Need advice at work. Lengthy story. Patience put to test.

[layhoma]

There is a problem at work from my ex girlfriend. She's really struggling. I shall use first person tense to tell it. Christian advice is needed. Bless you all !

 

Having two job offers, I prayed and ask God to help me choose one that is best for me. Now here I am working for my boss who also happens to be a CEO of a company and a Christian. She does a lot of side work to glorify God such as establishing non-profit foundations to serve the needy.

 

As her Personal Assistant I felt privileged that I could take part in some of her charity work and also felt thankful to be with other Christian especially at a workplace.

 

After less than 2 months of work, some ugly truth surfaced.  Bear in mind what I'm about to disclose has no intention to demean or disparage her. Just facts. If I haven't had love and patience, I would have left after the 2nd week of service.

 

She has severe depression, probably on medications and ultimately leading to side effects that exhibit unusual behaviors. She lost her son a year ago and she is emotionally unstable. She is a difficult person. IMHO

 

She is extremely forgetful and not open for reasoning. When she tells me to do task A, I complete the task and she may end up blaming me why I did it. When she asks me NOT to do task B, I leave it alone and she may end up scolding me why I did not do it. If I explain and begin to reason, she would go ballistic, literally, thinking I shouldn't talk back to an immediate superior. Her composure is quite hostile and uncanny.

 

She has some sort of speech impediment in giving instructions. When she asks me to do something she usually does not give me a complete sentence and expect me to guess the rest. If I fail to comply, it's my fault. In other words, unless if I could read minds, it's almost an impossible task.

 

She does not believe in communications with her subordinates. Yet she expects results.

 

She is an extremely temperamental person. She has a lot of sorrow and frustrations to vent. As a newcomer, I have been chosen as "The" person to release her unwanted energy. She would shout at the top of her lungs and scold me. It becomes her chore every day. She has lost her objectivity at work. She is starting to criticize me at a personal level complaining things like: how she dislikes my hand writing, belittling me of my lack of business sense and questioning how I earn my seat in this company, so on and so forth. Recently her scolding sometimes escalates to blatant outburst of anger that is out of control, banging her desk with her hands, screaming that literally shakes the floor of the whole department over something that is very trivial.

 

Let's just say in the west, her behavior is a form of abuse and harassment that could be charged as crimes. ( FYI: I am working in the East ).

 

I am still hanging on because I sense she exhibits signs of remorse after each episode of outburst but just that she couldn't control her emotions. I still haven't left because no matter how useless she thinks I am not being able to measure up to her expectations but deep down I know she needs me. She knows I pray for her often and she knows I am a decent person.  But I too have depression and in the long run if she doesn't get better I may be the one to break down.

 

I have another  job offer from an agency and they persuade me to leave. It's a much more prominent company and higher pay. But that isn't the point. I want a way to exit from this predicament. Here is my dilemma. Since I asked God to pick a job for me and He landed me in here, to leave prematurely would  thwart off God's plan for me. I'm not sure if this is something I must persevere or if God has offered me a way of escape. I am just confused.

 

Some bros and sis in Christ suggest me to stay because they think if I work long enough my boss will change and accept me not to mention I have a chance to contribute to the Lord's work. Some say abuse is abuse and perhaps being here is just a crossroad in God's plan so it's time to move on. Some are indifferent but a little skeptical because the new job offer is run by a chairman who has had a history of criminal activities, did his time and now made his new company to the top with a comeback and set a good image in the business stage. ( I kind of reasoned would judging this person to be a legitimate reason not to get involved just because he was a sinner? Are we not sinners??)

 

What would you do ?

 

Furthermore, if I go ahead and applied to this potential job and ask God : "Lord if I don't get hired, I would presume you want me to continue working here but if I do get hired I take it you want me to move on". BUT would that be putting God to the test when the Bible specifically tells us not to? 

Edited July 27, 2013 by layhoma

[missmuffet]

Yes,abuse is abuse.Perhaps God is allowing for this other job for a means of escape.If you get this other job God is opening the doors for you to move on if not He could want you to stay for some reason.No it would not be putting God to the test.It would just be following what His plans are for you.Definately keep this in prayer.

