pokemaughan Posted May 21, 2009 Group: Senior Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 74 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 630 Content Per Day: 0.11 Reputation: 12 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/19/2008 Status: Offline Birthday: 03/09/1990 Share Posted May 21, 2009 Edited out of necessity. Thank you for your replies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Creed Posted May 21, 2009 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 0 Topics Per Day: 0 Content Count: 333 Content Per Day: 0.06 Reputation: 32 Days Won: 0 Joined: 12/30/2008 Status: Offline Share Posted May 21, 2009 (edited) Poke, Speaking from a woman's point of view . . . red flags everywhere, alarms sounding . . . . . run for your life, Poke . . . AWAY from her. Edited May 21, 2009 by Creed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
glorywatch Posted May 21, 2009 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 88 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 692 Content Per Day: 0.12 Reputation: 2 Days Won: 0 Joined: 06/02/2008 Status: Offline Birthday: 03/02/1946 Share Posted May 21, 2009 I am in agreement with Creed. You need to break that realationship off ASAP. It may hurt for a while but the pain will go away, but from the sounds of how that girl behaves...you will be in pain 24/7. It's not healthy. Get out while you can. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorningGlory Posted May 21, 2009 Group: Royal Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 1,022 Topics Per Day: 0.16 Content Count: 39,193 Content Per Day: 6.10 Reputation: 9,977 Days Won: 78 Joined: 10/01/2006 Status: Offline Share Posted May 21, 2009 If you can't believe or trust someone...there IS no relationship. This woman wants to be who she is...not who you wish she was. Listen to Creed.....find yourself a Christian woman. You're a believer; how could you ever marry someone like this????? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Believer1997 Posted May 21, 2009 Group: Royal Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 66 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 6,363 Content Per Day: 1.13 Reputation: 119 Days Won: 9 Joined: 11/07/2008 Status: Offline Share Posted May 21, 2009 Poke... I read your post this morning and I have thought about what and how I wanted to say this to you - but Creed's words helped. Loving someone like we should involves trust. You do not trust this girl and you haven't for a long time. Sometimes we don't want to see what is in front of us - it's just too painful. She is not in the same 'place' in her relationship with God that you are. With that said, she is doing some very questionable and UnGodly things. I do not want to hurt you - because I care about you like you're a son - but I will tell you what I would tell my son in the same circumstances - Run - don't walk - Run to the nearest exit. Because you are trying to make something work that is maybe not God's Will. You can push it and give in a little bit at a time and overlook and look the other way - until you've given up your moral beliefs. If you marry this girl - you will always be 'wondering' - what's she doing, who's she talking to - where is she? That, my young friend, is obsession - not love. There is no peace and no contentment in this path - there is only suspicion and mistrust. You deserve much more than that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pokemaughan Posted May 21, 2009 Group: Senior Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 74 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 630 Content Per Day: 0.11 Reputation: 12 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/19/2008 Status: Offline Birthday: 03/09/1990 Author Share Posted May 21, 2009 Ahem. If I may. Am I the only one who thinks that posting a private conversation on the internet speaks to some problems on the other side of the fence as well? That is just not cool. Or tactful. I've had my hunches for awhile now. I had a feeling that she had dirt stuffed under a rug somewhere. I acted on that feeling, and here we are... The reason I post the conversation is because I cannot explain in my own words what she's like. Claims to follow Christ, though she has trouble showing it- and then when I find out she's got a dirty underside she attacks me to defend herself from being found out. If she was telling me something private or sensitive, I'd only speak about it if it was serious and I needed advice. In this case, I'm looking at the butt-end of a 3-year relationship go over a cliff. I need help and love. Worthy is the only source of council/advice/family I have to speak to at the moment. If I can't share my troubles I get in a lot of trouble myself... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pokemaughan Posted May 21, 2009 Group: Senior Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 74 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 630 Content Per Day: 0.11 Reputation: 12 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/19/2008 Status: Offline Birthday: 03/09/1990 Author Share Posted May 21, 2009 I know what your saying, but I don't know, it just seems kind of, I don't know how to explain it. Bottom line is this: If you cannot trust her, you need to let go. Trust is not an issue that will suddenly correct itself. It is a matter of trust. I shouldn't even have to think about this kind of thing. The fact that I have shows that there are problems on both sides. If our relationship was always peachy with no issues of trust, I wouldn't even dream of doing this. Unfortunately I just can't deal with her in a godly and mature way- that kind of behaviour is foreign to her. As for everybody else's comments, thank you. I'm hurting so bad right now. I'm just in a blizzard of emotional hurt. I feel like I've wasted a lot of time and love and care... I try my BEST to get this thing to work, I try my BEST to do what I think God is leading me to do, and I still get the shaft in the end... it just hurts to realize it. It hurts to realize I've got no one to fall back on, no one to give affection to, no one to love, no one to care for, and no one to return the same to me. It's just me