We Ditched The Time Out Chair For A Mercy Seat

[GoldenEagle]

Read this today and thought I'd share. What do you think? Too extreme? Or does it make sense? Is this effective? Is it the right thing to do?

God bless,

GE
 

 

 

We Ditched The Time Out Chair For A Mercy Seat
 

By MotherOfKnights 
September 16, 2013

 

 

The shoppers shifted from leg to leg as they waited to buy ink cartridges and memo pads. The large warehouse was a cool retreat from the burning sun outside and customers walked the aisles looking for last minute school binders, pencil sharpeners, and calculators. Typically, a store like this is being piped with elevator music, pleasant enough to keep the shoppers inside, likely to buy more products.

But not that day. A very disturbing sound echoed through the store.

The mother pushed the rusty metal shopping cart up and down the aisles. The young little girl sat, eyes looking downward. It was obvious that this was a common experience for her.  The raucous was so deafening, it took a few minutes for the shoppers to register what in the world was happening.

And yet the girl simply sat there, her mother spewing, loudly, a litany of faults and putdowns. Up the row, down the row, not caring who could hear her, going about the business of destruction.

It was shocking. So shocking in fact, that at first, the people in the store were paralyzed. Surely, she must be high on something, they reasoned. As the mother headed towards the door, they leaped into action attempting to detain her while a clerk called the police. True, no blood was spilling from the assault, but it was obvious to every person there that a beating, a life-quenching murderous massacre of the soul was in their midst. Right there next to a ball-point pen display. And they couldn’t let it continue.

I wondered, is this happening more often than we realize? Behind closed car doors and white picket fences? Is it part of the morning routine in the house of Christians getting their kids ready for school? Are more parents than we can imagine forgetting that simply because the bruise isn’t visible that it still hurts?

 

 

You must let no unwholesome word come out of your mouth, but only what is beneficial for the building up of the one in need, that it may give grace to those who hear. Ephesians 4:29

Are we pretending that if we only said one impatient, unkind word to our child that we are any different than the woman in the store?

I close my eyes and I can see the faces of so many children I have seen at the park, the swimming pool, the school drop off line, and the grocery store who never say a word but whose eyes tell it all. “I’m a disappointment”. And I have seen the head-hanging sadness in the posture of my own.

Try to find an example of God’s disappointment in the Bible. You won’t find it. Not once is there a time when He is disappointed in us. Never.

He draws us with loving-kindness. He loved us when we were enemies. He is always hopeful towards us. Always believes the best. Would our children say that about us?

We have pretty high standards in the Lia household. No doubt about it. But we are NOT a house of shame. I can’t think of a time when God ever sent me, head hanging to my room. He prods me to the right path, He allows trials and tests, but He is never frowning, and always speaks that which will give me life.

My husband and I made a decision recently.

We often send our kids to a quiet place to cool down in the midst of a conflict. But we wanted to retrain ourselves about how we view this time and its purpose. Typically, we use that quiet time to talk about choices, sin, restoration, and prayer. But simply rephrasing what we call it helps us all know that fear and anger must not be a part of this process.

So we ditched the “Time Out Chair” and replaced it with a “Mercy Seat”.

Because honestly, aren’t we naturally good at being hard on ourselves and understanding our faults? But, oh to have an early understanding of the abounding grace of God!

Our boys sit down in the “Mercy Seat” and we talk it out. We gently remind them of what God calls us to do, and more importantly, why. We want them to always know that when we sin, God’s mercy and grace abound. It’s a reminder to me as a mother-when I tell them to have a minute in “The Mercy Seat” it immediately cools me down. My sons are a gift, immature, learning, sinners just like me, recipients of mercy unending. It’s not enough for me to have their outward behavior conformed to what looks good on the outside.

…for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. But they are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus. God publicly displayed him at his death as the mercy seat accessible through faith. This was to demonstrate his righteousness, because God in his forbearance had passed over the sins previously committed. Romans 3:23-25

This mama wants them to experience mercy. The mercy of God’s loving nature to us, though undeserved, is what is going to compel them towards Godly character. Not my punishment in the time out chair! Seeing my child sit in a seat of mercy brings sharply to mind that the public display of Christ on the cross was my very own Mercy Seat. How then, can I condemn my own son?