[layhoma]

Thank you all for your sharings. Please keep up with your inspirations. 

There is something I would like to add: I believe I have this gift of patience. I mean I could sustain and dissolve most hostility and hardcore temper tantrum being thrown at me without shedding a tear (97% of the time). Maybe this is the reason why God has put me in this place to aid this lady. I doubt anyone or in fact a normal Christian could put up with her ( I'm not saying I'm holier but I have this ability to detach myself ). Deep down she is a nice person and has a will and a powerful drive to further God's kingdom with her abundant financial resources. And I know despite all the harsh criticism she throws at me she doesn't mean it. In fact, she holds no grudges because if I walk back into her office in an hour after being spited, she would forget anything ever happened as if having amnesia. In a way I feel sad for her and it pains me to abandon ship during the period when she is most fragile and the enemy would make attempts to divide us and attack her/me knowing she is a threat.

[MissPlaced_56]

I'm not going to suggest that i even have anywhere near the answer that you're friend needs......because i don't......grief is a process.....and only GOD and Time Will heal this poor woman.....The death of a child is about the worst kind of grief there is

 

NO amount of Scripture ,being surrounded by friend's, caring Co-worker's is gonna help her right now,she's in a very numb,cold place right now  a place that only GOD can reach... she's totally unable to function, and this frustrating for her i would imagine.

 

but perhaps this might... i don't know....

 

in 1991 My Aunt Linda lost her soul mate, companion, best friend..her husband, they got married when she was 16 to a drowning accident...in the service he had been a navy seal..he and their son had taken their boat out fishing, a freak storm  caused the boat to capsize, he was wearing chest wader's they filled with water quickly, before he went under he yelled for their son to swim for shore, so he did, but stopped to look back in time to see his dad go under, he when back to where his dad had gone under,went under to find him, and he did, he was trying to bring him to the surface again, he lost his grip, needed to surface for air, went back down, but this time he couldn't find him....the under tow was so strong he wasn't there any more.....

 

as the family gathered at their house to wait on the news that he had been found and somehow had survived ......finally a week and a half later the call came......

 

for month's her very loving sister's kept telling her that she should stop going to his grave every day.....I hadn't called her during this time, because i felt that she was grieving and the best i could do was continue to pray for her...then one night i called to see how she was doing..that's when she told me all of this.... as we talked, i realized that she hadn't given herself "Permission " to let her anger out....

I was praying LORD please help me to help her....

Then i told her 2 things.....after she told me that the tulips that Uncle Kenny had planted were comming up and she felt like stomping them into the ground...

 The 2 things that GOD had layed on my heart were these..

 

I told her then go and do it!(she needed to give herself  PERMISSION to let her anger out)

THe second was , you keep going to Uncle Kenny's grave as much as you want to, you'll know when you're ready to not go as much.

 

she just needed to give herself permission.....and for somebody to tell her it was ok..... I could almost hear the relief in her voice.....it wasn't long before she began to heal...

 

 i told you this because perhap's your friends boss just needs to give herself "Permission"?? and for somebody to tell her she has permission??

 

I don't know..just taking a shot in the dark....

 

I'm praying for you all.....

[Guest]

Praying~!

[Willa]

You are in a tough spot. My daughter in law is in a similar spot, going through the same thing with her boss and they also are Christians. In the meanwhile she is nearly unable to walk due to an illness that worsens with stress. But she enjoys her work. Her boss is in a lot of physical pain and personal stress as well since her son is in prison. My d in law chooses to continue to work for her.

At least your values are much the same. Working for someone who is not a Christian can be worse if they are dishonost and expecting you to be dishonost, too. So I do ask God to give you wisdom. Try reading Proverbs and see I God gives you direction there. I also ask that God gives you a soft answer that turns away wrath, and that He enables you to silently pray for her while she grieves and vents on you. I will also pray for your bosses broken heart. And I pray that If God wants you to stay, He will fill you with an overwhelming love and compassion for her.