and this brand new world. It hurts. Can't stop myself from crying. Heh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorningGlory Posted May 21, 2009 Group: Royal Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 1,022 Topics Per Day: 0.16 Content Count: 39,193 Content Per Day: 6.10 Reputation: 9,977 Days Won: 78 Joined: 10/01/2006 Status: Offline Share Posted May 21, 2009 It is a matter of trust. I shouldn't even have to think about this kind of thing. The fact that I have shows that there are problems on both sides. If our relationship was always peachy with no issues of trust, I wouldn't even dream of doing this. Unfortunately I just can't deal with her in a godly and mature way- that kind of behaviour is foreign to her. As for everybody else's comments, thank you. I'm hurting so bad right now. I'm just in a blizzard of emotional hurt. I feel like I've wasted a lot of time and love and care... I try my BEST to get this thing to work, I try my BEST to do what I think God is leading me to do, and I still get the shaft in the end... it just hurts to realize it. It hurts to realize I've got no one to fall back on, no one to give affection to, no one to love, no one to care for, and no one to return the same to me. It's just me and this brand new world. It hurts. Can't stop myself from crying. Heh. It's okay to cry, Poke, but after you have finished doing that, move on. There are thousands of nice, Christian girls out there who are looking for someone like you. You have to accept that you're forbidden to be unequally yoked anyway...remember? You just vent all you want to, kid, and you'll get through this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blien Posted May 21, 2009 Group: Royal Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 346 Topics Per Day: 0.06 Content Count: 3,050 Content Per Day: 0.50 Reputation: 46 Days Won: 3 Joined: 10/02/2007 Status: Offline Birthday: 08/26/1982 Share Posted May 21, 2009 Above my bed, I have a plaque with this inscription: "The past cannot be changed, but the future is whatever you want it to be" The reason I have it there poke is because 1 year ago I went through this same thing you are going through. She cheated, she lied, she used me.. and I was so heart broken I couldn't get out of bed for 3 full days. Literally... I would go down maybe for 5 minutes to get something to eat but return to my bed and weep. My whole body ached as if I had a severe flu, every muscle hurt as if some part of me had been ripped out. Some girls don't get that guys have feelings too. And like your situation, this girl claimed to me that she was a Christian but I was so blinded by love to see that she was really NOT who she said she was. So after 3 days of mourning, I prayed to God intensely and with anger not because of Him but because of the situation and the Enemy. So I prayed with all my heart and strength that she is saved in the future. Because I love her, I asked God and begged him to save her so that in the end when we both pass away she will not go to hell for the things she did to me (it was much worse than yours because I realized also she was a witch but kept it from me for over a year). So I prayed very hard for her salvation, and vowed to God that I would never speak to her again and would never return.. of course, after about 9 months she emailed me to get back in touch and I was greatly troubled because of my vow. And even though, I was completely disgusted she was a witch and cast spells on me, I still had a lot of Love for her that gushed out from my heart making it hard to resist.. it was not my Love let me make that clear.. it was from God because I could have cared less about her and hated her. So when I didn't respond, she emailed me again after a couple of weeks.. this time I was desperate and prayed to God what to do.. because my desire for her was haunting me.. he told me one word "forgive". I couldn't believe it, after all that I went through and the promises I made to him to not speak to her. And so said to myself this must not be Him.. it must be my desires speaking to me.. after a couple of days I asked again, and again one word came from him "forgive". So I did... she is forgiven I wrote back but we are not friends in that we keep in touch with each other. Yet I would help her anytime she truly needed me because we are called to Love not hate. Anyway, point is.. you are hurt because now you've realized she is not the one for you. So severe that relationship and lift your eyes up to God who sees your tears. He will guide you my friend.. pray, and forgive her. I truly believe that as Christians who have given our selves up to the Lord everything we go through in life is for our benefit. I matured A LOT from that VERY hurtful relationship though I wish it didn't have to hurt so bad, it was good for me. I passed through that fire alive and purified. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trusting Jesus Posted May 21, 2009 Group: Royal Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 66 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 2,050 Content Per Day: 0.34 Reputation: 22 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/12/2007 Status: Offline Birthday: 09/09/1952 Share Posted May 21, 2009 This is a problem. If these things are truly in her past, then that is one thing. But contacting he guy 2 months ago when she was supposedly in a relationship with you shows immaturity. Pokemaughn, you cannot change someone. If this is who she is then you need to either accept her or move on. If you were my son I would encourage you to move on. Yes, it hurts. But it will hurt a lot worse if put more time and love into this relationship. What if you marry her and this issue keeps coming up? She can change, but she will have to want to change. You have not wasted time, love, or care. If you learn from this it is not wasted. If she learns, it is not wasted. Pray. Pray for you and pray for her. As for being saved, do you believe Jesus is your saviour? Is He the Son of God? Is He God? "Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and thou shalt be saved". <>< ><> Nathele Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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