Train him, teach him, call sin what it is, yes. But I can’t punish a son in a mercy seat knowing the punishment for his sin and mine has already been nailed to a cross and paid long ago. I can only show mercy when I am aware of the great mercy I too have already received.

I’m not afraid that my gentleness equates to letting someone off the hook. I know the effectiveness of mercy. I see it in the fruit of the lives of my kids.

Just two nights ago, one of my boys lay on his bed for some “Mercy Seat” time. He was there for just a moment before I came in to minister to him.

He wept from deep inside his heart. I’ll never forget the tears and the look on his face.

As soon as I got close enough, he threw himself on me. Buried his face in my neck. Little arms clinging tightly, fingers intertwining in my hair. I didn’t even have a chance to speak. “Mommy, I’m SO sorry that I have been naughty and sinned!” he wailed.  And oh, the contriteness of spirit he gushed! There was nothing I could do verbally to train him in that moment because the lesson had already been learned. His tears were not out of anger and frustration or from feeling like he was getting punished. They were tears from a heart that knew he had sinned and he desperately wanted to make it right. He knew in his heart that he has a God and a Mom who love him and treat him as his sins do not deserve. And it elicited a deep and heartfelt response. Repentance-the very thing I care most about as a mom.

It took only a few moments of hugs and consolation, and words of forgiveness, and he fell right to sleep. Peaceful as can be. Restored.

It breaks my heart to think of how often I fail in this with my sons. But then again, God’s own mercy towards me as a mother restores me and revives me to begin again.

I don’t know what came of that situation in the store that day or how that little girl is doing now. But the impression of that scene won’t be long forgotten as a lesson to me.

And every time I’m tempted to let my own words get the best of me, I picture Jesus there in our “Mercy Seat” and it stops me in my tracks. I can just imagine my little boy climbing up into His lap and the three of us partnering to mold his heart. Shaping a life.

 

And instead of my mouth running off, my heart overflows.

 

Mercy.

YOUR TURN! HOW DO YOU DEMONSTRATE MERCY IN YOUR OWN HOME? IN WHAT WAYS HAVE YOU BEEN BLESSED BY GOD’S MERCY AND GRACE?

 

[missmuffet]

Oh what I have seen.Mothers treating their children in a terrible way.Calling them filthy names and hitting them.I think Oh boy what kind of emotional scars are those children going grow up with.I think the mercy seat is a good idea.Time out maybe is a harsh and negative approach.I know that many on this website would say "Well,I am going to give my kid a good swat on the rear" and that is your choice.I was approached by my mother's paddle(which I buried in the back yard and she never found it again  ).It takes patience.Something I was Blessed with and I inherited from my mother.My children have always known that they can tell me ANYTHING that is going on in their lives and they have shared those things with me many times.Some of those things were hard to swallow as a mother but I kept my promise and I have never judged them for what they have told me.I now have a very very close and Godly relationship with my children.I will be the first one they approach or call when they need a shoulder to cry on and advice.. Godly advice.I have never spoken a cuss word to them.They do not have a relationship with their father.Long and sad story.Just do not end up like that.You might end up in a Nursing Home all alone.

[The_Patriot21]

touching. my kids still getting a time out chair. and a spanking when the deserving.

[GoldenEagle]

Oh what I have seen.Mothers treating their children in a terrible way.Calling them filthy names and hitting them.I think Oh boy what kind of emotional scars are those children going grow up with.I think the mercy seat is a good idea.Time out maybe is a harsh and negative approach.I know that many on this website would say "Well,I am going to give my kid a good swat on the rear" and that is your choice.I was approached by my mother's paddle(which I buried in the back yard and she never found it again  ).It takes patience.Something I was Blessed with and I inherited from my mother.My children have always known that they can tell me ANYTHING that is going on in their lives and they have shared those things with me many times.Some of those things were hard to swallow as a mother but I kept my promise and I have never judged them for what they have told me.I now have a very very close and Godly relationship with my children.I will be the first one they approach or call when they need a shoulder to cry on and advice.. Godly advice.I have never spoken a cuss word to them.They do not have a relationship with their father.Long and sad story.Just do not end up like that.You might end up in a Nursing Home all alone.

