it or not, whether you believe it's Christian or not, you're eventually going to have to drop the hammer on this guy - tell him off. Tell him to leave you alone, that his behavior is unacceptable, repeat that you are not interested, and tell him that your relationship with God is being affected by his unwelcome affection. Friends? Fine. But you get to draw the boundaries.

[Massorite]

I know I haven't posted here in a while, but I have a serious issue at my church.

One of the guys in my singles group just won't lay off of me. I have made the mistake of getting close to him, and now I regret it, because all he does is latch onto me. He is overwhelming me with his presence, and I am beginning to get really frustrated, to the point of wondering wether or not I should leave my church.

He says he has no interest in me apart from friendship...He must think I'm a complete moron. He is always bringing me gifts and things...It is so annoying. I have explained to him that in no way do I desire a romantic relationship with him, but he continues to bring me gifts and stuff. I can't go one church service without him coming over and sitting by me. He has told me he has loved me, and was even calling me at work every day....It was almost like he was a stalker at one point.

The other night after Bible study, we were talking, and he was showing me how he's learning sign language, then he says "Oh, I'm usually faster, but I get nervous around you." I asked why, and he said it was because my beauty was overwhelming....okay, my beauty is NOT overwhelming, and that is just scary!!!!!!!!

I just wish he would find a girlfriend or something and leave me alone!!! It's getting to the point where I am getting so irate with him, and I don't want to be angry. I try to ask God to take this anger away, but it stays.

A few weeks ago, I told him that he needed to quit calling me, then he left the church for a week. I know that he got very offended, and when he came back, I was happy, because I had felt like it was my fault...but now, he's latching on to me again.

I am starting to get angry at him, and also at God...Why doesn't God tell him that he needs to lay off?!

It's like I have to be rude to him in order to get him to quit being so friendly to the point of suffocation. Man, why can't he find someone else to latch onto?!

So, what should I do?! I don't want to leave my church...I love it....but it's getting to the point where he is driving me crazy!!!!

That's great. You want to put off onto someone else what you are suffering.

Talking to an elder is great advise and it should be done with all present. You, the elder and one or two other brethren and you friend with the problem and everybody needs to be up front. He needs to be stopped and he needs to be directed to some one who can help him. Because if it is not you it will probably be someone else. If he will not stop he needs to be asked to leave the church. What he is showing is NOT the kind of love that exists between one bother in Christ to another and he may even be possessed with the spirit of gay. That is what the gifts are all about. He is wooing you.

As for your anger it is not unjustified and maybe even acceptable under the circumstances. But I would have spoken to this guy the very first or maybe the second time he brought me a gift. In fact I probably would have been down right stern to him after he told me how beautiful I was. That kind of spirit is one that should dealt with firm but with compassion.

You are correct. It is a form of stalking.