refugepsa91 Posted April 10, 2010 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 331 Topics Per Day: 0.04 Content Count: 5,961 Content Per Day: 0.76 Reputation: 61 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/25/2002 Status: Offline Share Posted April 10, 2010 So we just lynch this person and do nothing about the process? Believe it or not I don't agree with how the women handled it either. But I can tell you one thing...if I believed for one moment that my family was in danger from another I would definately seperate what I precieved to be a danger from my kids/family. Am I evil? Am I a monster? It starts with the process. If either side was lied too then the process needs to change. It sounded like alot of russian adoptions don't work out. I doubt this is the first person then to decide they couldn't handle it. Conditions MUST change in these orphanges....perspective parents MUST be fully prepared and informed for what their child will be dealing with. If neither is done then I doubt this will be last time we hear a story like this. Again, how would you handle this if it was your own natural child? You wouldn't put them on a plane. You would be responsible to get that child help. In addtion to that, the child was only 7 years old, a second grader. I agree the process needs to be changed, but there is no way I can defend the actions of these adoptive parents. I have never been put into the position to deal with this with my kids. I can't answer that truthfully, I can always tell you what I would think I would do.... I'm not a concieted person whom knows for sure I got it all figured out and would NEVER do such things. I don't know what I would do in that situation unless I was personally experiencing it. I can tell you how a neighbor of mine dealt with a violent child that liked to start fires. He burnt down their home (with the family in it) first, then he burnt down the double-wide they got to replace that home...again with the family in it...the second fire they almost lost their youngest. They placed him a mental facility to recieve help. They seperated him from the rest of their children for fear he would succeed in burning them alive. I don't hold their decision against them. Do you? I said I didn't agree with the way the she handled it. I definately think that better choices could of been made. I pray that the process and condtions change....and if it takes this story going worldwide causing a stir...then so be it. As long as it brings around positive change on both sides of this issue. My problem remains to be when others were trying to see her side that they got blasted for being wrong, and implications that they didn't deserve children...thats my problem. There is no mercy....no mercy for other members that are trying to see it from a different perspective. Its ridiculous when others are made to feel like fools for having another opinion. I for one am tired of the attitude if you don't agree with me then your against me.... Its tiresome folks..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matthitjah Posted April 10, 2010 Group: Royal Member Followers: 4 Topic Count: 1,285 Topics Per Day: 0.16 Content Count: 17,917 Content Per Day: 2.26 Reputation: 355 Days Won: 19 Joined: 10/01/2002 Status: Offline Share Posted April 10, 2010 My problem remains to be when others were trying to see her side that they got blasted for being wrong, and implications that they didn't deserve children...thats my problem. There is no mercy....no mercy for other members that are trying to see it from a different perspective. Its ridiculous when others are made to feel like fools for having another opinion. I for one am tired of the attitude if you don't agree with me then your against me.... Its tiresome folks..... Amen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
refugepsa91 Posted April 10, 2010 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 331 Topics Per Day: 0.04 Content Count: 5,961 Content Per Day: 0.76 Reputation: 61 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/25/2002 Status: Offline Share Posted April 10, 2010 So we just lynch this person and do nothing about the process? Believe it or not I don't agree with how the women handled it either. But I can tell you one thing...if I believed for one moment that my family was in danger from another I would definately seperate what I precieved to be a danger from my kids/family. Am I evil? Am I a monster? It starts with the process. If either side was lied too then the process needs to change. It sounded like alot of russian adoptions don't work out. I doubt this is the first person then to decide they couldn't handle it. Conditions MUST change in these orphanges....perspective parents MUST be fully prepared and informed for what their child will be dealing with. If neither is done then I doubt this will be last time we hear a story like this. Again, how would you handle this if it was your own natural child? You wouldn't put them on a plane. You would be responsible to get that child help. In addtion to that, the child was only 7 years old, a second grader. I agree the process needs to be changed, but there is no way I can defend the actions of these adoptive parents. I have never been put into the position to deal with this with my kids. I can't answer that truthfully, I can always tell you what I would think I would do.... I'm not a concieted person whom knows for sure I got it all figured out and would NEVER do such things. I don't know what I would do in that situation unless I was personally experiencing it. I can tell you how a neighbor of mine dealt with a violent child that liked to start fires. He burnt down their home (with the family in it) first, then he burnt down the double-wide they got to replace that home...again with the family in it...the second fire they almost lost their youngest. They placed him a mental facility to recieve help. They seperated him from the rest of their children for fear he would succeed in burning them alive. I don't hold their decision against them. Do you? I said I didn't agree with the way the she handled it. I definately think that better choices could of been made. I pray that the process and condtions change....and if it takes this story going worldwide causing a stir...then so be it. As long as it brings around positive change on both sides of this issue. My problem remains to be when others were trying to see her side that they got blasted for being wrong, and implications that they didn't deserve children...thats my problem. There is no mercy....no mercy for other members that are trying to see it from a different perspective. Its ridiculous when others are made to feel like fools for having another opinion. I for one am tired of the attitude if you don't agree with me then your against me.... Its tiresome folks..... Nope those words weren't directed at you sir! Like I said, I don't agree with the way it was handled. My biggest angst was the way its being handled here.