 

I think too it really depends on the child. I was the kind of kid that really benefited from spankings as I needed discipline. My sister all you had to do was look at her in a dissapointed manner and she started crying.

I agree that cussing at children is a bad idea. Loosing your temper in front of them isn't a good example either. I think it's great too to keep open lines of communication between parents and kids - talking about anything.

 

God bless,

GE

[GoldenEagle]

touching. my kids still getting a time out chair. and a spanking when the deserving.

 

Yeah, I'm not sure about the whole mercy seat thing. I do know that if my children do something that warrants a spanking they're not going to slide by without one.

 

God bless,

GE

[ShannK]

I think this makes sense but at the same time, like some of you already said, I'm not sure if it would work with all kids. If you tried it and it didn't work with your child, would it confuse them to then use more traditional discipline such as a spanking or losing a privilege?

[ShannK]

I think this makes sense but at the same time, like some of you already said, I'm not sure if it would work with all kids. If you tried it and it didn't work with your child, would it confuse them to then use more traditional discipline such as a spanking or losing a privilege?

[ShannK]

Oops! Sorry about posting twice!

[kwikphilly]

Blessings to all,

     I never considered myself a great parent ...I had no idea what I was doing as the little gift from God does not come with instructions,all I had as a referrance was my own parents,I had a loving father who saw me as never doing wrong, if I did, he made it clear that he didn't like my choices or even hated them but loved me regardless and a mother that could swing a wooden spoon and ask questions later......

     I was very self centered( I think),was stoned half the time but did the best I knew how to do,the only thing I did right was teach my son that it really didn't matter what I knew about him because God knew everything.....I would ask him if he did whatever offense I knew he did,he would lie and I would say,"okay fine,go in your room and have a talk with Jesus"...he would come out crying,"I did it,it was me and I made Jesus cry"then we would talk about how much Jesus loves him and by the grace and mercy of God my son turned out to be a God loving,great guy ,great son and a great father......praise Jesus!

     As a grandmother I would say I am terrific,I am a completely different person than I used to be,focused on things eternal and the small little temporal things that used to be so important are not anymore,,,,the things I would spank my boy for just seem ridiculous now but I am still a strong disciplinarian and I am probably the only person that my little grandbaby listens to and always comes running to.....My daughter-in-law is a coddler and the little one takes tantrums with her...yesterday she said ,how do you get her to do this and that and to not do this and that?(lol)

     Well,I was trying to explain how punishment is very uneffective without lots of praise....it should be immediate showing your displeasure followed by" this is what I love...WOW,such a good girl" and make a really big deal about all the good things they do....you are not their friend ,you are the mom and sometimes you have to be the bad guy....I guess all this is just to share with everyone that yesterday was one of the best days of my life....Having that conversation ,my son stepped in and said,"Yeah ,your gonna have to be the bad guy now but in the long run you will see that it was worth it because she is gonna love you more than anyone in the world because you are the mom that cared about her and is the best friend you ever had!The only person I was afraid of was my mom and thank God or who knows how I would have ended up but I always knew she was there to tell her anything and she would love me no matter what"....

    You can only imagine what those words meant to me and my beautiful son gave me a wink and a smile....we are best friends today.....the Mercy seat is a fabulous idea and when children know their is a God that sees and knows everything they do and may be displeased but never stops loving them then you are entrusting them to the perfect parent that makes no mistakes......and He will step right in if you ask Him to....I am so thankful that the Lord took care of my boy and loves us both so very much....I can't tell you how many times my son would confess to me his wrongdoings that I had no idea he did but because of Jesus his little heart could not bear the conviction......we have a responsibility to care for Gods children that He entrusted to us by bringing them to the foot of the cross....Halleluliah!

    God bless all the children of the world,may they grow to be faithful men and women of God,,,giving Him all the Glory

                                                                                         With love,in Christ-Kwik

BTW,many years ago I apologized to my son for being an awful selfish,stoned,mean unGodly mother....he said"of course I forgive you,you always forgave me...........and besides ,you weren't that bad"....you see,only Jesus could do that!