I don't know how to properly say this but...

[Willa]

Since you know your pastor so well, his weaknesses and all, it may be hard for you to submit to his leadership in the church. You are submitting outwardly perhaps, but inside you are questioning him and even resenting his guidance, especially in regards to "your" area of music. It may be very hard for him under these circumstances as well. Sometimes I guage my own submission to God by my attitudes toward those He has put in authority over me, or even to civil laws such as speed limits. So part of the problem may be in your heart as well.

If you go to him, perhaps it would be best to confess your own problem you are having submitting to his leadershìp as a pastor and to ask for his forgiveness. Tell him how much you miss the fellowship you used to have with him and that you realize a lot of it is your own fault. This may go far in helping you to support your good friend and brother in law through a hard time for him, as well.

[Guest LadyC]

why don't you re-word your initial post here into a letter to him, and let him know your frustration that way. you could even end it with saying that for those reasons, you feel like you would be best served in another church. in the end, you and your wife need to attend church where you can be spiritually nurtured, and this doesn't seem to be filling that need.

 

on a side note, i love my brother... who is one of the founding members and a deacon in his church. i love his church, too. the pastor is right on, every week. but i don't attend there. the family dynamics would shift if i did. i like the fact that my husband and i are good friends with my brother and his wife, and we can socialize together, help each other with things that need doing, have dinner together weekly... but every time i've attended church where he goes, i get an unsettled feeling. things start feeling strained. 

 

maybe it's better for you to leave your church so that God can heal and restore your family bonds.

[valv3h]

Lots of wisdom in all your post... thank you very much, I really appreciate it. It was his birthday yesterday, I feel terrible for not even dropping an SMS to greet him but.. for 5 years, he hasn't even visited my home nor greeted me as well. He was like "oh is it your birthday today?" lol. We have a small celebration on Friday with the rest of the church members, I'll probably greet him in person.   
 
@Kwik - funny that you ask about my wife. It was actually her who ever since 'disliked' his brother. I think it got rooted after he got married and their very deep brother-sister relationship was tainted when sister-in-law (as she claims) took over the life of his bigBro who took care of her ever since she was a baby. My wife used to tell me that before her bro got married, they always have time together but, now that sis-in-law is taking over of everything, decision making... money matters, etc... it was crazy. I cannot believe it at first when I was hearing her stories when we were still dating. Now, their relationship is only casual... she banned her sis-in-law to even be invited in any of our house gatherings. crazy... i know.

    I think my wife will totally accept my decision to leave but... I LOVE this church because of the very small numbers and family-like ambiance from our members. And of course, as mentioned, I still respect my bro-in-law for all the things he has done before when we were still starting out in our married life.

 

 @Butero - yes, totally agree with your statement below. It would be terrible for him if knew it from our other members instead of the news coming from me. I just need to find courage to say this upfront knowing that I will be leaving my Music Team and being the Leader of our Bible Study group. 

 

 

if things are unbearable for you, I don't believe you would be wrong to leave, but rather than just up and going, perhaps you could talk things over with him first.  Share your concerns about the way things are and how you are considering leaving.  Head it off rather than waiting for him to question why you left.

 

@Willimina - your statement really struck me a lot...  I admit that perhaps with all those negative family perception I have to him, I am indeed finding it very hard to submit myself to authority... how can I erase this in my memory about the fact that he fails too much in dealing with his family . Though, who am I to judge... I myself does not have a perfect family but it's just getting quite difficult at times to focus on his preaching knowing that there's a 'battle' inside ... I need to re-check my heart indeed and be humble...

 

but, should I initiate the forgiveness? I guess at this time, he is totally clueless... so I don't expect anything from his end. I dunno... I've been always the quite guy, unspoken but.. not that I cannot explain myself, I just dont want to hurt him at all. 

 

@LadyC - wow.. quite interesting that your arrangement works for you. I always thought that you need to attend the church where your family usually visits to be 'united'... 

 

I will meditated and PRAY more on this.... I need a reality check with the humbleness of my heart. I mean, yes I do dislike him but he is still given the anointing and authority by The Lord..... right?

[*Zion*]

People will make mistakes.  Nobody has got it all together the moment they step into their calling.  Yes God calls us, yes God prepares us, but also yes: God alone is perfect and we are being transformed by the renewing of our mind into that perfection.  Maybe your brother in law thinks he has to act a certain way as a pastor?  Maybe he's seen others do it a certain way, but it's coming off wrong?

 

Sometimes our zeal for the Lord can also consume us, and people can think that we are just too much.  Pray for your brother in law - not just about him, but for him.  Bless him.  Ask the Lord what you should pray for for him: it may not be what you would expect.  What if you are to pray for encouragement?  It may mean that he is overcompensating because he's not getting encouragement from somewhere else.  What if it's misunderstanding?  It might be that he's coming off one way but people really are misunderstanding him and it's not his fault. 

 

Pray for yourself.  Do you have issues with submission?  Do you hold on to stuff in the flesh?  I'm not saying you do, but the one who can tell you for sure is the Lord.

 

 

 

 

 

 

May the Lord bring His Word and Truth and Love into this situation to bring about His powerful purpose and solution to it in fullness without delay or failure.  In Jesus' mighty Name.  Amen.

[missmuffet]

going to church with your family can be tough-its why I dont go to the same church as my parents even though we live in the same town (5 blocks from each other in fact) and if my father in law who is a preacher happened to preach in the same town, I would not attend his church. With family-especially with in laws its best to have some distance in order to get along I think.

That just depends on how you get along with family.