hippo's hope is HIM Posted April 18, 2012 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 111 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 775 Content Per Day: 0.10 Reputation: 21 Days Won: 0 Joined: 02/18/2004 Status: Offline Birthday: 11/12/1987 Share Posted April 18, 2012 Hey everyone. I have the 2nd form of bipolar disorder, and am currently 'stable' on medication and doing well it seems on most days. I do have some health issues... (chronic fatigue syndrome, and some arthritis due to Lyme's disease among a few others). One of my biggest struggles lately is simply getting out of bed. ONLY it isn't so simple for me. People judge me. They say, "Don't be so lazy, just put your feet on the floor and get up". I find that the snooze button is my best friend. My bed brings me such comfort. It's warm and soft and when I'm in it I don't have to deal with the world. IDK if it's because I'm not sleeping enough- because of my CFS- or because I literally just don't care anymore about the world enough to get up and face it. This problem makes me chronically late. And sometimes on a really bad day- like this morning, I didn't go to work at all. I CANNOT AFFORD to keep this up. I am seeing a counselor. But she doesn't have any suggestions for this. She just says, "Beth you have to get more sleep, you have to get on a routine, you need to exercise during the day". I just don't care any more about a lot of things. I feel myself slipping into some void. It's not the same as being depressed though- I've dealt with depression, heavy depression for a while. This some how feels different. I don't think I am cycling nor am I stuck in a depressed phase. Any of you feel this way? Struggle to get out of bed? No energy? Apathetic about things, including your jobs and friends? I feel like my bed is going to destroy me. I know that sounds insane. But I have got to do something. Something has got to change. I just don't have any clue as to what that is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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joi Posted April 18, 2012 Group: Royal Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 506 Topics Per Day: 0.11 Content Count: 1,922 Content Per Day: 0.40 Reputation: 173 Days Won: 4 Joined: 06/12/2011 Status: Offline Share Posted April 18, 2012 I feel your pain when reading your post. I am so very sorry you are going through this, but I can assure you there is help for you. We just have to pray it to you! My daughter in law has cf and fibro and she goes through some of the same things you are experiencing. She has learned that she has to get off sugar to improve her condition. She has taken a lot of antibiotics, which has depleted much of the good bacteria in her intestines, and she will not eat yogurt; it makes her throw up. Most people do not realize that raw fresh foods make a huge difference in your daily needs for vitamins, minerals and so on. The complex B vitamins are water soluble and wash out of our bodies when we drink liquids and then urinate. This means they, and others need to be replenished every day. I have been reading the book Heaven by Randy Alcorn, and he said some of the most encouraging words I have read in quiet a while. He said that flowers are beautiful because God is beautiful and rainbows are stunning because God is stunning, and puppies are delightful because God is delightful! He said more but you get the gist of his idea. We move through life weighed with whatever our problems may be and we totally fail to delight our self in Him and enjoy all that He is and does for us. It is a shame that our Pastor/Teachers can not catch this vision. If they could and speak it to their congregations, and I believe that a Holy Ghost/Spirit filled revival would set this continent on fire for Him! Father, this child of your is suffering and I ask you to fill her with your love and breath your Spirit filled mercy and grace on her and bring her back to the life you have for her, in abundance, for Christ's sake. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gdemoss Posted April 19, 2012 Group: Royal Member Followers: 8 Topic Count: 59 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 4,402 Content Per Day: 0.98 Reputation: 2,154 Days Won: 28 Joined: 02/10/2012 Status: Offline Birthday: 04/26/1971 Share Posted April 19, 2012 I went through this. It wasn't fun. Anything other than the comfort of my bed was horrible. My episode lasted 4 months from beginning to end and was punishment for pride, judgmentalism and haughtiness. I learned my lesson and quit taking credit for that which belongs to God and him alone. Thanks to him for the chastening that led me to leave behind my sin. I am just sharing this because it is my experience. I do not mean to say that your going through the same things for the same reasons or anything like that at all but only to share because I know exactly where your at. Gary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nebula Posted April 19, 2012 Group: Royal Member Followers: 10 Topic Count: 5,823 Topics Per Day: 0.75 Content Count: 45,870 Content Per Day: 5.92 Reputation: 1,897 Days Won: 83 Joined: 03/22/2003 Status: Offline Birthday: 11/19/1970 Share Posted April 19, 2012 Hey, Hippo - You might appreciate The Spoon Theory. All of us with chronic illnesses can relate to this. It's hard to determine how much of your depressed feelings are physically caused (i.e. endocrine system being messed up due to illnesses) and how much is spiritually/soulically caused. I struggle with both. Sometimes when depression overwhelms me, I have to discern what the cause is. Sometimes it's because I ate the wrong things are didn't eat the right things. Sometimes a circumstance triggers hopeless feelings. Etc. But finding the root does help. For instance, if I can ascertain it's just physical ("happy hormones" in low supply), it's easier to get through it knowing it will pass. If a surfaced inner wound, have to turn to the Lord Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OldShep Posted April 19, 2012 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 20 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 934 Content Per Day: 0.20 Reputation: 137 Days Won: 6 Joined: 07/20/2011 Status: Offline Birthday: 02/12/1950 Share Posted April 19, 2012 Hippo, I understand the long term effect of Lyme's disease, one of my family members had it, and this year they say more people may get it. Country life is great, however, there are draw backs as well, besides mud season. May the Lord Give you what is needed to keep you going. ICL~~Dennis Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hippo's hope is HIM Posted April 20, 2012 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 111 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 775 Content Per Day: 0.10 Reputation: 21 Days Won: 0 Joined: 02/18/2004 Status: Offline Birthday: 11/12/1987 Author Share Posted April 20, 2012 Thanks everyone for your thoughts/ and prayers. Nebula: The spoon