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorningGlory Posted April 10, 2010 Group: Royal Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 1,022 Topics Per Day: 0.16 Content Count: 39,193 Content Per Day: 6.07 Reputation: 9,977 Days Won: 78 Joined: 10/01/2006 Status: Offline Share Posted April 10, 2010 [quote name='Butero' post='1534905' date='Apr 10 2010, 02:00 PM' My problem remains to be when others were trying to see her side that they got blasted for being wrong, and implications that they didn't deserve children...thats my problem. There is no mercy....no mercy for other members that are trying to see it from a different perspective. Its ridiculous when others are made to feel like fools for having another opinion. I for one am tired of the attitude if you don't agree with me then your against me.... Its tiresome folks..... It IS tiresome and also unamerican (or Canadian, British, Australian, insert country here). We are all free people, each entitled to our own views. I agree that it happens way too much on this board. We are Christians; we are supposed to uplift each other. I admit I am as guilty as anyone and am going to try to curb the impulse to trash others for differing opinions. After all, He is watching and He can read. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ayin jade Posted April 10, 2010 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 44 Topic Count: 6,178 Topics Per Day: 0.87 Content Count: 43,800 Content Per Day: 6.18 Reputation: 11,247 Days Won: 58 Joined: 01/03/2005 Status: Offline Share Posted April 10, 2010 I knew I should have stayed away from this thread, but I forgot to mention something. Not that it matters apparently. But whenever anyone tried to discipline this boy I mentioned, he would stare at your face with a smile, sometimes with a laugh. He was so giddy at himself for punching a guy to get him to stop breathing in a way that annoyed him. He won, and that's all he cared, and he didn't care what punishment you dished at him. He still got what he wanted. How do you discipline someone who can dish out more than you can, and can take more than you can? And how do you bond with a child who refuses to or can't emotionally attach back to you? Try parenting a child who regards you with indifference, who won't receive you love, but stores your discipline as enmity. I can't believe you guys think this is normal or that "the right" love and discipline would change the child's behavior. There is a member of worthy who has 2 kids with this. She has not given them back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorningGlory Posted April 10, 2010 Group: Royal Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 1,022 Topics Per Day: 0.16 Content Count: 39,193 Content Per Day: 6.07 Reputation: 9,977 Days Won: 78 Joined: 10/01/2006 Status: Offline Share Posted April 10, 2010 I knew I should have stayed away from this thread, but I forgot to mention something. Not that it matters apparently. But whenever anyone tried to discipline this boy I mentioned, he would stare at your face with a smile, sometimes with a laugh. He was so giddy at himself for punching a guy to get him to stop breathing in a way that annoyed him. He won, and that's all he cared, and he didn't care what punishment you dished at him. He still got what he wanted. How do you discipline someone who can dish out more than you can, and can take more than you can? And how do you bond with a child who refuses to or can't emotionally attach back to you? Try parenting a child who regards you with indifference, who won't receive you love, but stores your discipline as enmity. I can't believe you guys think this is normal or that "the right" love and discipline would change the child's behavior. There is a member of worthy who has 2 kids with this. She has not given them back. One who has two kids from Russia? Really? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ayin jade Posted April 10, 2010 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 44 Topic Count: 6,178 Topics Per Day: 0.87 Content Count: 43,800 Content Per Day: 6.18 Reputation: 11,247 Days Won: 58 Joined: 01/03/2005 Status: Offline Share Posted April 10, 2010 So we just lynch this person and do nothing about the process? Believe it or not I don't agree with how the women handled it either. But I can tell you one thing...if I believed for one moment that my family was in danger from another I would definately seperate what I precieved to be a danger from my kids/family. Am I evil? Am I a monster? It starts with the process. If either side was lied too then the process needs to change. It sounded like alot of russian adoptions don't work out. I doubt this is the first person then to decide they couldn't handle it. Conditions MUST change in these orphanges....perspective parents MUST be fully prepared and informed for what their child will be dealing with. If neither is done then I doubt this will be last time we hear a story like this. Russia has handled it. They have now denied all adoptions. It is doubtful conditions will change. Its not just in Russia or Romania. Its any former soviet block country that has this orphanage system. The boys I wanted were from Kazakhstan. I did my research when we were considering adoption. Any parent planning to adopt should do their research into what they should expect. It was not hard. Social workers come to your home prior to adoption. They tell you what to expect too. My state didnt want me adopting and then discovering the child was not perfect and suddenly it was dumped back into their foster care system (not returned to their country of origin). So they warned us what to expect. The agency we were going to adopt through warned us. Other agencies we looked at warned us about the risks involved in adoption. For instance, almost any child you get from the Phillipines will have major health issues. Almost any child you get from Thailand will be the result of the sex industry and likely have consequences of sexually transmitted diseases such as HIV. Children from India will likely have HIV. You get the idea. I know this was hard for them. I know not everyone is up to coping with severe emotional issues. However once you take on that responsibility for a child, you dont just cast them aside when things are difficult. What if it had been her natural child? Would she have turned it over to the foster care system, as someone else did recently? