Narcissists in Ministry... ?

[GoldenEagle]

Narcissism... In Ministry? Thoughts?

There is much writing on this subject available, and even a cursory glance at the sheer number of articles written on the subject is an indication of how serious the problem is. Toxic spiritual leaders destroy faith and lives, simply put. Even more tragically, they often do it with impunity, behind the scenes, where the victims are unseen.

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Sandy Hotchkiss in her book lays out the traits of all narcissists this way.

1. Shamelessness – Shame is the feeling that lurks beneath all unhealthy narcissism, and the inability to process shame in healthy ways.

2. Magical thinking – Narcissists see themselves as perfect using distortion and illusion known as magical thinking.

They also use projection to dump shame onto others.

3. Arrogance – A narcissist who is feeling deflated may re-inflate by

diminishing, debasing, or degrading somebody else

.

4. Envy – A narcissist may secure a sense of superiority in the face of another person’s ability by using

contempt to minimize the other person.

5. Entitlement – Narcissists hold unreasonable expectations of particularly favorable treatment and automatic compliance because they consider themselves special. Failure to comply is considered an attack on their superiority, and the perpetrator is considered an “awkward” or “difficult” person. Defiance of their will is a narcissistic injury that can trigger narcissistic rage.

6. Exploitation – can take many forms but always involves the exploitation of others without regard for their feelings or interests.

Often the other is in a subservient position where resistance would be difficult

or even impossible. Sometimes the subservience is not so much real as assumed.

7. Bad Boundaries – narcissists

do not recognize that they have boundaries and that others are separate and are not extensions of themselves.

Others either exist to meet their needs or may as well not exist at all. Those who provide narcissistic supply to the narcissist are treated as if they are part of the narcissist and are expected to live up to those expectations.

In the mind of a narcissist, there is no boundary between self and other.

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The only way out of the control and spiritually abusive dynamics can be found when those affected are willing to walk (or run) away from it. As one author put it, narcissists, unfettered by conscience or any accountability structure in an organization, will take your dignity, your sanity, and your soul if you allow it. Those last four words need to be remembered by all of those facing pastors or ministry leaders who destroy quietly in the name of Christ. Spiritual abuse and control continue ultimately because of cowardice, which is a lack of faith.

Most are afraid to step out in faith and let the Lord direct them out of a spiritually unhealthy environment into the freedom the Lord intended us to have. Job security, false guilt or loyalty to a church family/ministry can become idols that prevent healthy change.

The power of destructive spiritual leaders is broken when Christians have the faith to say no. Boundaries matter. Truth matters. Victims matter. This is wrong, no matter who you think you are.

Yes. Victims matter very much in the eyes of a just God.

They should matter to us also.

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