theory is really interesting. It's like I give up 10 spoons just getting out of bed. And if I go upstairs another spoon. The walk to my car- a spoon. I do okay once I get to work and once I am awake fully. It seems like somehow I get an extra spoon at the very end of the day and then I can't sleep. My goal for the next few weeks is to get on a set routine. That means going to Worthychat less often. that means not staying out so late with friends. It means having and setting boundaries and sticking to them. But all the requires energy and clarity of mind. *sigh* I feel guilty because I don't think I am as sick as a person with lupus. My boss has lupus and I watch her struggle with it. And it makes me feel like I am being a giant baby. BUT then I realize I am not being fair to myself. This stuff is hard to deal with. I deserve more credit than that. I put up with a lot of aches and pains and the relentless tiredness. It is hard to tell Neb, what is depression/soulically caused vs what is physical. I am not sure how to tell the difference. Any advice for discerning the two? Joi I just got paid...and bought some groceries. Fresh strawberries, sugar snap peas, healthy tortilla wraps, and yogurt, and DanActive and sandwhich meat. Hard to believe those few items cost 50$! So I am going to be eating healthier. and after I have my candybar that I bought today I am going to be not eating sugar except for what is in my yogurt and fruit. I am looking for a vitamin supplement. Dennis- I am pretty sure I got my tick bite from working out at the stables I used to be the Volunteer Coordinator for a non-profit org. I loved that job. But I started getting sick around my 2nd-3rd year there. All kinda of weird symptoms. It was a relief and a terrifying thing to FINALLY get a diagnosis years later. Gary- thanks for sharing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ladyhrtlovesu Posted April 25, 2012 Group: Junior Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 20 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 80 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 17 Days Won: 0 Joined: 03/28/2012 Status: Offline Share Posted April 25, 2012 Hi Hippo, I don't have any great words of wisdom to share, but just want to encourage you not to give up. Don't be too harsh with yourself. Is there any point during the day when you feel more alert and responsive? This probably sounds stupid or maybe like a simple answer or maybe a "blow off" but while I do not know how your feeling, cause no one know how a person is REALLY feeling, I have been in situations SIMILAR. Asking God to simply grant you energy, and asking God, to help you motivate and take charge of how your body feels sometimes helped me. Knowing I didn't have to do it under my OWN strength. If left to myself, I'd just burry under the covers and be done with it. Sometimes, I pray and ask God to take control of my mind and attitude. There will be days when you over come and manage...and be happy and proud of yourself. But on days when you just don't hit the mark, still be proud of yourself and don't be too harsh with yourself. You are much loved and much appreciated on your good days AND on your bad ones. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hippo's hope is HIM Posted April 26, 2012 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 111 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 775 Content Per Day: 0.10 Reputation: 21 Days Won: 0 Joined: 02/18/2004 Status: Offline Birthday: 11/12/1987 Author Share Posted April 26, 2012 Hi Hippo, I don't have any great words of wisdom to share, but just want to encourage you not to give up. Don't be too harsh with yourself. Is there any point during the day when you feel more alert and responsive? This probably sounds stupid or maybe like a simple answer or maybe a "blow off" but while I do not know how your feeling, cause no one know how a person is REALLY feeling, I have been in situations SIMILAR. Asking God to simply grant you energy, and asking God, to help you motivate and take charge of how your body feels sometimes helped me. Knowing I didn't have to do it under my OWN strength. If left to myself, I'd just burry under the covers and be done with it. Sometimes, I pray and ask God to take control of my mind and attitude. There will be days when you over come and manage...and be happy and proud of yourself. But on days when you just don't hit the mark, still be proud of yourself and don't be too harsh with yourself. You are much loved and much appreciated on your good days AND on your bad ones. hey lady Some days I do want to give up. Thankfully those days are getting to be less frequent. I feel more alert at around 2ish. That's my prime time. And then by 6 I'm feeling foggy minded again. I also perk back up at night when I ought to be sleeping (Like right now for example, it's 12:22 am here) I think some of my discontentment issues stem from the soul issues I have going on. I miss god. and I have been sort of chattering with god lately (although some will say that's impossible if I don't believe in Jesus any more) but I digress. I've been trying to talk to god again, and I've been praying for my worthy friends. I have noticed at night when I am obsessing over things- that if I ask god to help calm my mind, and remove those negative images (aka zombies, preparing for zombie apocalypse lol I laugh but I am being totally serious among other things) and more often than not he helps me to remove those images and eventually I fall asleep. Ayin Jade (and a few others) keep telling me I need to give myself completely over to Jesus and give him that control you were speaking of. But I struggle with that for many reasons. any way- I just wanted to say thanks for your words, and your encouragement. I appreciate you so much. You haven't been here that long and already you are a light on this board and in the chat room. I've seen you be such a positive energy and it's infectious. Thank you for being so sweet and caring. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nebula Posted April 26, 2012 Group: Royal Member Followers: 10 Topic Count: 5,823 Topics Per Day: 0.75 Content Count: 45,870 Content Per Day: 5.92 Reputation: 1,897 Days Won: 83 Joined: 03/22/2003 Status: Offline Birthday: 11/19/1970 Share Posted April 26, 2012 It is hard to tell Neb, what is depression/soulically caused vs what is physical. I am not sure how to tell the difference. Any advice for discerning the two? I don't know of any "trick" - just paying attention to how I am feeling physically in association with the slump feeling - sometimes I can tell other symptoms of low blood sugar. What is causing you to feel chronically tired can also be causing your decrease in serotonin and other "happy" hormones. Feeling discouraged over your chronic fatigue can also add to the depression feelings. Basically, you have to self-evaluate, if that makes sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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