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ayin jade Posted April 10, 2010 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 44 Topic Count: 6,178 Topics Per Day: 0.87 Content Count: 43,800 Content Per Day: 6.18 Reputation: 11,247 Days Won: 58 Joined: 01/03/2005 Status: Offline Share Posted April 10, 2010 I knew I should have stayed away from this thread, but I forgot to mention something. Not that it matters apparently. But whenever anyone tried to discipline this boy I mentioned, he would stare at your face with a smile, sometimes with a laugh. He was so giddy at himself for punching a guy to get him to stop breathing in a way that annoyed him. He won, and that's all he cared, and he didn't care what punishment you dished at him. He still got what he wanted. How do you discipline someone who can dish out more than you can, and can take more than you can? And how do you bond with a child who refuses to or can't emotionally attach back to you? Try parenting a child who regards you with indifference, who won't receive you love, but stores your discipline as enmity. I can't believe you guys think this is normal or that "the right" love and discipline would change the child's behavior. There is a member of worthy who has 2 kids with this. She has not given them back. One who has two kids from Russia? Really? Two adopted kids with severe emotional issues that include RAD. I do not know where they are from originally. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
refugepsa91 Posted April 11, 2010 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 331 Topics Per Day: 0.04 Content Count: 5,961 Content Per Day: 0.76 Reputation: 61 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/25/2002 Status: Offline Share Posted April 11, 2010 So we just lynch this person and do nothing about the process? Believe it or not I don't agree with how the women handled it either. But I can tell you one thing...if I believed for one moment that my family was in danger from another I would definately seperate what I precieved to be a danger from my kids/family. Am I evil? Am I a monster? It starts with the process. If either side was lied too then the process needs to change. It sounded like alot of russian adoptions don't work out. I doubt this is the first person then to decide they couldn't handle it. Conditions MUST change in these orphanges....perspective parents MUST be fully prepared and informed for what their child will be dealing with. If neither is done then I doubt this will be last time we hear a story like this. Russia has handled it. They have now denied all adoptions. It is doubtful conditions will change. Its not just in Russia or Romania. Its any former soviet block country that has this orphanage system. The boys I wanted were from Kazakhstan. I did my research when we were considering adoption. Any parent planning to adopt should do their research into what they should expect. It was not hard. Social workers come to your home prior to adoption. They tell you what to expect too. My state didnt want me adopting and then discovering the child was not perfect and suddenly it was dumped back into their foster care system (not returned to their country of origin). So they warned us what to expect. The agency we were going to adopt through warned us. Other agencies we looked at warned us about the risks involved in adoption. For instance, almost any child you get from the Phillipines will have major health issues. Almost any child you get from Thailand will be the result of the sex industry and likely have consequences of sexually transmitted diseases such as HIV. Children from India will likely have HIV. You get the idea. I know this was hard for them. I know not everyone is up to coping with severe emotional issues. However once you take on that responsibility for a child, you dont just cast them aside when things are difficult. What if it had been her natural child? Would she have turned it over to the foster care system, as someone else did recently? Just stopping adoptions is NOT handling it. Sadly I don't think they (russia) will handle it...that would mean changing their system. I have a neighbor who did turn her child over to the system as you call it. I don't judge her or cast stones or try to make her feel like a bad mother...she was protecting her other children who were absolutely in grave danger from her oldest. Trying to burn the family alive twice is what she based her decision on.... If a person cannot cope with the emotional issues how is that person going to do that child any good? Like I said previously, I don't agree with how this was done.....I"m just giving a different perspective... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
refugepsa91 Posted April 11, 2010 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 331 Topics Per Day: 0.04 Content Count: 5,961 Content Per Day: 0.76 Reputation: 61 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/25/2002 Status: Offline Share Posted April 11, 2010 IS tiresome and also unamerican (or Canadian, British, Australian, insert country here). We are all free people, each entitled to our own views. I agree that it happens way too much on this board. We are Christians; we are supposed to uplift each other. I admit I am as guilty as anyone and am going to try to curb the impulse to trash others for differing opinions. After all, He is watching and He can read. At least a few people in this thread seem to get what I'm trying to convey.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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